Where will we go?
by reincarnatedcrazybutterfly
Summary: In which we dive through Jon Snow's thoughts and musings. Older brother to Half-brother to Older brother once more and to something else entirely, this is an exploration of Jon Snow's evolving feelings and roles towards Sansa since the time she came back to his life. (Loosely follows the show from their reunion at Castle Black with Flashbacks from their time in Winterfell)
1. Where will we go

**Where will we go?**

 _Summary: Jon Snow's musings mostly over his relationship with Sansa Stark. How does one become from being an older brother, to half-brother, to a brother once more until he wasn't but something else entirely?_

 _Loosely follows the TV Series, the day after their reunion at Castle Black with flashbacks of their life in Winterfell._

 _Jon_

 _We ride at dawn._

I took a deep breath, a long sigh of warm-battled-cold mist in its wake, my gaze stretching beyond the gate, beyond the wall, beyond the white expanse of snow and frost and night.

The gate has just been barred after we sent off Lady Brienne to ride for the Blackfish. We would've ridden away from Castle Black with her to start our campaign but – I rubbed my face at the split memory of this morning – I had to get my head in sorts first.

I blinked, righted my back and made the start towards my quarters.

I shook my head.

 _No._ It wasn't just my quarters anymore.

It was _ours,_ my sister's and mine – A reluctant mutual decision, but one borne from desperation and familiarity.

She does not trust anyone completely to stand guard at her door now that her Swornsword was sent off. Not even when Brienne hadn't left yet. Even with my best men, I would still agree with her wariness. And I would sooner kill myself than leave her vulnerable.

Time and time again, we have been _betrayed_ , Sansa and I…

Who else could we cling to but _each other?_ In my life right now, she is my responsibility – my possibly _only_ living family – _my fight._

At first night, I gave her my room – the Lord Commander's, what meager finest Castle Black could offer. I made to have her, her privacy and best comfort for what its worth. I don't even know the extent of her horrors yet I wanted to give her everything and anything at all. Even insisting Ghost to stay with her and her Swornsword at her door and I would take the adjacent room nearest hers. Which wouldn't take much to arrange as her Sword loyally follows her where she goes.

But in truth, it made me unbearably wary to let her out of my sight – to not guard her personally as if in one blink she could disappear and I'm to be left alone once more.

Or worse, for her to be taken to another level of hell while under my keep.

I thank the gods, old and new that she thought the same.

On the night of our reunion when she was finally warm, clean, and fed, I couldn't help but look at her. Mostly just to make sure she was real and in front of me – that I am with family. And I noticed that she would try her best not to, but she stole glances at me too before the tension broke with a memory of her choosing and the smile and laughter that followed.

 _How could we not?_

The relief that we both felt from the sheer fact that we were both _alive_ what's more _reunited_ was indescribable for no matter how brief this would last given the circumstances; this was our only respite of happiness in a _long time_.

The moment I saw her unmount her mare from the balcony, turning at last to face me, both of our eyes searching each other's face, everything else faded away to just the incredulity that she was here.

 _Here._

 _She came here._

 _To me._

I all but flew to her and her to me as we locked each other in an embrace so tight and meaningful and right and so surreal, hoisting her higher as she nuzzled her cheek to mine, our hands gripping at what we could hold. Never mind that never in a million years would I ever imagine a more emotional scene of reunion like this ever happening for me, Jon Snow and her, Sansa Stark.

There was no awkwardness in it at all – this moment. Never mind the relationship we had or the lack thereof when we last saw each other.

This moment was just one of pure happiness and relief – a sweet relief that I haven't felt in such a long time.

We were simply just Jon and Sansa, a family separated for too long and have suffered too much alone.

And once our high has subsided somewhat and we were left alone in my solar, the reality of which is that we _were_ Jon and Sansa, the least close among our siblings were now alone together did the awkwardness come in. But it was few and muted, overshadowed by more important things.

Starting with knowing we were far different from who we were back then.

She was still Sansa, yes, with her lovely face and meaningful smiles I've always come to know from a far when I saw her last. But as I have died and have been reborn… I frowned

 _So had she._

Despite the obvious physically, there was a shadow that clung to her. The smile that used to light up every room never reached her now darkened eyes. It didn't suit her. Darkness didn't suit one with fire-kissed hair, and eyes the color of sapphires. But darkness _did_ cloak her, dulling her flames, and extinguishing all light from her eyes.

As I examined her, a person I called family, never mind that we are kept at arm's length, I remembered.

We were never close as children and even then until we last parted. But I knew her enough.

The Stark _Beauty_ , as they called her.

The most beautiful to have graced Winterfell some would claim. And a beauty that she was – _is._ And sadly, what she was most often only known for. True, she carried the face of a Tully, auburn hair, fair skin, and eyes of the brightest blue. She was every bit a lady, all grace, cleverness, and talent befitting a true noble that was Sansa Stark. But not everyone knew that she was far more than just a face.

More than that, she was the one whose heart was the biggest and also the most delicate. A trait she kept quiet save for unguarded instances. Because even though it was the best part of her, it was a trait that could be exploited in this wretched world. And she could not afford to be exploited.

 _All Starks were to be as strong and unyielding as the winds of winter._

Of course, she was on more occasions, a brat who fancied herself a princess in all ways and used to getting her way no matter how deceptively polite she would ask. Often she was wrinkling her nose in displeasure at her younger spirited siblings with their antics. Of all of her…our siblings, she was the one who most differed, favoring subtlety and refinement over brazenness and raucousness. She clashed with Arya the most, that little tomboy. More from disappointment that she lost her to her brothers once more, making her a traitor in her eyes of having no one to share her interests with.

But it was a good thing she had her Robb. Yes, _hers._ To which only further drove our younger siblings away from her in fits of jealousy, me included at times.

She favored Robb who could pass as her fraternal twin with their identical hair and eyes and that unmatched air of elegance only one born to rule could have. In her eyes, she was her hero. A true prince that inspired songs and stories, one that she would hold as a standard when she was to marry in the time to come. Robb in turn was just as bad in indulging her, calling her princess and never denying her anything, claiming that of everyone, she was the one who needed him the most. At which I only snorted at to mean that she was the only one who welcomed his protection and doting affection, unlike the others, again me included, who were more showing of our independence.

We can't blame her. It was no secret that all of us put Robb up on a pedestal. He was our _own_ young Lord Protector. He could do no wrong and was clearly the golden child. We all looked up to him.

He was everything I aspired to be, second only to our father who was even harder to reach.

…And he had everything I could never hope to have, given to him on a silver platter, only because I was born out of honor.

It wasn't easy to quell the jealousy at first. But it was easier to crush resentment before it has sprouted.

Before the knowledge of my status was made aware of me, I used to dream of being the strongest, the most powerful, the most respected and honorable Lord of Winterfell, Lord Protector, Warden of the North with a family as big as ours. With me looking more and more like my father than Robb did, I was nothing but pleased. I wanted to be exactly like him even preferring to put auburn hair on every faceless lady I would imagine to be my lady wife and imagining having dark and red haired children running around the household exactly the same as us. So I worked harder, studied longer, and trained more in hopes of being worthy to inherit my Lord Father's Winterfell. I dreamed of winning sword fights, outriding the fastest horsemen, and being well known for my honor and justice just as he was.

I quirked a smile and let out a huff of disbelief.

I guess I wasn't as different from Sansa after all. Dreaming of kings and knights and castles and maybe even dragons.

But all that changed when I found I was a _bastard_ of the North.

I've heard it being whispered when I wasn't looking, for as long as I could remember. When I was old enough to understand what it meant, I dismissed it still. My father loved me. My mother –

And that's when I understood.

I never really thought much of why Lady Catelyn regarded me cooly. I just thought that she just preferred Robb more. Every parent has that secret favored child. And I knew he was hers.

But then Sansa came.

Then Bran.

And suddenly it all added up.

And suddenly, my father finally with conflicting eyes brought me to the Godswood and told me himself that yes, I was of his blood… and that of some other's.

I was a bastard, he admitted.

One who was born out of wedlock, he confessed.

Of his blood still, as he pressed proud, and reassured.

A Stark.

But all I gathered, all that confirmed, despite eyes that for the first time wavered with an emotion I could not place, was that I was a bastard.

His blood.

I understood while the world I knew shifted.

To everyone's knowledge now including my own, I was Eddard Stark's bastard.

The sole blemish of Eddard Stark's honor.

A bastard who could not inherit anything.

A bastard who could never be a lord, much less a king.

A bastard with no mother to know…

And all my dreams of being lord… of having red and black haired babes… of marching to battle holding up the Stark flag… all turn to flames.

It was easy then. Very easy to be jealous of my brother… _Half-_ brother. Because it didn't matter that I rivaled him in all our training, not even when I proved at times to be even better than him. It didn't matter that I looked a spitting image of one uncontested _Stark_ more so than him the trueborn.

It didn't matter because even if he was weak or clumsy or unskilled, Winterfell was Robb's to own by right and all my other desires along with it.

But Robb wasn't weak. He wasn't the least bit clumsy. And for all the absurdity, no one would ever dare think to call him _unskilled._

Despite all of that of which could fuel arrogance and conceit, Robb was neither. He was modest, kind, and most of all, _fair._ And this inspired trust and loyalty to him. And Robb being Robb, always championed me. Even going as far as letting our father consider me the heir. Which of course, was shut down immediately. But it crushed any ill I could ever have of my brother who was only thinking of my dignity.

And now he's gone. The King of the North, my brother, Sansa's hero…

 _Gone._

I remember Sansa would have Robb play the prince who would rescue her from the evil ugly troll, namely _me_ on the rare occasions where she regarded me. I wrinkled my nose at that thought. Because that was who I was to her for most of how I knew her the moment she was old enough to understand and call me _half-_ brother. Jon Snow, the wicked _troll._

It wasn't that she despised me when we were growing up together. It's just that she was just being loyal to her lady mother…

It was no question that the Lady Stark did not like me, the _Bastard,_ the one big failing of Lord Eddard Stark. And my stay there was a constant insult to her name.

It also did not win her any favor when there were whispers of me resembling Eddard Stark the most, more than her Tully-favored trueborn children, save for Arya. It only added to her cause of disdain.

It was never a problem though, interacting with my other siblings. Most especially when we were younger and no concept of Bastards was understood yet. Never once did anyone of them make me feel less of a brother to them.

At least they didn't ever _intentionally_ did…

And often my sulking and isolation was of my own doing most of the time.

With Robb we could talk about fighting, sneak into taverns, talk about girls, well, more Theon and his big fat mouth and him while I laugh and listen to them bicker.

With Arya, I held a soft spot of affection for her because we shared the feeling of being _compared_ to. Both treated as mere shadows of our older red-haired golden siblings. So as Robb indulged Sansa, I equally spoiled Arya. Among all of them, we were the most alike and it's not only just our appearance.

Bran and Rickon saw me as nothing less as their older brother who depended on me same way they depended on Robb.

But with Sansa, it was different. She was always the unreachable elusive one. There was no wildness in her that it set her apart from her more energetic siblings. In hindsight, save for Robb who matched her elegance but still in equal measure, was as _wild_ as the others, she was different from the others.

She was often found as alone as I was, kept busy with lessons and learning and dreaming.

She was there but her heart and mind where elsewhere. I could see the same look in her eyes as if seeing my own in the mirror. She was as lost in her own home as I was in some ways. We loved Winterfell, that much I knew and saw. But we knew the transience of it – had the feel of wanting to pave our own way beyond its confines more than the desire to be kept in.

It made me all the more want to reach out to her. And I did at some point.

Sansa and I used to interact more when we were younger. It wasn't often. But it was definitely a handful more than when we were older. It's hard to believe but we did. Before the strictly civil conversations, polite acknowledgements, and plain passivity that everyone took notice of for the majority of our lives together in Winterfell, we were in our own way, a long time ago, closer than that.

It took longer though than for the others to bond with Sansa as there was always an unreachable gulf between us, one we couldn't explain as simply just one borne from having no similar interests. It was more than that. I guess there was always one in every large family. But nonetheless, it never diminished a familial bond we knew was there despite the lack of closeness.

It was one of those days where I found her admiring the various embroideries left by her Septa that I found courage to speak to her. She was five and I was eight by then and very much aware of my _status_.

"Hello Lady Sansa," I said shyly. Not finding enough courage to call her too familiarly.

She jumped in surprise then once she saw me, lowered her big blue eyes, face as red as her hair before she spoke softly. "Hello Jon." Apparently she was braver.

"The others are playing outside. Well, more Robb running after Arya in the mud. Would you like to join them?"

She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. "I don't like Mother to find me dirty. And I don't _like_ to be covered in mud."

I chuckled. She frowned for a second before blinking.

"Why aren't you down there…" she paused searching for words "…frolicking about?" She asked.

I almost laughed at her growing flowery vocabulary, which was already better than mine, seven hells, better than any of us.. Then I walked over the window and looked at Robb and Arya who were now wrestling in the mud, too deep in them that they were surely going to get a scolding and a scrubbing. Well, Robb more with the scolding as Arya was only three.

In truth, I wanted to be down there. But two things prevented me. One, I do not want Lady Stark to have more cause to get mad at me. Two, I was finally talking to my sister.

And somehow…it didn't feel right if I left her alone while I give in and play with her – _our_ siblings. You could say I've been having my fair share of feeling left out and I was partial to anyone especially her to feel the same.

"You don't want Mother to find you dirty too, don't you?" She asked innocently but assuredly, effectively breaking me away from my brooding.

At first I was taken aback. _Did she know?_ Did she finally know I was a _bastard_? Did she know that I wasn't exactly her true brother but half? Did she know that I was her mother's constant cause of pain?

I remember my heart sinking at the thought that she might have known for a while and maybe was the cause of our lack of interaction. Before shame could completely take over, with me preparing my exit, I braved myself to search her eyes and the look in them has shown it all. There was no contempt in them or anything simpler than just an educated guess and curiosity. She didn't know.

And right now I was just Jon to her, her older brother.

I shook my head and offered a small smile and a shrug. "I'm not going if you're not." I decided.

Confusion marked her face. "Why not?"

I just gave her another shrug, not really knowing what else to do or say.

Her brow puckered in thought before placing her hands on her hips. "Well _I'm_ leaving this room but I'm not going _there._ "

Curiously I asked. "Where will you go?"

Her brows rose and she smiled that radiant smile she was known for. Then shook her head before grabbing my hand as an idea formed in that quick mind of hers.

"Where will _we_ go?" she corrected. I wasn't even given a moment to answer when already she was dragging me out of the door, and out of my own head, and finally into her enigmatic world.

* * *

"Where will you go?"

Sansa asked suddenly, her voice a soft almost whisper, her eyes holding mine, effectively breaking me from my thoughts. The volumes muting her controlled panic of the possibility of our separation.

I almost smiled at the irony and familiarity of that question, but instead I looked at her softly but determined before I corrected this time.

"Where will _we_ go?"

And there it was. A spark in her eyes and an almost real smile before she answered with perfect conviction.

" _Home."_

And just as it was, that same day we asked the same questions, from the moment she lead me by my hand with her small delicate one, I knew that as much as she had Robb wrapped around her tiny finger then, I was also doomed to follow her no matter what.

* * *

I waited until she was sleeping soundly on my bed, making sure she was warm and comfortable, Ghost at her feet, before moving from the window to the chair I placed beside the bed.

I closed my eyes and more memories and thoughts of Sansa really being here assaulted my mind.

Looking back, after our first moment as I called it, she still favored Robb while I in turn doted on Arya who if not meandering on her own, followed me like a shadow. But we found our own little pattern.

At times when Robb was spirited away by Arya or the others, rough housing outside the keep or anytime I see all of my siblings except her together, I would find her.

And when I was hiding in a dark corner brooding, she would somehow find me.

More often than not, it was her who would find me than I her because she never was really alone that much. She had her Septa and numerous lessons, her mother, her father, and she had Robb who never fails to spare time for his little princess. No, she wasn't alone. But she was, at times, as isolated from her siblings as I was at that time.

And years and years later, with so much between us… too many losses, too many suffering, too many horrors still to be revealed to each other, we have somehow come full circle.

With her, as before, coming to me, finding me in the darkness once more.

I don't know if she realized that. Maybe she came here because I was the only family she knew was left. Or maybe just maybe, because it was our way.

It has always been our way, our own special thing. No matter how few and rare they came, it was _ours._

I remember it all. When we do find each other, we don't really talk much. Often times, we were enveloped in agreeable silence. While she was practicing her writing, I would patiently just sit near her, reading a book at times. When she wanted to visit the horses and feed them sugar, I came with her. And when she would often find me in one of my moods, she would in turn, just sit near me. At times singing to herself never knowing it calmed me too. I guess we were just grateful for some company. I was sure I was at least.

She would break the silence at times with that curious mind of hers. And she would never take offense at my one-word replies and grunts.

And right now felt almost like before with our amiable silence.

For the longest time, and with no father and most especially no Robb to come rescue her or for her to turn to – it falls to _me_ now to rescue her and do right by her. It falls to _me_ to be someone she could turn to.

"You have no idea how much it means to me that you chose to come _here_ ," I whispered near her sleeping form while tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

One blue eye regarded me sleepily with a spark in them before closing once more, her lips gracing a lazy smirk. "I _had_ to come." She yawned. "I felt in my gut that Jon was brooding again in the dark and alone" she teased knowingly, voice slurred, and heavy with drowsiness.

I looked at her incredulously then. "You were always particularly talented in finding me when I'm sulking away."

Then we laughed and slipped back to our slice of happiness, battles and horrors left for the morning as we both gave way to exhaustion, relief the last thing on our minds before sleep took over.


	2. Scars

_**Scars**_

We hardly talked.

We never touched.

But we had our turn in silent agreeable companionship.

 _Just like before._

We were always at arm's length with each other. And while I would ruffle Arya's hair or punch Robb on occasion; ever since, from that time we were five and eight, I've always found it particularly difficult in a way to show physical affection towards Sansa. We don't even sit that close to each other.

It's not that I didn't want to.

I just didn't know _how_.

But I found out not long after _wh_ y.

One day, we were sitting on the steps watching Robb do target practice from afar when boys my age who trained with us at times approached us – their names I blurred from my memory.

"Good day, Lady Sansa," one said.

Sansa obliged a smile and a nod. "Good day to you too, sir."

Then she waited expectantly for them to acknowledge me while I colored in shame. But it never came.

And before I knew it, she never let him finish whatever he was saying before speaking herself. "Are you not to greet my brother too?"

My eyes flew wide open while my heart raced in anxiety. I coughed and made to laugh it off and walk away but she had none of that.

"It's fine. I was just about to leave."

Sansa stood up and looked at me confused. "Where are you going Jon?" Her eyes willing me rooted to my place.

I faked a smile. "I need to get something from my room."

"You mean to leave me here?" she pouted. And I knew I was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"I—"

"It's probably for the best, my lady." The tallest one jeered.

She arched a brow in question, more elegantly than a five year old could surely give. "Oh? Why is that?"

I was nearly panicking, urging her with my eyes to stop. I wanted to grab her and run from this but at the same time I couldn't move my legs.

"It is not proper for a little lady as fine as you to be too familiar with a _bastard,"_ he smirked.

My fists clenched at my sides, my jaw set, while I did my damnedest to control my anger. I will not give them the satisfaction. But at the same time, I was battling my shame and fear that this is where I might lose whatever friendship Sansa and I have just built.

I knew she did not understand what that meant. But she could surmise that the way they phrased it and the way I was fighting with myself that it was something vile. And to her credit she did not give them the satisfaction as well.

She relaxed her stance, the epitome of calm and patience, but her eyes were ice and steel despite her quiet charming smile. I didn't even know a look such as that could be accomplished, much less from a little girl. But I'm sure it was a look that screamed her namesake _._

She held their gazes for a heart beat, all of them smart enough to keep their mouths shut. Never breaking their contact, she gracefully lifted her chin, walked closer to them and smiled widely before speaking almost deceptively sweet.

"I'm afraid I don't know what you mean. But I do know whom I _want_ to talk to from those I do _not_. And it's not any of you… _sirs._ A good day to you all." She flashed a grin before once more grabbing my hand and steering me far away as I followed in shock and admiration.

When we finally stopped, I found that she lead me to my, as she called it, _brooding_ spot.

She sat down first on one corner taking deep breaths and I found myself imitating her.

After a few beats she broke the silence.

"It's _bad,_ isn't it?"

I looked at her and she looked at me with sadness and worry.

I looked away and gave a deep sigh in answer.

"You didn't fight them."

It wasn't a question.

I obliged her a smile. And I guess, in her own way she understood.

"It's… bad. And it's… true…?" She left it hanging. Her eyes already misting but her delicate jaw still firm and in control.

I swallowed. She didn't even know what it was yet she was ready to cry for me. I tried to shrug in seeming indifference, wanting to spare her the grief.

Wanting to spare _me_ my grief.

"It doesn't bother me anymore," I tried to grin. "Don't worry your pretty little head off."

Of course she didn't believe me. Then I was terrified. Terrified she'll ask me what it meant. Terrified that if I did tell her, I might lose her too. Robb may have been sympathetic, and Sansa at that time I thought might be too, there was a chance. And I remembered a new fear that formed.

Will this always be something I would fear from each of my half-siblings when they age and know?

"Jon?"

I snapped back at her gauging her, dreading what I knew was to come.

"If… if I ask, will you tell me?"

I blinked and gave a nod. "Yes." Then I braced myself, finding the right words that she might understand.

Instead she stood in front of me and wrapped her thin short arms around my neck, her cheek to mine.

We hardly talk.

We never touched.

But right now after she did most of the talking, she allowed this affection. And it was all it took before I broke into a sob, letting myself just cry. Careful to control all else except the tears.

She didn't know what it was. She knew it was something bad. She understood that it was something bad but was true. She knew I would explain it to her if she wanted. But she never asked.

She just let me cry.

Despite my adoration for her growing even more from her compassion right now, despite wanting nothing more than to accept her affection she so rarely gives me, despite me wanting to finally give her mine own…

I knew that beyond this moment, I couldn't.

Although it gave me great pride that she chose me at that moment above whatever they presumed ill of me that I did not deny, that she even put them in their places, that she let me feel I had no judgment in her young eyes, not now, not ever…

I knew I had to be the one to shield her from ever having to face that same situation. Because I knew then what her heart was capable of. And it would do good to spare her from exploitation.

So beyond this, I would be more careful.

At least for a while.

At least until she doesn't understand what it means to have a bastard brother yet.

At least until we could still savor what time was left for our little pattern.

As it turns out, we had only a year from there before everything changed.

Lady Stark saw us playing one time and with her hardened gaze, disappointment edging, she called Sansa over to her and I heard her say the words that cut through my young self. "You too, Sansa?" Before glaring at me.

I remember the confusion in Sansa's face, at her mother's reprimand of her, and in turn her anger at me.

She was too young to fully understand the concept her mother's reason I would bet. But she was also too bright and too loyal to her mother's pain.

As she looked at me with a mixture of sadness, glancing a little contempt and confusion at her mother, then back to me, pleading understanding from me while at the same time fighting from pleading, I did what I did best.

As sad as it was to see her go. As much as I knew that from here on we would never have our pattern once more, at least, not the same way ever again, I let her go.

I smiled at her and nodded for her to follow her mother, turning my back at once and leaving knowing I would have to find a new brooding spot.

And true to it, the next I saw her, her eyes had knowledge in them. From then on, she clung to her mother. She knew none of the others shared her mother's view, so she did.

And I lost her then.

Again, she didn't despise me, at least not outwardly. I never felt that from her. More resentment, if anything… Yes, she would correct curtly – _half-brother_ when the situation called for her to and when she was asked but that was the extent of it. Sure she made me play the villain in her games but only when there was no one else to do it.

Other than that, she didn't even dare insult me. She never glared at me or regarded me with disgust. But she was indifferent.

And that was an entirely different form of wound for me.

If we had already an unreachable gulf between us that was only barely breeched before, now all ties were frozen over by indifference.

And now. I gritted my teeth and clenched my fists.

Still.

We hardly talked.

We never touched.

There was glass between us.

And she was porcelain to me that I couldn't.

But someone _did_.

She was humiliated beyond belief and called many filthy things by so many treacherous people.

But worse of all, she had endured being _touched_ in so many _ways_ , in so many _places_ , violated time and time again by treacherous _men._

At once I was filled with white hot rage.

My sweet, beautiful sister, hardened as she was from all that she endured. For all the steel in her blue eyes, frosted from all she's forced to see, for all that coolness in her acquired confidence of late placed there from her burning desire for atonement, flickering like the flames of her fire-kissed Tully mane, for all the sharpness of her mind and practiced words, for all that she allows to be seen, - strong, unbroken, and brave… she was still _afraid_.

While I can protect her from all who would attempt to harm her, I cannot protect her from her nightmares.

That first night she took the bed with Ghost at her feet, and I the chair. The night was uneventful, peaceful even.

It could've been from the relief we felt.

It could've been the exhaustion.

Because the next night proved otherwise.

It started with screams and ended with strained sobbing.

As I held my sister tightly to me, rocking her back and forth, whispering reassurances, my mind and body was filled with rage and guilt at the thought of someone as precious as Sansa had to endure what she endured. Wracking my brain of what I could've done different that she never had to endure any of this.

If not for her death grip on my shirt, I would've rode all the way to Winterfell mad with bloodlust to kill that fucker Ramsay with my bare hands, tearing him from limb to limb and having Melisandre resurrect him so I could end him a different way. And again and again until I am satisfied he is in the deepest hell.

She screamed in her sleep, begging for her attacker to stop. And once awake with my hands on her shoulders, her eyes wide and fearful would immediately narrow and harden as her panting open mouth closed in a rigid line, forcing her carefully practiced shields up. She would take a deep breath that sounded like a reprimand and insist that she was fine. Then silence and feigned calmness. You would almost believe her, except she was still shaking.

I took her in my arms, rubbing her back, stroking her hair, and continued rocking her. My cheek to hers. "You don't have to be strong with me."

"I don't want to cry." She gritted her teeth.

I waited.

"I am _not_ weak."

I cradled her face and made her look me in the eye.

"Sansa Stark. You are _not_ weak. You are made from the winds of winter. Unyielding, hard, and cold and unstoppable. But even skies can cry yet it can still strike lightning."

And with that she nestled into me and wept. Clutching me tight as wordless, soundless tears flowed and flowed. And through it all she said no word save for the whimpers that barely escaped. After a few beats of rigidness, she fell slack, leaning herself entirely to me for support, in one quick frightening move of surrender.

It was the cry of the exhausted.

And I let her.

All the while trying not to let tears of my own flow.

I swallowed at that memory, promising retribution. But not so much as vowed unadultered revenge at what I was about to face the moment I opened our door now.

It was only a second but I saw.

I _saw._

Sansa's back, wholly exposed. Marks upon marks upon marks covered nearly all her prided alabaster skin.

It wasn't the large dark blooms of bruises old and new that drove me mad and blind to rage.

It wasn't the dark and red welts where flames touched her skin that brought me over.

It wasn't even the imprints of hands and teeth, evidence of how she was brutally _ravaged._

I swallowed back the bile that rose and all I could see after was maddening red from the feature that dominated her skin.

 _Cuts._

There. Were. _Cuts._

 _Everywhere._

Hashing and crossing the expanse of her skin…

Small ones.

Large ones.

Old and some barely healed none mistaking was fresh before she fled.

The scent of rust and copper filled the air.

 _She was bleeding._

It was my gasp that alerted her to frantically cover herself.

Her face a washed in shame and fear as she clutched her nightgown to her, while I heard a wet slop fall to the floor. My eyes followed it and saw it was a wet cloth, stained red over white.

A rustle brought my eyes back up to her and they softened immediately from the fear and sadness that I met from her downcast eyes.

I realized, some of her wounds – _I gritted –_ had reopened and she was trying to tend to them.

I swallowed all the rage that was boiling in my blood, screaming and cursing everything and anything that allowed this to happen.

 _Ramsay fucking Bolton was going to die a slow painful death. But help me, he_ will _die._

"I'm sorry." She said in such a small voice and it only added to temper my wrath.

" _What in seven hells are you apologizing for?"_ I seethed. Then retracted as I saw the fear in her eyes.

I took a deep breath, grabbed a clean cloth along with the tray of medical items and sat beside her on the bed.

"Need help, Sansa?" Because what else could I fucking do? I decided to let her come to me and not question her. I wanted her to trust me. I wanted her to rely on me.

"I could usually manage…except for the ones I can't reach. I had Brienne help me before but…" she said in a voice barely above a whisper.

I understood.

"Lie down," I urged.

She shook her head.

I sighed. "C'mon Sansa, now is not the time to be stubborn."

She shut her eyes tight and clutched at her cover. "I don't want you to see them."

My heart was breaking from the way shame and pain covered her.

I almost touched a hand to her shoulder that might not be welcome right now.

" _Sans…"_ Her brows quirked at the name Robb used to call her.

"Sans, it's just _me_. And I already…" I couldn't continue as raged took over again threatening to pour out as the image of her marred back flooded my mind.

"I never wanted you to see them, Jon. And I still don't."

"Why?"

"I don't want you looking at me like I'm made of glass as it is. And once you've seen how br-broken I am… I don't think I can look you in the eye anymore and not see all that I _know_ you're feeling," she whispered.

I get it.

I get it more than she thinks.

So I stood up and began unclasping my coat, removing my armor, to finally my tunic. Baring my torso to her.

She put a hand to her mouth in shock as her eyes followed each and every evidence of my men's betrayal.

"Jon," she rasped as tears threatened to spill once more.

Wordlessly I sat back down beside her urging her with my head to lie back down. "Sansa, lie down now please," I said softly.

And after holding my eyes with hers for a beat she finally let go of her cover and lied back down in understanding and complete trust.

And now as all have been revealed to me once more, I willed myself to still my fury while I tend to a more important task – no – _duty_ willfully given to no one else but Sansa.

As gentle as I possibly could, I cleaned and dressed her wounds.

Both of us silently weeping, letting the tears fall as they come.

How could've father let this happen to her?

Why hadn't Robb rescue her right away?

Why didn't I come get her at once the moment our father was executed knowing full well she was left vulnerable and hostaged in the Keep?

Why did I insist on going to the Wall and not to the capital as asked by our father to keep watch over my sisters?

It's not about the monsters who hurt her anymore though surely I will not rest until they have paid their dues with blood and screams.

 _We_ have failed her.

Father.

Robb.

Me.

We have _all_ failed her.

I dressed the last of her reopened wound, helping her into her shift, settling with her on the bed, her cheek on my chest, her frail body burrowing into me as I let her. I then made a vow.

Stroking her hair with one hand, the other protectively yet gently around her, I swore to the old gods and new.

 _I will not fail her again._

* * *

After some time and silence has passed, I knew she was awake still. I brought her closer to me and stroked her hair.

"You should get some rest, Sansa. I'm here."

Her body stiffened then relaxed with a sigh. She gingerly placed her hand on top of mine that was on her arm and clutched at it.

"Three," she said suddenly. I waited.

"Three names. Three _men._ Three _monsters,"_ she said through gritted teeth. At once my grip on her tightened, the rest of me rigid. Mad rage was surging once more as one by one three faces to those names filled my mind.

Then she softened and stroked circles on my hand to soothe me. "But there were also three names for those who've shown me kindness."

"Will you share those names, Sansa?" I asked. Thanking all the gods that at least some did right by her.

It took some time before she relented.

"Ser Sandor Clegane was the first," she whispered.

"The Hound?" I asked, surprised. I have heard stories about the one called The Hound, but none of it was _kind._

She nodded. "You'd be surprised," she said but offered nothing more.

"The second one?" I prodded, trying to get as much from her. She hasn't told me her story yet and I didn't have the heart to ask.

"My false husband," she whispered, her voice warm.

I nodded at her. Of course. If there was anyone who would be decent it would be him. "Tyrion Lannister can be kind, I agree. He saved my life one time."

When again she did not reply or elaborate, I prompted her to give me the last name.

She stiffened then said sadly, "The last name… he was kind. He was wretched but he helped me from my prison…and brought me as far as he could…to you."

After a beat I grunted. "Theon Greyjoy."

She nodded.

I swallowed. And I realized then that she wasn't just merely enumerating names of men who genuinely helped her.

These were names of men she wants me to _pardon_.

All three had their own betrayal in one form or another to our family, but for some reason, these are the three names that did right by her.

"All right," I relented.

She nodded and breathed out a sigh of relief. I guess this was important to her. Then she clenched her first. "Of course there was one more but his kindness…had a price."

 _Little finger._

"Everyone, Sansa. Every last one who dared hurt our family, especially _you,_ will pay. I swear it."

They will pay.

They will _all_ pay.

And Sansa will have _everything._


	3. Advice

_**Advice**_

 _"Did it ever once occur to you that I might have some insight?"_

I've always known Sansa was intelligent. Beneath the frivolities and courteousness, it was always hidden like a weapon, only arising when needed, and always swathed in subtlety. All the more proving her cleverness.

But truth is, once again, as everyone kept pointing out, I was the one who knew nothing.

* * *

" _It's pretty."_

I was three and ten then when I started hoping once more.

"It's pretty."

I whipped my head to the sound of a voice behind me, breaking me from my thoughts. A voice I can recognize anywhere never mind that it was the voice that was lost to addressing me.

 _Sansa._

She was looking in the same direction, as I was a few moments before, red on her cheeks, and a finger tucking her hair behind her ear – Sansa's tell that she was nervous.

 _As I was too._ Years and years of never speaking beyond polite greetings and such and I never thought I'd see her talking to me like this again.

…And never thinking just how much I missed it.

"I'm sorry, my lady?"

She tried to look casual but looked at me then with a shrug and a smirk. "When a girl tells you her name, you should pay it a compliment."

Oh.

I both thought and said in answer. Having forgotten completely the distraction from the distance that sparked this interaction.

It was my turn to color.

Silence was stretching after and I struggled to think of how best to stretch instead _this_ conversation that I knew once gone wouldn't happen again in a long time.

"W-will it…er… Do you…" I muttered lashing at my ineloquence. And suddenly I was bracing myself for her dismissal.

Instead I met kindness buried underneath her too cool and steady blue eyes. "All ladies take delight in being complimented and it's a good a place to start a conversation," she explained.

"And…it's also a way of indicating an approval and interest," she continued.

She might as well be talking to Ghost or a mug, as I was so flustered and struggling for what to say or do.

Then she frowned and her eyes showed confusion and remorse. "I'm sorry. Had I offended you? I just thought I'd –"

I shook my head at her at once, silencing her coming apology. "No, no! You didn't! I'm the one who should be sorry! Forgive me San-" I caught myself. But it was useless as I saw her eyes widen then shadowed with a look I couldn't name at my slip up. "Forgive me my lady," I amended. "I was just surprised. But your advice I will surely take to heart."

Her eyes softened yet she accepted with a graceful nod but I couldn't help but dare name now the tone of sadness flickering in her eyes swiftly disappearing as it came. "I'm sorry still, for intruding on a private moment. It wasn't my place to." She apologized in the cool and formal tone I've come to know and loathe, her _courteous_ apology – a dagger to my gut.

My heart broke as the sliver of hope for the ghost of our previous bond to reemerge from the ice, disappeared from her dismissal.

I grasped at straws with nothing to find a way to remedy it – bridge the goddamned gap and make her like me again.

Even if it was futile, and that she was lost in her armor against me once more, I had to try.

I swallowed and mustered a shy smile. "Ladies really feel comforted at something as simple as telling them their name is pretty?"

She blinked, considered me, then finally she smiled as she nodded. "It sounds silly, but it's true."

I chuckled. "Then I will believe as you say. Thank you, my lady."

Her brow twitched the slightest at that but her smile never left. And then I knew that this was where the conversation has come to a close. And it was enough for now, this single space of a conversation.

With an elegant nod, a hint of a twinkle in her eye, she made to carry on and leave, probably to walk back to her chamber, Lady dutifully at her heels.

My eyes followed her as she passed me when suddenly she paused and looked me over her shoulder.

"Oh and it may seem silly, but for what it's worth, I've always liked _your_ name… _Jon,"_ she said my name in a voice so endearingly soft and warm from her lips and with her cheeks slightly resembling her hair, that I almost lost my head from being overwhelmed.

I half-shuddered, half-sighed but I regained myself. "Not nowhere as beautiful as yours… _Sansa."_ Surprise at how her named rolled easily off my tongue after all. And surprised that I even said that in the first place.

Just like me, surprise and self-consciousness spread over her face but you could see the delight she talked about in her eyes never mind that her mouth was neutral.

But ever graceful and practiced, she simply offered a curt smile then turned her face away, ready to continue her walk. "So you say it is, but until just now, you never said it," she muttered almost too low but I caught it, before finally walking away leaving me speechless once more in her wake.

She didn't dismiss me earlier.

On the contrary, by catching myself from almost saying her name earlier on, trading it with formality, I realized that she didn't dismiss me.

 _I_ dismissed _her_.

And then I knew that the gulf between us went unreached not just from me to her but came both ways.

At that a bloom of hope sprouted at my heart. I knew this would hardly change the mechanics of our strictly formal relationship. Not by a long shot, I'm afraid. But at least I found out that somewhere buried in her shields of indifference, formality, and coolness, was more than just an acknowledgment of who I am and who we are.

* * *

" _Just don't do what he wants you to do!"_

" _No one can protect me."_

I sighed and slumped over my table. Listening as the sound of her angry foot steps fading in the distance.

Her words cut through me, clean and deep.

But more than her words, it was that look in her eyes that very nearly broke me if it hadn't already.

Sansa has always been composed, calm, and had a quiet strength in her look even then.

I knew she was afraid.

I held her each night after all, trying so hard to fend her from her nightmares.

But tonight was different.

She wasn't just afraid.

She was _terrified._

" _If Ramsey wins, I'm not going back there alive. Do you understand me?"_

Something broke in me at her words, rendering me helpless.

I would _never –_ I would _have_ to…. As if I would _ever_ let him or anyone else touch a hair on her head ever again.

" _I won't ever let him touch you again. I'll protect you. I promise."_

But my words were just that, words to her at that moment.

Nothing.

Rejected.

I saw the spark leave her eyes then, ice in its stead.

" _No one can protect anyone."_

And finally she had her back to me and walked away.

I wanted nothing more but to chase after her, hold her, reassure her that everything I am doing, this fight – everything is to ensure _her_ future.

I care little about my own.

Just hers.

Did she really have little faith in me?

In truth I wanted nothing more but to just grab her and take her away from here. Far, far, away from all these wretchedness.

To a place where no one cares for names and titles.

To a place untainted with harsh memories and even harsher futures.

No battles. No wars. No fighting.

Anywhere but _here._

The idea of starting over and not fighting anymore was so _so_ sweet.

There was a time throughout all of this that I wanted to make her take this option with me. I was even prepared to beg.

I even entertained just spiriting her away gods be damned even if she never forgives me, even if she fights me. I wouldn't care as long as I bring her some place where she could _live._

But the conundrum was just that.

It would be too easy.

Too easy to just drag her someplace.

To wildling eyes, it would even be like their tradition of _stealing_ away a woman for your own.

But again, how would this make me any different from the craven men who hurt her?

No matter how good my intentions were for her, no matter how borne of love they were, I couldn't do it.

I won't.

I took a deep breath and leaned over the table and grabbed a map piece resembling our sigil.

The reason was _simple._

It's not what she wants.

A life in exile is not what she deserves.

A life as a fugitive will never give her, _her peace_.

My fists clenched around the wooden direwolf.

Sansa is right.

So much has been taken from her – from _us._ She is right to want to take back everything she lost. At that thought I weep for her loss of innocence and I cannot help but admire her strength.

She doesn't burn from suffering.

She _rises_ from the ashes.

And its not flames that cling to her reborn, but _ice._

You won't see madness in her eyes, only _resolve._ Her anger was a quiet one. A slow but sure build.

Her eyes promised winter.

And it was up to _me_ to deliver it.

But I had to be honest. Scanning over the map, I knew that we were pushing our luck and holding on to faith.

We had a chance, as was discussed. We could still win and I would damn well die trying.

" _No one can protect me."_

But the look of defeat on Sansa's face unseated me.

Have I read this all wrong again?

Have I read _her_ wrong again?

I trust her. There was no question about that. She may be hiding a lot of things from me, but if you can't trust your own blood who else can you trust?

I'd like to think she trusts me too.

But in the space of _our_ conversation – no, argument – I could see why she wouldn't.

It's not that I didn't value her insight.

All I ever wanted to do the moment she came back was to take care of her.

I just wanted to take care of everything.

I wanted to prove to her that I was capable of taking care of her and everything. She doesn't need to relive her horrors or take part in planning new ones. If it were upto me she would just keep out and away from all the talks of war and battles and just _rest._ She's been though enough on her own with no one to trust. I had my share, the scars say true, but at least I had some people to trust – to love even and be loved. Kindness was shown to her somehow but was there love?

Her scars say otherwise. And it wasn't the ones on her skin.

I just wanted her to leave everything to _me._

I don't want her to have to worry or be scared anymore.

I just want her to feel that someone takes her well being as the priority – that _she_ was a priority, that her _happiness_ was paramount.

 _No one can protect me._

 _No one can protect anyone._

Once again, I've misread Sansa.

This time it's for thinking that she would want me to just take over her battles. Of course she would want to be as involved as was possible. This was a battle for our family, but it was much more for her. So much more. And I didn't see that right away.

And by wanting to shield her, unknowingly all I did was dismiss her as before. I forgot too easily that when we were back in Winterfell, we had that one last chance of bridging our gulf but I dismissed her, bringing up our titles.

Standing up, I placed our sigil over Winterfell.

Defeat wasn't an option.

I won't lose her again.


	4. Winter Roses

_**Winter Roses**_

" _The King in the North!"_

Echoed the cry sealing my fate that could be heard without doubt throughout all the walls of my _home_.

It was too much.

Too overbearing.

How was one supposed to feel when everything you've ever aspired to want, something you've long accepted to never get, proclaimed itself in thunderous fervor and knees on the floor in front of you?

 _King in the North._

* * *

" _Jon?"_

" _Jon!"_

I caught her just in time as she launched herself at me, her skinny arms tight around my neck, letting out a deep breath of relief – both hers and mine.

"You found me!"

I twirled her around before setting her down, quickly assessing to see if she was harmed in any way.

Robb and I have been looking all over for her when we lost her at the Wolfswood. We have been playing knights and maidens when suddenly we were attacked by two wildlings.

With only our wooden training swords, Robb and I straightened our backs and swallowed our fears. The two wildling men had knives and arrows out and we knew they could easily overpower us but with one shared look and a glance at our trembling sister, we had to stall long enough to at least let her escape.

We were young.

But we knew what terrors could happen to a stolen little girl.

"What are you doing in our lands? Is it gold you want? Or iron? Food? There is no need to bide your time and steal from children," Robb said as calmly and as authoritative as he could.

The wildlings snorted and cackled. "We know ou' fates, yer can drop the prissy tone, _young wolf."_

Our eyes widened. They knew who we are and a surge of panic was threatening to spill out.

" _Aye._ We know who ye lads are. The lil lording an' lady wolf cubs o' dear ol Ned Stark an' his bastard. Best come quietly the lot o' you," the bigger of the two growled.

"Sansa," Robb said still in his dangerously calm voice.

I stole a glance at Sansa who stopped shaking, looking to her brother for orders.

Then before I knew it with a growl Robb launched himself towards the bigger of the two wildlings shouting over his shoulder to Sansa.

" _Run!"_

I saw her hesitate but was quickly distracted when I heard the other moving towards her.

Without thinking, I gathered up all the strength I could and tackled the wildling to the ground and just kept hacking at him with the practice sword while I shouted to Sansa once more.

" _Run! Sansa, run!"_

If there ever was a time Robb and I regretted sneaking out and not having at least one guard for Sansa, this was it.

I prayed to the old gods as I took the first hit and the next and the next for Sansa to make it back to the castle _safe._

Robb and I could surely die but we would gladly do so, die for her honor, die for our princess' life like knights from the songs.

I kicked and punched and retaliated as much as I could to my last breath if it ends. And from the background I could hear that Robb was trying his damnedest too.

Just as I was about to black out as my attacker was bent over me, punching my guts out, the hits stopped coming.

My right eye was swollen shut but with my good eye I scanned the scene.

Ser Rodrik Cassel held the skinny wildling by the throat, while at the other side I saw Ser Rickard Karstark supporting a battered Robb to his feet, the bigger wildling next to him on the ground was unmoving and bleeding out. _Dead._

"My lord, your _command,"_ Ser Rodrik spat enraged and it was only then did I realize that our lord father was there.

I looked at him and never before did I see rage in his eyes despite his calm demeanor.

I watched him move heavily to face the wildling who was still struggling against our Master-at-Arms.

"He knew who we were, father," Robb called out, his voice a bit muffled as he spat out blood.

Something flashed in father's eyes then, his mouth a grim line.

"State your purpose," he demanded of the wildling.

The wildling jeered at him and spat.

Ser Rodrik hit him then. "Your lord asked a question."

"I'm all but dead an' I ain't no kneeler."

Ser Rikard spoke up then, his hand to his hilt, waiting. "My lord?"

Lord Ned Stark was unfazed and he asked once more.

" _State_ your purpose."

After a long eye to eye, the wildling stopped fighting and talked.

"Yer an honor'ble man they say. Eddard Stark. But there is no place fer honor north of the Wall. Not if we were ter survive the long night. What we be needin' are resources. Resources ye would hand o'er us after we stole yer princess."

My blood ran hot and cold as it did for Robb and father I would bet. At the look of surprise on father's face, we knew then that he hadn't realized that Sansa was with us.

And then it hit me.

 _Where was Sansa?_

Ser Rodrik tightened his hold on his neck.

Save for his tightly clenched fist at his side, my lord father was still calm or feigning it well.

"Numbers. Are there more of you here?"

The wildling only grinned cockily but that grin was easily wiped off when our lord father grabbed him from Ser Rodrik and shook him with a force only a father enraged with the threat of his daughter could muster.

"How _many?"_

"Us. Just us two." The wildling squeaked.

And that was all it took for father to drop him on his knees to take his head.

He then looked at Robb and at me. _"Where is your sister?"_

Robb and I looked at each other before he answered. "When they approached us, we told her to run while we stalled for as long as we could. I thought she came to you that's why you found us."

No.

What if the wildling was lying?

What if there was more than two of them and they took her?

 _No._

Ned Stark did not waste time as he barked orders to search for Sansa. "I want _every_ available men searching for her. _Now!"_

Then he stopped and appraised Robb and I.

"Father – we're sorry! If – if anything happened to Sansa I –" Robb started and I was about to second him when father held his hand to silence us.

"We'll talk about that later. For now, the two of you need to go see Maester Luwin," he said with finality.

I shook my head. "I want to look for her."

"I do as well, father."

"I have no time for this. But do as you will but you will not go unguarded." He called for two men to go to us before taking his leave on his own search.

It took some time but I was the one who managed to find her.

A thought occurred to me that not that long ago, near the Godswood which wasn't that far from here, she found me in one of my hiding spots where I used to go to when I wanted to be truly alone. I didn't know how she found me, but then again it was a gift of hers.

And that was where I found her, shivering inside the hollowed out heart tree.

"Sansa!" I cried out.

"Jon?"

"Jon!"

As we held each other I asked her. "Are you okay? Why didn't you run towards the castle? Why did you run here?" I asked with urgency, relief quickly replacing the panic that quelled in me as I scanned her, searching for signs of any injury and finding none at least physically.

"Is Robb okay?" she asked ignoring me, looking past my shoulder searching.

I brought her gaze back to me and nodded. "Robb is alive and looking for you as well. But Sansa, are you okay?"

"I'm fine. A little cold but fine. I ran as far as I could and I saw a stable boy – I forgot his name – I told him to call Father and the guards! I must've shocked him a bit because he ran away so fast I couldn't keep up, Jon! And I got scared that I won't make it or get caught so I ran here." She explained hurriedly.

"This was closer and I knew in my heart if I hid here you would find me," she whispered then nuzzled at my chest. I winced and she noticed.

"I'm sorry! You're hurt!" She apologized with her big blue eyes were wide and brimming with tears unshed as she tried to contain her trembling.

"I'm just glad you're safe, _princess."_ I used Robb's nickname for her to set her at ease while gingerly patting the top of her head.

She huffed then smiled warmly.

"And if anything, _you_ were the true hero here. If you didn't send for help, we might not be talking right now," I grinned at her.

Her eyes shone for a minute before she shook her head.

"You saved me, Jon. You're _my_ hero. The moment you and Robb told me to run, you both decided to save me. But now, _you_ found me. "

I was almost glad I was bruised so to hide my blush then. "Robb was the one who was truly brave, I just followed his lead my lady."

She nodded at that. "As a true _crowned prince_ should, he was all that and more. And you are too – _brave_. You let me run and you didn't leave him until he was safe then you looked for me right away even if you are injured, my _brave knight_."

I brought her head to my chest and held her tight. I was already warm from her words but became warmer still with her small lithe body against me.

"Aye, we saved each other then."

She laughed and nodded at my chest.

"Father always said the pack survives!"

* * *

I was King in the North.

Warden of Winterfell.

A _Stark._

It was all I've ever wanted and more.

Yet the taste of fulfillment tasted dry in my mouth for many reasons.

But one reason to rise above all.

I shared a look with my sister and her encouraging smile did nothing but drive the dagger deeper than any thrust of betrayal I received.

It was for her. It was _all_ for her.

 _Everything._

Before I could do anything, I found that I was not alone in this thinking. As after the voiced died down and the cheers turned to murmurs of approval, and all who kneeled were now seated, a lone person emerged from the shadows.

"Begging your pardons, your grace," came the firm voice and the hall was ushered at once in silence but not without every man touching their hilts at the ready.

I raised a hand to caution my…men and nodded at him to approach.

From the looks of it, he could've been someone's squire or a former soldier or possibly a knight. He was built it. His cloak was dirtied and tattered, his hair long and unruly as was his beard but despite his limping gait, there was knowledge and age in his eyes as he approached. He wasn't simply just a squire.

I looked at Sansa and her brow too knitted as she tried to recognize him, then her features smoothened and I could guess she may have an idea. She nodded at me to proceed.

I nodded back then gestured to the man. "You may approach closer and speak, my lord."

He walked no closer, leaving a great distance, before one knee fell to the ground, his head and eyes with it.

"I do not wish to take this moment from you, your grace for I too believe in you and your cause. I believe that a great right must be given to House Stark to which I will until my last breath, give my loyalty to. But I feel that more than my sword and more than my words and more than even my life at your feet, there is one more wrong that needs to be righted at this moment," he declared firm and with the tinge of shame in his voice, eyes still to the ground.

"Arise and speak of this wrong, my lord. So that we may correct it as you say," I found myself saying.

He rose slowly then beckoned at someone from the shadows. It was a girl. Jeyne Pool, I remembered, and with her she pushed a cart that was filled with overflowing blues. Winter roses.

He took what we saw was a garland of winter roses from the lot before slowly walking over to Sansa, presenting her with it, a knee to the floor once more, but eyes on hers.

I saw the surprise on her face that mirrored mine and then I understood. The people were all muttering about but were immediately shushed to silence when he spoke once more.

"Forgive me, Lady Stark. If there was someone who was more wronged in this room, it would be you, my lady."

If the silence was great before, now it was deafening. And I saw almost every head turn down in shame.

I felt a hand grab mine under the table. I looked at her and despite her face still and smooth, eyes steady at the man, the shaking hand gripping mine betrayed her.

I turned her hand over and laced it with mine, my thumb stroking circles at the back of hers.

Then I looked back at the man and urged him to proceed.

"Before you speak and do with me as you will, my lady, I wish to address all who are present. Would you allow me, my lady?"

"Jon?" Sansa whispered but no matter how soft it was everyone in this hall heard her, heard the first sound of her voice in this hall.

I squeezed her hand and she returned it before answering. "I have an idea what you mean to do my lord, and I'd have you know you don't have to… Lord Howland Reed."

Gasps were audible, mirroring my own surprise. Howland Reed was if not the most loyal to my father it was said, but once they've returned from the South years ago, he has chosen to retire and stay isolated at the Neck where he became a recluse. People hardly remember what he looked like but apparently, Sansa did.

The man smiled tightly and his eyes glinted with pride. "Your wisdom precedes you, Lady Stark. But before anything else, I know I do not have to do this my lady, but I think myself wretched and with even less honor if I do not address this injustice."

I looked into her pleading eyes and smiled at her willing my eyes to tell her that she was going to get her well deserved recognition at last. I gave her hand one last press before nodding at her. "Yours is the power, my lady."

Her eyes widened and I could see both her protests and her desires welling in her eyes.

She tore her gaze from mine then bid the man proceed.

He bowed before turning around and eyeing each and everyone in the hall.

"Three moons ago we were all living in fear until that day when the face of a Stark graced Winterfell once more. With her arrival came both fear and foreign _hope_. But fear overrode all, fear for Lady Stark. No good things could ever come from this meeting with the family that betrayed hers - from the very man who killed her brother, the young wolf, the fallen King in the North. We knew that if she was to arrive as was promised, she did not do so willingly and we could hardly begrudge that - even praying that she run as far away from here as she can.

Yet she came. Our lady has returned. As I watched from the side with fear and pity for her all that vanished when I saw the look in her eyes when she greeted Lord Bolton. Her eyes were steady, her smile courteous, and I knew. Only a true Northerner can recognize what her eyes were truly saying beyond her steel mask. _'The north remembers. I remember.'_

I knew that whatever it was that compelled her to come back, she knew. She knew what she was coming back to. She knew of the possible horrors she would be facing. She knew whom these men were, both the warden and her wretched intended. She came here with eyes wide open. Yet she came here _willing_ still."

Then he paused and looked back at Sansa, arm raised in her direction.

"She came for what was taken from her. She came for Winterfell," he all but growled before continuing his passionate plea, addressing the people once more.

"And what _price_ did she pay to be lady of the house once more?" He looked accusingly around the room, daring anyone to answer and meet his eyes that filled with rage.

"Tears. Screams. _Blood_." He shouted over clenched teeth. But he wasn't done yet.

" _Where_ were _we_ when she was forced to marry her brother's murderer's bastard son? _Where_ were _we_ when her innocence was taken in the very place she was brought into the world? _Where_ were _we_ when she lost any vestige of childhood here in the very place she grew up in? Where were we when her screams and her cries echoed long and loud through every wall of this castle? Asking for help that never came? They say the North are different. _Loyal._ "

Then he softened his stance a bit as he said his last question.

"Yet where were we when she was imprisoned in her own home? Where were those pledges then?"

No one could say anything, but every head was hung in shame. The man shook his head then looked proudly at Sansa who was all but trying to keep herself from trembling.

I myself wanted to both weep and shout with rage for it was only now that everything I feared and more was sinking in at what hell my beautiful and strong sister has been subjected to.

The man walked closer to Sansa and looked at her with nothing but pride and awe before speaking once more. I don't know how much more I could take but everyone _needed_ to know this.

"And when our lady escaped I felt relief beyond myself that she is far from this hell. Yet here is and here we are. She left to come back. She left to take back what is hers. The North remembers, my lady. And it will never forget our failing and your _sacrifice_."

He knelt before Sansa. "Lady Sansa Stark, my life is at your disposal. I am not even worthy of your forgiveness but bid me what you will and it shall be _done_. I pledge to the king in the north, but I also fight for its rightful lady, its rightful queen. Eddard Stark was many things, but to me he was my one true friend for what it is worth. And the time has come for me to prove worthy of that claim."

He once again offered Sansa the wreath of winter roses and placed it on her feet.

"It doesn't amount to much but of everything I am, I, _Howland Reed_ , Lord of Greywater Watch, offer my apologies, and with it my life my lady."

Before Sansa and I could react the men were quicker. One by one with eyes lowered and heads bowed low, every last person in the room, took a rose from the cart and laid it on her feet all declaring firmly but with softness never imagined would come from hardened Northern men.

"We have wronged you lady Stark, never more. The North remembers."

And from Sansa's shaking hands I knew that she did all she could to stop from crying. But her eyes were soft. Soft for the first time in a long time.

I didn't know the full extent of her horrors, just whispers and what little she allowed me to know…and _show._ If there was one person who didn't deserve a touch of dirt on her, it was Sansa. But she was a Stark. She is more than porcelain or ivory, she was _steel._ She is winter herself. Beautiful, unrelenting, strong, and unstoppable.

And I never felt more proud of her in this moment.

I stood up and led her to stand in front of the high table before letting her go.

Slowly I bent and took the crown of winter roses and placed it on her head. I cradled her face, kissing her forehead and her cheeks before taking her hand once more and presenting her to all.

"The Queen in the North!" I proclaimed.

Again all swords were raised and proclamations followed quickly.

Brienne, who had just returned aised Oathkeeper before kneeling, "Long live the Queen in the North!"

Ser Davos did as well. "Long live the King and Queen in the North! Long live the Starks!"

" _Long live the Starks!"_

Hand-in-hand with my sister, we stood straight and proud, accepting our destiny. We were the King and Queen of the North. We were _Starks._

We shared a look before addressing them.

"When the snows fall and the white winds blow – when winter comes, the lone wolf dies…" I started.

"…but the _pack_ survives." Sansa finished.

"Winter is here," we declared in unison.


	5. Brother

_**Brother**_

It's been a tiring three days since Sansa and I were declared co-regents. Fealties and oaths were taken, positions and seats filled, and the bloody rest.

Aye there were more to sort out. We were hardly skimming the surface. But winter is here and that took precedence.

No.

It was a high priority – _paramount_ to everyone but me.

My priority came more in the form of a girl with hair kissed by fire.

A girl I haven't seen or spoken to all day. But if I'm being honest, we were too rushed into our roles that we hardly had time to speak at all these past few days.

I had just come back from the wildling encampment they have stationed temporarily along the Wolfswood, doing my rounds of our men while Sansa took it upon herself today to see to the household and the remaining guests.

Most of the lords and their men had already gone back to their keeps to regroup and prepare for the winter. Only the Knights of the Vale with _Littlefinger_ and Ser Howland Reed and a few of his men were still here. I have yet to talk to either though I would have to start with _Lord_ Baelish later. I didn't like the way he looked at Sansa. The faster I rid of him, the faster I can rest easy. If it were up to me, _Longclaw_ would be giving me another head but Sansa would call me an idiot. As much as it irritates me to seven hells, having his head wasn't smart right now.

Ser Howland Reed however was insistent that I see him in private. I will but my gut was telling me to wait until I send off Littlefinger.

But first, I have to see Sansa.

As I reached the castle I saw Podrick who immediately went to me and bowed his head. "Your grace."

I grimaced. I would never get used to that. "Pod, have you seen my sister?"

He ducked his head and blinked. "By midday she asked to retire to her chambers, your grace. She was unwell."

Worry coursed through me and I wasted no time to head towards Lady Catelyn's former chamber, which she took for her own.

When I saw that there was no one stationed at her door, a shot of irritation went over me. She must've sent them away again, stubbornly. I would have to get angry with someone again later.

I knocked and there was no answer. Dread filled me when I tried the handle to see it give at once. _No guard. No lock._

When I entered her room I was greeted at once by the warmth it was well known for but it did nothing to quell the icy fear itching its way up when I saw the room immaculate, untouched, and worst of all… _empty._

 _Where was Sansa?_

My heart was hammering away while I stood numb for a moment before I willed myself to move and move quickly.

Something was wrong.

I went out of her room quickly and grabbed the nearest person I saw in my path. "Where is your lady?"

I could see that I frightened the poor boy but I couldn't be bothered. "Y-your grace I-I-"

Then I saw a flash of white.

 _Ghost._

He blinked his red eyes at me, howled low then ran.

I left the lad and followed Ghost. He was running towards the east end I gathered while trying to match his pace.

And then it hit me.

I knew where he was taking me.

My heart dropped.

And I knew Sansa would be there.

" _Seven hells!"_

I could make out the light coming out of the single open door at the end of the corridor of the East wing.

It came from _Ramsey Bolton's_ room.

I pushed faster and finally Ghost stopped outside the door and howled. And for the first time I saw him whimper and whine.

When I finally saw it, my heart dropped once more and took off until all I could hear was the sound of my pulse and I couldn't feel anything _but_ that pulse.

I was prepared for many things but I was not prepared for _this_.

The room was thrashed and in disarray – broken pieces of wood and glass were everywhere, cloths and garments ripped and torn were on the floor – the biggest of which was a snowy white.

A single lantern on the floor illuminated little but highlighted enough evidence of the room's sacking.

But the sight of the mess was nothing compared to the smell.

It smelled of wet dog and a brothel.

 _Worse._

It smelled of _blood._

That brought me back to my senses, that and the sound of splashing water and angry scrubbing from the adjoining chamber.

That and the pleading of Sansa's loyal lady guard mixing with Ghost's whining.

I rushed through the bath chamber and as if my heart wasn't shattered enough, it broke once more and pierced me all over.

"Your grace!" Brienne exclaimed, releasing her grip on her hilt. Her eyes were panicked and desperate but I paid her no heed and gawked instead past her.

I finally found Sansa.

For all the strength she's shone as Lady of Winterfell, as Queen in the North – she was _neither_ right now.

For all our victory – _her_ triumph, in this moment they felt empty.

Here she was on the wooden bath, bare and scrubbing vigorously on her skin, her eyes shut as tight as her clenched jaw, mouth open revealing her gritting teeth. And I knew what she was doing. And I knew the sacking of the room was her doing. I knew why she was doing this and why she was doing this _here._

She needed destruction.

She needed reclaiming.

Without a second thought I was down on my knees and had my arms around her from her back to give her some modesty while I attempt to calm her. She struggled and fought as I tried as gently as possible to gather her arms and lock them against her chest with my own, my arms a cross with my hands ending on her shoulder, caging her before she scrubs her skin raw.

I held her tight to me and rocked her. "Shhh. Sansa. It's okay. I'm here. It's just me. Its just Jon. I'm here. I'm here. I'm here."

She still struggled then became lax. Surrendering.

Then I felt the hot tears on my arms.

"He's all over me Jon," she said in the smallest voice, her shame and defeat lacing them.

I held my breath.

"I can't get him off of me," she whimpered a little louder her tone both held anger and sadness.

 _What torture was this?_

Before I went mad I had to muster everything I had to take control.

I looked over at Brienne who was still here and waiting, looking as helpless as I was. "Brienne, could you please get her a fresh set of clothes and a drying cloth? Just –

Before I could finish my request I felt Sansa tense up realizing that we weren't alone, and halted her crying – her face I imagine to be her icy mask.

I made her face me and looked into her frozen eyes that hid little than what I expected – showing her own desperation and defeat. I've never seen her look so much like a child right now.

I caressed her cheek and kissed her forehead. "I'll just talk to Brienne Sansa and I'll get back to you. Alright sweetheart?"

She closed her eyes and turned her face away before giving a nod.

Hesistantly, I walked over to Brienne. "Just leave the clothes outside this door. I will bring her to my chamber in a while. Have our supper brought to our solar. Tell the people we are retiring for the day and will see no one until morning. I don't care what reason you tell them. Just make sure this floor is empty. You may wish to stand guard by the stairs if you wish but you alone and maybe Podrick for tonight."

Brienne nodded at once. "Understood, your grace."

"Oh and Brienne…" I started but she shook her head and looked me straight in the eye as an affirmation, knowing what my next request was.

 _Tell no one._

I let out a breath. "Thank you."

She closed both doors as she left and I went back right away to bring back my arms around Sansa who started sobbing – really sobbing.

The way she cried right you knew she wasn't holding back anymore.

She wept.

And wept.

And I could only hold her and whisper reassurances to her while I held my own tears.

"I can't get him off of me Jon," she repeated. "He's still here." She started to attempt clawing at her own skin, fighting my grasp but I held her tighter to me.

"He's _dead_ , Sansa. He can't hurt you anymore," I rocked her.

"No matter how hard I try, I can't scrub him off my skin. I'm _tainted_ Jon. He _ruined_ me," and another rack of sobbing and shaking took over her.

"He's right. I can't kill him. He's a part of me. He's dead but he's still _here_ ," she cried her tone frantic and horrified her hands clutching my arms over her chest.

I shook my head and crooned into her, my hands rubbing her shoulders

"No. He's dead. He's gone. Nothing remains of him. Not his body. Not his words. Not his name. We both saw to that. But you – _you_ are alive. You survived. You _fought._ You _won,_ Sansa," I answered almost pleaded to her. "He _suffered."_

"Was it _enough?"_ she spat bitterly. Then her eyes widened and she looked truly horrified and ashamed.

"I'm a _monster."_ She wailed.

"How am I different from him? When the hounds ripped him to pieces – I _smiled,"_ she was breathing shallow quick breaths now.

"How can _you_ stand me?"

Why did I choose to go out today?

I should've been here for her earlier.

Why didn't I burn this room the moment we set foot in the castle?

 _Why didn't I ride south with her the day she left for King's Landing?_

I kept on rocking her. "You are _no_ monster. You are nothing short of perfect. He deserved _worse_ than what you did. And you didn't do it alone. It's on me as well and I am not the least bit _sorry._ I want to resurrect him just so I can kill him again and again until I am sure he is at the deepest end of seven hells. It was _justice,_ Sansa. Justice was served."

"I just want to be clean," she said in a broken whisper.

And then I knew what to do.

"Sansa?"

She stilled.

"Look at me sweetling,"

Slowly she turned her head to face me and I almost faltered in my resolve.

She was so broken and it was up to me to pick up her pieces.

"Do you trust me?"

After a few beats she nodded.

I kissed her forehead long and deep, noting the coolness of her skin. If I had to do this, I had to do this fast before she truly freezes from the unheated water she's been using.

I stood up and gently made her position herself at the tub with her knees pressed to her chest and her arms around it.

She never looked so _young._

I clenched my fists.

Her eyes never looked so _old._

I took the washcloth and some of her oils and set out to do my task.

I started with her neck, then her shoulder, then her back, taking great care over her healing wounds, my tears now flowing freely, the difference she surely felt from the cool bath water but neither of us talked. I continued washing her from behind, giving her as much modesty I could.

I washed her collar then her arms one by one, kissing the back of each hand as softly as I could. And she let me. Completely in surrender, she let me.

There was no tension.

There was no strain.

There was no malice.

Just trust.

I've never felt as helpless as I was today but this was something I could do. Something only I could give her right now.

And that was to be her big brother at this moment.

This was something Robb would do.

It is right that we were hardly siblings before despite some moments that were so rare as it were.

And we were barely siblings now – family yes, but a family thrust together by circumstance, clinging to any semblance of _home._

But we were close to that.

And we had only each other.

I tried to remember the only time I felt we were truly siblings and that was when we were so much younger.

And just like before while the rest of the Stark brood were away, we found each other.

We were five and eight once more.

Yes.

Yes, I can be her brother right now.

I know I haven't been… _entirely noble_ with my thoughts of late. I catch myself in…in confusion then I draw back and curse my shame the next.

 _It wasn't right._

But it was, seven help me, so easy.

It was so easy to love her.

I knew I've always had love for her from the moment she was first brought into this world and even when she was occasionally awful growing up, I still cared for her.

I don't know why I'm even feeling shame, needing to explain to myself why I love her.

She was my sister. Of course I love her.

But.

No. No buts. No more questions.

She is my sister.

I am her brother.

I love my sister.

I pushed all the confusion away and focused on my task.

And when I made to just wash over and under her breasts she stopped me and I wondered if I went too far but she just shook her head and placed the hand holding the washcloth over her breast and nodded at me.

"It's okay," she whispered. "I _need_ you to."

So I did as I was asked. I washed every part of her, my find focused on the sole purpose of _healing._ I knew she needed this.

I swore to the old gods and the new that no one can touch her without her approval ever again. Not when that one rule has been _breeched_ over and over from men I couldn't protect her from.

Now that she was free of them, she just wanted to be _clean_ – stripped off their unwanted touch.

And my touch no matter how unworthy of her was welcome – at least in this moment. I also prayed that I was truly helping her with this, replacing some of the memories of those unwanted touches with the one she chose now. This was a touch allowed. I wanted to give her all the power of choice.

I know I've touched her skin before. I tended to her wounds after all. Showed affection in some small ways. But this was different.

I know that some scars would never heal.

But this was a start.

Cleansing was a slow process – stewing in your own filth, washing your imperfections.

I made her look at me then, my hands on her face, her own on my wrists.

 _Trust._

"Dearest, you are _not_ tainted _._ You are _not_ ruined _."_

I kissed her forehead. "You _are_ strong."

Then I kissed each of her eyelids. "You _are_ brave."

I kissed the tip of her nose. "You are _glorious_."

She opened her eyes and locked them with mine.

 _Trust._

I gripped the back of her neck. "Never let anyone tell you otherwise," I said firmly earning a tiny gasp from her.

Finally I softened my gaze and relaxed my hold. "Do you believe me?"

She took a deep breath and gave a small smile before nodding.

I grinned at her and embraced her, letting out a deep breath of my own before continuing with rinsing her. I was probably soaked through my clothes as well but it didn't matter.

When I was done I went out and saw the items I've requested from Brienne folded neatly in a stack on the floor and beside them I saw three buckets of water – warm.

I took one and bade her to close her eyes as I poured the warm water over her and a small smile appeared on my face as I saw her cold skin turn pink from it.

She was warm.

Crossing her arms over her chest she rose and I turned away slightly as I helped her out of the tub. I began to dry her skin as quickly as I could before helping her to her dressing robe then set out to dry her hair.

She insisted on dressing herself so I could change out of my wet clothes, our backs to each other.

And then she turned around and wrapped her arms around my bared middle.

"Thank you Jon," she said through my chest.

I ruffled her hair. "Let me just finish up here."

She didn't hear me. Her eyes were on my torso and I was suddenly aware of my own scarred body.

I was about to put on my tunic when she tentatively touched the scar above my heart. It was my turn to still.

She traced it lightly with her fingers, her blue eyes impossibly sad when she looked up at me.

"It doesn't bother me that much anymore," I said. A _lie._

She didn't believe me but she said nothing, just raised a finger to another scar. "Can I?"

 _Trust._

I closed my eyes, swallowed and nodded, trying to relax as I awaited her study.

Her gentle fingers traced each scar softly like whispers against my skin but her touch was deeply felt and sunk through my bones.

My eyes flew open as she lightly dropped a kiss over the scar above my heart then the next and the next.

I could only stare at her, trying my level best to keep the tears from falling for the hundredth time today.

Just as I tried to wash away all traces of abusive memories from her skin, she was replacing each thrust of betrayal on mine with her innocent kisses.

"Sansa…" I breathed out.

She looked up at me and smiled before wrapping her arms around my back once more. Immediately I reciprocated, bringing her closer and stroking her back tenderly while we both let tears flow again.

This time not from sadness.

I dropped a kiss to her head. "Let's get you to bed."

At the mention of bed she stilled.

I nuzzled her cheek. "I won't leave you alone tonight."

She looked up at me then and beamed and it was like staring at the sun.

I did this. I grinned.

With a surprised gasp from her, I picked her up and started carrying her, her arms instinctively wrapping around my neck.

"Jon! I can walk," she exclaimed.

"I know but let me do this for you. Just let me take care of you sweetheart," I pleaded.

She searched my eyes and finally understood that as much as she needed to feel taken care of, I needed to make her feel that I _wanted_ to be the one to take care of her.

She nodded and tucked her head under my chin and held my neck tighter. When we were at the threshold between the bath chamber and the bedroom, I could feel her stiffen.

I nudged her to bury her face on my chest and held her tighter. "Don't look."

I kissed her head once more. "I have you."

She nodded into my chest then relaxed a bit.

I forced myself to avoid looking at the trashed bedroom I swore to burn down first thing tomorrow and quickly walked away from its wretchedness.

Never again.

Never again will I allow her to be caged and used.

She will know choice.

She will know power.

And she will have them.

I swear it to the old gods and new.

With her safe and warm in my arms right now, I also want her to know another thing.

As I cast a glance at her half-asleep form, finally looking peaceful, the soft glow of torchlight making her lovely and delicate, I swore another oath.

I will probably never live up to her image of father or Robb but I swear I would die trying to be the knight from her songs.

I would probably never be the knight she deserved, that would always be Robb's place, or the prince she used to dream about, but I would be the protector she needs.

With everything I had, I would do my damnedness to make my sister believe in songs again.

* * *

 _ **AN:**_ _I thought I would never write an author's note ever again and just let the story speak for itself untouched (and I do apologize, unbeta'd) by my outside influence because from experience I dare say too much. But I just want to say thank you for the support!_

 _And I'm sorry you don't get a flashback in this chapter. The purpose of the flashbacks was to complement the scenes from the show and given this chapter is already beyond the series (and quite long already), I thought it would be better to stay in the present. Maybe the next one would be solely a flashback of a longer memory. But as Jon said, they don't have a lot so I'm still thinking._

 _This story will still be an evolution of feelings but I want them to take their time. And given as I've said, they are mostly Jon's thoughts, this doesn't have a strict timeline, though so far it's moving forward._

 _Oh and just in case… I hope you got the innocence of this scene. Sure Jon had flicker of confusion but he pushed it out very quickly and did his task._

 _Much love._


	6. Sister

_**Sister**_

 _Hiding away at the top of the abandoned tower sulking was unbecoming of a boy of ten and one. But then again, everything a_ bastard _does is unbecoming so what difference does it make?_

 _I sighed and relaxed my position. I kept my right knee bent while I stretched out the other fully as I sat on the floor and leant my head back to rest on the wall, keeping my eyes shut._

 _No one would be looking for me._

 _At least, not for a while anyway._

 _I held my position and just reveled in the silence._

 _I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food…_

 _My stomach grumbled._

 _So much for not regretting missing midday meal. Stomach you betray me so…_

 _Where was I? I always have food on my table, which my pride lost me now, and most of all… I have a family. Yes I was…different and in Lady Stark's eyes – the interloper but still I have more than most. I should be grateful._

 _And I am._

 _It's just that it… stings to be reminded that I am the sole smirch of honor and that I do not have a mother, much less know who she was even once in a while. And on some days the sting feels more like a burn. A slow consuming burn._

 _And today was particularly that kind of day._

 _I was too lost in my anger and depression that I didn't notice right away that I wasn't alone anymore._

" _Well I'll be buggered. Our little sister was right that I would find you here, in her words,_ brooding."

 _I opened my eyes and grumbled at Robb._

" _Shouldn't you be down there entertaining the other little lords and ladies who came to visit?" I muttered._

 _Robb's kind eyes flashed with sympathy before he dropped down beside me and shrugged. "Oh they're… occupied right now. There's enough time to sneak in and drag my brother from himself."_

 _I snorted. "Maybe you're just trying to avoid getting into a betrothal with one of the sisters." I wouldn't blame him. Though they were pleasant to look at, they would surely still look pleasant as they geld them if crossed. Especially the one with green hair…I shivered._

 _He chuckled at that then sighed. "Maybe."_

" _Speaking of sisters. You mentioned our sister? Was it Arya?"_

 _His eyes glinted knowingly as his lazy grin spread over his face in that shite-eating grin I couldn't trust while he shook his head once. "Oh it wasn't Arya."_

 _I blinked at him then as realization and surprise dawned on me. "Sansa?"And suddenly the word 'brooding' in her teasing voice comes to mind. I almost smiled._

 _He nodded and grinned wider. "There we were, Father, Arya and I looking for you while still being polite to guests all through the meal but we were clearly failing. That was when after the meal while I was again forced to entertain the young Manderlys when Sansa excused me from them and pulled me aside."_

 _He paused and chuckled. "It was the oddest thing. As soon as the coast was clear, Arya ran off looking for you while father was already asking the men. Then there she was, looking up at me and asked 'You have no idea where he is do you?'"_

" _So naturally I asked her if she saw you and she shook her head saying that she didn't see where you went exactly but she had an idea where you were," he explained._

 _My eyes widened at that. "So she told you you'd find me here?"_

 _He nodded gleefully. "Yes! I had my doubts of course like how would she ever know? I mean you two aren't exactly, well, you know. But before I could ask her she shoved this at me." He then dropped a warm bundle on my lap._

" _Then she walked over to the Manderly sisters and their young uncle and pulled them to go to gods know where with a nod at me to go."_

 _I was barely listening the moment he gave me the bundle. I knew immediately it was food. What intrigued me was what it was wrapped with. By the delicate blue silk with blue roses and vines, I knew this could only be Sansa's kerchief. When I unwrapped the bundle, I saw a piece of bread and three pieces of lemon cake._

 _And suddenly my eyes began to prick at the corners while my body warmed at the thought that Sansa not only knew where I was but also knew I would be hungry._

 _As I struggled to not tear up, I couldn't keep from smiling._

" _Wow. She gave you her lemon cakes. I bet you she smuggled them for herself then for some reason thought to give them to you instead," Robb whistled._

 _I jumped at that. He's right! "Then you should give them back. These are her favorite!" But as I said that my traitor stomach growled in protest._

 _Robb smacked my back and laughed. "You will insult her if you give them back and end up enemies again. Just eat the damn things. Seven bless her, we didn't even think of smuggling you some food that you missed. You are one lucky prick."_

 _Then he eyed me suspiciously. "Wait, does she owe you a favor? Or do you owe her?"_

 _I shook my head. "Course not. We don't talk, much less owe favors."_

 _He smiled slowly then and shook his head. "Course. Maybe it's an olive branch?"_

 _I shrugged. Still unbelieving and still by the seven, touched._

 _He stood up and wiped the dirt of his breeches. "Well, it could just be from the bottom of her tender loving heart," he smiled proud and wistful. Oh he was on 'my Princess Sansa' can do no wrong mode._

 _I chuckled at that. "Sure it is. That's all there is then. Love for her_ half-brother _she so loves to call me so."_

 _He clucked at that. "Sansa is many things but beneath all that, my little princess has the purest heart. And you'd know that if you gave her a chance. Sansa is not the most affectionate, she's too much of a lady for that, but my beautiful little girl could be the sweetest thing – you should be grateful – "_

 _I raised my hands in surrender. "Alright. And I am. Grateful I mean. And Sansa is the maiden of the purest heart. Stop gushing about." I chuckled._

 _Giving my foot a playful shove with his boot he bid his leave. "Tell that to her. I'm not ashamed of praising my princess. You should know, the way you spoil Arya! Anyway, I've hid too long and you…well, you should eat fast then announce your presence soon or you'll be hearing from father."_

 _I grumbled in reply as he left._

 _Finally alone once more, I stroked the smooth fabric of the kerchief and picked up one of the sweet cakes and took a bite smiling through it all. Despite being a total ice queen at me, Sansa didn't hate me. It's a little bittersweet that it had to take a bad day for me for her to show any sign of care._

 _When I went out and saw her, I waited until I caught her eye to maybe gesticulate if I could talk to her but she only eyed me long and…neutral and gave a slight shake of her head. No. My heart sank and my cheeks reddened from the rejection but still I gave her a grateful smile. She blinked, gave a soft nod then walked quickly past me._

 _It was a dismissive gesture that could've hurt had it not been for the glimpse of the tiny lift of one corner of her mouth before it disappeared along with her._

 _By the heavy cluck from the open walkway upstairs, I didn't need to look up to see Lady Stark's disapproving scowl._

 _I made my way quickly then, still with the smile on my face._

 _Even after all these years and all that ice between us, my sister still knew me and in her own way, showed me she still cared._

 _I would have to think of something to repay her kindness and show my gratitude._

* * *

I woke up shaking and sweating, my frantic eyes getting drowned by the deepest blues, centering me until I focused until all I could see were the depths of concern and worry from Sansa's big blue eyes.

I blinked and took deep breaths, suddenly aware of a small hand on my bare shoulder forcing calmness from its warmth.

I shut my eyes while I tried to steady myself.

I felt the bed dip from the weight as Sansa moved behind me, my body tensing in surprise when her arms wound around my middle, her chest pressed to my back, while her chin anchoring itself on my shoulder and suddenly my senses were assaulted with nothing but her warmth and the smell of lavender.

At that familiar scent and warmth that I have had the good fortune to know that only Sansa could exude, I finally relaxed and leaned in to her, my hands at first tentatively covering her own before tightening, grasping almost desperately to hold on to the thought that this was real – that she was real. I know that the right thing to do was to swallow my distress and let her go in peace. She doesn't need to see this. She's been helping me enough and this was a battle should face myself but this night…this night I was desperate. How can dreaming of lemon cakes escalate into stabbing?

My memories and dreams have been merging and separating, one good one before distorting into nightmares.

"It'll get better…eventually," she broke the silence. "I'm here until then, Jon if you'll let me…"

I opened my eyes let out a deep breath, debating whether to extract her from myself or lean in closer knowing full well which one would win this time. "I don't want to trouble you…" But as I said that, my arms wrapped over hers tighter.

She shook her head against my shoulder, her ear scraping against mine that I shivered. "You're not. You've been chasing away my nightmares to the point that I hardly get them now. I want to help you too Jon. I feel so bad I haven't been doing much."

I smiled and patted her hand. "Sansa, you have. Truly you don't even know it. You've been helping me plenty. And I don't have nightmares that often now."

She stilled and a pause lingered in the air before she spoke again. "But you have…at nights where we don't sleep next to each other…I could hear you crying out. Or rather, I could feel your restlessness. You do try your best to suffer in silence… And on those nights I wanted to run to you and offer what I can but I know how you would react. You would send me away and deal on your own," she admitted.

Sighing, I thought it over. "Aye. You don't need another burden to carry."

"I've been carrying the burden of the North on my shoulders and my duty as a Stark. It is a travesty and a failing on my part if can't share the burden of the one I care about the most," she said softly.

My heart softened at her words and started picking up while unsuspecting tears started welling up my eyes. Sansa has never been affectionate growing up, at least not outwardly and has always been reserved as a lady should be so I knew that it took so much for her to show this tenderness.

Before I knew it a sob rose in my chest that I could not contain.

She pressed herself tighter to me and nuzzled my cheek, her actions saying more than words.

Others take my strength and all fucking patriarchal ideals. How many times has she brought down her shield and be vulnerable to me? Here was Sansa, willing to help me. What was stopping me from losing all defenses?

At this moment what was stopping me?

Releasing a staggering breath I finally let go of my reigns on my tears.

 _Nothing._

 _Nothing at all._

So I cried. I shook. I wept. I mourned.

Finally, finally…

All the pent up feelings I could finally let them go.

I wept for the betrayal that lead to my death at the hands of my brothers. I fought for what I believe was right yet it only ended with my death. I could still feel each stab to my gut.

 _For the Watch._ They echoed.

 _For the Watch._ They stabbed.

The pain that pierced and lingered wasn't from the knives.

How could they betray me when time and time again I chose the Watch over love?

I chose it over my father's imprisonment. I chose it over Robb's war. I chose it over my sisters hostaging at the Keep. I chose it over Ygritte who told and showed me how to live first before we died.

 _Love is the death of duty._

Maester Aemon's words rang in my mind.

I chose duty but death followed all that I have loved anyway.

 _If the day should ever come when your lord father was forced to choose between honor on the one hand and those he loves on the other, what would he do?_

 _He would do whatever it was right. No matter what. I answered._

I have always chosen what I thought was right but I only ended up betrayed and dead.

Was it worth it?

I wept for Father.

I wept for Robb.

I wept for whatever danger and hardship Bran and Arya must be facing that I cannot protect them from if they were even alive as it is.

I wept for even Lady Catelyn.

I wept for Uncle Benjen… for Lord Commander Mormont…My fallen brothers…

I wept for Ygritte.

I wept for having to execute Olly.

I wept the loudest for Rickon who was within my grasp but slipped away.

But I wept the most for Sansa.

How can someone so beautiful and pure be subjected to the worse kind of treachery? And how can she still have room in her broken heart to care for me so much? She is so much stronger than I am.

Through it all she never let me go, only hold me closer. When I was quieting down, she started to rock me gently and began singing softly to my ear, soothing me.

 _How can she still give so much?_

I don't deserve her.

I didn't listen when she desperately wanted me to and that almost brought about our defeat. And most of all, I wasn't able to prevent the scars on her back and her mind. Yet she keeps on giving despite having almost everything taken from her. She would have gladly given me the reigns as sole regent of the North and she would've done anything to help me keep the crown.

 _The North doesn't even deserve her._

How can they abandon her in her time of need? How can they sleep at night knowing what she was going through and not doing anything to stop it?

She was too kind, too strong, too intelligent, and too _honorable._ I can see in her eyes that she wants nothing but to rebuild Winterfell – rebuild the North that was taken from her and make it better.

Not one of the Northmen deserves that devotion.

To make things worse, they talk.

 _Twice married._

 _Accused of kingslaying._

 _Lady Lannister._

 _Lady Bolton._

 _I heard her back was ruined with scars._

 _Flayed and beaten._

I wanted to take their tongues or make them bow to her and grovel with apologies. Yet she kept on, head held high, and eyes sharp, her words sharper still with a calm and grace they did not deserve.

Yet as they turned a blind eye before, now all they could look at is her, praising her and clamoring for her favor.

It makes me ill and spiteful.

She didn't need this.

Maybe it's not too late to spirit her far away from here.

If only we didn't have more enemies now.

 _I'm so tired._

 _So very tired of fighting._

But how can I not swear my sword and my life to Sansa when she has suffered through battles far crueler than any could ever imagine all on her own and still have some more fight left?

No, the North doesn't deserve her but she _deserves_ the kingdom and more.

I couldn't help myself from the surge of affection and love for Sansa that I had to see her eyes. I loosened her hold on me and faced her, my hands cupping her face.

Her impossibly blue eyes met mine full of compassion, kindness, and understanding. She didn't move and just kept my gaze steady.

I wanted to ask her how she was doing it. Why does she need to keep on giving?

I brought her to me then, finally having my arms around her, inhaling her calming scent, and reveling in her warmth.

She started rubbing my back and my arm.

She was so wrong. She has helped me too many times to count. Even though our memories together were rare and few, they were the ones that mattered.

I think I've really only met her when she was five.

At five she understood my wishes that so closely mirrored her own.

At five she stood up for me.

At five she let me for the first time in my life be vulnerable in front of another when she let me cry.

At eight without having to do it herself, she found me and fed me when I needed to be found and fed.

At ten and one she taught me how to talk to girls.

And so much more. They were little things, too fleeting, but they were _more._

And now at eight and one, bruised yet beautiful, vulnerable yet strong she not only gave me back a piece of home when she came back to my life but she gave me _more._

She gave me family. She gave me home. She gave me Winterfell. She gave me a fucking kingdom!

"I'm sorry Jon."

I stiffened and pulled away at abruptly, not doing anything to keep my anger from showing. "Sansa – " I started but she shook her head.

"Please hear me out. I'm apologizing because I have been selfish," she said sadly.

I looked at her incredulously then. What nonsense!

She looked away and started to shrink. "I know you're tired. Tired of fighting. Tired battling other people's wars. And you were right to declare that your watch has ended and with it your duty. I know you wanted to be rid of it all and I can't blame you for that. Still, I made you fight anyway. I made you go through it all. Not really thinking that much that of course you would still be reeling from the betrayal you suffered… and your resurrection…"

"Sansa I – "

She looked at me then silencing me. "No. I knew you wanted to take me somewhere else. Somewhere where we could be new people. I did consider it. If you dragged me to that somewhere, I would've been furious but I would never hate you, not ever." She gave a tiny smile before looking up my eyes, bringing one hand to cover my wrist.

"But I'm tired of running, Jon. It's all I've done. Evade and hide – that was always my… _game._ I had to hide under lies and run when I could only to get caught and trapped in gilded cages one smaller and more suffocating than the other and made to sing songs for their pleasure…" her tone caught a bitter edge and laced with anger.

Then her eyes softened. "Then I saw you and I saw family and I saw hope. I would've gone to this war myself but I didn't want to do it without you - my last living link to _home._ Eventually, if I knew I had no means to go to this war I would've followed you if you'd let me. You're _home,_ Jon. And I'm sorry, truly sorry for forcing all of these on you…" Her eyes started to well in tears that I abruptly caught frantically shaking my head again and again.

I steadied her gaze with mine, cradling her face firmly but as gently as I could. "Sansa, I would've followed you everywhere. The moment I saw you at Castle Black, I swore that I would never be parted from family again. I swore to take care of you. It didn't matter what I wanted. Only your safety and your happiness matters. Everywhere, Sansa."

She looked at me with a mix of awe and…guilt?

"Do you know why I didn't tell you about meeting with Littlefinger and about the Knights of the Vale?"

I swallowed. "That's in the past."

"No you have to know."

"Then why?"

"Tell me true, Jon. When we were starting our campaign, even before we left the Wall, did you really think we could win?"

My mouth opened and closed.

Her lips trembled. "And when we were refused, House after House, with the exception of the 62 from Bear Island and the few others, did you think we could win then?"

I still said nothing.

"And after the parley… after the final planning… did you think we could win then? I know you've said that battles have been won against greater odds but did you truly believe in your words then?"

Tears began pouring freely now, running through her cheeks. "And when you told me you promised to protect me and not let Ramsey touch me again, do you really think you could?" Her voice breaking near the end undoing me.

I let go of her face then and let out a breath of frustration, my hand rubbing my face while the other went to my hair. "What do you want me to say? You already know the answer!" I yelled out.

I must've looked the pinnacle of anger that I saw the fright in her eyes and she instinctively flinched away and at that the fright went to my own eyes at the horror that I scared her.

"No, no, no Sansa I would never – I would never hurt you!" I reached out a hand at her. She looked at it then relaxed a bit.

"I didn't tell you because of what I saw in your eyes," she said slowly, her sad eyes lifting to meet mine.

I drew in a breath and waited as my nerves coursed through me.

"I saw that you were determined. I saw you were one with me in wanting our family avenged. I never doubted your resolve to make my well being a priority. I saw you wanted to win that battle with all your strength and heart… but I also saw in your eyes that you would _die_ for the cause. To your last breath, you would've died fighting for my honor, for our family's honor."

She touched her fingers to my cheek gently before withdrawing. "I saw you didn't fear death."

Her words finally sunk in. And I was beginning to understand.

"How could you protect me when you're dead?" her voice pained and small sending knives into me more painful than the ones I've actually received.

"I knew you went to the Red Lady. And I don't need to ask what your purpose was to see her."

I couldn't deny it. So I just kept silent, waiting for her to finish.

"If there was anything I trusted more its trusting that you would die doing what's right. That's why I had to move against that. How can I trust someone who values his life so little? It's not courage that propels a man to not fear death. It is recklessness. Especially to me when all I've been learning to do is survive. And if I had offered my knowledge to you, I do not think you would've agreed to take the offer, not when you know its price. Then what would happen then? Jon? You didn't listen to me then. So I had to have a final card in my hand. I had to do it Jon. It was the only way to ensure our victory!" the distress evident in her tone.

"You fought. You lost. And you wanted to rest. I get that. I really do. But don't you think I've been fighting too?" She said exasperated. "You're tired of fighting. I understand more than you know but… But I'm more tired of _losing._ I've had enough of being scared all the time. And I was scared. I'm still scared. But then… then I was _terrified."_

Her eyes glistened with tears but burned with painful honesty. "I was _terrified."_ She was trembling so much now that I wanted nothing more but to pull her into my arms but she held me paralyzed. _"_ I was so scared then Jon. You have to understand. Because even if I could win the fight with or without your help, I _need_ you… " she spoke softly.

She placed her hands on the sides of my face. "I. _Need_. You." She stressed each word with a desperation I could understand as it mirrors my own.

"Just as you were ready to die for me, I was ready to do _anything_ to keep you alive. I don't _need_ your life. I need _you_. I needyou _alive_ ," her trembling hands clutched at my face before falling away at her sides as she moved away, her eyes downcast.

"It's the only way I'll ever feel safe…" she whispered, defeated and guilty, her arms coming to wrap around herself in preservation. Finally the truth was out.

Of course.

Of course without me she would never be safe. That was the truth. She would win without me but she would win with a price. She would've ousted the Boltons. She would've reclaimed Winterfell. But she would still be vulnerable to manipulations – to _men…_ Brienne would be her sword and shield but she would not be able to protect Sansa from the treachery of court…and _Littlefinger._

Without another word I gathered her tightly to me, my hands on the back of her head and her back, my face pressed on top of hers as we both sobbed against each other, her tears running hot on my bare chest, washing over my scars.

"Will you forgive my selfishness?" she mumbled, her lips ghosting over my skin light as a whisper yet deep in their thrusts of pain at guilt for ever placing her mistrust in me as something that was so far from her truth.

I kissed the crown of her head. "Stop it. Stop it right now. I'm the foolish one. And you are far from being selfish. You have the right to want everything! You _deserve_ it all."

"If we ran away we could be safe. I know you'll do everything to keep me safe. But I _wanted_ this. Vengeance. Justice. Reclaiming. Gods I wanted it all. And I wanted you to want it too. But to be able to have it all I needed you, Jon. And I know you. Even if I know you didn't want to fight anymore, I _pushed_ you to. And now I see you everyday carrying the North that called you bastard all your life… I see you carrying _me_ when I've been nothing but an ass to you…"she continued, ignoring my words.

"You are the only one I trust completely now Jon."

I brought her face to look at me. Her eyes remained closed and tight with guilt.

"Look at me."

She shook her head.

"Sansa, _look_ at _me,"_ I said more forcefully.

When she finally did I willed my eyes to communicate to her the depth of my devotion to her. "Of all the things I've ever regretted in my life, following you is not one of them. If anyone should be sorry it should be _me."_

She was about to protest when I cut her off.

"No. I should've listened to you earlier on and maybe you wouldn't have to be forced to make a deal with the devil. We would've found a way _. Together_."

I caressed her cheek. "And after all you've been through… you were right to ensure your safety."

"But Sansa, you don't need me as much as you think you do. Look at you. Look at what you've accomplished. All of this – the North, your life, _my life_ – it's all because of _you._ You are more capable than you think. And now I understand that if you won this without me, you would be vulnerable to the court and to ambitious men but you dearest are too determined to be captured again."

I wiped her tears and smiled at her. "I am in awe of you."

Her cheeks began to warm beneath my fingers.

She blinked and was starting to protest but I stopped her. "You are more than capable of ruling alone, Sansa but now you wouldn't need to. As long as I'm alive, I will never abandon you."

"And you weren't truly awful to me Sansa. If you were truly awful, would you have sent Robb to give me your lemon cakes?" I lifted my mouth a bit, coaxing a smile from her.

Her eyes lighted then she let out a soft laugh before crinkling her nose in embarrassment.

I grinned.

"I can't believe you remember that!"

"Oh I remember plenty. And even if I was ignored all my life and pushed to the sidelines, I always look. I always see. And I know you enough that nothing much would make you part from your lemon cakes so imagine my surprise," I teased.

She swatted my chest and laughed a true laugh that I joined. "I felt bad that maybe mother sent you away from dining with our guests. But when Robb started looking for you I knew you weren't at the hall because you chose not to be there. I knew you were brooding again and missing the meal because of it."

She laughed again. "It was so funny. Robb and Arya even father had no idea where you've gone off." She eyed me. "You know father had some men looking for you while we ate."

I groaned then smiled. "But _you_ knew where I was."

She blushed but a pleased smile was fighting its way out as a lock of hair fell on her face.

I tucked that strand behind her ear and grinned wider when she tried to lean away, and fidget from embarrassment. This shy Sansa was too adorable. How could I miss this before?

"How did you know where I was?"

She played with her braid and scratched her nose before shrugging. "I had three guesses."

At her words I suddenly burst out laughing. "Course. I only had three real hiding spots I would alternate with didn't I?" And only Sansa was able to find me in all three I didn't speak aloud. Of course.

She smirked at me.

"Then why the lemon cakes?"

"Oh so you would know that it was _me_ naturally," she grinned. "Not Robb your best mate, not Arya your shadow who found you, but _me."_ She cocked an eyebrow."… _half-brother."_ She added cockily. She said in jest but her eyes wavered a bit, testing to see if she crossed a line.

I cringed my nose and shook my head as I laughed. I knew she said that without a trace of malice but only with jest. "Aren't _you_ pleased…"

Her grin grew and finally her eyes were bright. "Oh more than you know."

"I was surprised at first but then I wasn't. That talent of yours of course. But if anything, you did that so see _their_ surprise. Can you picture it? How in the world could _you_ know and not them?"

She let out a giggle that she tried to cover with her hand. It disarmed me for a minute. I wanted to hear it again.

"Oh you should've seen them after. They were goading me. Accusing me of having a secret friendship with you. Arya more than Robb anyway. Robb was incredibly mirthful of the possibility that we could get along but Arya took it hard you know and has since then followed me like a hawk for weeks!"

"Oh but how wrong they were," she smirked then she frowned. "I made sure of that."

I flicked her nose. "Hey none of that. Your mother would've sent me to the Wall faster if she knew you were friendly with me."

She looked at me then, gauging the truth but letting it go, gracing a smile. "They rounded me too, asking how I could possibly know. And I only told them that it wasn't my fault that they weren't very observant. A true lady of the house would know where everything and everyone is."

I chortled. "Naturally, your highness."

She kept her smirk. "Seeing their confusion and your… _keenness_ to show your gratitude pleased me so. I'm a little proud I was able to do right by you even for a moment."

"You should be. You single-handedly turned my day around," I admitted.

Her eyes shone and the firelight only made her blue eyes sparkle even more, her hair mussed a little yet still glowed like warm coppers. Sansa has always been beautiful but she has never looked beautiful as now that I have the pleasure of having her kind eyes directed at _me_ that I had the urge to step closer.

And I did.

I reached out and took her hand and placed it over my heart, my hand keeping it there. "Just like you've done right now."

Her mouth dropped, her face flushed, and her eyes shone with something I could not catch before slowly she smiled a toothless smile yet spoke of tenderness.

"It's nice."

"What is?"

"Making you smile and laugh for a change?" she shrugged, her eyes holding questions and answers.

I could only stare. Who was this person in front of me? Why haven't I had the pleasure of meeting her earlier? Was this really Sansa? No. Was this really Sansa being kind to me?

"You're going to be just fine, Jon. Like most of my demons, yours will disappear with time too. I already know you aren't only just brave but you are also gentle and most of all, strong. And best of all, your people _know._ They chose their king and they've chosen well," she said willing me to believe.

I choked but disguised it with a forceful cough. "You regard me too much. Everyone knows you're the one running the show. I'm just the brawn to your brain."

She shook her head. "It may seem like that but I have to work a bit harder to make them follow me… make them _love_ me as I swore I would do should I be queen. Unlike you, you inspire them so much already just being who you are that they would follow you to the ends of the world. The people may respect me but they _love_ you."

I blinked rapidly, willing to stop my tears from betraying me. "Sansa – "

"The Wildlings are devoted to you. You made Ser Davos believe in you enough to find a means to give you a second life. Not everyone of your brothers at the Wall betrayed you, there were those willing to die for you while they stood watching over your body. You gave hope to the North and Jon they crowned _you."_

Then she chuckled. "Of course, you are naïve, reckless, and broody with barely passable courtly manners – "

"Oy!"

"And your dancing skills are as shameful as trying to ward of eager young ladies and you tend to be incredibly rude at eager young lads who so much as just look at me. But…"

She let out a deep sigh before smiling. "But being great at any of that is not what makes a king."

What could I possibly reply to that but with just a grateful smile?

"Thank you Sansa," I spoke finally, pouring all of my feelings into those three words.

She nodded then looked me over before grinning at me.

"Arya was right," she said.

I cocked my head. "About what?"

"You bring out the best in people. You have the warmest heart."

Before I could make anything from her words she reached up and kissed my cheek then walked over to the door leaving me red and unmoving, my eyes following what my feet could not.

"It's late. I do hope you feel better now Jon. Get some rest. I'll see you in the morning."

I could only nod at her as she disappeared behind the door, her footsteps soft as she made her way to her chambers.

At the sound of her door closing I was brought back to my senses.

Touching the cheek that was still warm from her kiss I grinned.

Thinking back to that night - that _room_ I thought that I would work and fight harder to keep her from her own terrors. I feared each waking moment that something might break and pull her down once more – I fear losing her to that darkness. I was too focused on her to neglect my own. But as this night has proven just as that time I hid in the tower years ago, circumstances may come between us but I would never lose my sister.

Or rather she wouldn't lose me with that talent of hers.

I snorted. She would never allow it.

She would always find me.

But I promise now, she wouldn't have to.

I'll never leave.

She is mine to protect and I am hers to command for as long as she needs and even then.

She may think me a king, but I still bow to her.

And just like that time she sent me her lemon cakes, Sansa chased away all the cold and darkness that wanted to consume me this night, replacing them with nothing but the brightness of her blue eyes and the warmth of her smile.

I wanted to tell her so many things but before I could I would have to understand them myself first…

But tomorrow I would make sure to tell her that Robb was right.

" _Well, it could just be from the bottom of her tender loving heart," Robb smiled proud and wistful._

Her beauty was a reflection of her lovely heart.


	7. The First Step

_**The First Step**_

It's been a sennight and half since that room where all that remains for now was nothing but ashes and soot – the room quickly filled in and walled up to be forgotten. And a few days since that night she held me in my room bringing me inexplicable strength to face everyday.

There were still too much to fix and sort I wonder if we'll be able to finish all of this before the Others come.

But at least, in the midst of this chaos of impending war and ruling the North, Sansa was slowly coming out of her impenetrable shell.

She smiled few but smiled more – and _true_. Not one of those masks she puts on in the face of the court.

She was even laughing.

Her eyes were brighter, her hair shone like burned copper, and she was eating more, filling in the hollowed out spaces, sharpness to softness.

And her wounds were healing, some of her scars were fading…

She was breathing again.

 _And so was I._

And I thought that alone was enough to make me happy but there was more.

While little by little, she showed me herself in her vulnerability – trusting me with her demons, allowing to be cared for finally… she also showed me glimpses of the gentleness of her heart.

But nothing made me prouder when she stands before the court.

Even this early, Sansa you could see was a just ruler. She listened to all before making her responses. And when she spoke, she spoke well with a grace unmeasured. But when thwarted she was ice.

A ruling Sansa was a Sansa in her element.

She was truly born to be Queen.

I wonder if she knows that.

 _"Did I say the right thing?" "Was I too harsh?" "I don't think they like me." "Have I offended them?"_

She would ask every time when we are left alone and her shields lowered to me. And I would always tell her that she did well and that I promised I would tell her if she didn't as long as she returned the favor.

Because though I felt unworthy to be ruling beside her but she would always do things to make me lose that feeling. And because of that, she makes me want to try – to do better.

So little by little, we worked together, picking up the pieces of our home while preparing for the worse yet to come.

But before it came, I wanted to make the most of this short time of peace to make her happy and safe before I go off and fight once more. I may be busy – we may be busy but I swore to the old gods and new that I would make time for this – make time for _her_.

I don't know if I'll be able to come back alive from that war but I had to ensure that I leave Sansa healed.

 _That doesn't mean I wouldn't swear to do my damnedness to get back to her._ I had every reason to come back. I could promise her that much. None of that dying for the cause nonsense, I knew better now.

I sighed. She's had so little happiness these past few years that I had to try and give her as many as I could while we still can.

It started with my hunt for lemons. Her name day was approaching and seven hells can come but she will have her lemon cakes. I wanted it to be a surprise but she found out I was commissioning lemons.

She chastised me for the impracticality of course. _"Lemons in the middle of winter? Honestly Jon!"_ But that didn't stop her from giving me the brightest smile.

Still I was stubborn and the lemons would arrive in time because before she left me after a litany of the absurdity of my commission, she paused and gave a bashful smile. "But thank you. You are sweet but it isn't necessary. But, yes, thank you."

It was going to be worth it.

Then I swallowed my pride and asked Ser Davos to teach me courtly manners discretely. And also… how to make ladies smile properly. Almost like wooing but not. I don't know. I just wanted to know what I could do to make her smile like before when we were younger. She used to believe in knights and princes after all. I thought it would be nice if I could give some of that back to her.

The old man laughed at that but smiled kindly in understanding. He knew of my sister's torments. There was no helping the mouths that traveled in the castle.

"Aye after all that, your sister deserves some tenderness. But from what I hear there are eager lords seeking to woo her already and she is never without a compliment –

He stopped when he saw my face. I do not want to get started with talks of proposals. There was no one worthy of her and she's just starting to heal.

"Not that she pays them any attention of course." He chortled. "Her grace's icy eyes only thaws for your wolf, her Lady guard, and you, your grace. I don't think you even need to do so much. She's already most pleased when she's with you," he said.

"Aye but I need to do more," I replied. "She deserves so much. I am desperate."

He sighed. "Your grace, I guess the first thing would be to relearn your manners and just be a gentleman. It wouldn't hurt to compliment her. And flowers sometimes help. Though I heard that we shall be receiving a large commission of lemons already." He grinned.

I rubbed my face and huffed in embarrassment.

He smacked my back. "Just be yourself your grace and be her older brother. I've been regaled with stories of how your brother Robb doted on your sister so and scared many a lads who so much as looks at her. Maybe you can take it from there."

Be an older brother.

Yes. Yes a brother. I swallowed and focused.

With Bran and Rickon it was easy, and Arya was a different matter. But how to be an older brother to Sansa? Ser Davos pointed out Robb and that was a smart suggestion. Robb was the perfect older brother especially to her.

So that was how it went about. It started with thinking of what Robb used to do for his princess until eventually I was finding ways on my own. I knew my attempts were passable with some small victories but if I did horribly, she never let me know. Her true smiles may still be reserved to everyone, but to my delight, she spares no reserve for me.

We still have a long way to go but the trust was there. The past nights saw to that. There were still many things we need to speak of to each other and our interactions less awkward but awkward still but gods there was trust. The only ones we trusted with our scars was each other after all. And slowly we were healing with each other.

My smile fell when I remembered that while she may be my priority, I still had others. So now I had to force myself to go back to other things that need my attention as I've put it off too long.

Making a mental list of my duties, the top would be talking to the two Lords. Peter Baelish left momentarily to go to Moat Cailin to bring in the rest of cavalry from the Vale and would be back soon. Thank the seven though for this temporary respite from his vile presence! To his credit, he let us go about this time to focus on the aftermath left from the battle and not interfere much. Yet I knew the snake was whispering in Sansa's ear but I trust Sansa to hold her own at least until my patience wears thin or he goes too far. She still hasn't told me what they spoke about in the Godswood as my men reported to have seen, but the way she flinches at his name it wasn't good. So from then on I had him followed. I trust Sansa but I sure as hell don't trust him. He just needed to give me a good excuse to use Ghost or Longclaw at him.

But now with him gone, I was due an audience with Ser Howland Reed this evening. He's been adamant but seemed agreeable to wait until the snake left.

I was on my way yet I couldn't resist going to Sansa's chambers first. I haven't seen her all day...

* * *

"You never did say goodbye."

I looked at her abruptly but I didn't meet her gaze as her eyes were trained downward, looking at her tankard, tracing its rim with one delicate finger.

It was just as well because had she had her eyes on me all she would've seen was my mouth opening and failing to form words.

She looked at the fire, somehow expecting my silence when she continued.

"To me, I mean." She started slowly and almost in a whisper.

"You said goodbye to Robb with one of your man clasps when he saw you off…" She recounted. "Then you shared a word with our father afterwards… But before that, back at home, you ruffled Rickon's hair when you found him playing with Shaggydog and Ghost, before giving both wolves treats… you gave Arya what would probably be the greatest present she has ever received…" she looked at me then briefly. "Oh I knew about _Needle_." She said matter-of-factly before continuing, eyes back down.

"You even braved mother to insist you see Bran and said your farewells to his sleeping form…"she said slowly, pausing to stroke Ghost's fur as he leaned in to her touch.

"In a way… you even said your farewells to mother…"

Then she smiled at Ghost when he nuzzled his nose to her cheek before the corners of her mouth shifted into one of the saddest most heart shattering smile I've ever had the misfortune of seeing, hating myself that I put it there.

"But not to me…" she said softly.

My chest ached because it was true.

And because I failed to understand how this slipped by me.

Did I merely forget?

Or did I have my reason not to?

I never got to finish this turmoil when she started speaking again.

She shrugged. "But what could I expect then right?"

She looked at me finally and I wanted to withdraw but I shouldn't. She quirked a corner of her mouth up, claiming nonchalance. "I was occasionally awful as you've admitted and its not like I was looking for you then too..."

She cleared her throat and touched her braid.

She was nervous.

I still can't wrap my mind over this new side of Sansa I was seeing.

I've never seen her so… _shy_ and self-conscious.

"What is it?" I pressed, curiosity getting ahead of me.

"I… I've been meaning to – All day I wanted…" She paused and exhaled. "I have something for you," she reddened which I mirrored no doubt.

"Oh?" I managed, trying hard not to look too… _pleased_.

She crossed the room shyly and unsure, gauging my reaction and my silence before taking my hand, opening my palm, and pressing something soft there.

"This…I… I meant to give this to you back then before you left for the Wall…should you have…or I had…" she muttered, her face reddening even more.

I immediately looked at my palm and grew incredibly still in shock and awe at what she gave me.

It was a handkerchief, a large square of white, embroidered with a grey dire wolf with the same yellow eyes from the tapestry we saw that day when we first started talking to each other as children, with a white wolf that I was sure was Ghost beside it and below as with the rest of her elegant needlework was my name.

 _Jon._

Simply Jon.

Not Jon Snow, just… _Jon._

With colors and sigil of House Stark, she added my name…

…the implications of which were not lost to me.

I never wept much as a child, even more as I grew up. I remember I cried just that one time and never more after. But right now I wanted to do nothing more but weep as something broke in me from the gesture. Seven hells, only Sansa can manage to make me a weeping fool.

I took a deep breath.

She didn't hate me. Sansa loved me. Even then, she _did_.

She was still muttering about how it was all as well that she didn't give it because it wasn't her best work that it was done years ago. And she kept on belittling her handiwork mumbling about how it was just a little thing incomparable to the gifts I received from the others and how it was expected that I wouldn't need to say goodbye to someone I just merely tolerated when I took her in my arms, clutching her gift with one hand tightly, while shaking my head repeatedly.

Words failing me once more.

Surprised at first then she awkwardly patted my back with one hand, while her other hand was trapped between us.

"It's just a little thing. Honestly, it's not even my best work. What's wrong with you? I'm not mad or anything. Honestly, Jon…" she teased trying to diffuse the tension but I caught the sadness in her tone. Although I knew she was just trying to make light of it, I knew this meant a great deal for whatever her reasons were.

And just like that, I fully remembered, and I knew. As I brought her closer to me, my arms around her, with my chin on her shoulder, I kept on shaking my head.

"Don't. Sansa just _don't_."

"I'm sorry," she offered and that phrase sent an anger coursing through my being. Pulling back abruptly, cupping her cheek with one hand, bringing her eyes to me I seethed.

"Seven hells, Sansa! What in the seven are you sorry for now?" I demanded through gritted teeth. It always unnerved me each time she was quick to apologize to me, as if one wrong move would send me away.

For all her strength and courage, I have come realize these past few days that with me she was incredibly _vulnerable_ – an observation that both thrilled and scared me too. I welcomed that she was finally opening up to me – finally trusting me enough with her demons but each time I thought that she had told it all, I was mistaken. She still had more stories to tell that only filled me with rage and sorrow and admiration.

But that was a different matter from now.

She held my eyes, confusion in her gaze. "That I'm an idiot that I could've just presented you this olive branch before you left? That I shouldn't have assumed you would bid me as you did the others when I have been nothing but awful. That I should've just – "

I didn't let her finish, putting a finger to her lips still shaking my head.

"No, Sansa. This is all on me."

I didn't forget.

I wanted to go to her.

I almost went.

I should've gone.

But I didn't.

* * *

 _"So can I tell them I saw you now?" Robb smirked after I went over to him from Arya's room._

 _I thought for a moment. I've said all my farewells…well…not all._

 _Robb chuckled. "Don't tell me you have someone else to say goodbye to? A lady perhaps?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively._

 _I frowned. "You know I have no interest in that Stark."_

 _He shrugged and laughed some more. "Snow, it was worth a try. Wouldn't get it past you to finally get a ah…'parting gift' since you know with the vows you would take when you are finally in Black."_

 _I huffed and deepened my frown in warning._

 _He raised his palms at me and grinned. "Alright, alright. Anyway, I just figured that since you were quiet for a bit, you were considering something. I know you went to Arya last because as everyone knows she's your favorite little girl and you saved your best farewell for last so if there was anyone who could follow Arya, I assumed it would be a secret lover or something."_

 _I rubbed my face. It figures Robb would think that way but if only he knew who I had in mind he might punch himself before he punches me right away._

 _I know the vows I would be taking._

 _I know what I was giving up._

 _But being a bastard all my life has left me losing all interests in having relations with women. If I steeled myself to ignore them, I won't end up admiring them. If I don't admire them, I won't end up wanting them. And the bloody rest to which endpoint is of me never having to risk fathering a bastard._

 _There is someone I haven't said goodbye to. And she is in fact a lady. But this wasn't just someone. This was Sansa._

 _Seven hells, this was Sansa. My sister. I shouldn't be so stressed out about saying goodbye to my sister. Well, half-sister as she would want to correct me._

 _I was hoping to just casually run into her today and say a quick goodbye but I haven't seen her all day._

 _"So…last chance. Ready to go or do you need a bit more time?" Robb asked breaking me from my thoughts._

 _Ah by the seven! Everyone knew I was leaving today. She probably knew it too. And maybe she was avoiding me. Or maybe she knew and she didn't care… I don't know what I would even say to her or how I would say it. She might even say something prissy like "Why are you still here?" I don't know. I shook my head. No she wouldn't. She never had it in her to insult me like her lady mother has. She was indifferent though like I was just a guest in the house but nothing more._

 _"Oh. I guess you don't get to decide anymore. Time's up Snow. Uncle Benjen is heading this way."_

 _I swallowed. There goes my answer. With one final look behind me, hoping to maybe I don't know, have a glimpse of her…maybe catch her eye and give a wave? But there was no sign of red hair anywhere._

 _I sighed and nodded finally at Robb. "Aye. I'm ready."_

 _With one final look, I muttered to no one._

 _"Til next time then, Sansa."_

 _Maybe I'll fare better if I write to her._

 _If._

 _I sighed._

* * *

"Then why?" she dared ask after removing my finger from her lips.

"I wanted to. I almost did. But I didn't know…how. Or if you even wanted me to. Or if you cared at all if I did or didn't." I muttered in admission, sheepishly and sadly. It was true. I really meant to go but before I figured out how to do it, I ran out of time and I had to go. I even lost hair from that.

Then suddenly she laughed and gave me a look.

"You know _nothing_ , Jon."

And at that I blinked before letting loose a fit of laughter, bringing her closer to me in a warm embrace, giving her a long kiss on the forehead.

If only she knew the many times red-haired women have said that to me.

Then I realized, no.

She didn't say the same thing. I smiled wider.

She called me Jon.

Not Jon _Snow_.

Just… _Jon_.

And I realized that in the span of our reunion, she never called me half-brother either.

An overwhelming wave of affection came over me for this unbelievably exquisite fire-kissed girl – no – _woman_ in my arms right now.

"Actually, we're _both_ idiots," she added.

"Aye, that we are," I chuckled.

Then we pulled back a little, our eyes searching each other with newfound feelings and realizations… or maybe reemergence of some.

There was still a gulf between us, with many truths left unrevealed, but we were getting there. We were meeting each other day after day.

Then she gave me a meaningful look before letting out a deep breath. "I am happy to be here with you now and I'm grateful we are given this time to know each other never mind that the circumstances aren't exactly ideal... But I can't go through another day without admitting a few more things to you, Jon."

I braced myself and waited, giving her a small smile she took to continue.

"No matter how dreadful I was to you. I never hated you. Not once," she shook her head then bit her lip as shame danced in her eyes. "I... didn't like the idea of well... And mother…" She trailed off, pleading understanding.

My mouth opened then closed. Here was the truth I didn't know I was desperately seeking. _Her truth_. I had a feel for what that was but I wanted her to tell me. To confirm... Confirm what I have always known deep inside.

She put her hands on my face and held my eyes with her own. "But never you. Not the Jon who never let me feel left out. Not the Jon who never spoke ill of me. Not the Jon who would quietly and patiently sit beside me while I wrote. Not the Jon who would chase away awful boys sometimes quicker than Robb if they ever so much as look at me. " She shook her head slowly. "You played my knight after all, before I made you play the villains."

"I was angry at first. Very angry at the betrayal. I felt betrayed and sorrow for my mother. I understood her pain and did what I could to alleviate it. In this she only had me. But at the same time, I was confused. Confused and frustrated too. There was so much to think about and so much was expected from me from both ends that it was hard to reconcile what it was I truly had to do and feel."

She paused searching my eyes before continuing once more.

"But in the end, despite it all. Jon, it was never you…Just…what you stood for…" she admitted sadly, honestly, her voice tinged in shame and remorse.

And I understood. I truly did.

I brought my hands on top of hers that were slowly withdrawing from my face, keeping it there.

I was right then. Everything came from her fierce loyalty to her mother and I could respect her for that. I may even feel guilty of harboring a little doubt of her good intention in times she was… occasionally awful.

"I knew. Sansa. At least I _hoped_ for it. And I _am_ sorry for making you feel left out that one time when I promised I would never," I said sincerely.

Sansa reached forward to give me a quick kiss on the cheek before resting her head on my shoulder. I reeled quickly from the shock and supported her against me, my cheeks hurting from the smile that fought itself out at this tenderness.

"It doesn't matter anymore. What matters is now," Sansa whispered.

"Aye. You're here now. With me. Who would've guessed, right?"

She giggled and it was sweet to hear that once more. "No more than the both of us idiots."

"It's kind of funny admit it," she poked my arm.

"What is?"

"Just that… we were the only ones that weren't able to say our farewells to each other… and that the moment we left Winterfell to meet our chosen roles – you to be a sworn brother of the Night's Watch, and me to be the Queen, we knew we might not come back. And yet, here we both are."

"Different roads sometimes lead to the same castle," I wrinkled my nose as I felt a pang of misery as I remembered my – our little sister. Sansa is right though. Life was _funny_ indeed.

"That's nice," she smiled.

I sighed. "I said that before…to Arya… when…" I stopped myself but it was too late because her smile faltered a bit.

"I imagine it was a perfect thing to say when you said goodbye to Arya," she said softly with no trace of ill feelings, only sadness.

"Hey. I really – " I started but she shook her head.

"She was always your favorite. She loved you best too. And I'm grateful for that. She cancels out all my awfulness to you both." As she said that I couldn't figure out if she was jesting or somehow serious.

"Well we had to stick to each other you know. You and Robb were the golden twins, us merely shadows," I teased.

She huffed. "As the eldest son and eldest daughter much were expected of us."

Then we shared another laugh but it was a bit terse. Now I truly understood that jokes were really half meant.

"You know, I've always harbored a little jealousy of you," she admitted looking away in embarrassment.

My mouth hung and my brow crinkled. "You? Jealous of me?"

She looked at me then, incredulous. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world before walking over to the window sighing. "I've always known I was...different. Gods, I prayed everyday to be anywhere but here far _far_ South and grow to be the Southern Lady like my mother was before she married father. It's not that I was unhappy here. It's just that... I know what people say when they look at me. I don't look North. I don't act Northern. And...our siblings... I was their true blood sister yet... when I see you with them I feel that they see you more as their own than they do me. Well, Robb was the exception of course but he was the only one...so I prayed to be somewhere I can be accepted just as easily. And then I think I only drove them away further when I chose to side with mother."

 _Oh Sansa._ I walked over to her then, my hand itching to touch her but I stood still beside her giving her space.

"Do you remember that one time Robb found you crying in your room? The one where Beth Cassel and her brother made you cry?"

She looked up at me and nodded, frowning. "Yes. It was the time I tried to bake kidney pies and it tasted awful. They told me that it was expected for me to fail. They never expect a lady like me to ever need to cook not when I could have someone do it for me. Then they told me to never attempt to cook or bake ever again since the pie I baked was the most awful thing they've ever tasted. But I worked so hard on it, I even burnt my fingers. But then that awful brother of Beth's threw my pie to the floor. I cried so much after!"

I remembered that day very well. And we all had a taste of that pie. It was truly awful but we all saw her working tirelessly and almost all night at it.

"But the following day, what happened? Do you remember?" I urged.

She looked up and thought. "Well, when I saw them they apologized profusely. And never again did they insult me - _wait_." She looked at me suspiciously. "You all did something to them, didn't you?"

I burst out laughing.

She smacked me. "What? Tell me!" She hit me again.

"Alright, alright! Stop hitting me! Mercy!"

She frowned but waited.

"Well, while Robb consoled you, our younger siblings had murder and mischief in their eyes. Arya said 'No one gets to make fun of Sansa other than me!' Then Bran said 'How dare they insult their lady? Sansa worked so hard on that awful pie!' And Rickon of course echoed whatever they said. And before Robb and I could stop them, they were already catching frogs and gathering dung to fill their beds and rooms. And Robb of course, told them off. You should've seen his face! And I didn't do anything to stop them."

She looked dumbfounded then trying but failing to hide her grin. "So that's why the Cassels smelled funny! And... oh! Father found out didn't he? Is that why all of you had to clean the kitchen for a week?"

I continued laughing. "Aye. But it was worth it. We're all crazy protective of you because we know you'd never fight them back. You were too forgiving and too much the gracious lady to lose courtesy. And it was the first time, I think that we've ever seen you that upset at the hand of others. It unnerved us all."

She finally smiled. "I didn't know."

"Of course not. We would never admit it to you. We know that you would be prissy about it and tell us something like 'That wasn't very nice' or something."

She shook her head disbelieving. "You still should've told me. I would have been _prissy_ but I would have thanked you all the same."

"Anyway, you had nothing to be jealous about. They were as much yours as they were for me. Maybe even more. I'm sure they didn't mean to make you feel left out Sansa. If you only knew how much they adored their sister, especially the young ones. Robb was Robb but Bran was always going on about how much your approval meant to him and Rickon was always messy but he only straightens up before going to you. Hell, we all were most of the time. Maybe you didn't see it but they - we were always trying to reach you too. Even Arya. Seven hells, Sansa, Arya would probably skin me alive for telling you this but she didn't hate you but you are her only sister and well, you both excelled in different ways. Do you see where I'm getting at?"

As understanding shone in her eyes, she nodded and smiled sadly.

"I miss them," she sighed.

"Aye. I do too."

"I wish I knew all of this before. Maybe things would've been different," she looked at me with a mix of regret and longing.

I let out a breath. "We were all children with different dreams then. Again, how could we have known? But we're here now. Together. That's the only thing that's willing me to keep on. We've lost so much but we're gaining so much too."

We stood in agreeable silence then, the sorrow and longing for our missing siblings lingering in the air between us mixed with the gratitude that at least we still had each other now. Then she looked up at me and smiled shyly, a hint of color gracing her pale face before her eyes lit up.

I cradled her face with one hand and brushed her cheek. "It's just you and me now…at least until Bran or Arya come back. But right now, it's just us two."

She nodded, warmth spreading over the cheek under my thumb and I couldn't look away from her bright eyes.

And just like that I felt a stirring. But as quick as it came, I demanded it away. It's a door that when opened would bring much confusion and feelings that would never go away, avalanching until its felt.

I don't know if I'll ever open that door or if I even want it to, but I knew that now wasn't the time.

Instead I refocused on the gift she placed on my hand.

"This is…why?" I didn't have enough words to pose my question.

She blushed deeper as she spread the handkerchief over my palm and traced her needlework. "Before a knight is sent off to battle or a tourney, it is customary to receive a lady's favor for luck of all things…"she ended with a shrug playing it off.

I sucked in a breath.

I guess this is how we'll always be, Sansa and I. I'm always being caught off guard with no words for hers. But her explanation rang deeper than she lets on. And it is not unnoticed.

"Forgive me, Sansa… but I am no knight. Even less then than now," I chuckled, but my eyes were pleading for some confirmation – a confirmation that I have buried beneath layers and layers of armor.

She smiled kindly. "You weren't. You're not. But you are _more_." She looked up at me then, her eyes holding secrets and stories. "I knew your dreams, Jon. I knew why you wanted to take the black. I knew why you chose it. How can I not help but respect you even admire you when I can recognize the same stories you believe in?"

Her words rang true.

I _wanted_ it all.

Once upon a time I've dreamt of nothing more than to be someone even if it meant giving up so many things. If taking the black was what it took to become something more than just a bastard, I dreamed.

And I shouldn't be surprised that she of all people would know, she who believed in a life of songs and beauty. She would know. But it still seems so unreal like a dream that it was truly Sansa who knew me. After all the dancing around each other, stepping on eggshells, she of all people, understood me most.

"And…" her voice broke me from my emotions because I found myself not getting enough of her revelations.

"And… I chose the sigil because no matter how it was between us, I had to let you know… that before you are reborn again in the Wall as someone who forsakes everything for duty… that you are a _Stark_. And that _I_ know _you_ are a Stark…" she said firmly, her eyes pleading at me to believe her.

And I did.

I brought her to me then, tighter than before, my knees giving way, bringing the two of us half-kneeling on the floor, with me clutching her tighter, never wanting to ever let go.

Like I said. Sansa Stark had the biggest and most beautiful heart in the world. And I wanted nothing more than to just keep her here, shelter her away from everything that could hurt her. Never again. _Never again._

"Now I feel even more of a shite that I never went to find you and say goodbye," I muttered.

She patted my back and gave a soft chuckle. "So…I take it you like it then?"

"Shut up Sansa. You know I more than like it," I growled.

"Oh dear, I shudder to think of what you did alone when I gave you your new cloak?" she teased.

I laughed for the hundredth time today then I pulled away slightly to look at her. As if my lovely kin cannot look anymore beautiful, looking at her warm kind smile right now was like watching sunrise – the kind that starts slow before it blinds. And this was something coming from a northerner. This was too much for someone like me to ever deserve.

We were so happy in this moment but I had to make a stupid comment that quickly turned the mood over.

I cradled her face with my hand and rubbed her cheek with my thumb. "Thank you, Sansa. I can't believe – you mean to tell me you had this with you all this time."

She blushed for the hundredth time today and ducked her head away from my palm. "I guess I did…" Then a change came over her and I saw the sadness cling to her eyes once more. Why didn't I just stop at thanking her? I remained silent, praying that this sadness was fleeting – that our joy now was more but some memories have triggers and I walked into this one.

Then she lightly traced her stitching on the cloth still on my palm, her other hand covering that palm from below. "When I wasn't able to give it to you, I brought it with me. When we left for King's Landing, I knew I wouldn't be able to come back…at least not for a while or maybe not at all what with…" she trailed off.

 _Her betrothal._ I spat in my mind.

She tucked a loose strand behind her ear and shrugged. "I was to be a proper Southern Lady and before I knew it, this became the only thing that reminded me of where I came from – reminded me of the North," she whispered the last part.

I let her continue, soaking in each word without interruption. I watched as she spread the handkerchief fully on my palm, slender fingers rubbing the Direwolf embroidery almost reverently, sending tiny shivers on my hand that coursed to the whole of me.

"Each day from the moment they took father's head… each day I had to lie – forsake my name – at night I would take it out and remind myself. _The North remember_ s – I would chant over and over my mind like a prayer. The North remembers… Winter is coming… A Stark _endure_ s…"

She swallowed and closed her eyes tight.

"And I _endured_. Oh I endured. I had to play a part. I had to – I _had_ to Jon," she pleaded at me, her eyes threatening with tears.

I took her face in my hand and shook my head. "Sansa. Sansa, listen!" She shook her head and kept her eyes shut, not letting a drop of tear fall. There was no more sadness but icy anger overtook her.

I placed the handkerchief on the table so I could cradle her face once more. "Sansa, stop. Look at me. _Please._ "

Reluctantly she did.

"I _know_. And you were so _brave_ and _strong_ , Sansa. We can never fault you for doing what you could to _survive_. Never apologize for that again," I said forcefully, willing her to believe. "Actually I want you to stop apologizing. That's all you've been doing since we've reunited."

She gritted her teeth then she brought her hands to my wrists, giving them a forceful tug before settling tight. "I wanted to _die_ Jon. Every. Day. I had to tell everyone I had traitor's blood. Every. Day. I had to say it so often until the words didn't feel like fire on my tongue anymore, nor were they ashes I choked on each night at my privacy, until they felt like nothing… _Father was a traitor. Robb was a traitor. I had traitor's blood. I was loyal to Joffrey, my one true love_ …those were the songs they made me sing. And I did. All with a smile on my face. Every. Day. Each time I felt I was betraying every one of you. I even felt that I deserved it all."

I was about to protest but she pressed on.

Her gaze broke from mine to look at the favor on the table once more. "And then I look at that and it brings back, little by little, the _Stark_ they so try to claim from me. So I endured and offered my tears only to the direwolf. It gave me strength. It gave me reason. I swore from then on I would always be a Stark no matter. I would endure all until the time came when I could finally fight for our name."

If I were to look into a mirror, the only thing I would see was awe. I was in awe of her. Will I ever run out of things to admire her for?

She looked firm but etches of bitterness showed while a stray tear finally escaped.

I took her gift and made to use it to wipe her that tear but her hand stopped me.

"It's not for me to use anymore," she said with a small smile as she wiped the last of her tears. "I was lost before, but now I've come back. I am a Stark. And now you must remember too. You. Are. A. _Stark_."

I was speechless.

"I stopped believing in songs long ago." Then she placed her hand at the back of my neck. "But I believe in _you_ and you are worthy of one Jon. Yours is a new song."

My mouth was open, incredulous at her words and my heart was impossibly full. I wanted to tell her that she was the one who deserved to be sung about. She was the Winter Rose of the North. She was the Red Wolf that rose from the ashes and delivered justice. They should be singing songs of her.

Then she touched her forehead to mine and wrapped her other arm around my waist. "But I know that your song is not yet finished. Like I said that night, I know Jon. I know you are tired. I know you've fought too many battles but we both know there are more to come. And time will come again when you will ride off and leave."

Then she pulled back a little to look me in the eye. "I won't forgive you if you leave again without a word to me. Not ever," she said seriously but her eyes had a jovial spark in them.

I gulped and shook my head, desperately choking down a cry. "Never." I managed to blurt out, gods this woman. Gods I was exceedingly moved.

I swallowed again. "I will never say goodbye to you. If I do manage to leave your side I will come back. I promise."

She gave a small laugh and grinned before taking my hand in both of hers. "Silly Jon. At least wear my favor then, yeah?"

I took both of her hands in mine, her gift trapped in them. "Always."

I kissed both her hands. "Seven hells, woman. You're turning me into a blubbering girl."

She chuckled. "Now, now Jon. I practically called you a knight and yet you shame yourself with foul language. Maybe I should retract my favor."

I shook my head. "You are never getting this back from me."

She rolled her eyes but otherwise looked pleased.

"It's not very ladylike to roll your eyes," I couldn't help it.

She was about to snap at me but then burst into laughter instead. A genuine laugh that at first I was too stunned that she was actually laughing and that I had a part in it then I couldn't help but laugh along with her.

This was nice.

I laughed. And just like that we finally put to rest all the misgivings of our complicated relationship from the past and we could finally focus fully on the present and the future.

As if she couldn't surprise me more, she suddenly stuck her hand out at me, her eyes glinting with mischief.

I cocked my head at her in surprise when she suddenly smiled and curtsied. "Hello, my name is Sansa. It's a pleasure to finally speak with a gallant knight as you, ser...?"

Not missing a beat, I bent down and kissed the back of her hand and answered. "My name is Jon, my lady. And the pleasure is all mine. Might I also add that your name is as exquisite as your smile?"

She tried to bite back a laugh but continued. "You are too kind, my lord. I must say, you have a way with words."

I shook my head and bit the inside of my cheek from laughing. "I had a very good teacher, lady Sansa." I winked.

She smirked. "Then you are a good student."

"Only because I only say what I only mean, my lady," I grinned then smirked when she reddened. "I do try my best to learn some things, my lady."

Then we finally burst out laughing.

"Everything is backwards. Now we're playing knights and maidens?" I chuckled.

She shook her head and giggled and it was a beautiful sight. "Oh cruel world, you jape us so," she said sarcastically.

Then I brought her into another hug. "But seriously, thank you Sansa. I'll do my level best to be your knight. Fair warning though, I have been told I know nothing."

She giggled once more and leaned in. "Oh no. Maybe I should've given it to Tormund."

I squeezed her then. "You would never."

She laughed then squeezed me back. "Don't worry, you have an excellent teacher."

"That I do."

She pulled back and grinned, one that finally reached her eyes, "For what it's worth…I do love you, Jon. Even then, only now I do more."

My heart felt like bursting.

"You know nothing, _Sansa Stark_ ," I all but growled.

She laughed then stopped when she saw my face which was nothing but serious.

"You don't know the value of your love. I know that it is too much for someone like me. But I'll be damned if I don't die trying to be worthy of it," I pledged.

She doesn't realize it. Even when we were children, no matter how hard she hid it or raised her shield, I knew her heart was as beautiful as her and she would show it unknowingly time and time again. And how many times has her heart been crushed?

And to see a spark of that heart still alive in her forcibly hardened one only made me love her some more. I've seen darkness. I've been in darkness.

And so had she.

How can someone who came from darkness still come out burning brighter and hotter than the sun?

"You've already earned it Jon. I love you."

I knew that it was nothing short of sisterly love but a part of me yearned for something… I stopped myself then.

"For what _I'm_ worth, I love you too Sansa."

We beamed at each other then she reached out and took her favor and looked up at me. "Ser Jon Stark, will you do me the honor of wearing my favor?"

Filled to the brim with awe I nodded at her fervently. "I would be honored to wear it, my lady. I will keep it safe and close to my heart at all times when I next don my armor. But for now..." I took the glove off my burnt hand and presented it to her. She gingerly took it on her own, traced the burnt tissue and kissed it before wrapping the handkerchief on my hand and placing the glove over it.

I couldn't do anything but just stare at her. Stare at Sansa.

Again the stirring came. And it was dangerous. And it was wrong. But it was there. I love Sansa. I've _always_ loved Sansa…even then. But now… I love her more and more. And I keep on finding reasons that make me love her the more I discover every facet she would offer.

…and it scares me.

I said that I would do my best to make her believe in songs again and I'm happy that somehow…she was getting there. Before when I said that I wanted that, I meant that maybe one day she could meet someone true and brave and gentle for her – someone who deserves her. I meant only to be a stand in for that, be her protector – someone who she can rely on now and always first and foremost.

But deep down when I allowed myself to admit it…

I so desperately wanted to be the one to give her a new song to believe in.

 _"But I believe in you and you are worthy of one Jon. Yours is a new song."_

I smiled and can't help the satisfaction creep in.

 _Would it really be so bad?_

I sighed.

Then I thought of Robb and how he treated Sansa as if she hung the moon and spoiled her to no ends.

Wasn't that what I've been doing?

Being an overbearing older brother?

Of course.

Of course that was all there is.

I scoffed a laugh.

Of course.

Shrugging it all off, I made my way to my chambers to wait for Ser Reed.

Of course. I repeated over and over.

Then I tasted copper.

I hadn't realized that I was biting the inside of my cheek too hard I drew blood.

* * *

 **AN: Oh boy. Sansa just helped Jon come to terms with him being a true Stark and its helping a bit to quiet the confusing feelings. Well, the teensiest bit anyway as he is still able to bring back Robb. But how will meeting with Ser Reed affect him?**

 **So, I won't be able to update in a while. I have a lot on my plate right now but I estimate that there will be only maybe three more chapters of this. Again, this story is about the evolution of feelings and changing roles. So once they've settled, that would probably be the best way to close this exploration. His transitioning feelings are after all the journey of Jon's story here.**

 **Again, thank you so much for the support! I appreciate all the comments and suggestions.**

 **Much love.**


	8. Truth and Duty

_**Truth and Duty**_

" _You are no knight, I know you. You are Florian the Fool." She tilted her head elegantly, her red hair tumbling in waves behind her._

 _I bowed and gave a nod. "I am, my lady, as great a fool as ever lived, and as great a knight as well." I puffed my chest and grinned._

 _She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "A fool and a knight? I have never heard of such a thing."_

" _Sweet lady, all men are fools, and all men are knights, where women are concerned."_

 _At that she finally cracked a smile._

" _Ah, finally a smile from fair Lady San-er- Jonquil."_

* * *

A knight and a fool.

This world was truly _funny._

Hours ago I felt as noble as a knight.

But just as quickly that feeling has been stripped away leaving me as just the _fool._

A fool that truly knew nothing.

Now a fool forced to know everything.

* * *

" _Agh!"_

" _Yield, my lord. I do not wish to end you today," I pointed my wooden sword at my opponent's chest, his dark auburn hair matted to his forehead and neck._

 _He sighed and nodded. "Aye, I yield."_

 _I grinned and extended a hand at him which he took to stand._

" _You fought well Lord Cregan Stark. The finest I've ever fought," I paid with respect._

 _He laughed bitterly then nodded. "Aye, but you were the better man, my prince. It's an honor to have fought the Dragonknight and to have lived."_

" _Brother! Aemon!"_

" _Aye, the princess approaches, most likely to both scold and reward you," he chuckled._

 _I turned to look at my sister and opened my arms to her to which she jumped at me, her flowing red hair whipping around me as I twirled her around._

" _I'm happy to see you Naerys."_

" _As am I, my prince."_

* * *

Prince.

Before I knew it I found myself in the Godswood with nothing but the moon, the heart tree, and ghosts of the past enacting scenes that were played on this very spot.

The ghosts taunting me with my past trying to reconcile with my… _future_ as it seems.

The ghosts bringing up the desires I had as a child, the same desires I cast aside as desires that can never be because of who I am – _was –_ and how in the end, I had all the right to each of them. Every last one of those desires… I was meant to have all of them all along and more.

 _Prince._

The word tasted foreign in my mouth.

 _Prince._

My feet started moving again.

* * *

" _From this day forth there would be but one king in Westeros!" I proclaimed while my sisters stood proud on each side of me._

 _Arya chose to play no one but Visenya, the warrior queen while Sansa was content to be Rhaenys, the beloved queen._

" _And I name you, Lord Orys Baratheon as my hand of king," I nodded at Robb._

" _Only if next time I get to be Aegon," he chuckled earning a displeased chorus of protests from our sisters._

" _Roooob! Stay in character!" Sansa huffed. "You're ruining it!"_

 _Arya gave him a cold glare, pointing 'Dark Sister' at him._

 _Robb always quick to Sansa's fits immediately apologized and promised to stop jesting and earning a smack from Arya. I chuckled._

 _And then when Uncle Benjen found us later on, he scolded us for pretending to be Targaryens, reminding us that is was frowned upon._

 _Robb never got his turn to be Aegon._

 _We never played dragonknights after that._

* * *

" _You are the true crowned prince. You have the right to the Iron throne."_

Heir.

My throat dried up.

King in the North.

And now…

Rightful King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm. The rightful _heir._

I swallowed.

How many times have I dreamt of being something more? How many times have I yearned to be noble and honorable like the knights and princes and kings from the songs? And how many nights have I spent trying not to cry knowing I could never be any of that? How many times have I still _tried?_

Snow. Bastard. Steward. Lord Commander. King in the North. Stark.

Now _this._

Throughout the many names given to me only one thing was constant.

I was motherless.

I have always been motherless.

I don't know what compelled me to venture down… the furthest you could go down in Winterfell but I was here.

It took some time but now I forced myself to look up to this granite pillar bearing the likeness of a woman well known to all.

A face and a name finally to put to the faceless, nameless woman I've been yearning to call _mother._

The Winter Rose of Winterfell.

She-wolf of the North.

Queen of Love and Beauty.

The woman who men have started a war for.

 _Lyanna Stark_ was my mother.

The second wife of Crown Prince Rhaegar Targaryen in a secret marriage that ended with the prince's death as well as the death of the dragon line of reign as was known until now…

Until _me._

And my beginning was her end.

 _My existence, the lie that distanced Eddard Stark and Lady Stark._

I thought I was just the last known living male Stark with Bran missing and presumed good as dead. The House and the Northern Kingdom pushed upon me.

It took so much and only this night with Sansa to make peace with that and then _this._

I was still a Stark.

But I was also a _Targaryen._

Possibly the last.

My eyes were burning, my throat was dry, and my body was trembling. My hands went to my hair and began pulling as I shook, trying to make sense of it all.

Everything I knew was a lie.

Who I was.

Who I am.

 _Just who am I really?_

What if this was also a lie despite the documents shown me?

What was _real?_

 _What was true?_

All my life, all I've been trying to do was to be more than what they saw me. More than just the _Bastard of the North._

More than just _Ned Stark's_ bastard.

And all along I wasn't.

All my life I just wanted to be like my father. _Eddard Stark_ was the father who raised me. The one true proudest thing I cling my ideals and aspirations to. He was proud of me and he claimed me as his own and that was all that mattered.

" _You might not have my name but you have my blood."_

At the time he said that, pride, honor, and love filled me and it was all I needed to think about to give me strength to carry on.

 _How was I supposed to know that he was trying to tell me something else entirely?_

" _The next time we see each other, we'll talk about your mother."_

But the truth found me anyway.

Eddard Stark was not my father.

He was my _uncle._

I wanted to retch from the ill feeling. Am I to deny everything then? Cast it all away? Kill the past?

All I wanted since I was young was to be the Lord of Winterfell and now my hold is weak – my claim contestable.

I was not meant for the North.

I wanted it after all.

Seven hells, I've always wanted it.

My knees sunk to the ground and I was rocking back and forth.

How can I be a Targaryen?

How can I be the last dragon?

My burnt right hand proved against it.

Then I stilled and remembered.

I took off my glove and stared at my palm still wrapped in white, both tawny and red eyes of wolves staring back at me.

" _And now you must remember too. You. Are. A. Stark."_ Came Sansa's voice clear and forceful.

I closed my eyes and clenched my fists. I am still a Stark.

I am still a Stark.

I am _still_ a Stark.

Then I looked back up at Lyanna's – _my mother's_ carved face.

Father – _no –Uncle,_ I tested and it sounded wrong in my mind. Ned Stark, I amended, never spoke about her. All I knew was what everyone knew since that tourney at Harrenhal. That and her likeness as seen in my sister – _no – cousin_ Arya.

Cousin.

I sucked in a breath.

 _Sansa was now my cousin._

I bit the inside of my cheek.

And suddenly all thoughts and ideas flooded my mind, tapping into even deeper thoughts and desires, unearthing shame and guilt and – and relief?

I shook my head confused as ever. How can I even think about such things right now?

I chastised myself and tried once more to make sense of everything. What was I supposed to do now? What can I do with this information? Think. _Think,_ Jon.

Then suddenly all my senses were alerted as I was made aware that I wasn't alone anymore. I didn't need to turn around to know who this was. There was only one person who can make my body react without second thought to her presence.

I stilled.

Waited.

And finally a few feet behind me Sansa stopped her approach, giving me space.

 _No._

I wanted to scream at her to be _closer._

I _needed_ her to be closer.

But I can't for the life of me, _move._

She knows.

I told Howland Reed to tell her and her alone because as much as I wanted to be the one to tell her, I didn't think I still stands. I can barely wrap my head around it. But she had to know.

She can be the sole regent now.

She can be the sole Lady Paramount of the North.

Now no one can contest her claim as Queen in the North.

As much as I admit to finally embracing my given reign of the North, I would only take it with a clear conscience if I was the _last_ Stark alive but I wasn't. The North rightfully belongs more to Sansa. And I fully support her claim without question.

"Jon?" she finally broke the silence, her tone wary, testing, yet gentle.

I let out a deep breath and forced myself to relax, choosing to sit on the floor, keeping my eyes closed and the back of my head resting at the foot of the granite effigy of _my mother._

Nothing but the sound of our breathing filled the dark and cold crypt, the pillars silent and unmoving witnesses.

I knew she still remained where she was, gauging me, worry probably etching her pretty face. Sighing I finally opened my eyes and looked at her.

She was shivering in her hastily drawn furs, her thin nightrail peeking amidst it. Her hair was unbound and flowing wild burning copper in the firelight and her bright blue eyes wide and wavering, filled with concern. _Beautiful._

"You are freezing. Come sit beside me, Sansa. _Please,_ sweetling," I beckoned trying hard to quell the desperation in my tone.

Wordlessly, she walked closer and sat quietly beside me, her eyes never taking themselves off mine.

I took of my cloak and wrapped her at once shushing her protests. I felt nothing of the cold right now. Only her.

We sat silently with only our shoulders touching until finally I felt her tentatively slip her hand in mine sending a shiver down my spine, her favor still wrapped around it now lay between our palms. I almost let out a sigh at the welcome contact.

I adjusted and laced her fingers with mine tightly. She squeezed lightly and I took that as reassurance.

"I don't know what to do," I admitted. "What I _should_ do."

"We'll figure it out," she promised.

Then she made me look at her, her other hand lightly touching my face. "But I don't care about that right now. I care about _you._ How are you holding up right now? And tell me true, Jon."

I placed my hand on top of hers and held it to my cheek. "It's a lot to take in."

She gave me a sympathetic smile.

Then I looked fully to her and held both of her hands tightly in front of her. "Sansa, who am I?"

Confusion and surprise colored her features as her mouth opened and struggled for words.

I squeezed her hands tighter and urged her with my eyes. "I need you to tell me who I am. Who am I supposed to be? What am I supposed to _be?_ Who am I, Sansa? Who am _I?"_

"You are Jon."

She wrenched her hands from my hold and brought them to my face. " _You._ Are. _Jon._ They may call you many names and give you many roles but whatever it is they call you, whatever role you have to fill, you are still you. _Jon."_

I closed my eyes tight. "I am a Targaryen."

"Yes. But you are still, a Stark."

"What do I do, Sansa? Please tell me," I pleaded.

"The question of what you _should_ do can wait for a moment. What you should be thinking about first is what you _want_ to do and we'll work around that."

I gaped at her incredulously. "What I _want_ could hardly matter against what we _need_ to do! What our _duty_ demands!"

Her eyebrows furrowed and she pulled away from me and crossed her arms in front of her. " _Fuck_ , duty."

My mouth hung. _Did Sansa just curse?_

She lifted her chin defiantly. "You heard me right, Jon. Fuck duty. _Fuck_ propriety. I don't _care_. I don't want to talk about that now. We've come too far to fear anymore. And its just you and me right now. Others take them, but with me you can be honest. We don't need to pretend with each other or hold back. Haven't we bared enough to each other yet? I don't feel like hiding anymore with you. You need but ask and I will tell you what you want to know. I'll never push but I want you to feel the same with me. You told me yourself right? Trust?"

Her eyes burned sincere and resolute as they bore into mine.

"We can talk about duty _later_ once we've sorted out what you _want_ to do first. If we're going to make decisions, we're doing it with no reservations - yes we need to be smart about things but we need to let our heart out too. And this..."

Her eyes softened as she shook her head at me. "This news is not just _something._ This isn't any trifle thing. It's not something you can just take so easily. I can't even imagine what you're going through... so yes. Fuck them all. What matters is _you._ "

She placed a hand on my cheek and I all but leaned into her touch, my eyes never wavering from hers. I was still outwardly staring at her in disbelief.

She studied me before sighing and speaking once more.

"Do you want the Iron Throne?" she asked.

I shook my head roughly. "No."

"Do you still want the North?" she asked after a beat of silence.

"I cannot have it. It's not mine to have anymore," I confessed.

She looked at me long and probing, searching and thinking before she spoke, weighing her words carefully. "No one has to know," she offered yet we both knew the weakness of that statement. Now that the truth was out, no matter how hard we kept this secret among the three of us with Howland Reed it wouldn't last long.

"They'll know. Everyone will know. If not now then soon and _chaos_ will result," I clenched my teeth.

Her eyes regarded me sadly but she kept silent.

"Now we'll even have more enemies than before. Seven hells! I'm putting you in even more danger!" I threw my hands in the air.

Moving quickly, she placed one hand on my shoulder, the other firm the back of my neck trying hard to calm me. "Stop. Stop it Jon! Focus. Stay with me. Let's be rational. Let's _think_ first. Don't go there. Stay with me. _Please."_

I took several deep breaths and wrapped my arms around her to calm myself, pressing my forehead against hers. "If they find out they'll make me _leave._ I can't leave you."

"That won't happen. If the truth comes out it will be at _our_ terms. We just have to _think_ for a minute. Plan. You were right to wait for Lord Baelish to leave before talking to Lord Reed. We still have time before Littlefinger comes back. And by the seven, you will not leave! They can't make you – for gods sake they are sworn to you before all this and they are sworn to me too and I will _never_ allow it!"

I held her tighter.

"I think we should call someone in here. We need to plan, Jon. As much as I don't like risking the wrong people to know, the _right_ people need to know this from _us_. And we need to plan _fast._ Wait here. I'll call Ser Davos, Ser Reed as well of course, and Lady Brienne… even Tormund. Davos and Tormund, they are your most trusted right? Wait here and I'll call them – _"_

I silenced her with a look and shook my head. "Tomorrow."

She frowned, disagreeing. "It has to be _now_."

I stood my ground and held her gaze. _"Tomorrow."_ I said firmly. "First thing."

She held her frown stubbornly but I wasn't going to budge this time and she knew that. With a resigned sigh she nodded. "Tomorrow then. I'll take care of summoning them to our solar."

I nodded stiffly. Then loosened my hold on her. I let out a breath and leant my head on her shoulder and closed my eyes. I was exhausted.

She slipped her hand into mine again and laced them with hers.

I let out a short laugh.

"What?"

"Since when did you start to speak such vile language?"

She pursed her lips and sniffed. "I had to go down your level of language to get through to you, _your grace."_

I barked out a laugh at that and made a face. "I deserved that."

She chuckled. "Well, it worked, didn't it?"

"Aye," I sighed then nudged her shoulder. "It...amused me though. You should spend more time with Tormund and he'll have you talking profanities in no time."

She nudged me back. "And _you_ should spend more time with the likes of Lord Royce. Teach you how to curse less."

I laughed again. If only she knew I already roped Ser Davos into teaching me.

"Tormund... I like him. He's _funny._ Crass and at times, scary - the horrible stories he tells at times, but funny."

"I changed my mind about you spending time with him. Can't have him scaring you with over the moon stories."

She giggled then yawned. I glanced down at her and saw her eyelids fluttering open and close, heavy with exhaustion. It was well past midnight, I would guess. It has truly been a long night and tomorrow promised a longer day.

"The right thing to do is to let you go back to your chambers," I murmured.

She released my hand and wrapped both of hers around my arm instead and burrowed, leaning into me, her eyes closed. "Hmmm."

"But I would not mind terribly if you stayed a little longer…" I admitted.

She tilted her head and reached up to place a light kiss on my cheek. "I'll stay all night if you let me," she slurred and yawned once more.

I kissed the top of her head and kept my lips there. "Then please stay," I murmured against her hair.

"Then I shall stay," she whispered in promise. "It's still you and me, Jon. No matter what happens, I'm still your Sansa, sister or…cousin. You are still my family. We're still a pack. We'll go through this come seven hells, _together._ "

I reached out and covered her hand on top of my arm and caressed it with my thumb in reply.

Sister.

Cousin.

Family.

If there was one thing that was clear to me in all of this confusion it was Sansa, never mind that until now she was the sole cause of any confusion that I felt. I almost let out a laugh at the absurdity of it all but here it was.

No matter how hard I push it away, no matter how hard I try to reason against it, nothing has ever been clearer as anything I have ever known at this moment.

 _I now knew how to call my love for her…_

…now that I _could._

Cousin.

Now it all made sense.

Cousin.

It felt like a reprieve.

Cousin.

It was so clear. Plain as day. In the middle of everything I ended up falling for Sansa. I can finally admit it to myself.

I choked a laugh. _Targaryen._

It must be true then. I was never meant to call her my sister. Maybe everything that happened lead to this moment.

It was still wrong in a sense but less so than… It wasn't unheard of. And being a – a _Targaryen –_ being siblings wouldn't even be an issue. I snorted. _Now_ who is clinging to his birthright?

I shook my head and bit my lip. I may be called many names and given different roles but one thing was sure.

It is _madnes_ s. It is wrong. In a way.

It is r _easonab_ le. It is right. As it feels. But all in all…

It. Is. _True._

It's _my_ truth.

Whoever I was in this new life, I would always be _hers._

To my last breath, and even beyond, I am _Sansa's._

I looked down at her and smiled as I saw her already fast asleep, her long lashes fell elegantly on her cheeks, her delicate mouth parted as her quiet breathing evened out - the perfect image of a peace. I would gladly cross oceans and die a thousand deaths if only to give her more peaceful sleep like this.

I traced her eyelids, smoothing down the bags that formed from being up so late this night, to her aquiline nose, her sharp cheeks, and her lips soft as petals as lightly as I could. As much as I could stare at her like this all night, such restful sleep warrants a comfortable bed.

Carefully I gathered her in my arms and started to carry her to her chambers, careful not to wake her and ignored any one I passed on the way, my eyes focused yet hard and dismissing, they would know better than to question me.

Finally, I placed her on her bed and arranged the warm furs over her, Ghost suddenly appearing chose his place as he stretched beside her on top of the furs, his muzzle over her arm while I sat on the bed and took her hand - this is how I would spend the rest of the night.

In the morning, everything I ever knew would change including our relationship. Nothing will be the same now that my eyes are wide open to all the truths that I needed to know.

Everything would change except my love for her.

It doesn't matter how she loves me. If this was all it's ever going to be then so be it.

Jon Stark for the North.

Jon Targaryen for the South.

Jon Snow for the rest.

 _I don't care._

The only thing I care about is what Sansa needs me to be.

What is the best course of action that would allow her to be free, safe, and happy? _That_ will be my role.

I bent down and kissed her forehead, her nose, and finally, as light as I could, I brushed her lips with mine - only a whisper yet burning every detail into memory as this would probably be the closest I could be to her in this moment of weakness that I will only allow just for tonight – nothing more beyond the touch of her hand in mine from here on.

I can't in good conscience lay beside her tonight, let alone, bring her to my bed. But I will watch over her.

No matter how I feel the call of honor of leaving her in her room I couldn't. I needed her tonight. I needed the reality of her presence with me tonight – just that would suffice greatly for this night.

"A fool and a knight. A king or a squire. Whatever you need, I will provide."

I squeezed her hand and kissed the back of it.

"I love you, Sansa."

And I promise to protect your love and your honor.

 _Even from myself._

* * *

" _With that mortal blow, I perish! Agh!" Robb clutched at his 'wound' as I 'withdrew' my sword and proceeded to dramatically fall on his back._

" _Curses! I shall have my revenge on the morrow!" Arya shouted before fleeing._

 _I smiled triumphantly as I made my way to 'free' the princess._

" _Take my hand, princess. I have rescued thee!"_

 _Sansa took my hand and I helped her stand. "My brave knight! How shall I ever repay thy bravery?"_

 _I tapped my cheek and bent over to her. "A kiss from thy fair maiden's lips is the reward of rewards."_

" _Thus you shall be rewarded so!"_

 _She stood on her toes and placed a kiss on my cheek. Both of us not knowing to savor the moment as that was the last I've ever played the hero in our games._

* * *

 **AN: Just three things.**

 **1\. There you have it. Jon and Sansa finally know the truth of Jon's heritage. I don't know if you guys want some Sansa POV here especially after all this but ultimately, this is Jon's journey. We'll see, what do you think? And let me know what you think she's thinking. I'd love to know your ideas and insight.**

 **2\. And I know, I know as I said before, I might be MIA for a few days or weeks but I was so inspired before I knew it this chapter wrote itself. But now I really do have to leave it like this for awhile until I'm through with my real life commitments.**

 **3\. Lastly, just a disclaimer. I own nothing but the plot and before you accost me, I've used some lines directly from the book and the show as I've tried not to veer away too much from the spirit of the Canon. But yes, I've taken liberties. Oh and sorry, this has so far been unbeta'd. Yikes.**

 **Anyway, thank you so much and really, I welcome all thoughts and I'll try to find time to finish this and polish it.**

 **Much love.**


	9. Northern Crowns & Letters from Lions

_**Northern Crowns & Letters from Lions**_

 _Inside our former room – the nursery, was a large redwood cradle with a fur-trimmed quilt of red, blue, and silver, mother's colors, and beneath the quilt and furs was a babe we've yet to meet._

 _Our Lord Father took Robb and I by hand while our Lady Mother rested in her chambers._

" _Sons, come meet your sister."_

 _I looked at Robb and he was eager. He has been waiting to meet her for quite some time. At our father's words, he immediately walked over to the crib and peered down at the sleeping babe._

" _So tiny," he cooed. "So pretty." Then he looked at me with a biggest smile I have ever seen. "Jon, come see!"_

 _I blinked and reddened._

 _I felt a push on my back and looked up to see father giving me an encouraging smile. "Go on son. Don't be shy."_

 _My cheeks got warmer but I took a slow step forward and was encouraged by Robb's gleeful and adoring looks at our new sibling._

 _Robb stepped back when I was finally close._

 _And when I looked down I understood what Robb saw._

 _Sleeping peacefully was a babe with white-pink skin and a tuft of red hair like Robb's and mother's… my sister is beautiful._

 _Then suddenly I saw her nose wrinkle and her small eyes fluttered open revealing blue. She was waking up and I looked at father in panic until they closed once more and she was asleep again._

 _He merely chuckled and shook his head._

" _Oh she has blue eyes!" Robb bounced in his place grinning. "She looks like me!"_

" _Aye. And your mother…Her name is Sansa," father said._

" _S-sansa," I tested._

 _Robb couldn't help himself and took one of Sansa's tiny hands and held it with his. "Hello Sansa! I am your big brother Robb. I love you little one. I'll protect you!" And I knew from then that there would be no separating him from her._

" _That's a boy." Father grinned then he placed a hand on each of our shoulders and knelt in front of us._

" _As her older brothers, it falls to the two of you to look out for your sister. Take care of her, protect her, and love her. If falls to the two of you to show her how a lady should be treated and cherished. Be the one she can look up to and turn to first for anything. She will be seeking comfort and protection only a brother can give. You may not understand it now but when you are older, you two may find yourself sheltering each your own lady wife, and she sheltered by her own lord husband, but a_ _brother's love_ _is different. Be the person she can_ _trust_ _the most. Be the man she can trust above all men. Be loyal to each other and keep your family safe."_

" _Yes, father," we both answered earning a clap to our backs and a ruffle of our hair._

 _I looked down once more at our sister's face._

" _I – I'm Jon. I – Welcome to Winterfell, Sansa," I said awkwardly earning a loud laugh from Robb and a chuckle from father._

 _Heat rose to my cheeks once more._

" _It's okay Jon. Of the three of you, she's the only one who was born in the North and even better, Winterfell," Father said in a solemn voice making Robb and I look up at him in confusion._

 _He smiled a tight smile. "Aye. You were both born…South. But my sons, you are of the North and my blood. And to each of you is a story for another day."_

 _From that tone we knew not to ask further._

" _Come, let your sister sleep."_

 _Robb bent down and kissed Sansa's nose. "Bye sis."_

 _I bent down and kissed her forehead. "I'll see you soon Sansa."_

* * *

I woke up to the sound of feet shuffling about the corridors, taking a moment to orient myself. I was warm. Probably too warm. I glanced at the window and it was still a bit dark. Probably a few turns before day break.

I sat up and noticed I was wrapped in furs I wasn't in last night. And come to think of it, I wasn't even lying down the last I remembered. My eyes widened as realization dawned on me to check the most obvious thing as the first whiff of lavender and primrose that assaulted my senses.

I looked down on the now empty side beside me. Immediately I stood up, the sudden rush of blood making my head sway as a panic started to creep in.

 _Where was Sansa?_

My heart dropped at her absence. Her face would've been the most welcoming sight first thing in the morning especially after a night that was.

Then I noticed a piece of parchment in her stead on the bed with her elegant script.

 _Jon,_

 _You looked uncomfortable sitting against my headboard so I moved you a bit. I apologize for not waking you but you looked like you needed to sleep a little more. I have breakfast sent up your chambers and a warm bath ready for you. I am breaking fast with the others and will be up shortly. Lady Mormont and her party have arrived at dawn for a visit and I think it best if she joined our council later. If you are ready, send word to Podrick and he'll get everyone to our solar at once_ _. I'll take care of everyt_ _hing. Just come when you are ready, though with a little haste if it pleases you._

 _Sansa_

I smiled at her thoughtfulness and an ache started at my chest. _She really makes it so easy to love her._ Before I meet with anyone I must show her I appreciate her efforts. But first, a bath then food. So I trudged on to my chambers.

* * *

" _Where are you taking me?"_

 _She didn't pause as she kept pulling me towards the direction of one of the abandoned towers._

" _Is that where we're going?"_

 _She stopped then and looked at me curiously. "I thought you didn't talk much, brother."_

 _I reddened._

 _She giggled. "I want to show you something I found in that old tower."_

 _Now I was the one who was curious. So I followed her as we climbed the long and dark steps of the tower until we reached a room._

" _When were you here and were you alone?" I said amidst heavy breaths as I collected myself._

 _She shrugged. "Jeyne and I were playing hide and seek. I thought it clever to hide here."_

 _I shook my head and was ready to chastise her. "You shouldn't be –_

 _She huffed and raised her palms at me. "Stop. I won't go back here alone again I promise. It's…" she tried to think of words. "…inappropriate and… re-reckless?" She tested the words and smiled sheepishly._

 _I snorted at that but sighed. "Alright. Or I'd have to tell father or Robb."_

 _She looked horrified. "I promise! Please don't tell them! I won't go back here ever at least not alone."_

" _Alright I believe you. Now what is it that you wish to show me?"_

 _She walked over the window and drew the curtains to let the light in then pointed to the wall opposite me._

 _I turned around and my mouth hung._

" _This must be a treasury or a trophy room before."_

 _I just nodded as I looked around and saw the different tapestries and the crowns. They were weathered, dusty, and aged._

 _What drew me was the large white tapestry of a grey wolf with tawny eyes looking at me._

" _That's a direwolf."_

 _Sansa stood beside me and hummed in agreement. "Our sigil."_

 _And encased in glass was a bronze crown with iron swords._

" _Old Nan told me that there used to be Kings in the North. And I asked her if father was the King or if Robb will be."_

" _And what did she say?" Though I knew the answer._

" _There is only one king of the seven kingdoms now, the North included," she confirmed my thoughts._

" _Aye…" I answered and I couldn't contain the longing in my voice. The North was once ruled by kings and all kings were Starks and that filled me with great pride to be a descendant of a once royal bloodline, never mind that I was a bastard for what runs in my veins is something that no one can take from me. No one can deny that though I carry the name Snow, I carry the Stark blood. At least that is what I remind myself over and over._

 _I watched Sansa trace the glass containing the sword crown._

" _Maybe one day there will be a new King in the North," she said wistfully._

 _I smiled. "Perhaps and if there was I am sure it will be a Stark."_

 _She grinned at me and looked up at the Direwolf tapestry. "Then I shall be a true Princess."_

 _I was about to jest 'Queen' when we both jolted and froze at the sound of Lady Catelyn's voice._

" _ROBB! ARYA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THE MUD? TO THE BATHS, BOTH OF YOU!"_

* * *

After a warm bath that was very welcome – one I almost fell back asleep to, back to dreams and memories, I rose quickly, dried myself and dressed. I didn't have time to dally.

I wore the black coat with the Stark sigil that Sansa gifted me with before I sat down and took a few bites of my meal when I heard a knock.

"Your grace?"

Podrick.

"You may enter Pod."

Podrick entered and gave a bow to which I frowned. "Your grace, Lady Brienne sent me to give this to you."

He placed a light blue box on the table and I opened it to see the bronze coronet I commissioned weeks ago. It was a simple bronze with two direwolves with topaz stones for eyes, the wolves seemingly running to meet in the center where a large sapphire was set.

"It's good work," I remarked. "I shall thank your lady personally for the generosity of her house but send her word if you see her before me."

"Yes, your grace and wow, it's very exquisite!" Pod exclaimed. "It's a good complement to yours, your grace. And it would look most radiant on her grace's head."

I half-grinned, half-grimaced. They had crowned me a few days after the proclamation but I have neglected wearing it since then. My crown was an open circlet of hammered bronze incised with runes of the First Men surmounted by nine black iron spikes in the shape of longswords, united in front by a direwolf head. The crown that resembled that of Robb's and forged in the likeness of the ones the old Kings of Winter wore.

Sansa refused to be crowned by anything other than the wreath of winter roses much to my protests. But today she cannot deny me this.

Just as I _have_ to wear my crown today, she _will_ have to wear one too.

We will need to face the North today united and with authority for my truth would be their first test of loyalty.

But I refuse to speak to any other until I speak to her first and see if we are okay. She made sure I was last night but now I had to make sure she was too and _seven hells I just want to see her_.

* * *

"Pod?"

"Yes, your grace?"

"Will you do me a favor?"

"Anything your grace."

I could feel the heat rising from my neck. "First, have you seen Sansa?"

He nodded. "Lady Sansa has been up for quite some time, your grace. Bustling about the kitchens, setting everyone about their business before going to the rookery and then breaking fast with Ser Davos, Tormund, Lord Reed and Lady Mormont. They will be at your solar at your notice, your grace – "

"Pod, your lady...?"

"Oh. Yes. I saw her with Lady Brienne going towards the Godswood and heard that she'll be going to her chambers after."

I nodded and the heat rose once more to my face. "Will you gather some winter roses for me then? Discreetly?" I coughed.

A look of confusion crossed his face but he nodded anyway. "Certainly, your grace."

I cleared my throat. "Your lady took upon it herself to do go about the businesses this morning even taking upon some of my own. I simply wish to do something to show my gratitude. I'd do it myself but I'm not ready to face anyone other than her right now."

He doubled back. "Of course, of course. At once." Then he all but ran off embarrassed for some reason.

I sighed and returned to my meal that I could hardly touch. In truth anxiety was eating me up from the pits of my stomach.

A number of things could happen today.

But one thing was certain.

Everyone would know by the end of the day that I was Jon _Targaryen._

I swallowed.

Not only did I have a mother I never knew but also a father I equally don't know. All I had were stories.

All I had were lies.

I sighed.

Then as if a lifeline, I took out from my breast pocket Sansa's favor. Holding it to my nose I inhaled her scent now mixed with mine lingering on the cloth.

 _I am still a Stark._

And yesterday was the sweetest I have seen her act towards me. All along I thought that she was the one who needed my saving but in reality, right at this moment, I was the one that needed her.

 _She_ was saving _me_.

So whatever happens today, all decisions would be for what is best for her.

I hadn't realized that I was brooding when I was taken from my thoughts once more from a knock.

"Your grace." I smiled Pod was quick or I was lost in thought for a long time.

I opened the door and saw the blooms. As Sansa's eyes resembled a cloudless sky in the morning, these were as dark as the sky at high dusk. A beautiful complement of blues. I took them from him and thanked him.

"The Queen is at her chambers now, your grace."

I nodded at him and my heart warmed at hearing _queen_ as she is right to be.

And I shouldn't keep her waiting any longer – couldn't keep _my heart_ waiting any longer. As if in tandem with my words, my heart started picking up that I took a moment to reign in my feelings. As much as I yearned for her presence every second I am away from her, I cannot help but hold back – from nervousness, from fear, from a shade of shame I don't know. Maybe a mix of all.

I shook my head to rid these thoughts. There were more pressing matters than my heart.

 _Yes, there are. Still you walk to her chambers with flowers and jewelry and your heart on a sleeve._

I cursed internally. But here I was outside her door… with flowers and her crown, her favor near my heart. And her swornsword staring down at me with a quirked fair brow.

"Lady Brienne, I thank you –

She shook her head once curtly. "It's nothing, your grace. It would do our House proud to be honored a place in our queen's crown."

I nodded at her gratefully.

"Jon is that you out there?"

I jumped back at the sound of her sweet voice and already my traitor body reacts before I could think. But I bit my cheek and pushed the greenboy out of my head and let out a breath. "Yes. Good morning, Sansa. Can I come in?"

"Yes. Of course. You don't need to knock, Jon."

I looked at Brienne before entering Sansa's room. "Gather the chosen Lords and Lady to our solar at mid-morning. Wait for us there. I must speak with your lady alone first."

She nodded and made her way.

When I entered her chamber, I reddened remembering I was just here a few moments ago and reddened even more as my eyes finally found her, my breath leaving me.

Against the faint winter sunlight, she was glorious wearing the blue-green wolf dress I loved, her hair burning loose in gentle curls around her back, two plaited braids meeting at the back of her head, a Northern style that was done as if awaiting a crown to complete it. She was glorious and I was only looking at her back.

As if sensing me, she turned around her sky eyes warm and searching, her lips gracing me with a slow but blinding smile. "There you are. I was wondering when you'd come."

"I – "I started but words failed me.

She wrinkled her nose in confusion then regarded my hands curiously before her eyes lit up and her cheeks coloring.

 _Beautiful._

"Are those… for me?" She asked shyly, her eyes never leaving mine, her lips quirking as if suppressing a smile.

I mentally kicked myself and walked over to her, praying to the gods for Robb to possess me so I could do this as innocently and brotherly – no – cousinly – _what does that even feel_ _like_? – as I could.

I smiled at her and dropped a kiss to her brow but before I could step back she wrapped her arms around my middle then pulled back to look at me, my gifts forgotten at my sides.

Her brows were furrowed as she regarded me closely. "How are you feeling Jon? Truly? Are you okay?"

Worry. She was worried.

I half-smiled and gave a nod and a shrug. "I am now."

After holding my gaze for a beat she let out a breath she's been holding, blinked, and smiled. "That'll have to do for now. And at least you are fed, dressed, and you smell good so at best I know you are functioning today," she jested.

I chuckled. "Did I stink that much yesterday?"

She just laughed and shook her head.

"Well it's a good thing then that I woke up in your bed and smelled like flowers."

She stopped laughing and blushed in surprise at that. Curious. But I remembered something. "Speaking of flowers, these are for you."

I held the bouquet of winter roses out to her and her blush deepened as she took them, closing her eyes as she inhaled them, taking my breath away once more. _Why haven't I given her flowers before?_

"They smell so sweet," then she looked up at me with a big smile. "But you are sweeter, thank you Jon."

I must have been grinning as my cheeks started to ache.

"What brought this on?"

I cleared my throat and scratched the back of my head. "I just wanted to thank you for yesterday." I tried to shrug it off.

Her eyes softened in understanding before having a spark of playfulness in them. "Then shall I be expecting blooms for each cloth I stitch and sew for you from here on?"

Boldness overtook me and may the Others take me after but I took one of her hands and kissed the back of it. "If that is what my lady desires."

Silence.

I looked up at her and saw her eyes wide, her mouth parted, and her cheeks flushed and suddenly our eyes held each other with questions before I remembered myself.

I let go of her hand and broke eye contact, both of us suddenly standing in front of the other awkwardly. I cursed internally. _My lady._ I chastised myself.

 _Move, Jon. Say something._ _Anything_ _._

She turned around and made to place the flowers on her dresser and cleared her throat. "Thank you Jon. I haven't received flowers well aside from the proclamation –but you get it I hope… um…in a long time." She stammered.

That was odd to me. "Surely there were many who sought to seek your favor and showered you with gifts?"

She shook her head slowly as a sad smile formed. "You know best how hard it was for boys to even just look at me here back then with Robb. And at the capital… being promised to Joffrey…" She shook her head. "And if at all, all the gifts I received – they were fine and precious of course but all of them had strings… save for one I guess."

My heart saddened at that. Sansa always dreamed of being courted and swept off her feet. "What was that one?"

She smiled a little. "It was at the Hand's Tourney for father. Ser Loras Tyrell galloped across the jousting arena. All eyes were on him and his golden hair and eyes but it was _me_ he gave the Tyrell rose to before his joust. Come to think of it, it was the only time I received a flower…"

I could picture it though I had no idea what the famous knight and heir of Highgarden looked like. The gallant knight of her dreams choosing the loveliest lady at the tourney and making it known for all to see. I could be happy for her and stem the jealousy that was rising, that she had that but something in her smile told me it was short-lived.

"But that is a story for another day. And I prefer blue roses over red," she beamed at me. _From here on her room would always house flowers. Winter roses would have to do for now but come spring…_

I smiled. "I have another gift." I showed her the blue box.

"Oh?" I could sense that she was trying to reign her excitement. Opening the lid I revealed her crown to her.

Her smile fell as a protest started forming as she eyed the gift.

I shook my head at her and pointed to my own crown on top of my head. Her eyes widened in realization that I have been wearing it all this time. "It's high time, Sansa. I don't like wearing mine. But I wouldn't wear it if you didn't wear one yourself. And today more than ever, we need them to believe we are the regents of the North."

She weighed in my words and relented with a sigh as she tentatively traced the bronze direwolf. "Sapphires? They're from Tarth I would guess." Then she gave a small smile finally. "It's beautiful."

"It'll look better around your head," I nodded at her.

She rolled her eyes and took the box then and placed it on her dresser beside the flowers.

"I can be stubborn too," I added.

"Yes, of course you are," she sighed. I watched as she sat down and started replaiting her braids, adding small roses with them and finally placing her diadem carefully, the sapphire resting on the middle of her forehead bringing out the blues in her eyes.

She turned to me then. "There, happy?"

I grinned and nodded. "Very."

She was in fact, too glorious that it hurt to look at her and not – not…

 _The image of my lips brushing against hers light as a feather crossed my mind._

"Enough about this. I have delayed things far too long and our council awaits…" She eyed me then. "Are you truly okay?"

I nodded at her. "Yes. Let's start."

She cocked her head in answer. "Jon, three ravens have arrived this morning. All with Lannister seals." Her eyes regarded me. "One from each of Tywin's…sons and one from his daughter."

I frowned but was grateful for the distraction. So here was the start of today's _work_.

She pointed towards her desk and urged me to sit while she retrieved the letters.

"Which one do you want to read first?"

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. Level with me first though Sansa, should I be worried?"

"Mmm… Just read the letters Jon." She sat across me and thought for awhile before handing me one.

I took it and read, my frown growing deeper by the word. It was signed _Queen Cersei Lannister_ and she has taken the Iron Throne for herself.

I almost tore the paper to pieces at her _demands._ Fealty, men, _and Sansa's head on a spike_ by threat of the royal army and _wildfire._

I looked at her and saw her wringing her hands, her eyes wavering, her posture betraying her growing fear. "She killed them all, Jon. She killed the Tyrells…"she muttered sadly.

"I don't care about them, Sansa. All I care about is her threat to you," I said through clenched teeth.

She placed her hand on top of mine and sought my eyes. "You must read this next. Leave all planning after you've read them all." Then she slid the next letter over to me.

It was from the _Kingslayer_. And it was from Riverrun…And it was a _plea._ First he told of what he saw at King's Landing. The Sept of Baelor blown by wildfire along with the Tyrell heirs and the Faith Militant. His sister was the new Mad Queen. Their son, Tommen by incest he admitted, jumped from a tower to his death. He swore no more love for Cersei, breaking faith with her. And Walder Frey and his two sons found dead at the hands of an unknown killer…

… _I am ready to swear to House Stark and renounce my sister's claim to the Iron Throne. Riverrun is now back to House Tully, rightfully so, under your uncle Lord Edmure Tully. His men as well as fifteen thousand Lannister men that chose to follow me are yours at your command. We await your reply but move with haste. We will guard The Twins…_

And he kept on with promises and about an oath with Lady Catelyn to keep her daughters safe. It was too good to be true and I was too distrusting of Lannisters to make something of it.

Then finally Sansa slid me the last letter. _Tyrion's._ Who was now the hand of king to the Dragon Queen in the East, Danaerys Targaryen – _my aunt._

It spoke of an alliance to be made with promise of dragon glass, dragons, and an army for the Winter War to come if fealty and a measure of good faith be given from our end and the promise of aid once called for them to retake the Iron Throne. But there was no mention of my birthright or Cersei's apparent reign. This letter must be dated. But an envoy was on its way.

I massaged my temples trying to make sense of these Lannister words. Tywin's progeny were scattered and each with different alliances, yet all seeking ours – one by force, the other by surrender, and the other by principle – or so it would seem.

After going through the letters one more time, I finally looked up at Sansa. "What do you make of all these?" I gestured.

She wrung her hands in front of her and thought deeply before speaking.

"I imagine receiving another more dated letter from Tyrion now with knowledge of his two siblings. But at the moment lets focus on the other two." Then her face scrunched up in worry and fear.

"Cersei has really done it now. With all her children dead and Jamie abandoning her, there is _nothin_ g that can stop her. Nothing but _death._ And even then I believe she has a plan…" her eyes flickered with panic finally dropping her calm.

I placed my hands on top of hers and looked her squarely. "She will _never_ get to you again."

"She has spies and men everywhere. All it takes is one lonely turn, one dark corridor, one fatal taste – "

I shook my head. "You will never be unaccompanied and I will have you heavily guarded even if I have to guard you myself day and night. All food and drink will be tasted before they touch your lips. I will make sure of it. I will make sure of your safety, _I promise_."

That somewhat placated her and she continued. "Okay. Okay." She let out a breath. "I am wary of the Riverlands… but with Walder Frey dead, controlling The Twins along with our hold on The Neck, we can secure a lot of time guarding entrance to the North. But to work with the Lannisters…"

"To work with the Kingslayer, you mean."

She nodded. "They just killed my Great Uncle, the Blackfish and retook the castle. Now they say they reinstated Uncle Edmure… perhaps we need to send an envoy and a raven for them to parley. But we'll see what the other lords would think."

I agreed. "Now about the Dragon Queen…"

She gave me a look and turned over my right palm to hers as she stroked it. "Your _aunt."_

I grimaced. "It seems I am no longer the last living dragon. Did you know about this?"

She examined me then gave a terse nod. "It was what caused Father and King Robert's fight. The king wanted to kill her when she was found alive at Essos but father thought the killing senseless… and the next thing, father relinquished his position and bid us that we were going home…" her eyes shone with sadness before she blinked rapidly and refocused. A story for another day as well I guess. "Then I heard from the Queen that they had eyes and hands in Essos and that it wouldn't take long for her to be assassinated…" She looked up at me. "I guess they weren't successful."

"Now she's on her way to claim the seven kingdoms in her – _our_ family's name. Do you think she knows about…me?"

"If I am honest…" she started and paused.

I nodded at her. "Go on."

"It seems from the letter, she doesn't know about your family ties yet… I am… a little concerned once she does…"

I sighed in understanding. "I would just have to make her believe me when I say I do not wish to contest her claim."

"We…don't know her and how _she_ thinks. She might think that being the last of her name that the Seven Kingdoms are hers by right but we know she is not and you have a better claim…and that makes you a threat… or her biggest ally…" She shook her head. "We don't know what she means to do or what she'll think but we both know Lord Tyrion and I have cause to trust in him… do you?" she asked carefully taking in my reactions.

Remembering my life debt to him I nodded at her. "Aye."

She closed her eyes and let out a breath. "Alright. I believe it is best we talk to Tyrion first. He is her Hand after all. She must listen to him. And… they do know about the threat beyond the Wall. How they knew about that must mean she has men here or at the Wall…But going back to Tyrion's letter, does what he offered truly help?"

"So you believe me about what I said about the White Walkers?"

A look of hurt flashed in her face that I immediately regretted asking.

"Of course I do."

I patted her hand on top of mine. "I do not mean to doubt you. It's just… they talk of dragons. These are things from Old Nan's stories…"

Her lips quirked and she shrugged. "Well, White Walkers are real. I have no cause to believe that Tyrion is lying about dragons."

I wrinkled my nose. "Say they are true…that and dragon glass and a bigger army could even the odds against the Others. But what good show of faith can we give them?"

"A question to think about later with the council. Again we shall have to correspond with Tyrion. Though has he talked with his brother yet? What if his brother joins him and the Dragon Queen instead and leave us as we were?" She shook her head and admonished herself. "No. Not with the knowledge of the army of the dead that is coming… I don't think they would abandon us truly…"

I stood up and shook my head before walking over and kneeling in front of her, making her stop her ramblings.

I took both her hands in mine and sought her eyes.

"All these letters… they all gravitate towards the good of the South and the godforsaken Iron Throne. Nothing of which really concerns us. If any of them truly cared for the realm they would not think to demand from us and just come and prepare for winter. Yes, they can give us men and the weapons we need to fight the true war but they are forgetting one important thing."

Her brows met as she looked at me, waiting, the wolves on her crown and gown, the winter roses in her hair, the paleness of her long neck, and her impossibly blue eyes that could shelter the coldest frosts of resolve – she was a vision – a true _symbol of the North_. Her fire-kissed hair the shinning beacon reflecting the loyal heart of the North capping the ice.

One look at her now with a rightful crown on her head was enough strength I needed to state my resolve.

" _When dead men and worse come hunting for us in the night. You think it matters who sits on the Iron Throne?" came Jeor Mormon'ts voice in my head._

 _Lord Commander's face with the grim truth and a flash of red as Ygritte's followed and lastly that of Ned Stark's – the only father I know… resurfaced in my thoughts… I knew now what I needed to do._

"If the North falls, there is no hope for the South. Thus they _cannot_ demand _anything_ from us, only aid us if they wish to have anything left to _rule._ Let them have their wars as we prepare for ours. And if they know what is coming for them, they will have no choice to but turn to _us_."

I gripped her hands tighter and caressed the back of hers with my thumb.

"They threaten us with fire – _Wildfire_ and though it is not said, possibly with _Dragonfire_ too should we not swear fealty to either queens. Both the Southern Queens certainly know power and fire but do not know _Ice._ They do not know the full weight of Ice coming for them after Ice comes for us if we fall. To die by ice or by fire – _I_ will stay in the North. I will stay _with you._ If we die – we die. But first, _we'll live._ And we'll live and die by the cause we've chosen."

"Two queens wanting our fealty… But there is only _one_ queen worth swearing fealty to and that is the queen who knows _Ice,_ who knows the true enemy, knows that defeat means death, knows the near impossibility of victory yet stays true to the cause – braving against all odds to face it and not run. _"_

I stood up and cupped her cheek. "A Queen that has faced all kinds of terrors and has seen many faces of evil… a queen that had every opportunity to _run_ but chose to _fight_ instead… a queen who is not only a survivor but a warrior in her own right and a queen who knows how to both serve and lead. That Queen is the only queen worth swearing fealty to."

Her eyes were welling with tears as she weighed my words. I brushed each tear that escaped and looked at her with adoring abandon. She did not protest because we knew that after today all Northern fealties would be to her. They may accept that I am half a Stark, but the Targaryen blood in me will be met with suspicion. That is a certainty.

"Sansa, _my_ _Queen_ , if they want anything to do with the North, they would have to come _here._ That is the message we shall send them above all things. No more games. No more schemes." I shook my head. "For that is the Southern way. You are the first Stark from Eddard Stark's line to be born in Winterfell, in the North. You are of the North through and through. _You_ will give them truth and warning. _You_ will give them _their_ choices. Let's just hope they choose well."

She looked at me then with nothing but reverence and pride as she cupped my hand on her cheek and closed her eyes while she beamed.

"So it shall be, _my King_ ," she replied. "You will always be the King in my eyes. No matter what happens today."

I brought her head to me and kissed her brow, my lips grazing her crown as her words both chilled and warmed the whole of me. _My King, my king, my king… Yes. I was for now, still the King but I was and has only been her_ _King because she wants me to be.I am hers. The North may have crowned me but it was her blessing alone I heeded. She is the one with all the power here._

"At least for a little longer, ey?" I jested.

She sighed but nodded.

"I won't ever abandon you, Sansa. I will help you any way I can," I vowed.

"I know."

"But first, we have to secure _our_ North while it's still… _ours._ Then they'll be all yours."

She nodded at me and stood up, her hand not letting go of mine. "It's still yours Jon. It's still ours…"

I kissed her hand. "But after today, Westeros will only know it as _yours_ to rule."

She sighed and dropped her protests then looked up at me. "It's time."

"Aye," then hand in hand, Sansa and I made our way to our solar where our selected council awaited their regents.

As I promised nights ago, Sansa _will_ know _power_ and _choice._ They will all bow down to her or suffer a death of their doing. _Fire or Ice._ Those were their choices.

The Iron Throne may be one that runs sovereign across many kingdoms but the Northern Kingdom was always the one with all the power because the North knows the _true_ enemy. There were no games, no lies, no schemes, just vigilance and preparation bound by loyalty and honor.

 _Ours is the Fury._ What good would the Baratheon's fury would promise when it all ended with their destruction of each other? Their fury took the throne but failed to keep it.

 _Hear me Roar._ Now the Lannisters were scattered, their roars thundering, paying their debts with blood and innocent lives. At what cost? They may hold the reign but was it just the name? What of the people?

 _Fire and Blood._ My family's words I have to accept. Fire and Blood ruled for so long with that promise and now there were only two Targaryens left. The former reign that my family held was a toss of brilliance and madness. Until now my family's blood was spilled, and the fire's extinguished. Who knows if my _aunt_ will be different? As blood of my blood I may be compelled to aid her claim but as blood of _my_ blood she has to swear to aid me in this true war first. If she wants to prove that she is worthy to rule the realm, then as part of the realm, she must do all to protect the North.

All three family cries spoke of promises of power and threats to opposition. But are power and fear enough to hold a kingdom?

 _Winter is coming._ It is not a promise of power, nor does it speak of the House's glory. But it speaks of a promise – a promise and a warning far different from the other houses. The Starks have always ascribed to a certainty – a _truth._ It doesn't promise protection or instill anything other than what it is. _Winter is coming._ Now Winter is _here._ And only a Stark could possibly know most about what that entails and that is why all who do not heed our warning will suffer.

What good is Fire and Blood if such fire were only used to get the Iron Throne?

What good is Fury when you have no sense to use or have Valyrian Steel or Dragonglass between you and a White Walker?

What good is a loud Roar and all the gold in the world if your enemy is Death who does not negotiate but just take?

At least Starks knew. And half I may be, but I'd much rather be a Stark. I've fought too many battles. But this is a battle of my choosing. And this is a battle that must be _won._ Or all shall be lost.

I glanced down at Sansa and I knew I would be losing my crown once the truth of my birthright was known and she would be sole regent but for these few moments…

I was going to relish being the King beside her. _Her King._

Standing side-by-side. Hand-in-hand.

 _My Queen,_ I said.

 _My King,_ she replied.

To the eyes of everyone present save for mine, we were simply co-regents.

But for me, if only just me, I was just the King to my Queen.

My Queen the Red Wolf, the Winter Rose, the Queen in the North.

 _My Sansa…_

 _If only for a moment.  
_

* * *

 **AN: Jon may have woken up a new man with new eyes but one thing that's sure is he woke up more Stark as ever. He still doesn't know how Sansa truly feels about his parentage but we'll get to that after they meet with their secret council which will happen in the next chapter. They will have to discuss their plans and their replies to each Lannister letter though it's clear that Jon wants them to come North if they want an alliance. But first he must make sure that all fealties to Sansa was solid. They would also have to deal with Littlefinger who is on his way back.**

 **I truly truly hope I can update soon. Anyway thank you for the support!**


	10. The Rise of the Red Wolf

_**The Rise of the Red Wolf**_

Here they were in front of us, Lord Howland, Ser Davos, Lady Mormont, Lady Brienne, and Tormund.

"Finally his Highness has graced us with his fooking presence," Tormund bellowed earning looks from the others and a slap to the back from Ser Davos. "Wha?"

I sighed and shook my head before gesturing to them to sit. "There is much to discuss and utmost discretion is demanded this morning."

Everyone was silent and waiting even Tormund who looked like he wanted to say something but held back.

"No one can contest that the matter of trust from me and your Queen is scarcely bestowed, given our history of betrayals. So to all of you we've called today, can we be assured of your fealty to us? Can you give us your word that all that will be discussed shall be kept within these walls until we deem the time is right to reveal them? Are you loyal to House Stark? Do you affirm your fealty?"

Tormund waved his hand. "Out with it Snow. I am no kneeler but I have always vouched fer ya."

"Aye," Ser Davos simply said with a nod which Lord Howland echoed.

"I swear it," Lady Brienne proclaimed. "To the old gods and new."

"Just get it over with King in the North," Lady Mormont prompted.

I nodded at them and looked at Sansa who gave a small smile of encouragement, silently slipping her hand in mine under the table.

We agreed to tell them of my parentage first after getting into the letters.

I gathered my strength and forced myself to look each of them in the eye, fighting the urge to swallow – vomit – faint – tremble whichever comes first but the soft pressure I felt pressed in my hand gave me the courage to proceed.

"Now that I have assured that you are loyal to House Stark I can proceed. You all knew me as Snow and you all named me Stark, that is true right?"

They nodded.

"I am a Stark. But I am not Ned Stark's son."

Confusion. Shock. Surprise. All those who didn't know had different expressions but no one made to speak so I continued.

"I am Lyanna Stark's son."

Ser Davos glanced at Lady Mormont as he tried to piece things together.

Lyanna Mormont was quicker though as she looked at Lord Reed then at me. "You're a Targaryen, aren't you? Rhaegar's?"

I nodded. "Aye I am."

She looked at Lord Reed. "You knew all along. You and Lord Eddard. So is he a Targaryen bastard now?"

I almost winced at that if not for the knowledge that I wasn't.

Lord Reed bobbed his head and crossed his arms. "Aye. I knew of it. But he's not a bastard. Rhaegar and Lyanna were wed before the old gods. It was the only way to keep the boy safe."

"Lord Reed will explain to all and show you the evidence of Jon's parents as well as their union but for now we need to know what this information means to you – means to the North," Sansa spoke out.

"Union? If that is true then you have the rightful claim to the Iron Throne – in fact the strongest claim as legitimate son of the first son of the king…" Ser Davos stated with wide eyes, the shock not wearing off.

"But weakens your claim to Winterfell and the North," Lady Mormont added. "Now that we've declared the North as independent."

"He is still a Stark," Brienne interjected.

"But he is not the immediate _heir_ as Ned Stark's nephew," Lyanna stated matter-of-factly.

"What does that matt'r? E's the bloody King right now, Snow fought for these lands and the people. Enough reason ter be the fooking lead'r," Tormund argued.

"Oy enough all of you. You are all somewhat right. But as it is, I do not want the Iron Throne. I might be born in the South but I lived all my life in the North and I will die for the North if need be. I've already had to do _that_ once after all."

That took them back and some even winced.

"Then what do you mean to do? And why did you even reveal this to us if you will not assert your claim? My previous statement would only be echoed by the other Northern Lords and we are tired and wary of having threats to this already fragile union we have." Lyanna spoke wisely and with warning.

I sighed. "Because it is foolish to think that such a secret would be kept a secret for long and we thought it best it came from us so it could not be used against us."

"You are talking about Petyr Baelish aren't you?" Ser Davos asked.

"That slimy southern pecker with the pointy beard?"Tormund spat.

Sansa's hand stiffened in mine. I brushed it with my thumb.

"Aye."

Then deciding that they've ignored Sansa for too long, I spoke up. "I already know that it would be hard for me to keep my crown without the other lords thinking that in the end there would still be southern involvement with the north. I can relinquish it, step down with no problem knowing that I would be leaving it in much more capable hands."

I looked at Sansa and smiled at her though she kept her gaze steady at the council's. "You still have your Queen. As the last known living Stark of Eddard Stark's line, and even if the younger Starks are found, she would still be the eldest, she has the best claim to the north. I do not have to remind you that while I lead the battle, she was the one who pushed for it and it was her wits that lead to our victory. I also do not need to remind you of the heavy price she paid to reclaim Winterfell."

I stood up then, drew my sword and knelt in front of Sansa. "I renounce all my claim to the North and the Iron Throne. If it pleases all for me to deny both Stark and Targaryen name, I deny them. I am more than happy to lay my life and follow the rightful queen as a Snow."

Everyone except Tormund knelt and bowed in front of Sansa. Tormund locked his eyes at me before giving a heavy nod at Sansa. He would follow.

Sansa stood up and motioned for us to get up and sit back down. "Sit please. I am grateful and humbled but we have much to discuss yet. The other Lords shall be arriving post-haste as well as Littlefinger. We can do all the formalities then but we need to have an accord right now."

Once everyone was were we were before, Sansa then took over the proceedings.

She took out the three letters and passed them over the others while she spoke. "We have received three letters, one from each of Tywin Lannister's progeny. The most dated came from Jamie Lannister, then Cersei and lastly Tyrion."

"Separate letters?" Brienne muttered as she made to grab the one from the Kingslayer.

Sansa nodded at her. "Yes. In summary, the Lannisters are separated by miles and by alliances and each serving if not wanting to serve different queens. Queens because the war of the kings are over. Queens have taken over. Cersei Lannister blew up the Sept of Baelor along with the Faith Militant and the Tyrell heirs and now calls herself Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Crossing the narrow sea is the Dragon Queen, Daenerys Targaryen, daughter of the slain Dragon King Aerys Targaryen, who comes to reclaim the throne that was taken from her family and backed by a large army that includes as you've read in the letter, scores of Unsullied, Second Sons, a Dothraki khalasar, as well as the Olenna Tyrell's men from the Reach, the Sand Snakes of the Martell House of Dorne, and the Iron Fleet helmed by Yara Greyjoy, Queen in her own right of the Salt Throne."

"And Jamie Lannister has allied with my uncle Edmure Tully and together they hold the Riverlands and a large portion of the Westerlands that are loyal to Ser Jamie. And they have pledged for House Stark whether we accept them or not."

It was Lyanna who spoke first. "Well clearly we know which Queen has already lost."

Ser Davos grumbled. "Indeed. Another Mad Queen on the Iron Throne. Yet we must not underestimate Wildfire, my lady. I saw firsthand how it was used effectively in battle." He looked at Sansa then who held a grim smile and nodded.

"They only needed one boat and one fire-tipped arrow," Sansa recalled.

 _The Battle at Blackwater._

"Yet let me make it clear right now before we go to any decision. We all agreed when you crowned Jon and I that we have a bigger more menacing enemy to face. I don't need to remind you," she started.

A collective aye sounded.

"As much as we need more men and more supplies to defeat the White Walkers and last the winter which was predicted to be the longest one yet, we simply cannot afford to go _South._ We need all available men and resources _here._ I understand that they all seek an alliance with the North and why wouldn't they? The North is the largest region in Westeros."

She eyed them all and gave a small frown. "I do admit that looking at our numbers… we are simply not enough and we only have _two_ Valyrian steels and only a couple hundreds of dragonglass. We are then offered men, dragonglass, and _dragons."_

"But what good faith can we give them, really? Other than our word of support? Every man we send for them to fight could only be another man _less_ we need to defend the North."

No one could disagree.

"But the consequence of our refusal to both queens?" Ser Davos raised.

"Death by fire. Wildfire or Dragonfire."

Cold surrounded the room, shivers reached spines and fingers, and minds raced a mile a minute.

Tormund harrumphed and spat. "FIRE? ICE is co-ming fer us! Ice will come fer 'em too! If those Southern cunts 'ad any sense in 'em, they'd _use_ their fire to fight ice with us! What could pos'bly be so appealin' abou' an iron chair? Does i' magically suck cocks an' cunts?"

 _Bless you Tormund Giantsbane._

Bless you and your filthy mouth I almost grinned at him. I looked at Sansa and she smiled at me which I returned.

She looked at him then. "Filthy as it was, Jon and I share in Lord Giantsbane's sentiments."

He gave Sansa an appreciative crooked grin. "Don' be callin' me Lord now. Tormund's jes fine."

Sansa actually grinned. "Tormund then. Tormund is right. If they have any sense they would see that we are not the real enemy."

"So what do you propose we do then?" Lyanna piped in. "The North is independent. It belongs to you Sansa Stark. To you as well Jon Snow, Jon Targaryen. Who cares. The blood of the first men still flows in your veins. The Wildling is right. Ice is coming for all of us. By the way I see it no matter what we will face Ice. So its either we die trying to fight Ice, or die from fire if the South comes for us. Either way if we fail against Ice, Ice will come for them too even if they had dragons and men. They don't know the enemy. They don't know the North like we do."

"Jon and I think as much. So what we can offer them is a _choice._ If they truly care for the realm, if they want to have anyone to rule at all, then they simply must join us in our battle. If they care more about the 'magical' chair as Tormund kindly pointed out more than surviving the Winter, then they do not deserve that chair. Whatever they decide to do, if they want our alliance, here are our terms," Sansa eyed each and everyone before speaking.

"Essentially, no one of the North shall go past the Neck. Only a select few can go further down towards the Twins if it truly the Riverlands has proved loyal to me. If they want to talk to the North, they must come North. That is my first condition. The last would be that all finality of alliances and dealings will be done _after_ the long night, after the war against the dead."

Her eyes glinted, accentuated by the sparkle of the sapphires on her crown as she looked at everyone.

"They don't even need to fight _for_ us. Because this is as much their fight as ours. So this is the choice we will be giving them. Fight _with_ us or die _after_ us."

She stood up then and placed a hand over her heart. "I was born in the North, raised in the North, _bled_ in and _for_ the North. And if I must die, I will _die_ in the North. But I _won't_ come quietly. There are many things I don't believe in anymore. But I believe that the North is worth fight for. I did not endure all seven hells and back if I didn't think it was worth it. ButI am just one Northman. I may be willing to die for the cause but I know that it it too much too ask of each of you too. So I only need those who are loyal to House Stark – loyal to the North. Those who wish to leave may leave, I will grant that."

She looked at me then softly for a moment before addressing them once more. "Someone told me that sometimes we have to fight with the army we _have._ That battles have been won against greater odds. Foolishness, I dismissed. Battles are won by the numbers and by tactic. That is fact. But what is victory if the men who picked up swords for you do not believe the cause? What is victory if there is room for betrayal in the midst? What is victory if the men who spilled blood for you are lead blind and for a different ulterior cause?"

She shook her head.

"True battles won aren't by the numbers but by the cause."

She smiled. "More foolishness, you might say."

"But if you die knowing you fought with all you've got for what you believed in, isn't that in itself, a victory?"

She took my hand then and gripped tight. "So I'd rather fight with an army who truly fights for the cause and not because of gold, or reward, or coercion, or fear but of their own truth – their own _belief."_

"And that is how I will address all when every Northern Lord has gathered. And whoever still remains in the Hall and stands by the cause will be our army. It's the army we will have. And it's the army we will fight with."

She looked back at me. "No matter the odds."

I returned her look as best I could but I was too overwhelmed and awed.

She believed.

Even back then, she _listened._

She believed in me.

Sansa then gave me a tender smile before shifting to a determined one at them. "So I've said all, and I've said true. Now tell me. What say you?"

I looked at each and everyone of our unofficial council. Small as it was but they were true. And everyone looked as floored and amazed at Sansa as I was.

"The War of the Five Kings is now over and now Queens have risen," Ser Davos remarked while getting to his feet and sword.

Lady Lyanna stood up and gave an indignant huff. "Then it's a good thing we have our own then."

We both beamed at her.

And at that. All at once, they knelt in front of her, firsts to their chests, head bowed low.

I followed suit and knelt before her but I couldn't resist looking at her.

Eyes of frost, and fire-kissed hair, dressed in wolves and winter roses.

This was where she was meant to be.

" _Aye. Queen in the North."_

* * *

 _I can't stop looking at her._

It's driving me to the point of insanity.

I wanted to curse myself. This was hardly the time.

But it's really hard not to look at her especially now that she is in her element.

Now that she is _Queen._

 _Just look at her._

Sitting straight, calm, and poised, her eyes focused as she listened to the lords and ladies who were gathered in the main hall.

It took almost a sennight for all to gather but they were here.

I was sitting on her right on the highest daise while Lady Brienne stood behind her, Ser Davos in turn, behind me. But it was only Sansa who was wearing a crown.

As expected, it was decided that I had to step down and surrender all claims to both my names as a sign of loyalty to Sansa's claim. _Easy enough to give._

She was rightfully the Queen in the North, Lady of Winterfell, Head of House Stark, and by blood, cousin to the Lord Paramount of the Vale and niece to the Lord Paramount of the Trident.

That only left the Stormlands, the Crownlands, the Reach, and Dorne all of which were within the Dragon Queen's grasp. Based on Tyrion's letter, they were already allied with House Tyrell, Martell under the Sand Snakes, and even the Iron Fleet under Yara Greyjoy. That on top of the people loyal to them from Essos.

And right down the middle was the Westerlands, a third for Sansa through Jamie Lannister, a third for Tyrion Lannister for Daenerys Targaryen, and a third still loyal to Cersei Lannister.

But if you think more closely, Tyrion being Sansa's former… _husband_ could have some loyalties to her if he was half as decent a man as I knew him, and Theon, scum as he was, owed his life to Sansa as well… Olenna Tyrell also owed Sansa for her warning of the ill-bred Joffrey as well as being the scape goat for their assassination of that kingling. If there were any Baratheons left or if their vassals were smart, they would realize that the Starks chose to aid _their_ claims. Robert. Stannis. Even Renly. They should return the favor. _Thrice over._ And by what Sansa revealed that Ned Stark resigned as Hand in protest to my _aunt's_ assassination, Danaerys could likely owe our family her life and he… he was her good-sister by my… _parents._ Seven hells, House Targaryen is alive _because_ of him!

They all _owed_ Sansa and House Stark.

 _Seven hells, Sansa truly deserved to be the Queen. And not just the North, but everything!_

So there really should be no issue for them to overlook Sansa. '

Sansa who only wanted to _come home._

Sansa who despite being terrorized by the North, still _stands_ by the North.

But there was of course, _Littlefinger._

"My Queen, if I may," came his sniveling voice. The way he said _my queen_ did not settle well with me.

"Go ahead Lord Baelish," Sansa said calmly but I noticed her tense and saw that her hand was shaking underneath the table. I took it in mind automatically.

"Thank you, my Queen. If I might make a suggestion," he started.

"Proceed."

"Lord Stark, no Lord Targaryen or forgive me, but what do we call you my Lord?" he looked at me and though he did not smirk his feigned concerned smile did not fool me.

"Have you not been paying attention, Lord Baelish? I have renounced my claim to Stark and Targaryen. You may address me as how I was being addressed all my life. I care not," I faked a half smile at him.

Sansa squeezed my hand in warning.

"Ah. My apologies. But given that there is proof of your… royal blood. You are the son of the first son and as such you have a better claim than your aunt who is crossing the narrow sea. As such you have better claim to the Iron Throne." He said with a casual tone. Too casual.

I raised a brow. "And? That was very clearly pointed out before but as I said, I have no desire for it."

He looked at me as if he was ready to explain to a child and I had to clench my teeth to keep from being annoyed. Just spit it out Littlefinger.

"Must you dismiss it just like that? If you claim the throne, you hold claim to all. And you could order all the men to march beyond the Wall. You'd have access to everything. Everything you'd ever need. And what better way to _protect_ the North's interest than having a King who was part North on the throne?" When he mentioned North his gaze landed briefly on Sansa then back to mine and I knew he was on his way to playing me. And playing me good. Just that one brief look at Sansa and already he knew where my weakness lay.

But then I felt Sansa brush her thumb against my hand and squeezed again centering my thoughts.

I let out a disinterested breath and said as calmly as I could. "That may be true but we do not have the luxury of time, men, and resources to march South which is still held by a Mad Queen who would probably burn down the whole Red Keep before others could pry it from her and not to mention, my _aunt_ as you've pointed out, is marching South already. She's fought her way to cross the narrow sea, gained powerful friends, and has a justified motive. Why should I take the throne from her?"

"So you show support to your _aunt_ then? You'd have the North _bend_ the knee to your family once more along the way?"

He hit a nerve.

"As you have pointed out, my lord, I am also of the North. I am half a Stark. Were you implying I have my family bend a knee to my family as well?" I arched a brow at him.

To his credit he seemed unfazed. "Just as well. But your answer still remains, _Lord Snow."_

My other hand drew into a fist. "As I've said, I would support only those who would support the North first and foremost. I do not speak for House Targaryen. And as I have renounced my other claim, I do not speak for House Stark as well. I only speak for myself. And I have pledged to serve the Queen in the North."

"But if there was a way, even the slightest possibility that you could secure the Iron Throne, and by all its domain, the whole of the seven kingdoms, would you do it? Take the Iron Throne for the _Nort_ h?

I bit into the inside of my cheek to keep from revealing my emotions. This was a trick question. I can't just say no. But I can't say yes either.

 _Think._ Think Jon. _Think._

But at the sight of his smirk I finally found my words.

"Unless you explain that possibility I do not have the luxury of thinking about what-ifs. I'd rather we deal with what we have and not imagined scenarios," I leveled with him.

From my peripheral vision I could see Sansa looking at me and felt the pressure of reassurance on my hand followed by a stroke of her thumb.

"I propose you command Jamie Lannister to kill his sister the Queen as a sign of his loyalty and use his men along with the Knights of the Vale - both Southern armies to lay siege to the Red Keep. If our Queen allows, men from the Riverlands can come and help you take the throne. Is it not wise? Keep the Northern army North, your Southern army South? You could still defend the North while taking he South. Take the throne before the Dragon Queen comes. I am sure once she knows you are of blood and that she is no longer the only Targaryen in the world, she would not fight you right then and there. There would be a parlay. Perhaps you might even do the world a favor by averting a bigger Southern War. Perhaps you might make an alliance. You have worked well as co-regent with Queen Sansa when she was still your sister, perhaps you could rule as co-regent with your Aunt. And well, as Targaryens do, you might even not _need_ to be _just_ co-regents by _blood_ alone."

The hall was silent and I'm sure my eyes faltered a bit.

That fuck really thought this through. Thought about how _tempting_ it all sounds.

And his implication was not uncaught by me. He means for me to _marry_ my aunt.

I felt ill.

And its not because she's of my blood. It's because – it's _because_ …

And I looked around the room and I knew that there were people considering it. Why wouldn't they?

But the thought of _marriage._

Spending my life tied and duty bound to a woman I've never met.

No.

Spending my life with a woman who was _not_ Sansa…

I looked at her and tried to tell her with my eyes how I feel about this. What should I do? What was the right thing to do? What does she want me to do?

She looked pale and as ill as I was. Her eyes steady but to those who really knew her you'd see they were troubled.

Then there it was. A tiny subtle tilt of her head and a blink. She gave me her answer.

 _I don't know._

So it really fell to me.

Think. _Think._

I looked at Baelish and his smug face brought me back to perspective.

I gave him a smile.

His smirk deepened, feeling victories.

I smiled wider. "That's a pretty picture. _My lord._ And I do not deny the merits you've discussed and by your outstanding proposition, it could well be a plausible plan. But as I've said, we simply do not have the luxury of time even if we do have the men. It would take almost four months to get to King's Landing from Winterfell. Winter is here, _my lord._ We do not know how long before the Dead come for us. I'd rather stay here with _my_ Queen to whom I pledged my sword and my life. And we have hope that my _aunt_ if she was truly what the stories and whispers have said is a just and reasonable queen, then she has no cause not to aid us. If blood matters, then she'd aid _me._ I relinquished my claim. By all rights and purposes, having the better claim, _I_ will have _given_ my aunt the kingdom that as you've said, was _owed_ me."

I looked at Sansa and smiled before staring down at Petyr Baelish. "I have never met either of the Southern Queens. And I do not need to. I have chosen the rightful Queen. Just as the North owes their lives to Queen Sansa, I also owe her _mine._ I happily with no reluctance whatsoever, surrender all my claim to the Northern Kingdom to _her_. What's another Kingdom? And what good would it do to own the South? If _my Queen_ wishes it, I would claim and _give he_ r the Seven Kingdoms but what need would we have of the South when _my Que_ en only knew terror and hell from living in it?'

That wiped the smile from his face.

"So, no. _No._ Lord Baelish. _My_ Queen wishes to protect the North. And _I_ will stand by _her_. As long as she needs."

I smirked as I heard the cheers from the people. But suddenly Baelish's hateful glare let up as light entered his eyes before he relaxed into a knowing smile after hearing my final words.

And there it was.

I knew he found something in my words. I knew this was far from over for him.

I may have won _this_ battle.

But this war was far from over.

I looked at Sansa once more and she offered me an encouraging smile which I returned, grateful that at least she thought I held my own.

"Of course," Petyr interrupted and as he looked at me and at Sansa with a simpering grin and look that was a moment too long before he gave a clap before turning towards the audience.

"As the _White Wolf_ has declared to be part of the Red Wolf's pack, so should we all! I am but from the South but I cannot help but turn North to fight against the real fight and stand by the rightful ruler. The War of the Five Kings is long over and the Reign of Queens has begun. Do we bow to the Queen of Lions?"

" _No!"_ shouted the collective.

"Or do we bow to the Queen of Dragons?"

" _Never again!"_

" _Then who do we fight for? Who holds the North?"_

" _THE RED WOLF!" "HOUSE STARK!" "SANSA STARK!" "THE QUEEN IN THE NORTH!"_

And the crowd erupted into cheers and proclamations, every tankard and mug were banged on the table, swords were drawn out and raised, feet were stomped against the floor, and voices echoed throughout the hall all for Sansa.

Baelish then turned his head slightly to look at me with his knowing smirk against the frenzied crowd in front of him, holding my sight before making a display of turning to Sansa, raising both arms to his sides and bowing low to her.

"Your people, _my_ Queen."

Before I could get over the unsettling feeling he gave when he said _my queen,_ Sansa stood up and raised her arms to silence the crowd. Immediately I went to her and handed her my sword and she took it from me and raised it high and with perfect grace and confidence just as I taught her for this moment.

"The time has come to fight for the North. To fight for our _home._ The North is _ours_. It has always been ours. But now we have to _fight_ to _keep_ it. For generations my family has always said, _Winter is Coming._ And now _Winter is here._ And with Winter comes the true enemy – the true threat to the world that only us Northmen know. So it falls to us to vanquish this enemy. _So what say you?_ Will you fight for the North? _Will you fight for our home?"_

The hall erupted once more, livelier and louder than ever as each and every one in the hall raised their arms and their voices.

But I only had eyes murderously trained on Petyr Baelish's theatrics.

As if knowing he turned to me slightly to give me a look, wavering slightly to Sansa then back to me where he grinned maliciously.

And I caught myself before my body betrays me.

 _He knows._

Because I said _my_ Queen.

I almost didn't go to her chambers especially now that a snake was on the loose but I had to see her.

When I entered her room she was by the window, still dressed in her green wolf gown. By the softening of her stance she knew it was me but she remained where she was, not even turning around to greet me.

So I walked over to stand beside her and stare out the window too.

In silence we watched the blizzard starting outside, washing the view in black and white. Snow against the night.

And I couldn't take the silence any more. "Sansa?"

She turned to me slightly. "Hmm?"

"Sansa, how are you feeling?"

She bent slightly, resting her elbows against the window sill and stared back outside. "The question I think would be, what am I _not_ feeling?"

Then she took a deep breath before turning fully to me and gracing me with a smile. "How about you? How are you feeling Jon?"

I lifted a corner of my mouth. "Just peachy."

She crinkled her nose and studied me before leaning backwards, resting her weight partially on her palms planted behind her on the window sill. "That was dangerous you know."

"What?" Though I clearly knew what she was talking about.

"You shouldn't let Baelish bait you further, Jon," she chastised.

I sighed. "I know, I know. But tell me true, how much damage did I cost?"

She thought for awhile really considering it but then she shrugged and shook her head. "I don't see anything wrong… you actually handled it well… but of course, that doesn't mean that he doesn't have another plan cooked up."

I leant against the wall and crossed both my arms and ankles but kept my eyes on her.

"Of course."

Then she looked up at me. "But you're really not here to talk about Baelish aren't you?"

Nothing really goes past her.

I nodded and sighed. "Aye."

She pushed herself upright and walked in front of me then. "Then out with it Jon. Ask me what you really want to ask."

"My… my parentage Sansa… I want to know how you feel about this – how you feel about… losing a brother? Not that I was truly a brother to you. But – I mean how do you feel about me being a cousin… a Targaryen." I cursed internally through my stammer.

She said nothing. I followed her gaze as it lingered on my breast plate. It took a beat to realize what she was really looking at.

And immediately I took out her favor from my breast pocket and handed it to her.

"Does it really matter what I think?" she said as she stroked the wolf pattern.

I swallowed. "Of course it does. Your opinion is all that matters."

She looked up at me then with a look I didn't recognize. Before she blinked and looked away. "Like I said, what matters to me is how you yourself feel about it. This is your life. This is your legacy. No matter what, this is something that is for you to do as you will."

"Still." I rested my palm to her cheek and met her eyes. "I still want to know."

She smiled briefly then her eyes lowered as she thought. "As much as I know the value of a good name, you might understand why I am disenchanted by its notions." She frowned.

" Names can be powerful. And like any power, it can be exploited." She looked up at me then.

"My first thought was that I was scared for you… I guess I'm still scared for you…you are the lost prince. You could be King. I heard Melisandre mention you having king's blood and now that makes sense. On top of that, she thinks you are the Prince that was Promised. So followers or R'hllor will be after you. The Wildlings already think you some kind of god….Your aunt will definitely be interested in you, whether to kill you or to help her continue your bloodline… Point is everyone would now want a piece of you. Not only do you _have_ a powerful name but you, yourself are powerful in that people have their own beliefs when it comes to you."

She reached a hand to my face, the other clutching her favor against my chest. "You grew up Jon Snow. You knew what it was like to carry that name. And I know that even if you've learned to accept this and be proud even, I knew you dreamed…of more. And now you can be. No, you've always been…more. I…I admit that I thought that maybe you would embrace it. Embrace your birthright. This was once your dream. I…I thought that maybe a part of you still believed in that dream. Yet you renounce it so easily. So I'm not really sure. I told you it all depends on what you want. Who you want to be… Whatever you choose I always knew I would support you."

Then she spread her favor until you could read my embroidered name and she traced all three letters over my chest. Over my heart.

"To me what's more important is the man _behind_ the name. A name is just a name and its really not that hard to change a name. I was once Alayne Stone you know."

"Stone?"

"Yes, Jon. I spent nearly two moon's turn as a bastard."

"When was this and whose?"

She frowned and looked back at the window. "Baelish's."

Then she let out a weary breath. "It started when I escaped the capital and all the way to the Eyrie. I was wanted as a fugitive, accused of having a hand in Joffrey's death..." She shook off those thoughts and drew the curtains shut. Then looked up at me with an offered smile before looking at her hands that were still holding the curtains shut.

"I thought of you, you know. I admit that I hadn't really before but... I thought all my brothers were dead. But at least i knew you were at the Wall. Far far away from the Capital. With the fall of our House I took comfort in the fact that you could still make something of yourself there. Make father proud." She looked up at me. "He was you know. Very proud of you."

Then she looked back down. "Unlike me. I was used for my name. And then I didn't even have that. I was just Petyr Baelish's bastard. I couldn't even go to the Wall." She laughed with little humor.

I stayed silent. She's shared with me a lot about her time in the Keep and under Bolton's terror but never her time at the Eyrie. For some reason it was something she kept guarded most and finally I was getting somewhere.

"And I felt bad for how I treated you. Getting a taste of what you must've felt. I thought about writing you so many times... But I was afraid that I would be found out. So I dreamt instead. And thought... Thought of one day seeing you again and how sweet it might've been to see you again..."

She hesitantly looked back up at me again and gave a real smile now, though there was a touch of uncertainty and shyness.

I reddened.

"At least I was right about that. It was sweet. _Very_ sweet to see you again."

I was so taken aback and awed by her admission. So there was more to it. Her regard for me - her acceptance.

She was used for her name, forced to dirty it, then forced to abandon it and become a nobody - a _bastard._ And when convenient, forced to use her name once more.

"Sansa-" I wanted to reach out but she stepped out of grasp and looked towards the wall.

"Then I got my name back but what good it did me because in the end they married me to a bastard. Oh Ramsey was legitimized of course but when I pointed out that Tommen Baratheon was also a bastard he told me that bastards could rise above the world and cited you as an example. And that was when I first knew that you were Lord Commander."

She traced my cheek lightly and smiled. "I was overjoyed because I was right. You did make yourself proud there. And Ramsey provided me an idea. But regardless if my idea failed, at least there was still you. There was still a Stark in the world. A Stark in the North untouched by Southern corruption."

I held her hand to my face. "Sansa if only I had known. If only I had known you were married-"

She placed a finger to my lips and shook her head.

"That's it. We didn't know. How could we? You thought I was safe in the capital, I thought you were safe at the Wall. But we're here now. And I still stand by what I said. Seeing you brought me so much relief, so much joy, so much hope. It was truly sweet, sweeter than I imagi-"

My arms were around her then. Tight. Her hands trapped between us as I nuzzled closer.

"It was sweet to me too," I choked.

"It was sweet to me too," I repeated. "I just came back from the dead but I never felt alive until I saw you walk past the gates."

We stayed that way for a moment. And it felt like we were back at Castle Black. The relief and joy we felt back then? It felt like this too.

It felt even more.

"It didn't matter to me then what you were Jon. You were you then, and you are you now. And it doesn't matter to me what you want to be called, what role you want to fill, as long as you keep on being brave, gentle, and strong man I know you are. I know it might not mean anything to you but I'm really proud of you Jon. Arya was right. Robb was right. Father was right."

I held her by her arms then and made her look at me never mind that my heart was probably on my sleeve or my eyes.

She stopped talking then and we stood there, so close, close enough to breathe in what the other was breathing out.

"It means something." I whispered almost pained.

I cradled her head against my neck, tucking her under my chin as I lowered my mouth near her ear.

"It means the world." I whispered.

 _It means everything._ I wanted to scream.

Nothing else.

I took my time and relished having her in my arms.

I brought my hand to stroke her hair from the top all the way down to her back. Inhaling the sweet scent of her hair of her skin. Her warmth and softness pressing against me almost made me weep. She was so close. We were so close. I wanted to be closer still.

"No one tells you enough too and I'm also probably not the best person to tell you but someone should. I'm proud of you Sansa. Robb would've told you. Your father and mother would've told you. Even Arya. And you know the little ones. We're _all_ proud of you. You've made House Stark something to be proud again."

I dropped a kiss to her head and pulled away a little so I could grasp her face. I didn't look at her yet and instead pressed my forehead to hers. And I knew she was shaking from crying. But I knew those weren't tears of pain.

"You asked me what I wanted. Who I wanted to be. What I wanted to do. Well I'll tell you now. I am Jon. I am _your_ Jon. Not Snow, not Stark, not Targaryen. Just _Jon._ They can call me any name that they like but they can't tell me what to do. Only _you_ can ever have that power. All those titles, I used to want them. A part of me still does. But those titles mean _nothing_ if they would only lead me to be parted from you. You came to me at Castle Black just as I was reborn. And if the reason I was brought back was to take care of you then that's enough reason to want to stay alive. I'd follow you anywhere. Sansa. I'd do anything for you. I meant everything I said to you and for you in front of all of them. You are worth following."

I looked at her then and I worry that I've said too much. Revealed too much. Half of me wanted to. But it was hardly the time. It was hardly the place. I don't think she's ready yet.

"W-why do you believe in me so much?" she said through tears.

 _Don't you know?_

I smiled at her gently. "I can tell you all the reasons and the days and nights will never be long enough. But trust that I just _do._ Sometimes you can have all the reasons. Sometimes you don't even have even one. You just _do._ I've made a lot of mistakes but this is not one of them. _"_

"And besides, I'm not the only one who believes in you. They call you many names too you know."

I dropped the hand on her face to hold her hand as I lead her to face the floor length mirror.

I stood behind her and placed my hands on her shoulders while I bent my head at level with her eyes and ears.

" _Look._ You are the one wearing the crown here. They crowned you Queen in the North not because you are a Stark. You _fought_ to be here. You _fought_ for our independence. They call you the Winter Rose that continues to bloom more beautiful with each passing day amidst the frost and the blizzards, delicate yet enduring. They call you the Red Wolf that won the North back. And soon enough they will name you Queen of the Trident and Queen of the Vale when they have no other choice but to swear fealty to you. I know you do not desire the Iron Throne but once you win the Battle of the Dawn under your reign, with or without the South's aid, they will call you the Queen who saved the South – who saved Westeros even. If we only had the opportunity, I would even claim the Iron Throne and the Seven Kingdoms if only to give it to you if you ask it of me. You are worthy of it all, Sansa."

"But I know you only care for the North. Your _home._ I just want you to know that I believe you are capable of so much more than your name. Just being Sansa is more than enough. The world may have lost a just Queen of the Seven Kingdoms from you, but the North will always remember their Queen."

I pointed to her reflection.

"You are porcelain. You are Ivory. You are steel. You are all of them at once. Beautiful. Brave. Strong." I said while meeting her eyes through our reflection.

"Now _pick_ you _r_ name."

She straightened her shoulders, lifted her chin, and looked at her reflection with glinting eyes and nerves of steel.

"I am Sansa Stark of Winterfell. I am Queen in the North."

* * *

 **AN: Whoo I need a drink. This chapter and the next ones were all so emotionally draining. And this one. So. Much. Going. On. And I really wanted to give Jon something – a little something to hope for. ;)**

 **But first things first. Okay. So if you've noticed, I already added an estimate of how long this would go. Just four more chapters after this and finally we get to the end of Jon's Emotional journey. And, yeah, sorry it took so long but I've actually written like three different drafts er four actually, but it was truly a struggle! Anyway, it's here and thanks for all the support I truly appreciate it! I love you guys! The good news (for those who are the least bit interested in this story that is) is that I can salvage the other drafts when I realized that I've gone and written ahead already skipping this so you'll probably see the next chapters soon. Also, from the last chapter, I've added memory Robb as part of the main characters because I figured for this story, he would be the unofficial mediator or in the least the middle ground. If there was anything that they had in common it was their hero-worship of Robb (at least for this story). And he will figure even more prominently in the following chapters. But so will ugh Littlefinger. But until then.**

 **Much love.**


	11. The Young Wolf & The Red Wolf

_**The Young Wolf & The Red Wolf**_

 ** _AN: Uh. WARNING. Super Long Chapter. This was actually supposed to be split into two parts but what they hey here you go. Lots of flashbacks here and based on the title, you're going to see a lot of Robb. But again, super long chapter. Do not read if you have work to do. And again with my disclaimer. I'm having a hard time balancing things so this is not beta'd okay? Suffer a bit of the spelling and format mistakes etc. Sorry!_**

* * *

I dropped the whetstone I've been using to sharpen Longclaw for what seemed like hours and lent as far back until my back was resting against the old heart tree here in the Godswood.

In the distance, I could hear Ghost running around getting further and further out to hunt. Both of us only had so little time to go around by ourselves but now that we are assured that Sansa was well guarded without either of us, we could be a little comfortable to take short breaks on our own without worrying too much about Sansa.

 _Emphasis_ on _short_ and _too much_ worrying because everyone knew that there was little to nothing that could keep us from being around her.

At times I'm still kept awake and reaching when we're parted at night that I usually find myself in our joined solar, with my ears and palms pressed against her door just to reassure myself that she's alive and she's here as if she could be gone in a moment.

As much as I am happy that we hardly get nightmares anymore, I miss the nights where we sleep in each other's arms and I think about how good it must be to wake up with her in the morning, something I've never had the pleasure to witness as I am always up before the sun or she was and we'd both wake in our respective chambers.

I shook my head.

We never had that luxury.

 _A luxury only reserved for a husband._

I shook my head once more to rid the snow that accumulated and to rid those thoughts and focus on what I came to the Godswood to think about.

Memories.

 _Other_ memories.

When I think about my memories of Sansa – all of the memories from _before_ we left Winterfell, almost all of them were tied with my memories of Robb.

Well, partly because I was never allowed to be alone with her. I wasn't also allowed to be alone with Arya but I was well and part of her rebellion and stubbornness. But with the second Lady of Winterfell, the rule was almost iron clad and Robb was her unofficial escort and mediator for me.

…and also because the two of them were joined at the hip. When they grew to a same height, one would mistake them twins with their matching hair, eyes, and grin.

They were so alike in so many ways that went beyond their physical appearance. They were both born leaders, both were honorable to a fault, both took their duties and roles more seriously than any other person I've met, and yes, they were both equally ridiculously good-looking.

Everyone loved them best among all the Stark brood. Beautiful, intelligent, brave, well-mannered, humble and honorable, _Red Twin Wolves_ , they called them.

They both had their moments of course. Sansa was a spoiled brat. Robb was an overconfident highly competitive prick. But only to those who knew them.

And they were… I frowned. _Too trusting and loyal._

Both traits that led to one's downfall, and the other's torment.

Still, their hearts were always in the right place. But when I look back they had their own differences of course.

Robb, dutiful and well-mannered as he was had a reckless side to him. He had mischief of his own but he knew how to control and hide them well. And this side I blame it completely to Theon Greyjoy's influence. He got scoldings of his own and got into a lot of trouble when he was younger but when he grew older and it came to duty, everything else was dropped and he would prove honor-bound.

All the mischief and trouble was almost eighty percent because of Theon baiting him into his competitiveness. Robb was damn competitive. A trait probably inherent to firsborns, made worse by being the _heir._

And as Robb was outwardly competitive, Sansa wasn't. At least not entirely. Not unless you count herself as her only competition. No. Sansa was a perfectionist with high regard of rules. Everything she set her mind to doing she excelled at and always by the letter.

Competitiveness and Perfectionism were both hard traits but each of them had a soft touch.

Robb had a soft touch for the oppressed, especially children. That's why he was always kind to me and Theon and why he was always dedicated to each of his younger siblings and dealt with bullies almost mercilessly at the cost of his propriety. Something we all had - well Sansa mostly - had to remind him of.

And Sansa had a soft touch for beauty whether art or music, people, or animals. It looks superficial but its not. Each stitch, each note, each color, each stroke was all thought of carefully and appreciated. That's why you would never see any of her items in sordid condition. The girl could always appreciate all the hard work it took to create. She was always ready with a compliment and kind word and a gentle hand with animals and animals were for some reason were both gracious to be petted by her and greedy of her touches. Unfortunately, the beasts extended to warm blooded boys and men alike. Something we all - well Robb mostly, had to remind her of in turn as well as guard her from.

It's funny how I can think of all this now and not back then.

But in any case, I've been thinking about Robb a lot lately if only to understand Sansa better. Whenever one would ask about Sansa the immediate answer would always be _"Ask Robb_."

He was always so protective of her especially that time when we ran into those wildlings at the woods and then there was always that one time…

I shook off that dark thought.

I looked up and watched as snow fell on my face for a moment if only to feel a bit numb to the burning ache I felt in my chest.

The real reason I was looking into these memories was because I had to figure out how to be a brother to Sansa.

Because it was Robb who she needed to be beside her right now. Not me. Not when I had… _other thoughts…_

We are recognized as cousins now but we've never really in a sense known how to be a cousin. But we both knew what it was like to be a sibling… just not… to each other.

Why was I _agonizing_ about this?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

Because what if this was…

I bit the inside of my cheek.

… _this was as far as we could go?_

What if this was as far as she was willing for us to go?

Could I do it?

I cursed myself.

Even if I couldn't, I'd do it anyway.

* * *

" _Over here, love," Lord father patted his knee from where he was kneeling, gesturing to Sansa who was teetering on her feet, all bright eyes and red hair._

 _Her big blue eyes looked at him but got distracted when Robb spoke._

" _No, walk over here Sansa!" Robb said, imitating father's pose. I chuckled. I was right when our older brother wanted to be with our little sister all the time._

 _I looked at father and saw that he was amused before trying again._

" _Come on Sansa, over here little one."_

 _Sansa looked at him again and started hobbling over to him when Robb all but shouted._

" _Come to_ me _Sansa! It's Robb! Robb you're favorite brother!" I frowned in jealousy. He was only the favorite because he never leaves her._

 _I didn't know what possessed me but suddenly I presented a third option._

" _Over here sister!"_

 _Robb looked at me annoyed as Sansa started waddling over to me I grinned._

" _Saaaan-saaaaa!" Robb then dangled the stuffed red wolf in front of her._

 _No fair! Cheater!_

 _Of course she teetered over to Robb who caught Sansa and hugged her tight while giving us his winning grin._

" _Yes!"_

 _Father sighed and gave a shrug. And from then on we knew that no one would win against Robb for Sansa's attention._

 _Well him and Lady Stark who doted on her so, her mini-me._

 _But Robb…Even when we were too young, he was persistent in learning how to take care of our little sister. He learned how to feed her, bathe her, dress her, play with her and even change her linens._

 _It really was no surprise that even her first word was Robb followed by Mama of course. But still it was one of Robb's winning moments, his name being Sansa's first word._

 _How wouldn't it be when he spent a great deal reminding her all the time to eventually coaching her._

" _I'm Rooooob. Roooooob. Can you say, Roooooooob?"_

" _Rrr-"_

" _That's it! A little more. Rooo-oooo-oooob!"_

" _Rrr-, Rrr-" she kept on repeating._

 _And we laughed at Robb and Uncle Benjen even told him that maybe she was speaking in wolf and not his name._

 _But we all swallowed our laughs when she finally did at that same moment as if she needed to defend Robb from us right then and there._

" _R-rooobb," she popped the b._

" _Rr-oo-oobb!" she repeated and reached for him._

" _HA!" Robb smirked at us triumphantly as he hugged Sansa tightly. And we knew they'd be each others infuriating keeper._

* * *

"Have you seen Sansa?" I asked Tormund. I've been looking everywhere for her today that I ended up even checking outside.

It still unnerved me not to know where she was even if she was heavily guarded these days and I couldn't use Ghost because he was still out.

"How should I know?" he barked. "Pro'lly doing what queens do."

I sighed.

"What ar'ye worried about? She's wi' that bloody bear of a woman and her minions. Or pro'lly dealing with all the rest of her people clam'rin abou' something."

It was true. Nowadays it was hard to get her alone. There were too many people that sought her attentions. Too many things to take care of but she won't unburden much to me and I was her bloody Hand of Queen!

That's going to stop soon. I would demand a great chunk of her work whether she wanted to or not.

Some Hand I was though. I didn't even know where she was right now. Seven hells, how long was I at the Godswood?

It was different now from when we were co-regents now that things were more formal. We had a council, a Queensguard, several armies, and even our own City Watch helmed by a Manderly and Northern Rangers, helmed by a Glover, and a host of new men who were sent to the Wall.

Sansa must be dealing with so much right now. At nights I would visit her and she would always accommodate but she would be too tired to stay up that long.

Was this how Robb felt? Everyone pushing so many things at him, everyone wanting a piece of him?

I grumbled. This was supposed to be you Robb.

Not that Sansa wasn't doing a hell of a job. She was perfect. But still at eight and ten, there was only so much you could handle… she was still so young. When was the last time she felt _young_? She was only a year older than Robb when he became king and as well as I when I joined the Watch. Still, eighteen was young especially for someone who was forced in many different ways to grow up. I gritted my teeth for a moment before I blew out a breath.

When I was dead there was nothing but darkness. Nothing at all but an endless, soundless, darkness. But I still like to think that they were all still there in that darkness with me. I had to hope.

So _Robb_ , brother – er – _cousin,_ if you are up there, your princess is now a Queen. _Help_ her.

I felt something brush against my leg.

 _Ghost._

Oh finally you're back boy!

I looked down at him and petted his head. He leaned in and tilted his head upward and looked back at me.

I looked at where he was looking at and smiled when I finally found Sansa atop the battlement.

"Good boy."

* * *

 _I woke up to the sound of shuffling and raised my head slightly, my eyes adjusting to the darkness._

 _Nothing?_

 _Glancing at Robb by his bed he was sound asleep and snoring, completely undisturbed by the storm outside._

 _I flopped right back and blinked. It might just be the rain and wind. We haven't had rain this strong and loud in a while. A flash of light followed by a loud crack of thunder echoed across the wall followed by a yelp and a thud._

 _My body bolted upright and scanned the room for the source of the yelp when I heard whimpering and then I knew who it was._

" _Sansa? "I called out._

 _No response._

 _But my eyes found her hunched silhouette anyway._

 _I threw a pillow to Robb's face then who woke up with an annoyed start. "Wha-?"_

 _Before he could get angry I tilted my head to where Sansa was shivering in a corner. He immediately got up and touched her shoulder which made her jump up but once she saw Robb she relaxed a bit and looked down, wringing her wrist with her other hand, but still with tears._

 _Robb was about to speak when another flash of lightning and thunder erupted making Sansa jump and cover her small ears with her hands, her eyes shut tight._

 _Robb pried her hands from her ears and took them in his. "Does the storm frighten you so much little sister?"_

 _She blinked and gave a tentative nod._

" _Do you want me to stay with you in your room until you fall asleep?"_

 _She looked up at him with big scared and hopeful eyes. "C-can I stay here with you? I'll be good I promise! A-arya is already with mama and papa… I want to stay with_ you _big brot_ her. _" Oh it was this again. Though she was genuinely frightened, she of course ran to her favorite champion for reassurance. And she was also feeling jealous._

 _He gave her a soft smile and a nod of understanding. "Of course you can. If it's okay with Jon?" He looked at me pleading though he really didn't need to._

" _Of course."_

 _Sansa gave a small smile as Robb sighed in relief._

" _My bed is not that big Sans," he told her. But then another peal of thunder cracked and she jumped into her brother's arms, burrowing her head into his chest._

" _I-I d-don't c-care," she trembled._

 _Then two successive thunders, one louder than the other filled our ears actually making the walls shake, effectively spooking our little sister into jumping away from Robb, running in a panic almost stumbling before I caught her._

 _Her small hands gripped my tunic as she shook and sobbed. I knew it wasn't proper and Lady Stark would surely be cross at me for being this close to Sansa but Sansa was scared… so I let her cry on my chest as I shakily patted the top of her head and kept one hand on her back while looking at Robb helplessly, urging him to please take over. Not that I minded really but…_

 _Robb looked at me with understanding and coaxed Sansa to let go of me and go to him. It took some time but she relented, hugging her brother's neck as he picked her up._

" _I could sleep on the floor if you like. Sansa can take my bed," I offered._

 _Sansa looked at me then, her small hand gripping my wrist so tight it hurt a bit while she shook her head frantically._

" _I need my brothers," she choked._

 _Robb and I shared a look that both has us awed and heartbroken for our little sister. How can we deny her now? We never could._

 _In the end, we pushed our beds together and Sansa stayed in middle, her head on Robb's chest while her hand clutched mine behind her. And in no time she was sleeping peacefully._

 _I looked down at my hand barely enveloped by hers then glanced at Robb who was looking up at the ceiling while absently stroking Sansa's hair._

" _What is it?"_

" _Do you remember when we met Sansa that very first time?"_

 _I blinked. "Aye."_

" _So you remember what father said?"_

 _I lied back and stared at the ceiling too. "Of course."_

" _Now we have two sisters."_

 _I smiled. "One who looks like you and one who looks like me."_

 _He chuckled. "Red wolves and Black wolves."_

" _Our very own pack," I grinned._

" _Aye. And its our duty to take care of our little she-wolves, especially this gentle one."_

" _Gentle? Tell that to my wrist!" I held up my now red and smarting wrist._

 _Robb laughed but stopped quickly when Sansa stirred._

" _Well, at least we know there's really a wolf hiding in her," he chuckled._

 _I laughed quietly in reply while I shook my head. "That's a good thing right?"_

 _He nodded. "It is." Then he looked down at her sleeping form._

 _I looked at her then and watched her even breaths and the tiniest crinkle of her nose before it smoothed out._

" _She looks so peaceful," I regarded._

" _Why wouldn't she? She's got two overprotective wolf brothers with her," Robb grinned. "As long as she has us, she'll always be safe. And I'll bet Arya when she's older would somehow protect her big sister than she her." He chuckled._

 _I had to nod and laugh with that as I thought about our spirited baby sister._

* * *

She was standing at battlements, a heavy fur-trimmed cloak around her shoulders clasped together by silver filigree direwolves, a large wolf head embroidered in the middle of her back with glaring golden eyes that though the wolf was blood red and striking, its face was exactly that of her slain wolf – _Lady._ Within her cloak her gown was Tully blue and silver – a homage to her Lady mother while her fire-kissed hair was loose and held back only by two braids atop her hair with her bronze crown glinting against her brow. _She was breathtaking_.

She was staring out the gates, watching as three riders carrying our banners and her personal coat of arms – the Stark Grey Wolf running across a field of white meeting halfway with a Red Wolf, a bloom of a winter rose in between them, similar to her crown, marking them as part of her Queensguard while three remained by her side. I almost sighed in disappointment of not finding her alone if I didn't think it was far more terrible to see that she was.

You'd rarely see Sansa alone nowadays.

Speaking of her Queensguard, Lady Brienne was the natural captain. The rest were a complicated lot.

Lady Alysane Mormont, older sister of Lyanna Mormont was the first who pledged. She has recently come out of hiding after recovering from her injuries after Stannis' defeat and volunteered almost immediately. The heavily muscled woman looked at Sansa eye to eye and asked just one question.

" _Was it true that you fed Ramsey Bolton to his own hounds?"_

Sansa looked at her steadily and saw the pure hate in Alysane's eyes when she said the fucker's name, and without flinching, she gave a nod and said. "I watched too."

A shiver ran through all who were present. It was common knowledge now what Sansa had done to Ramsey.

 _Poetic justice_ if you ask me. Or something along _too tame._ A kindness even. Gods what I wouldn't do do break his face again and again and _again_ and possibly cutting his cock off and making him eat it.

"My father said, the man who passes the sentence should swing the sword. I am not a swordsman and he was not important enough to merit a public execution. So I did as I did and watched. I admit though that my only regret is that my Direwolf is no longer here that I may have warged into her and ripped him apart myself," Sansa declared with the tiniest hint of a smile and no trace of remorse whatsoever.

Alysane as well as everyone in the hall looked at her with shock, admiration, and fear before she burst out laughing incredulously and knelt before her.

"I Alysane Mormont, do hereby acknowledge my sister Lyanna Stark as the true head of House Mormont and renounce all my claims to that seat. Sansa Stark, Queen in the North, I offer my services to you the Red Wolf. I will shield your back, and keep your counsel, and give my life for yours if need be. I swear it by the old gods and the new."

Sansa stood up then and approached her looking back at Brienne who gave her a rare warm and encouraging smile as she nodded at her to continue. "And I vow that you shall always have a place by my hearth and mead at my table. I pledge to ask no service of you that may bring you dishonor. I swear it by the old gods and the new. _Arise._ "

From the corner of my eye I saw that Brienne looked at her so fondly and so proud. I had to smile at that.

After that, the rest followed. We've discussed the potential members before but we wanted to give the people a chance to declare for themselves first, be evaluated and accepted or rejected on site. Something we explained to all the houses who were only eager to please. It was to test dedication, trust in judgment, and loyalty while preventing insult as most houses practically threw themselves. It was a good thing that there were more positions we could offer apart from this.

From House Hornwood, Ser Larence Snow, the only living son of Lord Halys Hornwood was sworn in, partly so that his cousin Beren Tallhart could take the name of his mother and be the heir of House Hornwood. At first we weren't comfortable with that but Ser Larence insisted that he did not wish to be the heir to Hornwood and would instead opt to do their house proud to serve as Queensguard

"I am humbled truly that you would think about my feelings and if it's not too bold to say, I could guess why you could sympathize with me." He looked between Sansa and I and gave a shy smile. "Your younger brother, Lord Brandon Stark, always supported the idea of me being the heir." He glanced at me. "He told me he reminded me of you my Lord. And he wanted to grant it to me to honor you. But with all due respect and genuine gratitude, I know where my strengths lie and it is with my sword. I would be better use to you, my Queen and my Lord, at a place within your guards," he said.

Sansa and I shared a look before she gave him a smile and nodded for him to say his oath.

Lady Alysane wasn't the only one who returned from the dead seemingly as Ser Galbart Glover, a former member of Robb's war council who was thought dead or missing since he was sent to the Crag at the time of the Red Wedding, was brought back by Lord Howland Reed.

"When I heard about what happened to your brother, your grace, I was devastated. I should've been there but I wasn't. I failed to protect your brother the King in the North, but now if you'll have me I will not fail your house again. I also renounce all my claim to the seat of my house and rescind them to my brother Robett. When I heard that you were to be married to the Bolton bastard, I begged Lord Reed to take up arms and rescue you but we were already too late. But I still rode as close to Winterfell as I could and bid my time. I planned and planned but the only thing I was able to manage was for your cook to slip the ingredients of moon tea to all the meals that were served to you."

In a moment of sudden vulnerability, Sansa could not help but break down in tears as he grasped the kneeling man's hands into her own, so overcome with gratitude at what they have done for her. _Did they know how great that act of mercy and kindness meant to her?_

I almost wept with joy and gratitude myself that time and each moment I would think about it. Especially when Sansa came to me that same night telling me her great relief that Bolton did not give her a parting gift and that she was not necessarily barren. That finally and truly House Bolton was dead and gone. She wept and wept as if a great weight was lifted on her shoulders and I felt overcome with guilt that I did not think to know how long the thought that she could be pregnant with the monster's spawn or she was barren was figuring so heavy on he as she suffered through that in silence. But as she wept, she became lighter and lighter until her spirit was light enough to soar and finally be free from Ramsey's torment.

As she cried of joy and relief before Ser Galbart who broke into a smile that he did his lady good service, the whole of the room felt for and with their young Queen, and a great tension in the room lifted, as if that one act of kindness has given the Northmen their absolution from not being able to protect her from the torment she endured.

Sansa the perfect picture of propriety left caution to the wind and brought her arms around the man's neck and I knew what strength it took to get her to do that. Sansa was wary of men. She always held a distance and only accepted formal touches, not more than was required, only allowing me to touch her freely. So I know this was genuine. Ser Galbart looked near tears as well as he patted his queen's back gently like a father would do for his daughter, while his other was politely steadying her at her shoulder.

And I was so very happy for her.

I approached them and heard Sansa tell him over and over her gratitude before pulling away and standing in front of the man, composing herself but her smile – _Oh gods her smile –_ was the first real smile she has graced the public with and each and every person present had their breaths taken away.

"The North remembers, my lady. I only did what I could."

 _The North remembers._ I grinned.

She looked up at me and grinned so brightly it was infectious and everyone was smiling for their queen, most especially me.

Sansa then nodded at Ser Galbart to recite his oath and once Sansa accepted his service, I stood before him and clapped his shoulder.

"What you did for our queen – " I started. He stopped me.

"Was not enough but it was a start. And Larence is a fine man. He was my ward when I was Head of the house, and then he was Robett's. He'll do us proud." He regarded the new knight and bowed to him.

"I'll take your word for it. Still, House Stark will forever be grateful," I pressed.

The next one caused quite a near chaotic stir.

"I wish to protect the little bird."

Dropping his hood and revealing his burned face was no other than the Hound, Ser Sandor Clegane.

A round of shock and outrage circulated but Sansa held her hand up to silence them. Thank the gods that Sansa already mentioned his kindness to her to me before otherwise I would've reacted the same way as the crowd. I looked at Brienne and she had a deep frown but she held her tongue, looked at Sansa then at me and sighed. Thank the gods too that Sansa talked to Brienne as well.

Sansa's eyes showed a hint of relief and surprise but remained poised and composed as she gestured for the Hound to approach.

He walked closer and dropped a knee, his eyes never straying from Sansa's. "I see you've managed to escape your cage, little bird."

"How _dare_ you address your Queen so commonly, _dog!"_ Shouted an outraged Lord Glover. I see this was going to be difficult as it was common knowledge of how the Glovers had a personal vendetta against his brother The Mountain who was instrumental in his family's capture.

Sandor did not even spare him a glance and just smirked.

Sansa looked at Lord Glover and he acquiesced immediately.

"I owe Ser Sandor Clegane a great deal for his kindness to me when I was still hostaged at the Red Keep. At great personal risk, this man has helped me numerous times for my blood and for my honor. If I had any sense at the time when he threw away his white cloak and defected during the Battle of Blackwater and took his offer to help me escape, then I might've gone back home earlier. And I will not have anyone, few as they were, who did me genuine kindness be insulted," she said each word carefully but with an edge in them.

I followed her sight as she eyed each and every person in the hall, daring anyone to contest her and when she saw Petyr Baelish paling for just a beat I knew she had to have this man behind her. _Interesting._ Sandor looked at him as well before breaking into an amused grin. _Most interesting._ I'd have to ask him about that later.

Sansa looked back at Ser Sandor and spoke once more. "Ser, do you truly wish to join as part of my guard?" The way she phrased them and how she looked at him made me understand what she wasn't saying out loud. _I will not have you harmed but entering my Queensguard is not the only way I can give you your freedom and protection._

Sandor barked a laugh. "Do you know the last thing I said to the little cunt king when I was ordered to escort him to hide under his bitch mother's skirts and out from the vanguard like the little coward he was? They all heard me. _Fuck the king!_ And then I saved your little sister from being slaughtered at the Red Wedding."

I sucked in a breath and I heard Sansa did too.

 _Arya!_

We shared a look and urged him to continue.

He shook his head and his mouth was a grim line. "Quite spirited that wolfling and her toothpick of a sword going on and on about her little kill list and her _dancing._ " He chuckled. "I brought her to The Twins to your brother but that went to shit. I brought her to the Vale but they told us that your crazy aunt was dead…she nearly pissed from laughing at me then."

I looked at Sansa and saw her pale.

"So that only left The Wall, to get her to _you_ Snow but then – " He cocked his head at Brienne who was looking horrified as realization was dawning her.

"Then this amazon came, blond and carrying a Lion's sword claiming to take the Stark girl to her mother as she was sworn to do. I would've handed her over but one look at the lion sword sent the wolfling's eyes ablaze so we fought. I lost an ear and almost died because of you woman."

Brienne's eyes were hard but wavered because this part, we knew. After Brienne fought the Hound who she thought was keeping her hostage, Arya ran away.

Sandor let loose a laugh then and shook his head. "A case of fucking miscommunication, eh woman? Now neither of us brought that girl back here. But at least we get to protect the one that finally did." Then he looked back at Sansa.

"You would've been proud of the wolfling, little bird. I don't doubt she's alive out there yet with her _needle._ She has a list you know. But as I've said. _Fuck the king._ I'll serve _this_ Queen instead." He grinned.

I swallowed.

 _Arya. Arya, where are you? Come home little sister._

I knew Sansa mirrored my thoughts but we had to proceed.

"Will you and Lady Brienne be able to get past your altercation and work _with_ each other?"

"Let bygones be bygones, aight woman?" He challenged her.

Brienne bowed before Sansa. "I swear to the old gods and new."

"Then you may recite your oath," Sansa said and they proceeded.

"The Brotherhood without Banners also wish to aid your cause, little bird. They are led by Beric Dondarion and his band of fire loving little shits who would all but be willing to use those fire they love so much to destroy the White Walkers you've all been yapping about here in the North," he added.

Sansa looked at Ser Davos then who stiffened. R'hllor followers once more, but still… abled men. This was still something we could look into.

"I see. I shall discuss that with the council next we meet," Sansa nodded at him.

So there were five and complete now, her personal guard when another hooded person escorted by Lord Reed came forth.

"Allow me to present my niece, Jyanna Snow."

As Jyanna removed her hood I had to blink as for a moment as this young woman who looked no older than sixteen looked strikingly familiar. She was short, skinny, but lean, had brown hair cut short and held back with a leather tie in similar fashion as mine and had a long face but her eyes were as green as the forest and slanted like a cat's. Scars covered her hard face. One above her brow, another across her nose, another crisscrossed on her cheek.

"She is young but she was raised in Braavos where she learned her sword style since she was old enough to walk. And her mastery of Volantis and Cranogmen poison would be of use to you as is her archery and dagger skills. She is small but very fast. And I vouch for her loyalty to House Stark."

Sansa and I exchanged a weary look but there was something about her that made me feel her trustworthy. Even the Hound looked at her with regard.

Hesitatingly, I gave Sansa a nod.

She bid the woman to approach who knelt before her at once but stayed silent.

"As it is, my Queensguard is already complete. But I have to consider Lord Reed's endorsement. If he believes that you deserve a place in my guard, then I have to believe as well. However, it's not to undermine your age or underestimate your skills, but to everyone's piece of mind, I can't put you directly to the line. If it pleases you, would you accept it if I place you instead as a knight but under my captain, Lady Brienne's charge? You would still be, in essence part of my guard and allowed your sword, but you would take primarily all your orders from her."

I couldn't help but be proud of Sansa for her quick thinking. We cannot put a complete stranger as part of her guard. All the others were publicly well known but it was the first time we heard that Howland Reed had a niece – a bastard at that. It was enough to appease the other lords while also taking great trust in Lord Reed's endorsement.

Jyanna Snow nodded. "Very wise, my queen. I accept any position you would see fit that I may fill."

And that was that.

We had planned for all the guards to be Northmen but Sandor Clegane's loyalty was more than what I could say for some of the other Northmen's and of course there was Brienne.

So two bastards, three women, and a veteran.

As I looked at them I smiled.

By accepting these nontraditional people to her guard, Sansa was already changing the world.

But my smile faltered a bit when I remembered that they mentioned the still missing Starks. _Where was Bran? Where was Arya?_

Come home.

Look at your home now.

Look at your sister.

You can both _come home_ now.

I pray to the old gods and new to please, wherever they may be to please lead them home or in the very least, keep them safe.

* * *

 _It was a particularly snowy day in Winterfell made all the busier as me and my half-siblings chased each other all the while snow balls were flying about and hitting everything and everyone._

 _I was nine then a few moon's shy of being ten like Robb who was currently being assaulted by Arya and Bran while I hid behind a tree._

 _Our Lord Father was carrying Rickon in his arms watching us with fondness and amusement from the top of the battlements._

 _Only Sansa wasn't here. Probably sewing or playing her harp in the warmth._

 _Then a movement alerted me from behind that I prepared to launch the snow ball I was holding when I turned around and saw that it was Sansa._

 _She looked at me curiously and spotted my raised arm before looking directly at my eyes and raised her eyebrows, daring me to hit her._

 _I almost did if only to meet her challenge when I spotted Lady Stark behind her with a daring look of her own._

 _So I lowered my arm but she got pelted anyway._

 _I looked behind me and saw Arya and Bran laughing as they continued to cover their now glaring sister with snow._

" _How dare you!" She shook before gathering snow of her own amidst their launching and started hitting them back but two against one seemed hardly fair._

 _I was about to pull them away when of course Robb swooped in, unleashed balls upon balls of snow at the two of them from behind until he was finally in front of Sansa. I was so sure he was going to apologize for them to her and whisk her away before she caught a sickness. But then se looked back at her and gestured for her to gather snow quickly._

 _Sansa grinned up at him when she caught on to what he was implying and did quick work in gathering snow._

" _Not fair!" Bran cried as he got up._

" _Cheap shot hitting our backs!" Arya scowled._

 _Robb laughed heartily and raised his brows at them. "Two against one defenseless person was fair?"_

 _As the two pairs prepared to attack each other, Robb looked at me who was smack down in the middle and smiled at me with that all too knowing smile that only spelled trouble._

" _Brother, whose side is it gonna be?"_

 _Red and panicking I could only stare at each pair back and forth._

" _Well then, since Jon can't decide…" he gave all of them a look and all four of them grinned at me and the next thing I saw was scores and scores of snow and the sound of their amused laughter._

" _Sorry brother. Gotta pick a side next time. One Stark or the other or else you'll end up the enemy!"_

* * *

Before I made my presence known I snuck a peek from what I can see below as I stand at the other end of the battlement. From here, there was no one below.

 _No Robb. No Bran. No Arya. No Lady Stark._

And up here there was no Ned Stark holding baby Rickon staring below.

Snow. Just snow.

When I finally approached, Brienne, Jyanna, and Sandor looked at me and alerted Sansa to my presence.

She smiled at me and gave them a nod. All three of them then bowed at her and left us alone, stationing themselves as far away as comfortable behind the doors that led to the battlement.

"Hello Jon," she greeted me as a sudden gust blew out a few loose strand of her hair over her face, sending me a whisk of her floral scent, inviting me to step closer so I did.

When the gust blew out, I couldn't help but brush those strands away from her face and tuck them behind her ear, withdrawing my hand as quickly when she blushed.

An awkward silence.

I cleared my throat and stared ahead of me, watching the riders disappearing from view.

"Ser Larence and Lady Alysane are going to Moat Cailin to fetch your aunt's envoy. Ser Galbert is going to meet with my uncle Edmure and Ser Jamie at Riverrun with Podrick in place of Lady Brienne," she explained.

"I'm sure they were most cooperative to be guarding you from so far away," I grimaced. I wasn't keen on that idea myself.

She frowned and sighed. "They weren't happy of course but those who pledged as my Queensguard are probably the most loyal and not to mention, _brave_ people we can get so it has to be them. Besides, they would deal with their task quickly if only to get back here at once. Anyway, I still have Ser Sandor, Brienne, Jyanna and you," she nudged me.

I smiled at her. "Aye, you have me." I let slip all too quickly.

She blinked at me then looked away.

Another awkward silence.

"I kind of miss you… you know," she said suddenly and I heat rose to my face.

"Well, you're busy being Queen after all." I tried to make light of it.

She shook her head. "I should have time for you Jon. I know you're still dealing with…things."

"That's very kind of you Sansa. But I'm doing fine."

She placed a hand on top of mine that was holding the bar and the familiar tingling and warmth that came from her touches came at once.

"I like that," she looked up at me.

My brows drew in confusion. "Like what?"

"I like that you can call me Sansa more easily now," she beamed. My heart warmed so after that.

Then she chuckled. "Do you remember the last time we were here?"

I smiled. "Of course."

"We were arguing about who gets the Lord's Chambers," she quipped.

I sighed. "Aye." I remember all too well.

"It's funny right? At that time… you thought you were taking things from me," she said a little nervously.

And I knew what she meant. _The room. The victory. The crown._

"And now… now I feel like I'm the one taking things from you," she said sadly.

I let out a frustrated breath. "Sansa, we've been over this."

She raised her palms up to me and my hand felt cold at the loss of contact. "I know, I know. It's just…you know?"

We looked at each other then and broke into laughter.

And I can't help but look at her laugh. It was so addicting. She was really laughing right now. Her head was tilted back, her hand was at her chest and at her stomach… and just the sound of her laughter…

 _I want to kiss her right now._

Her copper hair striking against all this white was flowing and tumbling behind her, little flakes of snow catching on them looked like diamonds against her mane. Her swan like white neck was stretched out and inviting as was her parted red lips where mists of her breath against the cold where escaping along with that glorious lilt of her laugh.

So sweet. So devastatingly _sweet._

She was _glorious._

She was _happy._

I wanted nothing more but to be in her bubble of joy.

 _Why not?_

Then as she was coming down from her high she noticed I wasn't laughing anymore but was staring.

She daintily covered her mouth with her hand to stifle her giggles as she opened her eyes to regard me, that small pucker of confusion between her eyes snapped me back to myself.

"Jon?"

Then an idea _hit_ me.

"What's wrong?"

I shook my head and grinned as I stealthily grabbed a handful of snow behind me and pelted her straight on the shoulder.

She looked at me appalled for a moment before her mouth curved up and a glint of mischief crossed her eyes when she saw me arching an eyebrow in challenge.

She grabbed some snow and started balling them up in her gloved hands. "I'll have you know, my lord, that _hitting_ your queen with snow is an unpardonable act of treason."

"Oh? And what punishment do I merit from this unpardonable ac—

 _Splat!_

She hit me straight in the middle of my face I actually swallowed some snow and all I could think about was _good aim._

As I shook and wiped off the snow she kept hitting me over and over again, her laughter following.

If getting pelted by snow was all it took to make her laugh like this I'd gladly dive headfirst into an avalanche.

"Mercy my queen!" I raised my arms in surrender as I laughed and spat out snow.

"Fine because I am particularly _merciful_ right now my lord…" she paused and grinned.

She looked at me then from top to bottom, covered in snow. "My Lord Jon… _Snow."_

We broke into laughter once more after that.

"It's nice too you know," I nudged her.

"Hmm?"

"I love that you call me Jon Snow easily too."

She blushed and gripped my hand in hers. "We both need someone to remind us of who we really are after all."

I smiled as I took in the meaning of her words. I caressed her cheek with the back of my knuckles.

"It'll always be like this with us right? I'm just Sansa and you're just Jon."

 _No. Sweet girl. You will never be 'just' Sansa to me._

I nodded. "Yes. Just Jon."

Her mouth broke into another one of her heartbreaking smile where her eyes shone like fresh cut sapphires.

* * *

 _I watched as Robb twirled Sansa round and round in time with the music, their laughter ringing in their wake._

 _It was the Winter Solstice Feast and now that everyone has dined it was time for dancing. Which I will never participate in._

 _Not that I would be allowed. I was grateful enough to be able to given permission to join the feast so long as I keep my low profile._

 _Father was dancing with Arya who had her feet on top of his._

 _Even Bran was doing his best to lead Lady Stark as gently as possible who all but encouraged him with pride and love in her eyes._

 _And suddenly I felt an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach._

 _I tried to brush it off and distracted myself by watching._

 _I chose to watch Robb and Sansa because clearly they were the most skilled and beautiful among the dancers. Like a true prince and a princess – the famous Red Wolf Twins._

 _I watched as Robb bowed at Sansa and offered his hand which Sansa effortlessly took as she dropped into a curtsy of her own. Together they led the first dance in place of Lord and Lady Stark since Lady Stark was with child at that time and could not move as robustly._

 _I watched as Sansa pushed at Robb to ask other ladies to dance who were only too eager to accept, and watched as Robb gave each lord and lordling who asked Sansa to dance with a warning glare._

 _Ever since the Godswood incident, Robb had been acting terribly protective over Sansa, still blaming himself for getting us in that mess in the first place._

 _And the overbearingness only ever got worse as Sansa grew older and older, never having had to undergo an awkward phase in her life as she bloomed and bloomed more beautiful with each passing year._

 _And her beauty was starting to attract many notices and attention._

 _The first came from another bane of my existence, Theon Greyjoy. Thank the gods Robb punched some sense into that arrogant prick._

 _But there were more of course._

 _So he hovered over her. Always being in her reach while making sure everyone knew that he was watching over her. Sansa didn't mind of course, all too happy to accept Robb's affections especially after getting so much of the opposite from Arya._

 _I watched Arya then who wiggled from father's grasp, tired from dancing and ran to gods know where with Lord Karstark on her tail of course._

" _Hey brother," a voice from behind me. Robb._

 _I looked at him and I knew that look he was giving me. "What is it?"_

 _He had the decency to look guilty. "Can you please ask Sansa to dance the next song?"_

 _I frowned at him. "You know I can't even if I say I want to which I don't."_

" _Come on, Jon! Mother has already gone and retired to her chambers… and you have to," he begged._

" _Why?"_

" _Because Daryn Hornwood has been giving her moon eyes all night and cutting through every other dance," he said annoyed._

" _Then why don't you do it yourself?"_

 _He shook his head then suddenly he blushed._

 _Oh come on._

" _Please? Jeyne finally promised to dance with me. I promise to fix your bed for a week!"_

 _I huffed. "Make it a month."_

 _He grinned. "Deal."_

 _I grumbled and made my way over to Sansa and tapped her shoulder._

 _She looked at me surprised and immediately checked back to see if her mother was around before looking back at me._

" _Will you dance with me my lady?" I offered a hand._

 _She looked at me wearily and I braced myself to be scolded or worse… laughed at and rejected._

 _Behind me she caught a glimpse of Daryn Hornwood who was all but ready to swoop in as well as Robb who was dancing with Jeyne Poole._

" _Robb put you up to this, didn't he Jon?" she said knowingly._

 _I shrugged. "Would it matter?"_

" _You don't dance," she told me. It wasn't a question._

 _I shrugged again. Gods this was humiliating. Just laugh and be done with it._

 _But she didn't, instead she took my hand and helped me place it and the other properly on her and leaned in close to my ear. "It's a simple dance. Just follow my lead quietly, I'll count the beat for you… just move your leading hand high and firm and keep your chin angled slightly up and no one would notice you weren't leading."_

 _I looked at her in surprise. No jab? No annoying remark? No prissy comment? Sansa was being…nice._

 _So the least I could do was follow her instruction and she was right. I could do this. And I looked like I knew what I was doing. I almost smiled then I stepped on her foot making her hiss and glare at me._

 _I dropped my hands at once and apologized profusely._

 _She gave an annoyed huff but when she heard some of the people snickering she smoothed her features, arched a brow at them and gave me a sympathetic smile before grabbing my hands again and I quickly tried to place them the right way._

" _Sorry," I muttered again._

" _It's alright," came her curt reply. "Just keep moving."_

 _So we did and we managed to finish the rest of the song without any further incident, I had to admit I enjoyed it a little._

 _Before it ended Sansa leant in and whispered, "Thank you Jon for doing this. I don't like to dance with Daryn and Robb really wanted to dance with Jeyne. I promise to make Robb double whatever it was he offered you. I know how much you hate dancing."_

 _I smiled at her, touched at her surprising kindness. "Who said I did this for Robb?"_

 _She laughed at me then and shook her head as we bowed to each other in time with the closing of the song._

" _Sure, half-brother," she gave a smirk before walking gracefully towards Robb's waiting arms as they prepared to close the night with the last dance._

 _There it is._

 _I sighed but couldn't help but smile as I watched the brother and sister twirling around once more. I laughed as I saw Sansa smack her brother's chest briefly, chastising him for probably for putting me up to dancing with her but Robb only looked at her sheepishly while he laughed through his admission I suppose. But his laughter, as always, drew her to remove the disapproving frown on her face to break into a laugh of her own._

 _That was how it was supposed to be for an older brother to his younger sister. Easy and light with room for banter. Protective yet playful._

 _I promise myself that I will be that same older brother to Arya and we'll also have that easy and honest relationship. Atleast in our own way._

* * *

"What are you thinking about?"

Sansa broke me away from my thoughts and I looked down at her and realized we weren't moving anymore.

We finally had time and a bit of resources to hold a feast in her name and once again I got roped into dancing with her.

"I was just remembering the last time we danced," I admitted sheepishly.

She thought for a moment before an amused smile broke over her face. "You mean the _first_ and the _last?"_

My brows furrowed. "Really?"

She giggled. "Yes! So which is it this time? Or rather who is it? Who put you up to this?"

I frowned. "Can't I just ask my beautiful cousin to dance?"

She smirked at me as we started moving again. "Like I said before. You. Don't. Dance. So there must be something."

I raised my brow at her this time. "Well why did you say yes then? You've been asked all night and you've refused each one when I know for a fact that you love to dance."

She smiled sadly and shrugged. "It's not the dancing…"

 _Damn it Jon. Seven hells._

"Seven hells, Sansa I'm a fucking idiot! I'm sorry!"

She just looked at me amused then before sighing. "It's okay. I don't mind because it's you. You _will_ keep the others away won't you? I don't want to dance with anyone else." She asked lightly but I caught the undertone in her voice.

I looked at her seriously. "Of course. You know I will." Though I was dreading going through any more dances. I mean, I wanted to keep her close and in my arms, that wasn't a problem. The problem was that I can't have her this close and not feel conflicted over wanting to get her closer and do something stupid or pull away and still do something that could possibly be even stupider.

She smiled more genuinely at that and leaned closer. _How can she not feel my heart going a mile a minute?_

 _Calm the fuck down Jon._

 _Seven hells I can't do this while I'm in torment!_

Think like Robb. Think like Robb. Think like Robb.

 _Fuck._

 _Seven hells this is so awkward._

 _It feels exactly like it was years ago when I agonized over where to put my hands, what was appropriate from not, and oh gods please don't let me step on her feet._

At least I remembered to keep my leading hand firm and high and my chin angled up. And then I heard it.

" _One, two, step. One, two, one, two, step then stop then turn…"_

I looked down at her and she grinned at me wickedly and looked from my chin to my hand. I reddened.

"Hey, at least you remembered," she grinned.

I cringed.

She gave a short laugh and rubbed my back a bit. "You're too stiff Jon. _Relax._ I won't make you suffer through this for any longer. I was planning on retiring after this dance. I don't know about you but I'm pretty exhausted."

I looked at her skeptically. "Are you sure? You're not just saying that?" I asked trying not to look to hopeful.

She sniffed as her own version of a polite snort as she pulled her lips into a pout and made her eyes big and hurt. No. Not this look. This was the look she gave Robb that made him do anything and everything she asked.

"You don't believe me?"

"Ah! Oi, stop with that look. I believe you just stop that or I'm shutting my eyes right now," I almost begged.

She laughed at that. "Seriously, I'm beat. Aren't you?"

"I might just fall asleep right here on my feet," I admitted.

"Great! Then we might as well enjoy it then?" she tilted her head and suddenly she was the most beautiful thing in the world right now. _Seven hells._

 _Seven hells, just go with it Snow. Live in the moment._

I sighed and with sudden confidence that would make even Robb proud, I gripped her tight to me and stared straight into her eyes.

"Yes. Let's make the most of it then."

And as I twirled her around and around, thanking the gods that I was finally leading and no feet were being stepped on, I realized I was happy.

And it was easy.

It was _always_ easy.

I was the one who was really trying to think too much and here she was like before, teaching me that it _could_ be easy.

" _This is a simple dance."_

And as we went around and around I couldn't help but think if Robb was watching us the way I was watching them from before and what he would think.

And then I remembered that he _did_ ask me to dance with his sister in his stead. He asked _me_ and not gods forbid, _Theon._ And he called me brother.

I know it wasn't probably like what Robb was to her just as it was different for me and Arya than with her. But it was close.

So finally I could give myself fully to this dance with Sansa, just living in the moment and just being us.

And suddenly…this was _exactly_ like it felt like. Everything else seemed to cease to exist except the two of us.

Just _us._

The most beautiful, kindest, intelligent, funny, strong, powerful and loving woman in the world was in my arms and looked as if she was happy to be where she was.

She was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life especially in this moment with stars in her eyes and laughter on her lips.

And she was close.

 _So close._

I pressed her back slightly and she responded by arching herself against me I almost dropped my hold in surprise.

So I tried again and this time my other hand slid up from her back to the back of her neck and she responded by bringing her forehead to my cheek, her lashes touching the tops of it as they fluttered close.

We were so close that I could feel her heart against mine and I didn't know whose was which anymore as they matched in their beats.

Close.

 _So close._

And then the music died down and we were brought back to the sound of thundering gleeful applause.

We pulled back and sought each others eyes, both swimming with questions so many questions.

I didn't dare stray from looking at her eyes because one look below that would be my undoing.

Her eyes held so much and for a moment I thought – I hoped – but the tiniest most miniscule twitch between her brows brought me back.

I swallowed and forced a reassuring and embarrassed grin before dropping a kiss at the top of her head and with a bow released her from my grip as invisible ropes were snapping loose making me light in body and empty from the loss of contact.

And suddenly the idea of dancing until the night was over seemed all too appealing.

Just what was I _thinking_ before?

She looked at me like she wanted to say something more and finally I was able to see the rest of her face. She was flushed and her mouth was slightly parted as if she was as out of breath as I was.

I just smiled at her, offered my elbow and gestured towards people who were waiting on her.

She smoothened her expression and gave me a grin before accepting my arm and addressing her people once more.

And just like that, she wasn't mine anymore… not that she was before.

Looking at the crowd as she bid them her parting words for the night I almost sighed.

Just as they were all hers, she would always save a part of herself to be theirs too.

Then she smiled up at me when she was done. Ready to be hers and hers alone in the confines of her room.

I smiled back at her and thanked the gods anyway.

That at least for a moment.

I felt that she was mine and mine alone.

* * *

" _Now that is odd," Robb remarked and I followed his line of vision and saw our two direwolves staring at our door. Greywind gave a low growl nudging at the door while Ghost stayed silent but his teeth were bared, both their ears up and alert._

 _Robb clasped his cloak and bent down to his wolf. "What's the matter boy?" Greywind turned his tawny eyes at him and started nudging Robb to move, pushing his head over and over him. Ghost looked at me, waiting yet his white tail was wagging impatiently._

" _Are we in danger?" I asked. Ghost blinked and cocked a head while Greywind grumbled._

No.

 _I shared a look with Robb and he shrugged and mirrored my own confusion until he was distracted by Greywind's persistence then it hit us._

" _Is someone in trouble?" Robb asked Greywind while holding on to his muzzle. Both wolves let out a whine._ Yes.

 _And without a moment to lose we let the wolves out and followed them as they bolted towards the end of the corridor and stopped in front of a known door._

Sansa's.

 _I saw Robb go rigid, his eyes gathering storms as was I. The wolves sitting in front of the door with their eyes to us, expecting something._

 _Then we heard it._

 _Sobbing._

 _Robb and I looked at each other in surprise as anger and worry pulsed through. Sansa rarely cried. Who could've dared make the princess of Winterfell weep? One look at Robb's eyes knew that whoever it was, was a dead man._

 _Robb immediately knocked though if he could he'd burst in unannounced but Sansa had pride after being ridiculed by Arya enough about being fragile and weak to ever dare show her tears._

 _The sobbing stopped then silence._

 _Robb losing his patience broke it and knocked once more. "Sansa?"_

" _Robb?" finally an answer. Her voice was soft and scratchy._

" _Sans, are you okay?"_

" _I'm fine Robb," came her quick reply._

 _Robb pinched the bridge of his nose before he spoke again, trying his level best to be calm. "May I come in nonetheless, sister?"_

 _Silence._

 _Robb looked at me and mouthed "stubborn" before speaking through the door again. "Princess, Greywind all but dragged me to your door. If you won't let me in, at least come see him so he can stop his whining." Greywind on cue gave a loud whine._

 _Hearing a heavy sigh and shuffling, Sansa finally relented. "Fine. Come in."_

 _Robb strolled in but Greywind and Ghost were faster as they leapt towards her on the bed. Greywind licking her face while Ghost looked her over before he retreated and sat beside Lady who nuzzled against him. I lingered near the doorway a foot in and a foot out her room, hesitating. Robb may be invited but I'm a different story all the same. So far I was unnoticed._

" _That's enough boy," Robb reigned in Greywind and he left the bed to join his pack. "Now Princess, will you please tell me –_ What in seven hells happened to you? Who did this _?" his voice loud and filled with fury._

 _I remained by the door but I wanted to go further inside, ice filling my veins at what Robb must've seen up close. She was hurt._

" _Robb! Brother! Please – please calm down! I'm fine – fine," Sansa pleaded._

" _Like hell you are! You're bleeding!"_

 _I wanted to see but if she was already hesitating with Robb, she would no doubt keep silent if I intruded. So I remained where I was and let Robb comfort her._

" _Don't tell me this was just some accident, Sansa. Your tears and the wolves' worry say otherwise," Robb said in warning._

 _I couldn't help but chance a glimpse so I stuck my head in and saw them and my jaw clenched at the sight of blood on her sleeve but softened when I saw her face._

 _Sansa just looked up at her brother sadly and with an unspoken…shame in her eyes filling once more with tears and as if she could not bear Robb's scrutinizing gaze once more, turned her head away and down, clutching her arms around herself. I gritted my teeth. She's trembling! Shame and fright?!_

 _Robb softened, sighed and placed a hand on her cheek. "I promise to be calm, Sansa. But please I am_ beggin _g you._ Please _tell big brother what happened and I'll make things right, I promise. Come on princess. You can trust me. Big brother is here. I swear it, I'll make things right."_

 _She refused to look up and her cheeks were flushed a deeper shade and my tall, composed sister looked anything but. What could've happened that ended with her hurt and – I gritted my teeth – shamed? I went outside once more. This moment required delicacy. If there was anyone who could make her talk it was Robb._

" _Sansa," Robb pleaded once more. "Do you want me to get father or mother?"_

 _She looked up at him then eyes wide and frantic as she shook her head._

" _Then please tell me!" he begged and I could sense his helplessness. "Or I'll go around and ask each and every person in Winterfell! I bet Lady would lead me to who is responsible. So help me Sansa I will. I won't stand for this!"_

" _I…I was taking Lady for a walk towards the stables so I could visit Ivory when…" she stopped._

" _When?" Robb prompted, trying hard to be patient._

 _She swallowed. "When L-lord Ryswell's… nephew he –"_

" _He what? Sansa what did that cunt do?" Robb's voice rising with his temper and I knew Sansa flinched at his tone and profanity. "What did he do?"_

" _He kissed me," she whispered so softly I almost didn't hear it and I could only imagine Robb's horrified and raging face mirroring mine._

" _HE WHAT?"_

 _Sansa let out a whimper as Robb let out a curse. "What else, Sansa? Did he do anything else? Did he force himself on you?"_

 _I stood frozen. Praying to the old gods as I awaited her answer with bated breath._

" _No – no – no! Just a brush of his mouth on my cheek. I was so stupid not to realize that that was what he was going to do!"_

" _SANSA! You are NOT stupid! HE'S the one who took advantage! Cornering you in a stable? And how did you get that cut on your elbow Sansa? Did you fight him off? Tell me everything!"_

" _I t-tried to tell him that I do not reciprocate his – his feelings and wished him to leave me alone when Lady suddenly lunged at him. I tried holding on to Lady, and I succeeded but then he shouted at me and pushed me. But I didn't let go of Lady until he was gone and I ran back here."_

" _Why didn't you tell anyone?"_

" _Because they are our guests Robb. And I will be shamed if they are dishonored –"_

" _HE WAS THE ONE WHO DISHONORED HIMSELF! ATTACKING THE PRINCESS OF WINTERFELL? I WILL MURDER HIM!"_

 _I ran inside and grabbed at Robb's shoulder, forcing him to calm down. "Robb, stop. You're scaring Sansa."_

 _I looked at Sansa then and saw her shock laced with shame, confusion and was that gratitude?_

 _Robb pulled away from my grip and took deep breaths._

" _I-I'm fine Robb. I will get this looked at by Maester Luwin, I promise and I will tell father but we must handle all things with discretion and tact."_

" _Do you think I care about propriety right now? I have the damn right to defend my sister!" He snapped at her._

 _Sansa looked at Robb pleadingly but he didn't budge. Not this time. His eyes seemed to say and finally she let out a deep breath and walked over to Robb and leaned her head on his chest letting out a sob, Robb's arms coming around her quickly and soothingly._

" _I am afraid," she admitted through muffled tones._

" _You have nothing to be afraid of. I will make sure he never even as much as glance at you."_

 _She shook her head. "I'm not afraid of him. He can hang. But I'm afraid of what the people might think of me."_

 _Robb made her look up at him, confusion in his face._

" _They'll think I baited him – they'll think I – I'm a harlot who teases. Oh Robb, I have shamed father and mother. I have shamed our name. I – I brother I did not tease him I promise! I was good. Brother I'm so-sorry. I – what did I do wrong? What have I done? I – I did not…" she sobbed._

 _Robb's eyes narrowed and he clucked his tongue. "Princess, you are the victim here. You have done nothing wrong! Not a thing Sans. That scum should know better than corner an unescorted twelve-year-old girl and that is what they will all see when they look at him. You have done nothing wrong, you hear me? Anyone who thinks otherwise will be tried for treason. I will make sure of it. Let me take care of this. Let big brother take care of this," he cooed and shushed her, stroking her hair and back._

 _She sobbed some more but Robb's words seemed to steady her somewhat. He held her tighter then, the whites of his knuckles showing, his ears were red, and I could tell he was absolutely enraged but trying to keep calm for Sansa._

" _Trust me, princess. You trust me do you?" he made her look up at him and her tear-stained face broke our hearts and ignited white hot rage._

 _Finally, she nodded, her sobs slowing to hiccups and gave Robb a small smile that softened him somewhat as he let out the breath he was holding._

" _No more tears sister," he wiped her cheeks and gave her a strained half-smile before he hugged her tight and kissed her brow then examined her elbow. She winced as he touched the scraped skin making him hiss in anger before making his way out the door probably to bring death to the fucker that did that, Greywind following in his stead._

 _I made to run after them when a hand caught my sleeve._

" _Jon, I-I know what he means to do but if you have any affection for me at all if none then at least for all the love you bear Robb – I am begging you to please – please not let him touch Lord Ryswell's nephew."_

" _Why?" I demanded. Why in seven hells not?_

 _Her eyes were determined and pleading…and to my surprise, showed some embarrassment. This request was in no way easy for her. "He is the heir to Winterfell. He cannot be seen acting rash and – and without much proof and tact –_

 _I opened my mouth to protest but she shook her head and carried on._

"– _if he must defend my honor I cannot stop him but I know I am asking much of you but please if it comes to that – please do it_ _before_ _him. Give the first shot if you must," Her eyes imploring and sad as they asked what her words cannot speak out loud and I understood loud and clear._

 _If Robb acted brashly it would speak against him, but if I – a bastard acted, no one would think twice about my brazenness._

" _I'm sorry. You don't have to but I'm asking anyway. And I-I'm sorry," she said embarrassed that the hurt I should feel at her words were nonexistent, instead I felt resolved and determined._

 _My sister was hurt and shamed. Yet she still held on to honor and propriety and it wasn't even for herself. Trust Sansa to think of the family name before her own. I wanted to scream at her for being both smart and stupid at the same time. Smart enough to act with caution, but stupid to think that this was her fault. But…her request was nothing and unnecessary but it freed me all the same._

At least something might come off from being a bastard.

" _Don't be sorry." I grumbled._

 _She blinked up at me hopeful._

 _I gave her a nod then held up my handkerchief to her. "Here. I'll take care of Robb and that fucker. No more tears. Let your half-brother avenge you too."_

 _Without waiting for her response, I cracked my knuckles and stormed after Robb._

 _I may be a Snow but my blood runs Stark._

 _The world will know what happens if you hurt my family._

 _They will know by my hands._

…

 _Robb came inside after Maester Luwin bandaged my hands._

 _He looked at them after he thanked Maester Luwin who nodded at him before leaving._

 _He looked up at me and I could see the guilt and gratitude in his eyes._

 _I let out a deep breath. "Stop. It was worth it. You would've done the same."_

 _He grew angry then. "Oh I know. I was about to but you held me back and did the honors."_

 _I frowned at him and gave him a tired look. "You know why."_

 _He let out a frustrated cry then and slammed his fists on the bed. "Damn propriety! It should be me. I should've beat him up!"_

 _I let him get it all out and waited._

 _He flung himself on the bed, half his body hanging on the edge and shut his eyes. "Sansa put you up to this, didn't she?"_

 _My eye twitched in annoyance. Why was it that whenever I do something nice for either of them that it had to be because one of them made me do it?_

 _Can't I do it because I, myself, wanted to?_

 _He noticed my annoyance and let up. "It's not fair."_

 _I sighed. "Nothing ever really is."_

 _He looked at me with sympathy then._

 _I rolled my eyes. "Anyway, I wanted to beat him up too. Even if she didn't ask me to, I would've done it anyway. I'd even hold him while you beat him bloody but as it is you, Stark, can't just go around beating people."_

" _But was it fair to you? Was it fair for it to be okay if its you?"_

" _What does it matter? At least I got something from being a bastard."_

 _He grumbled and rubbed his face. "Ah this is going nowhere. Anyway, thanks brother. I know you'll likely to get punished for this and I'll try to help you anyway I can. I'll even tell father you held me back. As much as you'll get punished, you'll earn father's respect a little too, never mind that he would never admit that instant violence is the answer."_

 _I just nodded at him. "Thanks."_

 _He stood up then and took out something from his pocket. "Oh and Sansa told me to give this to you." He handed me a bag of an assortment of treats given to horses and a tiny note._

 _Jon,_

 _I was going to give these to my mare that time but I think Night might want like them instead._

 _And thank you._

 _Sansa_

" _I saw her cutting those biscuits into tiny perfect squares and evening all the corners last night. She was really excited too. But I guess they're for your horse now. Gods know you don't treat him with pretty treats like these."_

 _I smiled then and promised to give some to her mare, Ivory too._

 _Finally I did something right for my sister._

* * *

I turned around at the sound of my door opening where Sansa rushed in with an air of frustration and annoyance as she took a seat in front of my writing desk and made quick work to massage her temples, a dragged out sigh escaping her lips.

Walking towards her I reached a hand out to touch her but decided against it, taking my place across from her instead.

"What's wrong?"

She looked at me a bit and was clearly conflicted.

She removed her fingers from her head and looked at me, a crease forming on her brow before shaking her head and shrugging.

"It's nothing. I'm sorry to disturb you. I'll leave." And as quick as she said that she stood up and went towards the still open door.

I rushed over and blocked her, touching a hand on her arm. "Hey none of that. Tell me. Tell me what's wrong."

She bit her lip and half of her looked like she wanted to bolt, the other to just spill it out.

"Sansa. I can beg if you want. I'll beg all night. Come on. _Please._ Please tell me what's wrong! Why do you look like you're about to pass out? You're shaking for gods sake!"

sudden realization entered her eyes and she slumped back to her sit utterly defeated. She buried her head in her arms on the table and muttered,

"Littlefinger is poisoning me against you."

My jaw clenched. We both knew that from the start. Even before my parentage was announced he was already at work to rid me from Sansa.

What was it _this_ time?

Then she looked up at me from her arms with the most heartbreaking look I have ever had the misfortune of seeing.

She looked so small, so defeated, so worn it…

With glassy eyes that was eerily vacant and unseeing she spoke again.

"It's about…Robb."

And I knew. I knew at once.

My blood ran cold as my throat dried up.

Sansa has faced so many things that could break a person but she has endured them all so far and risen above each one.

But I knew from the look in her face that this time… this could actually break her.

And for the first time in a long time I was afraid.

* * *

 **AN: Hello lovely people! You've made it this far! I did warn you this was a long update. :D**

 **Anyway, I tried to do away with cliffhangers because I was notorious for it before but this chapter had to end some time. But at least I gave a little fluff, ey? Just know that this was meant to be two parts but I had a hard time finding where to cut it best. (38 pages on Calibri 12 people! 38 pages from my usual 15-24. 38!)**

 **Again thanks for all the support! Just a few more to go and we're almost done I cryyyyy. Do let me know what you think. Because I got a lot of long comments from the previous post I got so inspired to finish the damn chapter to show my gratitude! Honestly when I started this I wasn't expecting much. No really, I wasn't. It was a self-serving thing but through the time people have been voicing their support and I my heart tugs at each and every feedback I get bad and good. :'))**

 **Oh and all the characters are real either from the books or from the show (with liberties to their place here of course though I patterned their motives based on what I read about them so things will be really really close to canon) except for Jyanna Snow (though I did name her after her aunt Jyanna Reed, Howland's wife). Never let it be known that I do not do some research for this. Because, hell yeah, I do some fact checking. Some. So everything that looks familiar, scenes, lines, they probably are because they're from the book/show. Disclaimer done!**

 **And yeah, be happy now. The next one might not be pretty. So I'll let you enjoy this one before I release the next because I have to start on the one after that because I can't release it unless I can follow it up right away which I can't at the moment. It's going to be a bit of a longer break than this. So enjoy this super long chapter alright?**

 **Much love!**


	12. Songs from a Mockingbird

_**Songs from a Mockingbird**_

"What lies did he say _now?"_ I said through my teeth.

She regarded me for a moment before a shadow of sadness changed her features. _Oh no. I knew that look._

Finally, I reached out and grasped her hand on the table. "Tell me. _Please._ "

She looked down and let her hand lay limp in mine, exhaustion overwhelming her frame. _This wasn't good._

Only doubt and defeat made her look _this_ tired. No fire. No ice. And I _knew._ Only _Petyr Baelish_ had this effect on her. And what's worse he somehow managed to drag Robb into this.

 _Damn him to the deepest levels of seven hells!_

Sansa has managed to escape all her tormentors except _him._ The only man she feels she cannot fully escape from. At how she looked right now, it must've taken her a great deal to come to me… and not back to _him._ Just what was it that he wants? He is the Lord Protector of the Vale! Has command of one of the strongest armies in Westeros! He is practically Warden of the East. Does he _want_ the North too? Was _that_ it? The Dead are coming and the North is at the front lines. He could call out his army and hide away up the mountains but that still won't stop the Dead from taking them all.

Does he think the North _owes_ him still? Is _that_ it?

In my opinion, that was not a loan but a _payment_ for his part in Sansa's hell. And it _still_ wasn't enough.

What does he _want_?

Rage bubbled through me. I swear to the old gods and new that Littlefinger would get _his due._ And _soon._

She winced a little bringing me to my senses that I released my too tight grip on her at once.

"I'm sorry!" I started but she grabbed at my withdrawn hand and clutched it tight to her with a shake of her head.

"Don't! Just, _don't let go_ right now Jon. _Please,_ " she pleaded.

I swallowed then the rage came back. "Tell me now why I shouldn't run and pull his tongue out with my hand and feed it to him," I said roughly.

She flinched back a bit but stroked the back of my hand with her thumb to calm me and…reassure me as she did back in Castle Black.

I let out a breath and waited. _Come on._

She looked away and retrieved a scroll from her skirt pocket and handed it to me.

I spread it fast with my free hand and read it at once and once I've finished my mouth hung and my throat dried and suddenly I understood why she was being like this.

The scroll contained a will.

 _Robb's will._

Declaring _me_ his _heir._

By order of the King in the North and the King of the Trident, I was Jon _Stark._

Rightful heir of Winterfell and the North.

Granted reprieve from the Night's Watch should he fall so I could continue his reign.

Then I looked at Sansa who was looking down at her hands, the look of hurt spread over her face despite struggling to keep neutral – keep it together but I knew.

 _Oh Robb you idiot…_

I was touched by his gesture but it wasn't enough to quash the sadness I felt for the hurt it caused Sansa. Twice then. _Twice_ I was offered legitimacy and Winterfell, one from Stannis Baratheon, and then this one from Robb. And now where were they? As much as I love Robb and I would've died for him regardless, he was gone and so was Stannis. Two dead Kings. That only affirmed that they were both erring kings whose to say they didn't err when they chose me?

"Who else has seen this?" I managed though I knew the likely answer.

She shrugged. "Does it matter? Soon everyone will know."

I took her other hand and gripped them tight. "Sansa, look at me."

She stayed still… and limp.

 _No. No. Not that look of defeat!_

"Sansa, _look_ at me."

She finally raised her eyes to me and the sadness that filled her eyes broke me but before anyone could speak, she suddenly sat up straight and stiff, her stormy blue eyes now still lakes, the corners of her mouth turning up – forced as she squeezed my hands and shook her head.

"It was a smart decision," she said with a bob of her head and with her eyes steadily meeting mine.

I scoffed and grunted. "No it wasn't. It was a stupid decision. He was wrong not to name you."

Her eyes hardened as her mouth poised to speak. And suddenly we were children once more with Sansa's steely glare and unmatched determination to defend her perfect brother _Robb._

" _My older brother Robb is the heir to Winterfell. And he is the smartest, bravest, strongest, man in the North. He is in his rights and you are wrong!"_

" _My older brother Robb told me so!"_

" _My older brother Robb will never let me down."_

" _Robb loves me best!"_

As Robb was Sansa's champion, she was his. Robb wasn't only her brother or her knight, to Sansa, Robb was her second father and her best friend. Their bond was as unique as Arya's and mine. Sometimes we don't even question that she trusts him more than father – _uncle._

"It's a _smart_ decision," she insisted with gritted teeth. _There it was._ Ready to stand up to Robb the Righteous. _She is in denia_ l! Too blinded by her image of Robb who called her princess and treated her as so. And it unearthed a different anger.

For all the kindness, trust, and love Robb had for me and I for him, for the first time in a long time, I was _mad_ at him.

"I was married to Tyrion Lannister. I _was_ Sansa _Lannister_ at that time as people have been reminding me," she spat with disgust. "I cannot be the heir if it means Winterfell could fall to a _Lannister."_

I couldn't argue with that logic. But it still didn't stem the fury. Her sudden _indifference_ and her _shield of logic_ irked me. Just because it was a smart decision doesn't make it _right._ And then I was struck with logic of my own.

"If word got out that you were disowned then, that would've made you _dispensable._ That decision could've _killed_ you!"

My triumph was short-lived and I immediately regretted telling her Robb rendered her of all things… _dispensable._

"I-I'm – I didn't mean – "

She held up her free hand and shook her head but I saw the tears that were welling in her eyes – those same eyes that were wavering from hardening from resolve and softening from hurt. "No. That's true. But a great leader makes difficult sacrifices and it shows devotion to the cause. Robb _had_ to do it."

I was breathing heavily and my jaw was locked tight but I managed to talk. "Stop _defending_ him!"

She glared at me and took deep breaths. " _Why?_ He was being _dutiful._ He was being a _king._ He _had_ to _do_ it!"

"Do _what_? Robb _had_ to killyou Sansa?"

She inhaled sharply and looked like she was slapped but that disappeared quickly as her shields were going back up when she swallowed and tried to keep her face neutral but she couldn't blink all those tears away. Great, I hurt her again! _Why was I saying the wrong things?_

 _Because she needed to hear them._ I reminded myself.

"I did it to Rickon."

NO.

I choked back a scream and let out a scoff. Of course she would go that way.

Gripping her hands tighter I all but yelled at her. "That was _different_. You know it was! I know I was against it but I realized that there really was no way to save him. You didn't sacrifice him. He was as good as dead! As much as you think I was the only one who tried to save him, I knew you wanted to as well. You _hoped_ for it. You did everything you could and thought of! I did as well. But there was just no way to save him. _Even_ if you told me of the Vale."

Silence and glares. A minute of rigid breath holding that finally broke into rapid rising chests and radiating heat and chilling frost – hard frozen blue pools of ice against blazing black coals.

I withdrew one hand from hers and banged it hard on the table in frustration, shutting my eyes tight.

"I don't understand – Why are _you_ so mad _?"_ She enunciated each word, her tone frustrated and confused.

My eyes shot back to hers and she was looking at me with genuine surprise and confusion and maybe a little annoyance. I gaped at her and was all ready to pull my hair out. I almost told her right then and there that I _love_ her and I was mad _for_ her – that I couldn't stand the _look_ in her face – that I _know_ that right as she was, she was _hurt –_ that I was so mad at Robb for f _ailing_ her – that Robb should've _rescued_ her right away before she was married to the Imp in the first place!

Why in seven hells _wouldn't_ I be mad?

Even if it was never the intention, Robb should still be added to her list of people who betrayed her. And it was _Robb. Robb!_ Of all people it was _Robb_! It was _her_ Robb! Robb who she trusted the most in the world! _Robb!_

Does he _know_ the extent of the damage this could give the girl he called Princess? The only babe he ever really taken the time to take care of? His favorite sibling? His champion? His champion until his end? Until even beyond his death? The girl who smiled and curtsied while she was being punished for his victories? His Sansa who loved her big brother Robb best of all?

 _Does he know?_ Did he even think about how she would feel? Did he even weep after deciding to practically giving up his princess to the lion's den?

Why _wouldn'_ t I be mad?

 _Anyone who put tears in the eyes of the woman I love was guilty and condemned in my eyes._

Then I fumed some more when I realized.

 _Of course he knew._

Not everything but he _knew_ what Sansa _would_ think. He knew that Sansa would take it _exactly_ as she's doing right now – with as much grace as she could muster and with understanding and ready forgiveness. He knew it would hurt her but he knew she would get it. _Of course_. Sansa would _forgive_ him.

* * *

" _Sometimes I think that Sansa would probably fare better at ruling than me. The way she still thinks of what is proper even when she is in the cusps of great emotion…Mother even said that she was already a lady when she was three years old. Yes, she likes pretty things and being adored, but she isn't truly selfish. She can be surprisingly self-sacrificing. And that's something a good leader can have."_

 _Robb's words no matter the truth and logic to them somehow didn't sit well with me especially after what happened at the stables._

" _Must a Lord or a King or a Lady really be all that ready to sacrifice? What is the point of ruling over a kingdom if you don't give berth to your own wants and freedom? Your own injustices?"_

 _His eyes narrowed as he understood what I was referring to but then hardened in icy resolve, his chin jutting up in authority._

" _That's the point isn't it? You get to rule a kingdom. Own a kingdom. Give the kingdom their freedom. But the kingdom owns_ you. _You have the greatest freedom and berth but you are never truly free," he shrugged then looked at me. "Besides, you of all people know the value of sacrifice and selflessness, brother. You are almost as bad as she is."_

 _Heat rose in my cheeks from embarrassment and annoyance. "It's different. It's not like I have much of a choice."_

 _He frowned at me but there was sympathy in his eyes before sighing. "Then that only makes her a bit better – to be able to sacrifice because she chose to do so regardless of her berth and freedom. There is no doubt in my mind that there will come a time where she has to make even harder decisions and she will mostly - if not – make all the right ones."_

 _He might be right. I think father would think the same. But sometimes pure obedience isn't always rewarding…_

 _I could do all my duties and more and it still doesn't give me reprieve from Lady Stark's ire. It doesn't matter how good I was or how hard I try to please. Not to someone who doesn't want to be pleased …or would want anything to do with you at all. Not to anyone when you've been labeled and mark for what you are._

 _It doesn't matter how right you can be when a person thinks that everything you do is wrong in her eyes._

 _I pray to the gods that Sansa's obedient and dutiful nature won't be ill-placed or dismissed. Such devotion she could offer – that devotion warranted rewarding. I just hope it goes to someone deserving._

 _Perhaps if I told Robb this he would change his mind._

* * *

I warned him of this. I warned him the moment we first had a glimpse of this that time when we found her crying in her room after that shit Ryswell took advantage of her and she chose to suffer in silence and tact in favor of fucking propriety.

And just like then, Robb couldn't even beat the sick shit as he was held by _duty_ and _honor_ befitting of the _heir._ Just like then it fell to _me_ – the _bastard_ to accept my baseness and beat the shit out of the fucker. And this was _no_ _different._ Sansa with her diplomacy, Robb with his righteousness, and me with my _baseness._

 _I warned him of this._ I even tried to talk to Sansa. But it would always be an uphill battle. Maybe this is where my Stark honor ends and my Targaryen assertion begins.

If there was something I hated from Sansa it was her sense of duty to our name Stark and to Winterfell, her feelings and well-being be damned.

 _Fire and Blood._

Starks ruled with honor.

Targaryens ruled with their _instincts._

Without a second thought I was ready to break my vows to the Night's Watch to aid my brother and rescue my sisters but my Stark honor held me back against my instinct to _go_ so I let my brothers take me back.

I could've stayed with Ygritte, my instincts telling me to aid their cause but honor compelled me to betray them instead and stayed true to my brothers. A _crow._

But where did that honor and sacrifice go? It only ended with me dead and betrayed.

I had always tried to be honorable.

But it wasn't just honor that lead me to follow Sansa. It was more of a _belief._

I believed in _her._

Every fiber of my being clung to _her_ and her survival.

It was never my fight but hers. I was all but ready to run but she made me believe that we never needed to.

My first life ended with the Night's Watch.

Now I live because of Sansa. Really _live_ and feel _alive._

 _She_ is my life now.

And they hurt her a thousand times over. They are hurting her still. And just because it was Robb doesn't excuse him from his own hand in hurting her. Honor be damned. Hurt is hurt.

 _What is honor compared to a woman's love?_

"Jon, why are you so mad?" She asked again after my prolonged silence.

I closed my eyes.

"Do you really not know?" I said my voice strained, my eyes opening wearily.

Her eyes widened and her mouth fell before she straightened once more and shut her mouth into a thin line, her eyes closing as well and she was breathing deeply – trying to calm herself.

My breaths left me fast and staggered as I stared at her in agony as her pain finally showed signs of surfacing, revealing the chinks in her heavy armor.

Then she opened her eyes looked at our still joined hands before placing her other on top of them and calmly spoke.

"It hurts. Of course it hurts."

Then I felt them.

 _Tears._

Her tears fell on top of our hands and I looked at her and it was _devastating._

Her now wet eyes were still trained on our hands as she cried quietly. She didn't even sob. She just let the tears flow.

"Sansa…"

She closed her eyes and swallowed. "When Joffrey made me look at father's head on a spike, I did not give him the satisfaction. When he told me that he would bring me Robb's head as his wedding gift to me, I was even brave enough to tell him 'Maybe he'll bring me yours' and of course you know how that went. It was the first time he ordered his Kingsguard to hit me. But the pain was worth it. Because I knew that Robb would _kill_ all of them for killing father. But he would make them _suffer_ first – for _me."_

"I prayed. I prayed and prayed. I prayed that Robb would rescue me. I forced myself to be brave and strong and endured Joffrey's beatings for each of Robb's victories knowing that whatever was done to me, Robb would repay threefold and more. That each time I did not break would be worth it…I counted each strike, each blow, each bruise, each cut, each time I bled, where I bled, where it hurt the most, and remembered who dealt what so I may recite them to Robb who would take care of the rest So I sang their songs but in my head it was Robb's sword making them sing.."

Then she let out a strangled breath that shuddered both of us still I let her continue. "Then they married me to the Imp as an insult to the family. As if the letter they made me write to Robb was bad enough they had me do this too. It was certainly kind of Lord Tyrion to not… _touch_ me when I was unwilling. And I knew then that I had to hold on and pray that my lord husband would keep to his promise not to touch me and just wait for Robb to rescue me so he may free me from the coerced marriage."

She choked a cry and I was afraid that this was where she would finally break.

Then she cleared her throat and held her head high – that same strong chin that resembled Robb's in principle. "It was smart of him – It truly was. The Lannisters of all people cannot have Winterfell. I could forgive him for that. No there is nothing to forgive."

Then she grew angry and before I knew it her eyes faltered and I knew she was so so close now.

"But then Lord Baelish…Lord Baelish told me that he could've. But – "

She looked at me then completely heartbroken. "He would not surrender Jamie Lannister in exchange for me and Arya who they believed was with me. He told me that Tyrion sent him to my mother to pitch the trade, even sending fa-father's remains to her as a sign of sincerity. But he didn't and he had mother under house arrest when she took matters into her own hands. I didn't believe him but he told me to ask Brienne. And…" she sobbed.

 _Robb you stupid fuck._

Then she shook her head and tried to calm her sobbing. "Again I could understand that. He was too much like father – too bound by honor. To the eyes of the Northmen, it simply was not a fair trade. And he simply could not just think about his family. And he knew out of all of us, that I would understand the most why he did it."

"Sansa – " I started but she kept shaking her head.

"Then Robb died. Mother died. And all my hopes and prayers died with them. I stopped praying after that…" she trailed off.

Then her eyes wavered in anger and sadness as she continued. "When _they_ told me how they died as they clink and down their goblets in celebration of our family's downfall – how the Freys, the Boltons, the Lannisters desecrated their bodies, humiliated our name and fucked our honor to the bottom of the river… I was _devastated_. And scared. And hopeless. I felt I died with them. And then I found out why and how our family was betrayed."

She ground her teeth in bitterness – a sentiment I mirrored when I found out as well.

"My brother was honorable. I would always proudly declare to everyone and anyone."

Her knuckles were white and her grip on me was so tight but I let her. I won't let go. I won't _ever._

"But then _where_ was his duty when he broke off his agreement with the Freys? _Where_ was his honor when he married a foreigner against all reasons other than _love?_ He broke his vow to the Freys so easily but he could not spare a little anger from the North to save his family? To save… me?"

She broke down then.

 _Love is the death of duty._ I almost answered while I stood up and took her into my arms cursing Robb. Cursing Littlefinger.

"I don't want to get mad at Robb. I know he loved me. I know he was only trying to do what was right – "

I shushed her and held her gently and thanked the gods for granting me surprising calm and even more surprising, the right words against what I really wanted to scream. "He did. Robb loved you. Never doubt that but Robb is human. He made mistakes. He should've rescued you. He should've let the Kingslayer go. He should've listened to your mother. He should've never broken his vow to the Freys. He still should've named you heir. I'm so infuriated with him, _believe_ me. If he was alive I would've given him a beating for being stupid but he's gone Sansa. He paid for his mistakes. He was stupid but I don't believe that he didn't love you. You were his favorite. You were always his princess. Remember he was _pushed_ into this. Seven and ten, he was made king. There was only so much he could do."

That seemed to calm Sansa and while I was trying to convince her, hearing my own words – I was also trying my damnedness to convince myself too.

"Could you really love someone so much no matter how wrong it is? Love someone regardless of its cost?"

I froze. I know she was referring to Robb but it brought a gnawing guilt in me that all my anger at Robb seemed to vanish when I found myself answering.

"Sometimes. I'm mad at him but I can't truly fault him for choosing to follow his heart just that once. Just that one selfish moment against all that he has given up already… Sometimes…sometimes it just happens. We don't always choose who we love… He's only human. It may have been a mistake, but what little time he had with his choice, I'd like to believe he was _happy._ "

She looked at me then and I could see her mulling over my words. I was talking about Robb but I was also speaking a little about myself.

She was the one who broke away and leant her body against mine calming down somewhat.

"Family, honor, duty. Robb died a true Tully. Born in the Riverlands, and died in the Riverlands. The moment he took a wife of his own, their union became his main family. Family, honor, duty in that order. He may have failed as King in the North but he was a true King of the Trident."

I sighed and gave a small smile. Trust Sansa to always find the right words to honor her brother. Mad and disappointed as she was of him.

"Robb was always so lucky to inspire so much love from you. I don't think anyone ever came close."

"That's not true." I felt her mouth smile against my shoulder then slackened to a frown and wetness leaked through my shoulder once more. "I'm not mad at Robb. I understand. But it doesn't really take the sting away does it?"

"No."

And she sobbed once more.

Damn Littlefinger for bringing this up. We could've gone never thinking about this… he could've let Sansa go on believing that Robb was every bit her hero. But he had to drive another dagger to her already mangled heart.

Then it hit me. I made her look up at me and wiped her tears. "Sansa, why did he tell you this?"

She rested her forehead against my chest and clutched my tunic. "He told me that the North was still apprehensive of us. Some are more loyal to you, some to me. He wants us to fight. You could use this to cement your claim as this was signed by most of the Lords no matter that most of them died already and we are talking to heirs. And this would remind everyone to be suspicious of me having once been a Bolton but even more so once being a Lannister. He brought this to me so that I would doubt you – get mad at you…mayhaps have reason to have you imprisoned or killed to avoid you ever contesting me! Maybe even ransom you to your aunt."

My fists closed and shook with rage but I maintained my calm. "This decree is void! I am _not_ your half-brother. No matter how legitimate the decree is! No one can use this! And what a change in tactics! First he goes on about how _you_ being the true-born Stark should be the Queen but now that you _are,_ now he wants _me_ to claim it back instead? It doesn't make sense!"

"He told me that my true-brother already had no issue setting me aside, what would stop you from doing the same to me? Especially – " she stopped.

My eyes grew wide. "What? Especially what?"

She shook her head. "Forget it. It was more lies and nonsense. It was garbage."

 _No. Clearly there was more poison he was spewing. What else is there?_

"Tell me."

She sighed. "Especially now that you had a taste of everything you ever wanted. Everything that was denied to you as a bastard… That one day you would resent me for making you renounce your name – both Stark and Targaryen. That you already harbored distrust in me because I didn't tell you about writing him. That your dislike for my mother would transfer to me, each day I grow older and look more and more like her…"

 _No._

 _No. No. No. No. No._

 _NO._

Without thinking and completely fueled and blinded with mad mad rage I stood up, unsheathed _Longclaw_ and made to leave and never stop until I slice Petyr Baelish's head off his slimy body.

But I was held back by Sansa who was clinging to me from behind, grabbing on to me with all her strength.

"Let me go. LET ME GO! I HAVE to DO this. LET. ME _. GO_."

She held on to me tighter and I had to give her credit for having the strength to pull me back.

"NO! STOP IT JON! Please. _Please!_ You're better than this! You can't give him what he wants!" she pleaded.

I laughed bitterly at that. "He wants to die then? Because his death is the only thing I'm willing to give him right _now."_

I felt her head shaking against my back. "No. You have to calm down! No matter what we truly feel, if people see us like this – shouting and arguing they will think that we aren't in good terms! They'll use this against us! Please. _Please._ He'll expect this! Either I give him permission to kill you once and for all or what I did - choosing to tell you – he _knows. He's prepared for both scenarios!_ He _knows_ you'll get mad once I tell you. He knows and he'll _kill_ you anyway if you charge on him with nothing but hearsays and speculations!"

"I _don't_ care!" I hissed. "I just want _him_ to _end."_

I could hear her sobbing and struggling then I felt her slide down on her knees, grabbing at my right leg as if her life depended on it. "Please. _Please Jon._ I already lost all my siblings I don't want to lose you too. Please please calm down and let's think this through. Please. _Please. You promised not to leave me. Please."_

I sucked in a breath and all the fight left in me as I looked down and saw her on her knees, her head low, her arms bearing her weight as she clung to my leg desperately, her exhausted body shaking as she sobbed and kept repeating no begging… _please._

Immediately I grabbed at her shoulders and raised her up, making her surrender her weight to me – all of her. Within a moment she was in my arms and I sat on my bed, placing her on my lap while I held her tight to me, rocking her.

"I promise not to doubt you. I promise I would never lie to you. If you want the crown I'll give it to you. Just please, please don't leave me. Please don't resent me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry mother was hard on you. I'm sorry I followed her. I'll – I'll be g-good. _I'll be good, I promise…"_

My body froze.

" _I'll be good."_

At her words I broke.

I let out a sob and began weeping because suddenly I was scared. I didn't know if I wanted to pull away or pull her closer.

 _I scared her._

" _I'll be good."_

I've heard her say those words only a few times in our lifetime but she only said them when she was on the brink of being denied or on the brink of disappointing.

It was always her promise in exchange for something she wanted or needed. And there were two things she always desired when she was younger – pretty things and being praised and treated as a true lady.

" _I'll be good."_

When she couldn't figure out her embroidery and saw the disappointment in her Septa's eyes. And she did. She mastered the needle.

" _I'll be good."_

When she asked for new dolls she could play with, promising not to neglect her other lessons, promising to have time to practice her riding, her high harp and finding time to master her languages and calligraphy.

" _I'll be good."_

And she hardly disappointed.

And she was in every aspect, a true lady.

But she was only a child, and she was only a person, and there was room for mistakes and disappointments.

More than when she said them as promise for what she wanted, she also always said them as part of her apology and her embarrassment.

" _I'm sorry. I'll be good next time."_

When she accidentally broke Arya's doll.

" _I'm sorry. I'll be good next time."_

When she spilled her milk all over her dress.

" _I'm sorry. I'll be g-good…"_

When she asked to stay with Robb and I one stormy night and she was scared.

But now.

 _Now,_ she was saying them _to me._ As part of her apology to _me_. On the brink of feeling being denied _by me_ and disappointing _me_.

 _To me._

I felt ill. Very ill.

As I look at her trembling, weak, and begging… I can't help but think of how many times she has said this to _them._ To _all_ of _them._

The queen bitch Cersei… the little shit Joffrey… the fucking cunt Ramsey, Baelish… just _how many_ times…

And now to _me._

I struggled but I found my voice. "S-Sansa. Shhh… Stop. Stop. Sansa, no."

She was in hysterics, repeating her litany of sorry and please.

I grabbed her shoulders and made her look at me, trying hard to control my tears. "Sansa, stop apologizing. Don't you remember what I said? Didn't you promise me you would stop apologizing for the past? And you don't need to promise me _anything._ I will _never_ leave you. No matter what. I'll stay with you. As long as you want. Forever if I can. _I'm_ sorry I scared you. It won't happen again. Just please, please stop begging. You did nothing wrong. _Don't be sorry_."

She looked at me then – really looked at me she touched the wetness on my cheek surprised at my tears and thank the gods because finally _finally_ she was back.

She clung to me then with such force as she threw her arms around my neck, almost knocking us both backward yet I was able to catch her, clutching her to me as tight as she did.

"I hate Baelish," she said through gritted teeth.

I kissed her head. "I do too. But you're right. We _can't_ just kill him like that. But we _can't_ let him win."

"We won't." She vowed at once. "I hate that he almost won today."

I shook my head. "But he didn't. And he never will."

"I'm so scared Jon," she whispered.

"Don't be," I reassured her.

"I'm scared of how he affects me so. No matter how hard I try to break from his grasp, he sinks his claws deeper and deeper into my back. I don't know if I can be truly free from him. I barely manage to push away Ramsey from my mind but even he is easier to forget. I'm scared he'll manipulate me again. I'm scared because I know what he wants," she confessed while her still too thin body shook.

"Just a little longer, Sansa. Believe me if it was only up to me he'd be a pile of ashes right now. But trust me in this. Please. Let _me_ handle it this time. I don't want him near you ever again. And I swear he will never be!"

"But I don't want him to have an opportunity to sink his claws into you too!" She looked up at me then and the force of her resolve shocked me.

"Sansa…"

She gripped my face and looked at me with such tenderness. "I won't let him poison you too."

I held my breath and I almost kissed her right then and there. Broken and scared yet it all vanished because she cared about _me –_ her fear for her self overpowered by her fear _for_ me.

 _She loves me._

I stared at her.

Stared and stared.

Could it be possible?

Does she feel the same way?

I already knew she loves me, she even told me herself.

But could that love be… _more?_

I waited.

She inched closer I stilled.

Her eyes searched mine and I hope I answered all her questions with mine the same way I hope she was answering my own.

I waited.

But a knock at the door left all our questions unanswered.

My eyes never strayed but hers fell to the door then I thought she brought them back up to me but instead they settled for my rapidly rising chest where she pressed her forehead to for a moment before finally pulling away, the once heated room growing colder upon her retreat.

A heavy breath left me. Frustration? Relief?

 _What was I thinking?_

"Your grace? My Queen? Lord Snow?"

 _Brienne._

"Yes," she answered through the door.

"I heard shouting. Are you okay my lady?"

I opened the door then and let the tall woman in.

Her eyes regarded both of us, red-eyed and disheveled. Her eyes sought Sansa's first but she never looked up from the floor so she turned to me instead for answers and answers _right now._

I sighed and pushed my hair back and held my head. "Baelish." I was able to mutter.

She gave an indignant huff and let out an annoyed sigh herself. "What did he do _this_ time?"

"He means to turn us against each other," Sansa explained, her voice rough and tired as she sat on one of the chairs near the hearth. "You may sit down Brienne, please."

Both of us took a seat near her. I lent the back of my neck on the edge of the top rail and let my head fall back. I was so drained.

"Did he succeed?" Brienne looked at both of us warily.

"He almost did," Sansa said softly.

A beat.

"Did you tell Jon finally?"

 _Tell me what?_

I raised my head slightly and looked at them. Brienne was looking at Sansa sternly.

"You didn't," Brienne said.

"Tell me what?"

They both looked at me then. Guilt and shame started to show in Sansa's eyes.

"He needs to know," Brienne pressed.

"Sansa?" I prompted. What else? What else could go wrong? What else? And suddenly I recognized this look too and a piercing flare of anger revived me.

"Sansa." I managed through gritted teeth and I knew at once that this was how Robb felt when he was trying to get her to tell him what happened at the stables.

"Tell him what Petyr Baelish _wants."_ Brienne all but commanded her. A rarity as she was the image of duty for her liege lady.

Sansa closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her hands clasped tight together on her lap. "He wants the Iron Throne."

That was not surprising.

"And…?" Brienne prompted.

I held by breath.

Sansa looked at me then, sad, guilty, and ashamed. "And…me…beside him…" she whispered.

No more.

I stood up at once and strode once more to the door and of course Brienne halted me.

"Stand aside," I ordered through my teeth.

She held her ground, one hand at her hilt, the other in front of me near my chest.

" _Move._ I threatened.

"If the _Queen_ permits," she challenged.

I drew my sword and she drew hers.

"Please stop," it was a tired whisper. It was only a whisper.

But I relented at once.

I let out a cry before throwing away my sword and started pacing across the hearth.

"There must be something! _Anything_ we can do to make him pay!" I roared.

He was truly a demon of his own cloth and skin. Transferring his lusts for Catelyn Stark to her daughter?!

It wasn't enough that he wanted power he had to have Sansa too? A woman young enough to be his _daughter?_ Even after all the horrors he subjected her to?

I ran to my wash bin and retched and retched.

 _Vile. He was vile. Disgusting._

Then I looked up at Sansa alarmed. "Tell me Sansa and don't lie. Has he – " I choked. I couldn't.

Thankfully Brienne took over. She knelt in front of Sansa and placed a hand on her shoulder. "My lady… Sansa… has that man taken liberties with you?"

Sansa reddened and shrunk, unable to meet either of our eyes. So Brienne and I shared a grim look of our own.

Silence.

I looked at Brienne impatiently. Wasn't this confirmation enough to kill that scum once and for all?

To her credit, Brienne brought her hand to her hilt once more and looked at Sansa. Just one word and I knew she would not stop me. She was going with me to bring that demon spawn down.

"No-nothing," Sansa mumbled and our eyes were wide and waiting.

"No-nothing more than a kiss. A-and it was just that one time," she finally admitted.

"I'LL KILL HIM. I'LL KILL HIM RIGHT NOW," I grabbed at my sword on the ground.

Sansa threw herself to me and wrapped her arms tightly around my middle. "Please Jon. No. It was nothing. It was nothing compared to—"

I grabbed her arms. "Do _not_ finish that. Do _not_ compare his atrocity with another. It wasn't _just_ a kiss. It wasn't _nothing_ Sansa! Don't _dismiss_ it! It was _wrong!_ It doesn't make him any different! He _violated_ you all the same!"

She cried and cried and a disgusting thought entered my mind. But I had to know.

"Sansa."

She looked up at me.

"I won't get mad. I promise. I'll calm down. But I need you to answer me. Don't be afraid. Just say it all and say it true. Can you do that?"

Her mouth parted as something crossed her eyes before she nodded.

"He kissed you."

"Yes."

"Did you kiss him back?"

"No."

I almost sighed in relief but there was more to ask.

"Did you push him away?"

Her body faltered a bit but her eyes were bravely steady on mine as she shook her head once.

"No."

My heart sunk. I feared as much and I was the one who almost faltered this time.

I swallowed. "You let him kiss you."

Without missing a beat she answered. "Yes."

My knees almost gave out. But after a few breaths I finally asked.

"Do you love him?"

And thank the gods old and new that she answered almost as quick. "NO!" Then she bawled and I knew I hurt her for asking but it had to be asked. Not for my sake. No. But for hers. No matter if she answered differently.

"No, I don't. I could never. I would never."

She may not realize it now but she had to have this confirmed and out in the open to be free.

I wiped her tears then and brought her head to my chest and cradled her body to mine. "Then why? Why did you let him? Was it fear? Was it gratefulness? Did you think it was a small form of _payment?_ "

The answer that followed said yes to all of my speculations making my heart drop and break into a million pieces.

"It happened when we arrived at the Eyrie. He saved me from the capital. He helped me escape and brought me to my aunt Lysa. I was at the godswood there. I was away from the Lannisters. I was with my blood. There was snow. I built Winterfell with the snow… It was the first time in a long time that I felt safe – that I was free. In that moment I felt _joy._ And then he came… he told me I was more beautiful than mother. Then he kissed me. I was too shocked to stop him and too afraid that if I push him away that he might hurt me. And he was the only man who finally did save me. And I should be grateful to him. So I let him."

Shame, anger and confusion washed over her then and I fought the urge to scream. She broke away from me and slumped to the floor, bringing her arms around her defensively as she crumbled.

I got over my shaking fists and held her from behind and just like that time when Brienne and I found her in _Ramsey's_ room scrubbing herself from his filth, she struggled against my hold – vulnerable, angry, ashamed and scared.

I looked at Brienne who looked as horrified and outraged as I was and I knew she remembered it too.

"When it was over and I was alone I felt so ashamed and…vulnerable and just really frightened. Robin might've stomped all over my snow castle before but I was the one who knocked the remaining structures in the snow. I knew from then on I was never free. And I had to play the game once more. And I knew… I knew that what happened… could happen again. But what could I do but play along? And I did. I'm so ashamed but now that I realize it, everything I've done was only to further his plans… he would keep me alive because he both needed and wanted me. I didn't trust him but I had to. He was all I…had…" she faltered. "And now I am exactly where he wants me to be. He said so himself. _'You my love are the future of House Stark.'_ He said. And he even tried to kiss me at the godswood. I told him it was a _pretty picture –_ the one he painted of me and him and the Iron Throne but I pushed him away. I swear I did. I pushed him away Jon… and now he's mad."

I gripped her tighter. There really was no end to her horrors? Hasn't she suffered enough? Wasn't this enough to warrant his death? But more than wanting my bloodlust for him, I had to be strong for Sansa right now. She doesn't _need_ him anymore. She is strong by herself but she also has _me. And just where the fuck was I when she was at the Godswood alone with him?_

"I understand." I choked out. "Truly I do. I understand," I repeated.

"No. No you don't. Sometimes I was too blinded by him. Blinded by his love for my mother. Surely that devotion meant something I would think sometimes. He made me _believe._ He told me with my mother's beauty and his wits, I could rule the world. He made me believe so many times that I agreed to marry the son of my brother's murderer. He made me believe that they couldn't use me that he trained me well enough to _use_ them instead. But he was wrong. He made a mistake. A mistake I paid dearly. And I was the fool who believed."

"Then he met me at Mole Town… he brought me an army. He told me if I wanted him to die right then and there he would. He told me about my great-uncle Brynden retaking Riverrun. I was so furious with him. I _wanted_ him to look me in the eye while I told him what was done to me – what _he_ let happen to me. That I didn't need him anymore. That I don't want anything to do with him anymore," she cried some more. "But here we are. Here I am. I… can handle a lot of things but I – I don't think I can handle _him._ A part of me still feels like it belongs to him. And that's what he wants. He wants _me._ I was so so foolish to let it go so far. I should've let them kill him when I had a chance. I should've pushed _him_ over the moon door when I had a chance - _"_

My body jerked up at her words as my mind worked over what she said.

Brienne and I looked at each other and back at Sansa. I crouched in front of her then. "Sansa what did you say?"

She looked up at me confused.

I cradled her face. "Sansa tell me. What do you mean when you said you _should've_ let _them_ kill him? Who's _them?_ And when was this? Where was this?"

Realization reached her eyes almost the same time as terror and her walls were going up.

"No, no Sansa. We both heard you. Tell us what you meant," I all but demanded.

"N-no, I said too much."

"Sansa you promised me. You promised me I only need to ask and you'd tell me. I never asked. I never pushed you. But this time I _need_ to ask. You promised me no more secrets," I urged.

She finally gave a resigned nod and began telling her time at the Eyrie. How Petyr used her aunt Lysa from the beginning. Starting with poisoning her husband, Jon Arryn and sending a letter to her sister Catelyn accusing the Lannisters.

It was all because of him.

It was _all_ because of him.

 _Everything._

And when she was done I already had a plan.

I smiled bitterly.

It was time to bait, trap, and finally kill a mockingbird.

"Lady Brienne."

She looked at me and her mouth twitched the slightest up. "Lord Snow."

"Please please don't do anything rash. You may be able to kill him but I could lose you both and I can't lose you both! Please let's find another way."

I cradled her face and wiped her tears. "Sansa, it's alright. We won't do anything rash. But we _will_ do something. It's alright now. It's going to be okay."

Brienne knelt beside Sansa too and placed a hand on her shoulder. "Rest easy now, my lady."

Sansa looked from her then to me and nodded. She took both our hands as we helped her up.

"He won't get away with this," I vowed.

"Just be careful. I really cannot lose you both."

I brushed a wayward tear on her cheek with my knuckles gently before resting that hand on that cheek. "He's the one who should be careful. We'll take it from here. No more tears."

Her eyes glowed and I knew we both shared a memory right now.

She looked at Brienne now, her eyes communicating with her most loyal vassal. Then she glanced at me before looking at her once more and I knew what she was saying. It was too familiar. She said them to me before after all.

 _Keep him from doing something reckless._

Brienne clearly understood and gave a nod.

I brought Sansa's gaze to me once more. "We'll take care of it. Let _us_ avenge you." Unlike Robb, I refuse not to bloody my hands for this.

She smiled at that. It was small but it was sincere.

 _He who passes the sentence must swing the sword right?_ That's the Stark way.

 _Fire and Blood._

I almost grinned. I would make him bleed first before I burn whatever is left of him. Now _that's_ the Targaryen way.

Good thing I was both.

I released her then and kissed her hand before joining Brienne who held the door open.

Her hand caught my sleeve and I turned to her immediately.

She was facing the floor, brows drawn together, bottom lip caught in between her lips, and the hand that wasn't holding on to my sleeve was clasping and unclasping.

There was something in her uncertainty that drew a chill that ran through my spine that from all that she's revealed so far, I felt that it was just barely scratching the surface. There was more.

There was always something more. But I had to be the strong one right now and reassure her.

With all the tenderness and patience I could muster, I pried her fingers one by one from my sleeve and laced them with mine while my other hand reached below her chin to tilt her face up to mine.

"Sansa, just tell me. Don't be afraid."

Her eyes finally met mine and I could see that she was gauging me deeply as if looking for any signs that _I_ was ready for what she's going to say.

"Don't be afraid. It's going to be okay. Tell me." I tried to give her a smile but the words felt like they were more directed to me than to her.

She reached her fingers lightly and traced my cheek so gently, sending shivers to my body, her eyes following her fingers then she reached higher to push my hair back, my eyes closing on their own accord to her touch, my lips parted as I felt her fingers slide whispers to the side of my face before resting on the corner of my chin, her thumb making slight contact with my bottom lip that sent a stronger current through me making my eyes open wide.

My eyes opened to see her own eyes lingering on where her fingers were stroking the side of my face, shadows on her lids showing the exhaustion of tonight while a faint pink lingered on her cheeks, her mouth in a small frown, almost a pout.

There was something heartbreakingly sad in the way she touched me and regarded me as if - as if she was committing this to memory.

 _My heart sunk._

As if sensing my anxiety...and agony, she lightly traced my bottom lip making me stiff and alert. _What was happening?_

Then she tried to raise the corner of my lips up when she finally met my eyes and smiled.

"Jon?"

My body tensed. Waiting. The only thing I managed was a hum.

"Hmm?"

"You know I love you right?"

Warning bells rung all over my head. Why was she saying this now? Why are you doing this now Sansa? Why am I suddenly terrified?

Words still failed me but I managed a nod.

She smiled a little wider before withdrawing her touch and backing away. I hadn't realized that my tense body was anchored by her fingers that I almost stumbled forward from the loss.

She gave me what I thought was a sympathetic look crossed with anxiety - the look that one might give when delivering a hard blow as gently as possible.

"Littlefinger told me one last thing just as I turned around and walked away from him," she started.

And suddenly the rage that filled me woke me up and I felt in control of my body once more, alerting myself to another one of the poison he was inflicting.

Sansa turned away from me slightly, before sighing and putting on a determined look and finally faced me with the news.

"He told me that if I decide to tell all to you that you would realize that while you gave me all that was meant for you, while you thought you gave me all the power, it would either make you resent me in the end or make you realize how much danger you are putting me through. That in the end you will either be forced to kill me or..." she paused and looked at me nervously.

I swallowed and I didn't realize I was holding my breath as I processed her words. "Or?"

She blinked and swallowed as she wrung a hand over her wrist before looking at me straight in the eye. "Or marry me."

All reason and thought left me except her words and I felt numb.

 _Marry me._

It rang and rang and rang

Until suddenly a new rage built in me growing and growing by the minute when my senses came back.

 _That snake._

I gritted my teeth and I just knew my fists, seven hells, my whole body trembled in maddening anger.

She was still talking but I couldn't hear all of them.

 _"...wouldn't ally myself with others...'_

 _"...keep within ourselves..."_

 _"...unite our claims..."_

And suddenly the look he gave me at the great hall made sense.

 _He knew._

He _knew._ Somehow he _knew_ I was in love with Sansa.

It wasn't truly Sansa he was playing right now.

It was _me._

This was all for _me._

 _Damn him to seven hells and back!_

He was after me and he was using Sansa as the means.

And to use marriage?

He was poison. _Pure_ poison. Vile.

 _Evil._

It's true that I have thought about... but it wasn't... it wasn't a priority and now...

 _"...to protect me..."_ I caught her words.

 _Protect?_ It would protect her from what? How can marriage to me protect her?

And it dawned on me.

And I hated him with every fiber of my being because I saw the sense in that.

I composed myself slowly and brought myself to take her in my arms, pressing her head to my chest while I took deep breaths.

As I looked down at her I knew without doubt that she thought of it too. She thought about it all too and weighed everything. That's why it took so much effort and against personal conflict before she came to me and to tell all and tell even this.

If it came to it, if I wanted to take my claims, she would give them all to me.

And if I...If I asked her to marry me either to protect her or...I mentally cursed myself...gods forbid, protect _me_ and all the claims...

She would do it.

Out of duty, she would do it.

I know she would.

There were many benefits to the marriage. Of course she would consider it. If she would somehow overlook how it could protect her...she wouldn't...she wouldn't overlook it potentially protecting me.

I felt ill. And numb. Then ill some more.

 _Curse Littlefinger. Curse him and his fucking tongue._

Not that it really mattered before if I did want to marry Sansa. But I imagined if we were to marry it would be because of _love_ and nothing _but_ love.

And now he's used even that.

 _How?_ How can that be possible now?

Now I understood why Sansa looked at me as if she was memorizing every detail. She knew that knowing this would be a catalyst for something. Something was definitely going to change between us.

I wanted to weep. But now wasn't the time. _Sansa was so brave to admit this._

I pulled back and held her by the tops of her shoulders and bore my look into hers, our noses were almost touching.

"Sansa...you know I would never. I would never make you do anything you don't want to do. Much less _kill_ you."

She nodded almost at once and it brought a great wave of relief in me that I leant closer touching my forehead to hers.

"Yes. I trust you. You know I do. I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't. But Jon...think abo-"

I pressed my thumb over her lips and shook my head. _No. Don't think about any of it! Not my claims, not the marriage. No._

"Sansa, don't think on this anymore. At least not right now. It's all too much for right now. Just look at you, you're exhausted. At least sleep on it tonight. Alright? Nothing's going to happen tonight at least, I promise you. Just more caution and some planning but we won't touch him tonight. You're right we'll not be hasty. We'll give this great thought before moving, I promise," I reassured her.

I rubbed the circles under her eyes and mustered a smile. "Just rest okay. And let Brienne and I take care of this."

She looked up at me then for a moment before letting out a breath before she nodded. "I trust you." Then she looked at Brienne then back to me. "I trust both of you."

I kissed the top of her head and released her. "Thank you, Sansa."

"Jon?"

"Yes?"

"Do you..." she paused. "You do love me don't you, Jon?" she asked so nervously and suddenly that I was at a loss for a second but answered quickly before I left her with time to doubt.

"I love you Sansa. Doubt anything else except that. Alright?" I managed a half smile.

She returned it and nodded shyly.

Before I make things more difficult or maybe even worse I had to bid my leave. _Now._

So I gave her a nod and a playful pat on the back before turning to leave. Brienne who stayed respectfully silent throughout held the door and nodded at me without emotion.

" _Make him suffer."_

We jerked back at her and saw that she was staring sternly at the fire. Calm. Resolved. Ice in her eyes.

She went from porcelain to ivory to steel.

I was proud.

I grinned and nodded before cracking my knuckles.

 _With pleasure._

Once outside her door I let out the breath I was holding and held myself against the adjacent wall. Once I was more composed, I looked at Brienne and she gave me a meaningful look that had hints of sympathy.

 _She knows too._

I sighed.

"It's going to be fine. Lady Sansa will be fine. _You'll_ be fine. You'll make it happen or die trying, Jon Snow," she said.

I nodded at her gratefully.

As we walked further out from the chamber, we were greeted by Lady Jyanna Snow whose green eyes were stormy and cold, her lithe body hard and rigid. She must've heard everything.

She looked at us and bowed and inclined her head. Awaiting orders.

Brienne and I exchanged a look.

"Jon, jyanna is not only fast, she's very, very quiet."

I stood in front of Jyanna then and bent my head to look her in the eyes.

She looked back at me steady and firm before a corner of her mouth lifted the tiniest bit and for a second I thought grey storm clouds passed and covered the green of her forest eyes before reverting back into their cat like slits.

" _How_ quiet _?"_ I asked her.

"As death itself."

She smiled wide then, showing a row of straight sharp teeth.

" _Valar morghulis."_

A chuckle in the darkness interrupted the moment.

"Valar dohaeris and _fuck_ ," replied a rough voice in the distance.

And we saw the Hound grinning back at us.

* * *

 **AN: Okay. Calm down. And please don't hate me! For making Robb a "villain" (I didn't!) or for well, doing all this with Littlefinger and he's not even in this scene! I'm sorry, I'm sorry but I hope you get why. I DID warn you last chapter that you might hate me a little and that you go enjoy the last one.**

 **Now I was really torn with this. But I was all on Littlefinger's way of thinking and this was something I felt he would do. He didn't get that picture with Sansa and Jon shamed him publicly so he's all mad and scheming. Then somehow, he saw Jon's mistake last chapter and he knew and he'd definitely use all to bring him down and force the picture he wanted.**

 **And also before you get mad and/or confused about the Robb thing, let me just say that I love Robb. But how right? After building him up through Sansa and Jon's hero-worship of him only to "tear" him down here. I didn't. tear him down, I mean. I made him human. And he really really did a lot of mistakes. One of you even guessed this! You know who you are!**

 **Jon could understand the famed Stark honor. He lived by that for so long but I also wanted him to see the merits of Targaryen assertiveness. And I've always believed that Targaryens ruled all or nothing, passion or none at all, and their instincts and personal motivations had precedence too rather than complete surrender to duty. Just look at the long line of defiance for love and other reasons which wasn't necessarily a bad thing.**

 **And Sansa can only do so much. And she can't possibly handle Littlefinger on her own and now she doesn't have to and they're going to need a lot of help. And with the last admission, Jon would need an objective mind to turn to. So he'll definitely seek help on this. He knows he can't afford to be reckless, not when Littlefinger almost had them.**

 **So, there. I'm really sorry this wasn't fun to write for me either. :( But it felt more realistic. Anyway, your thoughts? Ugh. I'm sorry. :'(**

 **Last thing, and just to be clear once more, throughout the story, as another part of my disclaimer, some of the scenes and lines may be familiar because I've integrated them from the books and the show into this story though of course, I follow the timeline of the story more closely. And yes, good people. The only "original" character here is Jyanna Snow. ;)**

 **Two more to go (or 3?).**

 **Much love.**


	13. The Tourney of Ashford Part I

_**The Tourney of Ashford: Part I**_

 **AN: Contender for longest chapter! So make sure you're ready. The timeline of this chapter is non-linear spanning what occurred in 5 days of the present timeline with two flashbacks from the past so pay attention to the markers I've put up to guide you through the jumps in time. Point of reference is Sansa's name day which immediately follows the previous chapter. You'll understand once you've read this why I chose to tell the chapter like this which is almost backwards ala Coldplay's The Scientist or something. And yes, Part I. **

* * *

_**Present time, Four days since Sansa confides Robb's will to Jon, three days after Sansa's name day**_

Three days.

I swallowed.

One conversation.

It only took one conversation to change a childhood's worth – no a lifetime's worth of preconceptions and feelings regarding a person.

Just one conversation to cause the world you know to flip backwards divesting you off all you've known once you've righted yourself and the world stops spinning.

And it takes another – just one other to undo all you've righted after accepting that flipped world to be flipped over once more.

It's been three days since the world I knew was upside down again and I have yet to right myself.

 _I sighed._

To say Sansa and I had a complicated relationship was an understatement. We went from mere tolerable to somewhat amiable to now damn near inseparable.

 _At least until three days ago…_

Three days since we celebrated Sansa's name day.

 _We were so happy then until the end..._

I felt a clench in my chest and every breath felt like daggers. I would know the feeling.

What went wrong?

Or rather what didn't I do wrong?

My mind was so scattered as I tried to gather the bits and pieces that happened since _that night._

I was grateful that I could talk to the Queensguards and to some of the members of our secret council. I was doing my level best to keep my head above the water because every plan we've laid has to be executed well. I couldn't afford mistakes. But at the same time I can't help but keep going back to _that night._ And I wasn't talking about the night she came to me about Littlefinger's poisons. It was the night _after._

 _The night of Sansa's name day..._

 _-"Sansa. I_ want _to."-_

I tried to shake off those memories as I started walking over to the War Room where the council was waiting.

I looked to my right and saw Tormund keeping respectfully silent, even giving me what would be his sympathetic smile. He was the one I confided with what happened. And for the first time, Tormund Giantsbane had no words to give.

Just a whack in the back and his promise to keep this between us.

I know for the past weeks since we've been reunited I've unearthed a lot of memories – fond ones even with her if only to understand her – to find a way to connect with her. And I found myself celebrating my little victories when she showed signs that she wanted to connect with me too. We always had an indifferent relationship back then though I didn't doubt that in the very least, she did have some modicum of care for me and knew I was someone she could rely on. And I her to some extent.

And now that we've grown closer and shared a lot of ourselves to each other past and present, we both realized that the majority of the time, we had miscommunication but clearly, there was love underneath it all and the desire to reach out to one another. We just never had that many opportunities and there was of course, the case of Lady Catelyn Stark who all but raised her to hate me.

But I could of course, recall that the few times we actually fought were brutal.

I could count two.

...

" _What are you doing?"_

 _I cursed internally knowing I was caught. There was no way around it and I looked up to see Sansa's knowing glare directed at me._

 _Her eyes widened in knowledge as she found out my deed. "Where are you taking my doll?"_

" _Come on Sansa. Arya just wants to play with it a bit," I tried._

 _Her eyes hardened and her fists shook at her sides. "So you plan to steal it for Arya?"_

" _I just meant to let her play with it for a bit then return it before you noticed," I admitted. Why won't she just lend it to Arya? It was the only doll that Arya had taken a fancy too._

' _I just want to hold it a little. I never get dolls as pretty as Sansa's. I know I break stuff but I won't break that one. It has dark hair like me.' I recalled Arya tearfully confessing her jealousy._

 _I was so sad for her that I planned this without really thinking. I didn't mean to deceive Sansa but she wasn't going to let Arya borrow it. I made Arya promise to take care of it or else we would both get a scolding if we return it destroyed._

" _Because she ruins things! She might break her and she's my favorite."_

" _She promises she wont!" I argued. "I'll make sure of it!"_

 _She shook her head stubbornly. "No."_

 _I got mad at her then. "Why not? She's your sister! She just wants to play with it for a while. You have a lot of other pretty dolls can't you spare this one? Just for now?"_

 _She shook her head still. "No. I won't now give it back! You're going to ruin it too!"_

 _I exploded then. "You are so selfish! What's one doll? What's one doll to the dozens the Princess of Winterfell has and scores of other pretty useless things you have? You'll receive more anyway! You always do! Arya doesn't get the same amount of the pretty things you get. Sure she favors playing with toys like Bran's or Robb's but she still likes some girl things too. If she was a boy then she'd get the same shiny toys and swords like Robb. But she's not."_

" _Oh I see what this is about." She suddenly started._

" _What?"_

" _You're using Arya as an excuse to stem the jealousy you have for Robb. You're using me as a way to alleviate some of the jealousy you have for him! You're making Arya happy because you feel that she feels the same way you do. Well guess what, Arya is not a bastard._ You _are. Believe me, I_ asked _." She yelled at me._

 _I was so hurt and mad that she would dare tell me and think that of her sister that but was too shocked to speak._

" _Robb and I didn't ask to be the eldest. Robb and I had to work to be the best they expect us to be. We never really asked for more than we needed, they were all given to us along with the responsibilities. I'm not being selfish just because. And then you call me out mocking me with 'Princess' but you don't know the amount of work I do… and I did lend Arya my dolls before and she's broken each one. So spare me if I don't like lending any to her. Not when I put in a lot of work to have them. You think you have it hard. Poor Jon. Poor Arya."_

 _Her words went through to me and left just as they came leaving me with nothing but anger when I should've left with understanding. At that time I didn't get it. All I understood was that they were more privileged than Arya and I and that she called me bastard – she called even Arya one indirectly!_

" _Keep your doll, princess. Keep all of them. Because they will be your only friends having that selfish and bratty attitude. At least Arya and I are friends. True friends. Spare us the responsibility card, you high and mighty eldest. You and Robb have it so bad? The perfect Stark eldest?" I scoffed._

 _She was furious then suddenly her expression melted into one of just plain disappointment maybe even borderline disgust. "It's not even about the stupid doll now half-brother. It's the fact that you showed how much you dismiss me so – how little you of think me. I bet you didn't even think twice about crossing me just so Arya can be happy knowing that the spoiled bratty Sansa has many other dolls anyway than poor little Arya. Did it even occur to you to just ask me?"_

 _I felt guilt then. But my pride was too wounded to care this time. "I didn't bother to ask because I know the princess of Winterfell wouldn't be caught dead granting favors to bastards."_

 _The look of hurt was plain on her face but I didn't care that time._

 _I know that this would eat me up with guilt when I finally calm down and think back of how uncharacteristically mean and bold I was that moment still it was like a maddening flame of anger possessed me. I never get_ this _mad, much less_ yell. _Even worse, I yelled at a girl, younger than me. I sighed as I knew I would have to apologize._

 _I don't think I could ever hold a grudge for too long, if at all. I just hope she doesn't too._

 _It took nearly a moon's turn, three weeks to be exact, before we spoke amiably again._

* * *

It's been three days.

Three agonizing fucking days.

Three days since I haven't talked to Sansa.

Really _talked_ to Sansa and not those formal greetings or polite conversations we've been having.

It was cold and the ice barely cracked and showed no signs of thawing.

All I could think about was how hurt she looked and how disappointed she was in me.

-" _We can't. Sansa, you know we can't."-_

I sighed.

I fidgeted in my seat. We had an official council meeting right now after having a smaller one two days ago with our secret council.

I glanced at our council members who were already seated around the long table. We weren't patterned after the Small Council and no one had designations other than being part of it. All decisions would still be Sansa's in the end. The council members were more advisers than anything.

To represent our Northern alliance were Lady Lyanna Mormont who represented the Northern lands, Lady Wylla Manderley who represented the Southern lands, and Lady Erena Glover for the Eastern lands. The son-heirs were understandably at White Harbor and Deepwood Motte respectfully, to help ready their own houses with the exception of Lady Lyanna who instead appointed a castellan in her absence as she felt it great insult to not have a say herself with this council. I had to smile at her spunk. And it was only fair that with Sansa as Queen and the overlord- _lady_ of all to have strong women on the council itself.

For the Western lands though… We took no counsel from what remained of the great houses there for almost all of them betrayed our House. The Umbers, The Boltons, The Karstarks… well what was left of them anyway. The Umbers and the Boltons were nothing more than dead names now. The Karstarks however were a different matter but for now, they were under castellans that we've appointed and soon enough west of Winterfell would be where we would place the Wildlings who were represented here by Tormund.

Now for the Southern Lords, representing the general South was Ser Davos Seaworth, the Riverlands who at this time was already secured for us through Sansa's Uncle Edmure and Jamie Lannister, was represented by Lord Tytos Blackwood who was just added to this council, and of course and most unfortunately, Lord Petyr Baelish for the Vale.

Four for the North as Tormund and the wildlings are part of it, and three for the south. All of the council members were allowed one guard but only Baelish availed that. The ladies having blood kin on the Queensguard refused as they felt that more than two representatives for each family would bring suspicion. Ser Davos postulated he was a soldier of his own and was my own personal guard. Lord Tytos also refused saying he was enough and he promised the Blackfish before his demise to care for Cat's girl and King Robb's sister to whom he was loyal to the end. Baelish didn't want to yet Ser Yohn Royce insisted he be part of this in one way or another.

 _I do not trust that spittle of a man from The Fingers._ I remembered his admission to our confidence.

The sound of the main doors opening signaled for us to stand.

 _Sansa was finally here._

And true enough, Sansa was breathtaking in Stark grey, her crown atop her glowing hair, blue eyes hard as steel, back straightened, as she walked over gracefully towards us, surrounded by her guards cloaked in grey accented by the red wolf and blue winter rose of her coat of arms. I was glad to see Lord Galbert back but Lady Alysane and Ser Larence had still to return saying that my aunt's envoy was still to arrive at Moat Cailin where they waited. _At least that was what we're going to tell the public._

Her eyes looked straight and I thought at _me_ but they weren't. They focused _through_ me cold and indifferent. Ice on her every approach.

She then took the seat across from me at the other end of the table and not the one she usually did to my side from this end where we addressed the council with me to her right as her Hand. _Same as yesterday..._

It stung and had not gone unnoticed by the members who looked back and forth between us before settling down as Sansa bade us to take our seats.

We were on our own, Sansa and I. We were on our own _this_ time.

There would be no silent reassurances this time with her so cruelly out of reach. And I knew that she would not even meet my eyes if she could avoid it.

 _As we've been doing all these three days._

I dare not look at the still alive Littlefinger to see his knowing smirk.

 _Wear it now you, cunt. It may be the last._

Sansa spoke with a gracious smile then and – _can she at least not look so lovely and bestow that smile to anyone not when she has given none for me?_

"Lord Blackwood, I am pleased to welcome you to my council," she started. My heart lurched. And I hadn't realized how much I missed the sound of her voice.

He gave a respectful nod and a brief smile. "I'd have come sooner, your grace. The Riverlands has been awaiting your command."

Sansa nodded at that. "When Ser Galbert came back from the Riverlands, he came with the news that the offer still stands of the alliance with the North. My uncle has indeed been reinstated as Lord Paramount of the Riverlands and it brings great joy to have it under Tully name once more. Though I am still apprehensive of Ser Jamie Lannister as castellan of The Twins, he has openly declared war on his sister – the new Queen of the South. But my Captain, Lady Brienne has vouched for his loyalty and I have no cause to doubt her. Yet what say you?" She opened her palm to the council.

"I can attest to that," Lord Blackwood answered right away.

"I have nothing but hate for the Lannisters. They've left my lands almost with nothing but my name. So I was ready to die at my own home as the Blackfish did during their siege at Riverrun. But no such siege happened and we were under Lannister and Frey rule once more. House Blackwood was the last house to yield, I did what I could but I could not condemn what remains of the loyalist sworn to me… Then the tragedy at the Great Sept of Baelor happened, and the assassination of Walder Frey and his sons… and suddenly we see the Kingslayer retreating to us, and finding each Riverland Lord, reinstating homes, giving men and gold and a promise to turn over all the lands back to us – everything that their family took. Just so we would ally ourselves with the North to fight when the South comes for us. True to his word, he released all prisoners of war against his men's protests that the moment we were released, most if not all would be after his head. But he did anyway. But no one touched him. Surely it felt a trap! But days became weeks and we were all still free. Then a letter from his brother the imp came asking him to swear to the dragon queen but he refused saying that he would only swear to the North saying that he had still one vow left that remained unbroken."

He looked at Sansa then. "A vow he made your mother, your grace."

Sansa looked at him then, waiting, yet the tiny pucker in between her eyes was the only indication of her apprehension.

He then looked past Sansa and was now looking at Brienne who stood dutifully behind Sansa. "She can tell it better. She has the sword to prove it."

All eyes were then on Brienne who sighed then unsheated her sword, the golden lion head pommel glinting against the light.

"I was under the service of Lady Catelyn Stark when she released Ser Jamie, making him promise to give her daughters back to Winterfell and charging me to escort him to make the trade. His life for her daughters. We eventually made it to King's Landing but circumstances made it difficult for him to return our lady back home as we all know. The opportunity came when King Joffrey was murdered. He sought me out and tasked me with locating Lady Sansa before his sister finds her and kills her. As a sign of his good faith, he admitted to being disowned by his father Tywin Lannister – forfeiting Casterly Rock and declining his release from the Kingsguard to remain by his other son as he admitted, former King Tommen's side, as well as giving me his sword."

Brienne held up the impressive valyrian steel to be inspected. "This sword we named Oathkeeper, binding my promise with his to your mother Lady Sansa. He told me to use this sword, use Ned Stark's sword to protect Ned Stark's daughter."

Gasps were heard. And Sansa and I couldn't help but look at each other then.

 _Ice._

This was _Ice._

Father's sword. I cursed and corrected myself. _Uncle_ Ned's sword.

Sansa looked both near tears and near rage as she tore her eyes from mine and back to her father's sword that was bastardized with the lion's gold.

Brienne then called over Podrick who then handed her another sword. "Tywin Lannister had Ned Stark's sword melted and reforged into two swords. One for Ser Jamie, and one for his grandson Joffrey's name day." She explained as she unsheated that one too.

"Widow's Wail!" Sansa exclaimed and I saw the hatred and disgust enter her eyes.

 _What a low life cunt_ to name Ned Stark's sword – the very same sword that made Lady Stark a widow as such. Blood boiled through me once more but I took comfort in the knowledge that the bastard died horrendously.

Brienne looked at her with sympathy before placing both swords on the long table then spoke once more.

"Yes, your grace. It was the same one that King Joffrey had for whatever brief time he had with it. But now, as a sign of good faith, Ser Jamie asked me to return it rightfully to you. And I shall return my loan of Oathkeeper to you as well," she said sincerely.

Sansa looked at her then with gratitude and tenderness for her most loyal knight. "I can't take your sword Lady Brienne."

Brienne shook her head. "It was never mine to begin with. It belongs to you and whatever use you have of it. Reforge it back to Ice if you will it. I can protect you with any other sword that is placed in my hands."

Sansa stood then and we all rose with her yet she held a hand to stop us. She went over and touched the two swords reverently before a decision lit up her eyes. "The last flesh that met our house's ancestral sword _Ice_ was the flesh from my father's neck when King Joffrey ordered Ilyn Payne to bring his head to him. I saw with my very own eyes, possibly the only Stark to witness, how they used my father's sword to cut his own head. How he didn't even have the decency to do the deed himself. The next time I saw Ice - _half_ of it was at the hands of King Joffrey who didn't even have the strength nor finesse to hold it with one hand as he swung the blade to cut his pidgeon pie moments before poison took him."

She traced the blade once more. "I'll have them reforged. But not today. Not until after the Long Night when two Valyrian steels are needed more than one," she said as she took Oathkeeper by the neck of the lionhead pommel and handed it back to Brienne, hilt up, almost effortlessly and I felt a pit in my stomach as I remembered teaching her how to hold Longclaw for her coronation. "Until then, yield this."

Then she looked coldly at the sword with the silver stags and lion paws and beckoned for the Hound to come. She held it up, one hand gripping the handle, the flat of the blade on top of her other palm. She examined it with stormy eyes before looking at the Hound in the eye. "You once saw _your king_ make me kiss his sword before a battle. _Hearteater,_ he called it. Promising to make me taste the blood of my brother, King Robb off this sword after he was done with Stannis Baratheon. He held it up this way as I sent him off with a kiss. At that same battle you told your king to fuck himself then you offered to help me escape from him that very night which I refused and regret to this day. Now I won't kiss this sword but I expect you to take this blade that your once king stole and held, to kiss anyone who stands in my way using _my father's_ blade." She held it then, hilt up as she offered it to Sandor.

Sandor gave a grin before bowing at her and taking the blade. "As my queen commands."

She looked at me then but I couldn't read the tenor of emotions in her face. The mask she wore never faltered this moment. "I would have you wield it instead of Ser Sandor but you already have your own valyrian steel. And I would not have any kin of mine touch my father's blade while it is still forged and tainted with Lannister gold." She explained carefully but quickly never giving pause for my reply.

Sansa then sat back down and addressed us. "I have already decided but I need your thoughts."

"We can proceed with the alliance but we need all eyes on alert on him for any sign of betrayal," Lady Wylla advised.

Lady Mormont looked directly at Baelish who was oddly keeping silent. "Don't you have anything to say, Lord Baelish? You're the one who really knows the Kingslayer out of anyone here. As far as I'm concerned, each and everyone here has crossed words and swords with him all on the _enemy_ side."

All eyes were on him now. _Good._ Let's see what songs you can spin this time.

Littlefinger twiddled his thumbs casually, almost bored as he stared back at the waiting faces. "I'd still have him killed for caution."

Yes. _Yours._

And I remembered all that Sandor has revealed.

Of course, Baelish wanted the Kingslayer dead. The Kingslayer would have him killed too once he knew he had a part in his son's murder if he didn't already.

"The Lannisters have proven little to nothing about keeping their honor until it serves them," he said.

My fists clenched under the table and I fought the urge to scoff. Was he talking about them or himself?

Ser Davos spoke up. "Killing a man ready to die seems pointless."

"Unless the man has a plan," Petyr challenged. "He still has enough men with him to overtake the Riverlands and scores more in Casterly Rock should he ally himself with his sister once more. And we all know how much he _loves_ his sister."

Then he looked at me. "Don't you agree, Lord Hand? That a brother's love for his sister could move mountains? Enough that it could make him change his mind, forsake his honor, and defend the rights of his beloved sister instead?"

 _Why the fucking underhanded foul snake!_

From the corner of my eye I could make out Sansa wanting to give me a look – a warning but she remained passive. And I dared not look at her directly. I will not give the mockingbird his satisfaction.

But now I had to answer. All eyes were on me. And I prayed to the old gods and the new that what I say next Sansa would understand.

"Love is a powerful thing. But love is the death of duty. Wouldn't you agree Lord Baelish?" I smirked as his smile fell the slightest.

"Ser Jamie could've stayed by his sister's atrocious and wrongful reign but he refused her because following her was against all that he believed in. He killed the king he was sworn to protect years ago and in the process saved thousands of lives from his Wildfire. Now his sister killed hundreds using the same Wildfire he protected the people from with promise to kill thousands more. And his sister also killed their only living son – yes, their son from incest. And all the oaths he broke for the love of his sister seemed senseless. All the names he was labeled and has endured, pointless. Sometimes, no matter how much love you hold for someone – sister or lover, when the opportunity to do your duty to be honorable, to remain faithful to a vow can serve the greater good for many people, you'd be inclined choose it over love."

I almost faltered but I had to say it. I had to say the things that Baelish expected me to say.

"My brother – no _cousin_ may have chosen love over duty in the end that led to his demise, but before that he chose duty many times – many countless times over that one time he didn't. And one of them was keeping the Kingslayer alive and within his captivity for the good of the North _regardless_ of the cost." I paused and I could see Petyr's smirk growing by the minute.

"A brother's love for his sister is a powerful thing. Even greater for the Lannister twins because they went beyond sibling love. But when faced against something you believed in – against something your conscience and your duty entails, it _can_ be brokered off. Robb had proven that twice when he was king. One for not exchanging the Kingslayer for his sisters. And the other when he named me heir in place of Sansa who was married to a Lannister then. I do not have to explain his reasons, but he did all those because the North weighed more. Twice Robb chose duty over love – he _won_. The one time he chose otherwise, he lost everything."

As I said the words that needed saying, my heart bled for throwing all this in Sansa's face. If the past three days were cold, it's only going to be colder now. Just three days before I was holding Sansa, comforting her from this – being downright furious at Robb for doing all these to her – being furious at Sansa for defending him… and now I was turning everything around.

All for the benefit of the vilest vile Littlefucker as Tormund aptly calls him.

There now everything was out and Baelish looked positively gleeful. And by the charged energy in the room, Baelish was getting the reaction he wanted.

I could feel eyes on me and heads turning back and forth between me and Sansa. The doubt was cast now among the people. They would be fools not to notice the tension between us now.

I didn't dare look at Sansa who I knew to her credit did not as much as flinch and remained strong and impassive. Instead, I looked directly at Baelish. And met him eye for eye.

He spoke up then. "Ah. Then it must be so. Though I agree we should still keep an eye on him. But might we move on to the next issue? What word of _your aunt,_ the Dragon Queen? And how did she take your shared bloodline?"

 _Oh he was relentless!_

I knew where this was going.

"Begging your pardon, Lord Baelish but I was still under the impression that I was the one overseeing the council," Sansa spoke firmly with an edge but still with her effortless calm.

 _Just how was she doing it?_

He looked at her with feigned apologies. "My apologies, _my Queen._ I lost myself in the authoritativeness of your cousin."

 _I gritted my teeth. He was truly out for blood. Killing him would be something I would thoroughly enjoy._

"Do not make the same mistake again. Or would you now voice against my authority too and install my _cousin_ as King right now since you're so suddenly keen on his authority?" Sansa dared him.

And that cut through me like a knife.

"Speak now, Lord Baelish for I do not know who you really mean to support between us. As I've said before, anyone is free to leave my rule. You may go if you wish. And if the Vale must withdraw, then withdraw," she raised her brows.

Yohn Royce wanted to protest but Sansa held a hand at him, her eyes never leaving Baelish's. Yohn Royce settled back.

He looked outraged. "I would _never_ my Queen. No one would dare challenge your authority. I was merely engrossed with your Hand's wisdom. And the next point just happens to concern him too."

She gave a nod of dismissal at him before looking at me, her face an emotionless mask cutting through me with a greater hurt than all that has happened here so far.

"Go ahead, my Lord Hand. Tell the news from your aunt," she ordered curtly.

I fought the urge to swallow, run, and take her into my arms and beg her to stop this. Stop all of this right now and apologize – beg even. Beg her to forgive me – beg her to believe me that I didn't mean any of this! But I couldn't.

Not right now, I couldn't.

Matching her indifference with mine I nodded and looked over our uneasy council. "Daenerys Targaryen has agreed to our queen's terms and has an envoy sent to Moat Cailin where a party led by Ser Larence and Lady Alysane are waiting. She will aid our war with the dead with dragons, men, and dragonglass. And she will grant the North independence."

"And her terms?" Lady Erena prompted impatiently.

"We will acknowledge her reign and keep an alliance with her. She will treat with Queen Sansa as an equal, making her boundaries from all of the Stark lands north of the Neck, in addition the lands watered by the River Trident and its vassal streams, bounded by the Golden Tooth to the west and the Mountains of the Moon on the east." _All the lands that Robb had conquered before that Sansa now regained._

"While my aunt shall control everything else including those she's conquered in Essos."

"As simple as that?" Lord Baelish admonished.

"She also named me heir," I finally admitted.

"Wonderful! So our Lord Hand is now the heir to the Seven Kingdoms! So do we call you Lord Targaryen now or Crowned Prince of Dragonstone?" He exclaimed.

I wanted nothing more than to bash his head and take that tongue and wrap it over and over his neck until he dies.

"She means not to take a husband then?" Lord Tytos inquired thankfully ignoring Baelish.

"For reasons she does not wish to discuss, she does not. But it is common knowledge that my aunt was married twice already. And we do not have issue with a Queen ruling without a husband do we?" I challenged.

"So have you asked your cousin to name you heir of House Stark too?" Baelish followed up just as quickly.

Sansa stood up then and looked at Baelish with so much coldness in her steady eyes I feared he would turn to stone and with her steely calm voice she spoke. "Lord Baelish, if you would please stop with the insinuations. I have tolerated you enough as a courtesy but I shall not have you continue being too presumptuous."

"Not to mention, a downrigh' fookin' prick." Tormund butted in then raised his arms in surrender almost at once when people looked at him. Never mind that some even from the Queensguard gave him appreciative smirks.

"Seriously, _Lord_ Baelish. What has gotten into you? I'd have half a mind to let my Uncle Larence cut you down for insulting your Queen and your Queen's Hand. Thank the gods he's not here," Lady Wylla glared at him. "We are _not_ in the South, Lord Baelish, I'll have remind you. Speak what you will _clear_ and _direct_. You are under Northern jurisdiction. You conduct yourself accordingly."

Baelish then bowed in apology. "Forgive me, but I was just voicing what I think are apt concerns. I do not mean to undermine anyone's authority. I am _merely_ asking. Forgive my Southern _ignorance._ "

Sansa sat down and eyed each one. "Thank you Lady Wylla." She gave an appreciative nod at her that Lady Wylla returned. "My heir and my hand in marriage are my own business as is the Dragon Queen's, as is my Lord Hand's. As we are to fight a war where death is possible, I am pouring all my resources and energy into making sure we _have_ a kingdom left standing where we can raise heirs _after_ the war."

"But then after the war then Lord Jon would go back to the South as heir to that throne," Lady Erena pointed out.

"So? When the war is over, he can do as he pleases. And it's not that there are not any disadvantages to having a Northern, half as he is, to be sitting on the Iron Throne," Lady Wylla countered impatiently. " _If_ we even have a throne to go back to. Why are we talking about the South that could very much turn to frost and a wasteland should we lose the War of the Dawn again?"

Sansa nodded at her. "Lady Manderley is right. All that shall be aptly discussed after we win the war. The only thing important is that we are allied with almost the whole of Westeros even if its just to fight this war with the White Walkers. What happens after can wait."

She folded her hands on top of the table and looked at her council. "At least now we know, we shall not die with fire. We will let the two queens deal with their fire wars in the South which is all but won already by the Dragon Queen and shelter our new allies in the North if need be and break bread with them from our stocks so that when the time comes to fight Ice, we would not be Ice's sole enemies. Do you have any other concerns?"

No one spoke.

She gave a nod. "Good." Then she looked at me briefly and gestured with her hand. "Then my Lord Hand, let us review our numbers."

I stood up then and placed a map in the middle of the table. "From the North alone, including the Wildlings, we have 16,000 men. The combined forces of the Riverlands and Jamie Lannister loyalists are 15,000. And from the Vale, another 20,000. Though they may be small, a hundred men from the Brotherhood without Banners has pledged loyal to House Stark. So we have 51,100 men." I recited while I went over the map placing the marks for each. "Ten thousand of the men are deployed to aid the 500 still left at The Wall to serve as first defense."

"We have three Valyrian blades, and ten thousand dragonglass daggers, and fifteen thousand obsidian arrow tips at the moment. My aunt has promised to send more obsidian weapons once she has touched Dragonstone and she has promised the aid of her three dragons."

I looked at all of them then. "The plan is to keep the battle as far beyond North as possible. Should they cross beyond The Last River then Winterfell is vulnerable to fall along with everything else. The bulk of the forces we shall station at Karhold and Dreadfort with the remaining here at Winterfell. The Northern Rangers are also scattered all over and on a look out."

I looked to Lady Erena then who spoke up. "My brother, Lord Gawen and I personally met with the Commanders of each troop before I came here. They have not spotted any unusual activity yet but those close to the Wall have been helping the Night's Watch to recover dragonglass."

Sansa nodded at her. "Good. Send my gratitude."

Lady Erena shook her head. "It's nothing, my Queen. House Glover only means to serve what we can for the North, for our Queen." But without waiting for a reply, Lady Erena cocked her head at me to continue.

"Just as we are on a lookout for more dragonglass rumored to be hidden along the lands around the Wall, we also have to secure other commodities. Right now, we have to solidify our resources. Take this time to prepare for the long winter. We may be able to win the war, but we must prepare not to die from starvation," I added.

"Aye. And not ter mention, we 'ave ter be prepared fer the cold sickness. We'll need food, fire, and furs. Me folk will be willing ter teach all that we kno' of surviving the cold." Tormund offered.

Sansa offered him a smile. "Gods know, your people know the cold best of all."

Tormund gave her a mismatched grin. "Aye."

"Agreed then. And now, Lord Hand, how many do you think are in the Night King's army?" Ser Davos asked.

I was about to answer but Sansa beat me to it.

"Close to a hundred thousand. The bulk of which are wights that are estimated to be seventy thousand, the rest are white walkers. And all that has died at Hardhome…all the bodies that died beyond the Wall that were never burned belong to him now as well as each men that could fall from our side when we battle. And not only men, they have horses too. Scores of them are mounted."

I looked at her in shock. How could she know this? I looked at Tormund who just shrugged and looked as shocked as I was.

She looked at Ser Davos coolly and unrevealing. Ser Davos then looked at me with raised brows and asked for confirmation.

I could do nothing but nod.

He then looked at me grimly while he considered the numbers. "How can we win? They almost outnumber us 2:1. And not to mention, as you've said, all our fallen men just add to theirs."

"But surely the Wall can offer a great deal of protection?" Lady Wylla answered in question to Ser Davos.

"It will not hold long," Sansa said grimly. And again we all gaped at her. _How did she know all of these?_

 _"_ What do you mean it would not hold?" Lord Tytos asked, his voice was coated in fear, that resonated among each of us in the room as we look to our Queen for answers.

"The Horn of Winter..." Tormund muttered.

We all looked at him then back at Sansa when he looked at her for confirmation. So it wasn't from Tormund.

Sansa shook her head with the first sign of uncertainty that we've seen today. "I've heard of that. It is said that once sounded, it can bring the Wall down. A story Old Nan - a former nurse of our family used to tell. But that is just one of the probabilities. I've been... studying old folklores and legends... there are other ways the Wall can fall and they are all but tales but we cannot dismiss the possibility of it occurring. Not after all that's been happening that were all short of miraculous..." She gazed at me then briefly before pulling away just as quick and sighing.

"Point is, we cannot rely on the Wall holding, too much. We must prepare to be besieged from the Wall and south of it," She explained.

"How many men can your aunt pledge?" Lady Mormont asked me and I jerked back before answering.

"All her army sparing the ones from Essos who are not accustomed to the cold and most likely die from it than the battle. That's half of the 200,000 she commands. Plus, the aid of her three fully grown dragons."

A look of shock and even terror was felt around the room after learning the massive army that my aunt has gathered. If she chose to take arms against us, we had no hope to win. So I had to agree to being the heir if that's what it took to ensure Sansa's survival.

"But she would still battle against the 50,000 still left in King's Landing and a thousand Ironborn led by Euron Greyjoy that allied with the Mad Queen," I added. "Still, it's a hundred thousand we could still expect. So there's hope we can win yet."

A chorus of agreement resounded.

After which, we discussed on trading and how to manage resources. Everything went smoothly and we adjourned by midday.

As every member of the council left the War Room, I remained, hoping to speak with Sansa who always left last. I know it hasn't been the same between us ever since her name-day three days ago, I had to try. Losing her was _killing_ me.

I was a man starving for anything from her. _Anything._ She can even yell at me all day and that would still be better than nothing.

As I took a step to approach her, Lady Brienne blocked me while the rest followed, hands on their hilts.

I ignored them and tried to call Sansa.

"Sansa," I reached a hand.

She turned her head slightly to me and shook her head once. "It's _your grace,_ Lord Hand. Forgive me for taking my leave but there are matters I need to attend to at once. Gods know I shouldn't neglect my duties."

And abruptly, she faced away from me, pivoted on her heel and left.

 _-"Sansa – Sansa I—" I choked.-_

 _-"I know. J-Jon, I know."-_

* * *

 _ **The morning of Sansa's name day, the day after Sansa confides Robb's will to Jon**_

Today was the Queen in the North's nine-and-tenth name day.

Despite her insistence that we refrain from making this day a spectacle as she said, one whisper to one of her biggest supporters, Lord Manderley and not to mention, Baelish who was still unfortunately alive, had all of the North at work to honor their new young Queen.

True to my promise, I conceded to her wishes to keep it a private affair but all it took was Tormund's loud mouth declaring the "fooking lemons" I commissioned has arrived and suddenly everyone knew today their Queen Sansa was turning nineteen.

Quick work was done to ensure she had a feast tonight with bards and dancing.

But before all that, before talks of celebration reached her ears, I had made the cook make lemon cakes swiftly so I may present them to her first, my small gift before she is showered with others later.

Thank the gods she put in word last night that she was not to be disturbed no earlier than midmorning. So I knew she was still sound asleep.

 _...in my bed._ I couldn't help but grin.

We woke up as the sun did and I could hardly contain my glee when I remembered what that was like. I began shaking that thought away and remembered telling her to sleep a little bit more while I started the day's business in her stead with the promise that I would be the one to wake her. Never mind the other _wake up_ call I had when I stepped outside.

Still, promise or not with Sansa's Queensguards, I was determined to make Sansa happy today.

Now with a plate of freshly baked lemon cakes, I headed over to her.

The Hound almost snorted as he rolled his eyes at me before standing aside to give me passage to my own chamber. I ignored him. His presence only confirmed that she was there inside.

I almost sighed like a greenboy when I saw her still sleeping on my bed. An arm around her head, the other on her chest under the furs, and her hair a halo of red over my pillows, the faint streak of the winter sun casting her skin with a glow. She was as always, too radiant for words.

She looked so peaceful especially after the night that was that it felt almost cruel to wake her.

But it was almost midmorning and she would have to wake eventually else the people would think their queen ill.

Balancing the cakes on my knee, I sat down on the bed and began shaking her lightly. "Sansa? Time to wake up l-" I stopped myself before I called her _love._ "Sansa," I tried again.

She stirred and brought her hand over mine, her body curling over herself facing me, as she unknowingly brought my hand to her face where she nuzzled against it like a pillow.

I almost laughed but she had to get up. I placed the tray at the nightstand and used my now free hand to brush the strands of hair that fell on her face before stroking her face. "Come on, wake up."

She wrinkled her nose then and her eyes finally fluttered open once before opening wide and taking quick note of my trapped hand that she quickly released with a hasty apology and an adorable blush on her cheeks.

I laughed then. "Good morning."

She rubbed her eyes, sat up and stretched - the sight of her effectively taking away my laughter.

She opened an eye at me and mouthed a "What?" her eyes perked up before closing once more as she took a sniff in the air.

A lazy smile began to creep over her face then making me gape more uselessly at her.

"I smell lemons," she remarked happily.

I cleared my throat then and held the plate to her. "Open your eyes then."

She did and once she saw the cakes, her mouth hung open as a beautiful shade of pink graced her high cheeks then she looked at me with so much happiness that I had to smile back and pat myself on the back for doing this.

I did this.

 _I_ made her _happy._

 _This_ happy.

 _I_ did this.

"Happy name day Sansa," I greeted her.

Tears began welling in her eyes then as she started pouting at me.

 _Wait – no._

Then she smacked me on the chest while she huffed. "After I told you specifically not to order lemons in winter!" But she couldn't keep the grin off her face.

I laughed at her then and offered the plate once more. "Just eat the damn cakes, Sansa."

She wiped her tears and laughed with me as she stared at the cakes with so much appreciation before looking at me with so much gratitude and shyness. "Are these really for me?"

"Of course they are. I may not know much as people have been pointing out, but I do remember lemon cakes being your favorite," I grinned. _Maybe a little too cockily._ "Go on, try one."

She took one then. "Thanks Jon."

"Thank me if they taste good," I urged.

She took one long adoring look before taking a bite and –

" _Mmmm…"_ she moaned.

 _Seven hells._ She _moaned._

My breath hitched and I prayed she didn't notice.

"So _good,"_ she mumbled while chewing and I couldn't help but stare at the small treacle that escaped her mouth and ran down her chin. The sounds she was making! All for damn lemon cakes? I would have to commission more then.

She wiped it then and I both thanked and cursed at the gods of depriving me the opportunity to do it myself.

I had to say something. _Anything._ "They're really that good?" I said coughing once to remove the roughness from my now dried throat. "You're not just saying it?" I said clearer.

She shook her head and held the cake she bit to me. " _You_ try it."

I looked from the offered cake to her eyes back and forth. _What sweet torture was this?_ Was this really happening?

She sighed then before making to grab another from the tray "I don't have poison or anything but if you're being _prissy_ about sharing food then here – "

But before she could even touch the cake, I held her hand and brought the cake she was holding to my mouth so quickly and took a bite – my mouth and tongue making accidental contact with her thumb. I almost moaned myself.

My hand was still around hers as I chewed.

It was _too_ sweet.

 _She_ was _too sweet._

I looked up at her then and saw that she was staring at me too, her mouth agape, her eyes wide, and her cheeks flushed, hair wild and flowing all over her.

I released her hand then and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. The sound of which brought both of us back to our senses.

"H-how was it?" she stammered.

I made a face. "Too sweet."

She let loose a peal of laughter then. "Maybe you're not just used to sweet things."

I grimaced. "Maybe I'm just not made for sweet things."

She smacked me again.

"Oi, enough with the hitting!"

She smirked. "I thought I wasn't made for rough things either." She shrugged. "Rough things make me shine brighter, I've learned. So maybe _you_ need a little sweetness in your life in turn." She pinched my cheek then replaced her fingers with her lips sending heat and shivers throughout my body.

I pulled away and made a show of sighing heavily. "I'll let you get away with that because it's your name day. Tomorrow I won't be that merciful."

She giggled and placed a hand on her chest. "Oh gods forbid!"

"Laugh all you want but I'll just have you know that the moment you leave our floor you'll be showered with so much attention today you'll wish to cherish this moment when it's just you and I knowing its your name day," I smirked at her.

Her eyes widened in alarm then before glaring at me. "Jon! Does _everyone_ know?"

I dropped a kiss to her forehead before hopping off the bed and laughing while I walked to the door. "Let it be known, it was Tormund who squealed not me."

I heard her fall back to the bed and groan.

I couldn't help but sneak one last glance at her and my smile grew as she looked at her plate of lemon cakes with nothing but a big smile and a gentle flush on her cheeks.

 _I did this._

I grinned and touched my still warm cheek.

…

We were at the midday banquet and Sansa dressed in burgundy red with silver-grey trimmings and was seated beside me at the high table while Lord Manderley sat to her right – was the sponsor for this midday feast. He was regaling her with tales of mermen and the beauty of White Harbor which she listened attentively to, maybe even with interest.

Everyone was eager to please their queen. She was showered with all kinds of gifts and praises that I still somewhat felt bitter about.

 _Good._ Kiss and grovel at her feet. It was going to take more than this to earn _my_ forgiveness for their abandonment of her.

I realized when it comes to Sansa, I was _far_ from merciful to all who as much as threatens her.

Speak of the devil and he cometh. Littlefinger announced the mummers he's arranged for the day's main entertainment.

Since we didn't have time to arrange a tourney, a play reenacting one was arranged instead.

It was a depiction of the _Tourney at Ashford Meadow._

At first it was an odd choice but when at the beginning they reminded us that the famous tourney was held in honor of the thirteenth name day of Lord Ashford's daughter who was also crowned _Queen of Love and Beauty_ where she would have five champions defending her honor.

And all was well until I realized why Baelish picked _this_ tourney.

The tourney was unique in that aside from the five chosen champions, all other entrants were the challengers who would replace the champion they defeated and the five champions standing at the end of three days would determine if Lady Ashford would retain her crown and possibly get her hand in marriage.

It was all well and good until we were down to the last five champions.

 _Lyonel Baratheon_

 _Leo Tyrell_

 _Tybolt Lannister_

 _Humfrey Hardyng_

And finally, _Prince Valarr Targaryen._

A chill crept my spine and a boil rose to my blood as I noticed the parallel. And suddenly I remembered my dream last night. At that thought more chills ran up my spine. I've heard of Targaryens having visions...dreams... was that one of them?

I looked at Sansa and saw that she had turned unnaturally pale and stiff, her eyes hard and emotionless.

Her walls were fully up then.

I looked at Littlefinger who was eyeing Sansa all throughout with interest before finally meeting my own gaze, gracing me with an arched brow and a knowing smirk.

I trained my eyes back to watch the play. But I can't see the champions' faces anymore. In my mind they were all replaced with faces I knew personally, or faces I've heard about.

 _Joffrey Baratheon_

 _Loras Tyrell_

 _Tyrion Lannister_

 _Harry Hardyng_

Was the last allusion meant to be _me?_

With the exception of _me,_ all three of which Sansa was once promised to. One of them she actually married. Harry Hardyng, Sansa mentioned, was who Petyr Baelish intended for her to marry when her aunt Lysa was still alive. After Sweetrobin, he was next in line to the Vale. And given her cousin's ill health, Harry was as good as the heir unless _Littlefinger_ had other plans.

Just what did he gain from showing this? Was it for Sansa? Was it for _me?_

And then I knew.

He was dangling the _option_ before all of us. Planting the seeds over all in attendance. Most especially _Sansa._

Me being the _option –_ the idea of our… _marriage_ would cause such a stir. Many would be outraged and maybe even disgusted to wed two people raised as siblings never mind that we were in the natural world cousins. And cousins marrying cousins weren't unheard off. Common even. Then there were those who would say that with me being a Targaryen kinship wouldn't even matter. The North would be conflicted too. They would be wary of having a Southron, much less a _Targaryen_ influence on the North. But there were those who would welcome it. I would take up the Stark name, removing all doubts to my alliance and ensuring the continuation of the Stark name. On one hand, we would be tying both the North and the South through our union.

And it would – it really _could_ keep Sansa safe from another loveless marriage with a stranger. Those who cared like Brienne has voiced out, that Sansa could do a lot worse than me. Her words not mine. And I would. I would do more than keep her safe, I would love her. I already _do._

But all the opinions including mine were irrelevant. What matters was what Sansa thought. And because of Baelish's stunt yesterday, that idea was tainted in Sansa's mind already.

She would think it a duty.

More than anything else, she would think it was her duty.

Something she could do to keep her safe but more than that, this was something she could do to keep _me_ safe.

Now all attempts I would do… to make her… fall in love with me… would be tainted.

And… I felt sick to my stomach. What if all the extra… smiles she's giving me… what if she was doing all that to make _me_ fall in love with her or at least warm up to the idea.

 _Curse you Littlefinger. Now the seeds are in me! Now you've made me even doubt Sansa!_

Then as if sensing my battle, I felt her eyes on me and I tried my best not to turn to her but I couldn't.

When I turned my head to her direction, she was indeed looking at me. And I've always championed Sansa's privacy most of all, trusting her to come to me on her own when she needs to but now more than ever, I wished I could see into her mind and know what she was thinking.

Because for the first time since we've been reunited, I wasn't sure anymore what she was _inclined_ to thinking. Not that I was before but now more than ever I was confused.

But I can't just not trust her.

I can't.

 _I can't._

I promised her my trust.

Then I felt her inch her shaking hands close to mine as she broke from my gaze and watched the remainder of the play.

I took a peek and indeed her hands were shaking and unsure.

 _Should I or shouldn't I?_

I didn't know what was the right thing to do anymore. Pull her closer or step back?

Then suddenly, I saw her stance falter a little as if she somehow knew I was rejecting her. Her hand was slowly withdrawing farther and I told myself to fuck off and take her damn hand.

So I immediately grabbed her hand and laced her fingers with mine, my thumb making quick work in stroking the back of her hand.

I don't want to give her any room to doubt me of my devotion to her well-being.

I had to stifle a sigh.

I had to have a talk with her soon. As soon as possible, we had to address this, now that this option was as good as out in the open.

But today, I would not have her scared and doubting at her own name-day.

I looked back at her until she met my gaze and gave her a reassuring smile. It surprised and maybe confused her I'll bet, still, with my hand pressing against hers, she would get my sincerity.

 _No matter what we were in this together._

… _No matter what together would mean._

Finally, she smiled back at me and we watched what was left of the play hand in hand in secret.

 _Let them think then and I dare them to speak of it out loud now._

I knew they wouldn't.

Everyone knew the subject of marriage was a sensitive matter so unless it was volunteered it wasn't discussed.

I looked at Littlefinger then and almost glared at him outright but I had to endure.

* * *

 _Just a little longer._

 _I can't believe that three days from now I would be leaving Winterfell._

 _In three days I'll be taking the black._

 _Finally after years of asking, Father finally allowed me._

 _I held my face up to the sky and closed my eyes, feeling the drops of cold falling over my face. It'll be colder in Castle Black._

 _Pretty soon it would be Winterfell's warmth that I would miss._

 _But ever since I knew I would never be it's Lord, I've set my sights on getting my honor elsewhere._

 _Far, far, North._

 _I heard a sound behind me but nothing would prepare me for who it was behind me._

" _Sansa! Er Lady Sansa," I corrected._

 _She looked at me with a brow raised curiously and watched as Ghost patted over to Lady, sitting beside her, their tails swishing together – their only too polite greeting._

 _She giggled at that. "Ghost is the only one who treats Lady politely."_

 _I offered a smile at that, still unsure of what to make being alone with Sansa. We haven't been alone in the longest time. I don't even remember the last time._

 _She bent down and reached a treat from her pocket and held them up to Ghost who took them eagerly, rewarding Sansa with a lick to her face as Lady eyed them quietly._

" _Don't spoil him. Gods know he won't be getting any of that where we're going," I bristled trying to keep it less tense._

 _She gave Ghost a hug and a pat on his head before standing up. I didn't even know she liked Ghost and yet she's touching him like she's been doing it forever._

" _Then all the more that I should give them to him before he goes," she remarked. Then she looked at me and tried to figure out the astonished look in my face._

" _What is it?"_

 _I rubbed the back of my neck. "It's just…I didn't know you like Ghost."_

 _She frowned at me and shrugged. "I've always thought that Ghost was beautiful. You named him well. His beautiful white fur and his quiet nature makes him blend easily in the snow should he wish to be stealthy. I almost never see him coming when Lady and I take walks sometimes and he would show up."_

 _My forehead crinkled. "He's been showing up to you?"_

 _She shrugged again. "Maybe not to me exactly but he seems to gravitate towards Lady. Haven't you noticed?"_

 _I looked back and shook my head. "I hadn't really realized."_

" _Well he does. Maybe he likes that Lady could be as quiet as he is. Gods know that the others are anything but," she sighed._

 _I smiled. "Maybe."_

 _Then we stared at the wolves silently._

" _So you're really leaving…for the Wall I mean?" she asked. Probably as uncomfortable with the growing awkward silence between us._

 _I nodded without meeting her eyes. "Aye."_

" _I always knew you would," she said._

 _I didn't know why but that struck something in me. "Oh?"_

" _You've always wanted to be something," she answered and again her words struck a chord._

" _Yes, and apparently the Wall is the only place a bastard like me can go to, to be_ something," _I suddenly lashed at her._

 _Both of us looked at each other in shock then from my words._

 _Her cheeks were red and her eyes were wide. Good. At least she had the decency to be embarrassed, my sudden ire was talking._

" _I – I didn't mean –" she started her eyes pleading at me to understand._

 _I let out a breath, not intending for it to be as harsh as it came out. "You don't need to spare me with your pity. I know what I am. Come on Ghost," I beckoned for my wolf to make leave with me._

 _She let out an annoyed breath of her own. "You're not the only one leaving Winterfell," she muttered and I didn't know if she meant for me to hear them or not._

 _I scowled. "Yes because being Queen is hardly being_ something." _Then the guilt crept at me. It wasn't fair for me to take out my frustrations over Sansa._

 _I looked at her then ready to apologize when I saw her wipe at the corner of her eye before holding on to Lady ready to make her leave. Great I made her cry._

" _Sansa I'm – I didn't mean – "_

 _She shook her head at me and sighed. "Forget it Jon. It's okay. Go. Go now half-brother. We both have respectful places to be after all. It's fine. I get it."_

" _No, it's not. It's not fair – " I took a step closer but she stopped me with her hand before I could say it wasn't fair for me to assume..._

" _I know," she said sadly before she shook her head and turned her back to me. "I know," she repeated before walking away briskly, Lady looking back over me then Ghost before following her mistress._

 _I let out a breath and kicked the snow. Ghost tilted his head at me. "You're not going to follow them?"_

 _Ghost looked at their retreating forms for a long time before walking over and sitting in front of me, waiting._

" _I can't follow them boy. You can if you want to. But I can't." I frowned._

 _Thankfully, he stayed with me after one last longing glance at them._

 _I sighed._

 _..._

Now I remembered that we never really made up before we left Winterfell. Sure the night before I recall we looked at each other and we both attempted an awkward smile but that was it.

This was the real reason we never had the courage to say goodbye to each other.

* * *

 _ **The night of Sansa's name day, a few hours after her celebratory feast**_

 _"We can't. Sansa you know we can't._ " I looked at her sternly though it broke my heart to do so and in the process, broke hers.

She placed her hands on her hips and I could barely take the disappointment I see in her eyes to suddenly seeing her losing all the fight she had.

"No Jon," she shook her head. " _You_ won't _."_

She stepped closer then and rested a hand on my cheek, taking a long look to study my face before releasing me with a sigh.

"Just know that, this isn't my choice at all. _You_ chose this. You _made_ me choose this. And I'd do it for you. I'd do anything for you. Just know that I would've chosen otherwise. But I choose to trust you more," she said sadly before starting to walk away and leaving me alone, barely clothed, on my bed.

"Sansa – " I started.

She shook her head and gave me a heartbreaking look of defeat. "I know."

"Jon, more than you think, I _know,"_ she repeated.

And with one last look, she left.

I grabbed a pillow and screamed against it while I pounded my fists on the bed again and again.

And in the middle of it all I could hear a familiar heavily accented warm voice in my head.

 _You know nothing, Jon Snow._

* * *

 _ **The day after Sansa's name-day**_

I glanced at the members of our secret council. I had asked them to come earlier before Sansa arrived to discuss Petyr Baelish. Not that she didn't know about this, but I asked for her to sit this one out and she trusted me to proceed.

I briefed them quickly regarding Baelish's ulterior motive and told them the crimes that he confessed to Sansa as well as what I've gathered from Sandor and all that he witnessed when he was still part of the Kingsguard.

"What a fookin' double crossin' cunt," Tormund bellowed.

"Can one man really be that capable of so much chaos?" Ser Davos gaped.

"He all but started this stupid war himself and for what? Lady Lyanna spat in disgust.

"I think it started even earlier. As early as Robert's Rebellion," Lord Howland frowned.

"Jes kill the Southern pecker! How hard can tha' be?" Tormund all but yelled.

Ser Davos shook his head. "It's not that simple, my friend. That man has too much control and influence."

I grinned then. "Not that much of an influence as you'd think."

"Out with it then," Lyanna shouted impatiently.

I motioned for Podrick to bring in our guest.

Entering my solar was no other than Ser Bronze Yohn Royce.

"I believe we have a mockingbird to kill."

I thought back to the conversation I had with the present Queensguard last night.

...

 _We all looked in shock to see the Hound walking towards us._

 _I chastised him as he was supposed to be posted to guard the floor below us. For maximum security, this floor housed only my chambers and Sansa's while the one below it was kept empty giving us two floors of privacy and our own private staircase._

" _Calm your knickers, I had one of the Hornwood lads watch the stair case and another from Mormont's to make sure to scream uncle if a Valeman so much as tiptoes pass it. Besides, this little cat here sees everything," he gestured over to Jyanna._

 _I looked at Jyanna then and finally I understood. "You're a warg."_

 _She nodded at me then almost cockily. "I am. But I'm capable of more."_

" _Yeah, like taking faces of people you've fucked," The Hound scoffed. Jyanna glared at him then._

 _The Hound raised his palms and laughed. "Hey, I don't be judging."_

 _I decided to let that pass. "Jyanna, explain your warging."_

" _I've placed a few mice and cats all over the castle so if there's someone you want me watched just tell me," she said._

" _Where is Baelish now?"_

 _She crossed her arms and leant on the wall before her green eyes changed into that of a rapidly moving milky set._

 _We waited for a few moments when suddenly her green eyes were back. "At his room, guarded by three Vale men."_

 _I nodded at her. "Take a sweep then from here to three corridors down. Fast and silent, Jyanna. Then hurry back to my solar once you're done."_

 _She nodded at me and vanished quickly into the dark corridor._

" _All of you come with me."_

 _So we all went to my Solar while I had Ghost stationed inside Sansa's room._

 _I turned to Sandor then. "You know things. Speak." I all but ordered._

 _He smirked. "Aye I know plenty."_

 _So he went on about all the crimes that he knew Baelish was responsible for and before he was done, Jyanna was back and we caught her up quickly._

" _So much crime! He's responsible for everything!" Brienne exclaimed._

" _So how do we kill him… properly?" Sandor asked._

" _We need to cut him off his power. The Vale is all he has and he seems to think that he has Sansa. We need to see if there is anyone else from the Vale that could stand against him. We already now how much power he has over Robin Arryn," I explained._

" _I suggest getting Yohn Royce on our side," Jyanna suggested._

" _Why?"_

" _Because I saw him openly glaring at Baelish when his back was turned," she shrugged._

" _Sansa told me that he was part of the tribunal that almost had him killed."_

" _I've been digging around and I heard that the main objective of that trial wasn't to investigate Lysa Arryn's death but to finally take away Baelish's power once and for all. None of the Lords Declarants trusted him. They only spared his life because it was Sansa who provided his cover," Jyanna said almost casually as we gaped at her._

" _How?"_

" _Because Royce told me himself," Jyanna shrugged._

" _How in seven hells did you get that pompous shit to talk to a little stick like you? Don't tell me you flashed your tits since you don't have any!" Sandor harangued her._

 _She glared at him with so much disdain then before sniffing haughtily. "It's amazing what the right face can do to make a man talk."_

 _I didn't even want to think about that._

" _Okay, then can we sneak Ser Royce here then?"_

 _Jyanna gave a long sigh before grinning at us. "I thought you'd never ask."_

…

"We have enough charges to warrant a trial but not much evidence to back all of the charges," Ser Yohn said grimly. "And to be frank I don't want a trial for him, not when he can weasel his way out."

"Others take me!" Lyanna suddenly shouted.

We all gaped at her. "Give him a farce trial and sentence him to death anyway. We have no time to go around in circles. We are at _war._ Or get to the boy leader and _make_ him throw the man out their moon door! Don't you have evidence that he pushed the boy's mother?"

We all looked to Ser Yohn. "We do but that would implicate our Queen's involvement. She would be proven to be a liar and would be charged as well."

Lyanna shook her head. "Can't you just say it was coercion that forced her to lie?"

Ser Davos spoke up after being deep in thought. "She lied because Baelish threatened to kill not only her but her cousin Robin if she tells the truth. That even if he were to be executed, they would still be killed. That's how he _could_ coerce her."

"That – that could work," Bronze Yohn agreed.

"Gather all the evidence you need, two days from now we'll make the arrest and the trial shall follow. But we still have to exercise caution. We have to make him believe that he has the upper hand or else he'll likely escape to gods know where and call in every debt owed to him and shake all the alliances we could make with his evil tongue," I ordered.

Bronze Yohn bowed and gave a nod. "I shall be needing to send a letter to the Lord Declarants most discretely. I can't ride off myself it would be too conspicuous."

"Lady Jyanna will be your messenger and she shall be accompanied by Lord Howland Reed," I told him.

"I have corresponded with my aunt's envoy just previously and with this information, I could persuade the envoy to take care of amassing the evidence against Littlefinger's crimes over at King's Landing," I said after thinking it through.

"Just who is this reliable envoy?" Lyanna asked not missing a beat.

"Just someone the Queen and I trust. All shall be revealed soon." I smiled. "And now let us call for our Queen so we may start with the other issues."

And just like that guilt and longing gnawed at my gut once I remembered all that happened last night. Every last detail. _Every damn thing._ Everything would forever be burned into my memory for as long as I live.

 _Sighs. Tears. Laughter. Screams. Moans. Yesses. Nos. Push. Pulls. Love. Hate. Triumph. Disappointment. Bliss. Hurt._

Every. Last. Thing.

At the opening of the door and the sudden infiltration of lavender and roses, she was here.

I dared look at her even if I didn't deserve to but I had to and she was heartbreakingly beautiful, composed and poised as ever.

 _She was perfect_ as expected.

…except her eyes were still red and there were shadows under her eyes.

 _I_ did that.

 _I_ gave her the tears that came before the reds and the shadows.

 _I_ did it to her.

 _-"Jon I – "-_

 _-"No. Don't say it."-_

* * *

 _ **Four nights ago, few hours after Sansa confided Robb's will to Jon**_

I all but heaved my body over my bed, drew the furs over myself, then brought the back of my arms against my eyes – a long drawn out breath following.

 _I was exhausted._

Surprisingly it didn't take that long to talk to Sansa's present Queensguard. Though the Hound certainly had some interesting things to say. But I was too tired to stoke the embers of my anger right now. Everyone knew their parts for the following days and we'd have to brief the rest of them when they arrive. And we'd have to talk to the secret council as well as find out which among the other Vale commanders or one of the Lord Declarants were also against Littlefinger… Then there's the official council… and the envoys…

 _Agh. So many fucking turns and corners just to kill a man._

I felt something wet bump against my arm. Taking a peek I saw Ghost looking at me, bumping his nose against me once more.

I smiled at him and reached a hand to pet his head. "So you're here for me now boy?" He responded by pressing his head down over the furs near my head and closing his eyes.

"Thanks Ghost. But you should stay with Sansa."

But he was already fast asleep.

I sighed then closed my eyes.

…

" _Who comes before the Old Gods?"_

" _Sansa, of the House Stark, comes here to be wed…"_

 _At the mention of her name I realized that I was standing by the heart tree facing forward, my breath getting caught when I saw her approaching. Dressed in white against the snow, her red hair a blazing beacon of copper and she was looking directly at me, her sky eyes clear and steady. She was all I could look at and everything else seem to fade away._

 _Sansa in white._

"… _A woman grown, trueborn and noble. She comes to beg the blessing of the Gods. Who comes to claim her?"_

 _My mouth opened to speak but a warm kind voice spoke up instead._

 _I couldn't look at the speaker directly as I was frozen in my place. This wasn't my wedding._

 _I swallowed and dared a glance at the profile of the groom. Golden brown hair and eyes, decked in the green of his house, the groom spoke._

" _Loras, of House Tyrell, heir to the Highgarden and High Marshall of the Reach and Warden of the South, Who gives her?"_

 _I felt sick and jealous. This was everything Sansa has dreamed of. Marrying a handsome knight and Highgarden would be her home – a place so suitable for Sansa…_

 _There was silence and I realized that I was the one they were waiting to speak. I was the one who was going to give her away._

 _Then a rough slick voice spoke instead._

" _Ramsay, of House Bolton, heir to the Dreadfort and Winterfell. Who gives her?"_

 _I turned around to the sound of the voice immediately and saw the maniac with wild eyes and that vile grin but before I could draw my sword to end him another voice came out._

" _Joffrey, of House Baratheon and Lannister, King of the Andals and the First Men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms, and Protector of the Realm. Who gives her?"_

 _My blood ran cold and hot as I sought him too. And there he was all pomp and malice, his wormy lips curled into a cruel smile, his green eyes daring._

 _Then another voice – a voice viler than any others spoke up as ice and fire shot up my veins._

" _Petyr, of House Baelish, Lord of the Eyrie, Lord Paramount of the Vale, Warden of the East," he said proud, slowly, and smoothly before looking at me directly with those sure eyes. "Who. Gives. Her?" He enunciated at me._

 _I didn't think twice when I drew my sword and swung it at him and his vile smirking face again and again and again and again_

"Jon!"

…

I woke up in a sweat, eye wide open as I caught my breath.

 _It was only a dream._

I leant my head back, closing my eyes to push away all the images of that nightmare away and sighed.

As my senses came back to me I remembered I heard a voice calling my name at the end of it. And suddenly the smell of roses and lavender woke me.

I scanned the room and true enough I saw Sansa standing at the foot of the bed, a hand over her elbow as she looked at me shocked, sad, concerned and tired.

I let out another breath and managed a lift in my mouth. "Did I wake you?"

She swayed a little, surprised to hear me speak before shaking her head once. "Was it…was it the same nightmare as before?" she asked.

I shook my head.

"Was it that bad?"

I closed my eyes and fought to remove the images from my mind. _They were too vivid and too real._

" _Worse."_ I said gruffly.

And I knew she would not ask me about it anymore. Not unless I volunteered which I won't. _Not this time._

I looked at her instead and noted that she didn't even bring a cloak. It was just her in her white shift and she was barefoot and shivering. The perfect image of innocence and vulnerability but even in that state, with her hair unbound and loose she was beautiful.

"Is anything wrong, Sansa? You're freezing. It's late."

She looked down then and brought her other arm around herself before she inclined her head to the side, a hint of red on her cheek. "Jon…would you…"

I waited.

"Would you hold me?" She finally asked and her sad eyes finally met mine, scared and pleading that it broke something in me to see her this way.

"Sansa…" I started almost choked and I didn't mean to make it sound pained but she caught it.

Her eyes broke from mine as she looked to the side once more, embarrassed. "I just – I just want to feel safe. I can't be alone in my chambers tonight."

Her words felt like a dagger was twisting itself in my heart. "Ghost can keep you company." _Why was I refusing her?_

She swallowed and hunched over herself. _She looked so so tired._ And now I've hurt her with my rejection.

"Sansa," I started once more but she looked at me again and this time her stare was too intense to refuse before she turned her back to me and held herself tighter.

"Nothing else has to be said. I just want you to hold me. But I understand if you don't want to."

Before she could run away I rushed over, one knee on the bed, a foot on the floor, and my arms around her from behind.

She stiffened and shook her head tentatively. "It's okay Jon. I only want to be held by someone who wants to hold me and not because of anything else."

I held her tighter. "Of course I want to." _All the time._

 _All the time I want to._

She relaxed into me then with a staggered breath. "Then hold me. At least just for tonight, Jon. Just hold me please. Don't let go."

" _Never."_

I turned her around in my arms and held her to me tighter. One hand on the back of her head, the other tightly over her back.

And in a moment, we were under the furs, with half her body over mine, our arms around each other. I brought my hand down her arm, before settling them over the back of her hand, entwining our fingers and bring them over my chest.

We've held each other through many nights before but this time it felt different. And now I realized why we never shared _my_ bed before.

This was her coming to me not for me but for _her_.

For the first time since we've been reunited, she _sought_ me out.

I almost wept at the realization. She finally trusts me completely. She's finally relying on me.

 _Oh my love._

I kissed her brow and stroked her hair, bringing her closer to me. And the vile images from my nightmare made me shudder in fright and madness.

 _No more._

I won't give you up. Not for anyone. Not for anything.

 _Marriage._

I swallowed down the bitterness and anger. I know that one way or another, both of us would have to make alliances. Even if I forfeited all my claims, my bloodline would still be sought. I thought in disgust. And I knew that there were a lot of proposals lately but I refused each one saying that bringing a child to the coming war was cruel. And being older than Sansa, I had the right to authorize the matches and I've been stalling saying that she was in not ready to wed considering the violence of her previous one.

She probably doesn't want to take another man anymore. She could hardly tolerate touches much less be alone with any men. But a queen needs an heir and if she was in fact the last Stark… no. The Stark name could die with her if she chooses to. She would not be sold to the highest bidder like some prized trophy or brood mare. _Unless she chooses to._

 _Always her choice._

It's not that I didn't think about _being_ a choice. But I want her to choose me. Not because I was the _only_ choice. Not because I was the _lesser_ evil. Not even because I was the _smartest_ match.

As much as it pains me to think of her meeting with other knights and young lords who were close to her childhood dreams, I want her to. I want her to see that she can choose. I don't want her believing that I'm the only one who can be kind to her – that I can be the only one who would honor her, be loyal to her… _love_ her.

I'd be willing. No matter how much it hurts, I just want her to have everything she ever dreamed of. I just want her to be happy. There was so much she deserves and she deserves more than me.

Even if I think she can love me like I love her, I don't want her to be blinded to what else is there – what else could be offered to her, by me and the safety of being with me.

 _Because I was the safe choice._

Though I can offer her so much more than her safety and not to mention all the benefits that comes with our marriage when it came to titles, claims, and others… it still feels like a forced choice.

And the last thing I want for her is to end up in another forced marriage.

Even if it was to _me._

I sighed.

 _Damn Littlefinger._

Everything was going forwards. And now Sansa was vulnerable and doubting once more. But at least this time, she came to me.

 _Oh my love. You finally came to rely on me._

And I swear it would end. All her torments, they would end.

How can I fail when she asked me not too?

 _They will all pay, Sansa. You will have everything. I swear it my love._

* * *

 _ **The morning of Sansa's name day**_

I had just gotten out of bed with the biggest grin when suddenly Sansa's Queensguards rounded me towards my solar.

"Now let's talk about you, my lord," Jyanna pointed at me accusingly.

I frowned and pointed at myself. "Me?"

She suffered an impatient sigh. "Since when have you been in love with our Queen?"

My mouth hung as I tried to compose myself but the knowing faces of The Hound, Brienne, and now Jyanna looked at me expectantly.

 _They all knew._

"What does this have to do with anything?" I challenged them.

They all shared a look before appointing Brienne to talk.

"While the Queen can certainly do worse and its not fairly uncommon for cousins to wed, we urge you to keep –

"Keep your cock in your pants is what she means," Sandor barked with a chuckle receiving glares from everyone and a kick from Jyanna.

"Shut up you stupid mutt!"

"I would _never_ dishonor our Queen!"

The Hound dismissed me with a wave and rolled his eyes. "Cut the shit honor. We know you don't even have the balls to tell the Queen ages ago when it was still out of Littlefucker's radar. But now shit's out and you can't just dip your wick as you please and make moon fucking eyes at her every waking moment. You'll be playing with what he wants."

"So you're telling me not to marry her?"

Sandor was about to speak again when Jyanna clamped a hand on his mouth and urged Brienne to talk.

Brienne gave me a sympathetic look. "Jon, we're not saying never. Just not now. We have cause to believe that the moment you are betrothed and he sees Sansa accepting it for any other reason other than for duty he will render her _dispensable_. Do you understand?"

Anger coursed through me. "You mean to tell me that at a word he could have her killed? And what other reason other than duty do you mean?"

She gave me a look and I faltered. "You…you mean if she actually… _wants_ the arrangement?"

"Not just want in that sense, Jon Snow. If he sees her _wanting_ it for the same reason as you, then that would mean she is lost to him. Therefore dispensable. And he would kill her before your eyes as his final ace in the card because he knows that if she dies you'll die with her, may it not be in body but it would _kill_ you. And the North shall be lost and vulnerable without her. Because we all know that you wouldn't give a rat's ass anymore if she dies," Jyanna spoke the plain truth.

I couldn't speak…couldn't think…

"Jon, he would use Sansa and your love for her against you the both of you. He's using it already!" she continued.

I didn't realize that I was leaning on the wall for support.

"It's bigger than the both of you now that the fuck knows. And knowing our Queen she'll likely suggest it to you once more. Just…just resist. _Try._ At least until we kill Littlefucker," Jyanna pleaded.

"Am – Am I to push her away then?"

"Hurt her if you must if it comes to that. But nothing has to change drastically. You can still be yourself with her just not cross brotherly affections. Make her extremely happy today even because if there was a day this would be it but come tomorrow, you have to do everything to resist her. Avoid her like a plague if you can. Think of the relationship you had with her before all this. I've heard that you two weren't overly fond of each other before," Jyanna continued.

The way Jyanna talked so sure and familiar reminded me so much of Arya. _Could it be?_

"Arya," I blurted out.

Jyanna was unfazed but raised an eyebrow.

I shook my head and sighed. "I'll try." Then shook my head once more. "I _will._ "

"Good," Brienne nodded at me. "If not for your sake or the North's, then for Sansa's."

"Seven hells can't we just fucking kill him already?" I growled in frustration.

"Don't we all," Sandor chortled.

"We _will,"_ Jyanna vowed. "And _soon."_ It was only a flicker but a flash of sympathy shone in her eyes before being replaced with something filled with hatred. It was too _personal_. I don't know why and I'd love to find out but this was something she would feel beyond just addressing a threat to her queen. She had it out for Baelish too.

Brienne patted my shoulder. "Try to hold on til then. Sansa is the most understanding woman I've ever met. Anything you do even if you hurt her, she would still find it in her heart to forgive you."

And just like that they left.

 _Seven hells._

I gripped my chest.

* * *

 _ **A few minutes earlier.**_

I barely slept and it was near morning. I looked down at Sansa who was sleeping soundly burrowed into me.

As much as it pains me to move her, I had to get up before day breaks. I still can't in good conscience, watch her wake up next to me in the morning. Much less in my bed.

As gently as possible I extracted myself from her when suddenly she grabbed at my hand and opened her eyes.

"Where are you going?" she asked groggily.

I swallowed before smiling at her and inclining my head. "I…I have to carry you to your room or your handmaiden might die of shock not to see you there." _Or worse still, see you come from mine._

She shook her head and closed her eyes. "I told Brienne I needed to stay with you. My room was suffocating me and I told her I will take no audience at least until midday. I'm still too tired from last night."

I will surely get a look from her lady knight later. From all of them even. I sighed.

"Still, I should start the day early…" I tried.

She sighed. "If you really must. Then go. But I wish you wouldn't."

My heart warmed and spiked. "You want me to stay?"

Her eyes were still closed when she answered. "Just for now. Don't let me wake up alone. Please. Forgive me Jon. I need to feel I'm not alone. And yes Jon, I want you to stay with me."

 _How can I refuse that?_

Forever, Sansa.

 _I'll stay with you forever if I can._

I settled back into the bed and saw a smile grace her lips when she wound herself against me once more. I had to smile back at that and finally allowed myself to let sleep take over me, knowing that I wouldn't wake up alone this morning.

I relished in the fact that she was mine all mine this moment and she was the one who came to me and wanted to be with me if only for this moment.

 _Cherish this Jon._

We might not have this in a long time.

Little did I know that after today everything would change.

* * *

 **AN: And cue Coldplay: "I'm going back to the staaaaart."**

 **Okay. Now I've gone and given another cliffhanger and turned them against each other and it all comes back somewhat to what happened during the night of Sansa's name day. Okay full disclosure, I had written what happened there exactly (and something most of you have been waiting for consists of most of what happened!) but after careful deliberation, I brutally cut it for the next chapter As part of the Tourney of Ashford Part II. Don't question it. It has to be so for this one to give just the right amount of the message I want let out for this chapter. (And I'm talking to you but I'm also convincing myself). So because of that, we'll still get a 15** **th chapter after part II.** **So just two more guys! And I'm sorry for this mega angsty one! It killed me too. Especially when I decided to cut** _ **that**_ **part. So very sorry you only got the snippet of that one crucial moment. Maybe you can guess, there are many clever readers out there that I don't deserve. If you could come close I might consider emailing you a preview if you want. A lot of off screen happenings here but remember that we're here to piece together Jon's thoughts first and foremost. And his thoughts are a little fragmented from what happened. And sorry if I bored you with the council meetings but I couldn't just throw shit details there and let us all assume away and hope for the best. Everything has to be close to realistic and I can't just you know, leave it ambiguous. And I need you to feel the tension during the council scenes more than the numbers I put out though I actually researched the freakin' numbers and stuff especially this Tourney of Ashford x Sansa theory. It's just something Baelish would do. Oh I swear he will get his due. I just want you to hate him a little bit more. Because last chapter? That was just him barely beginning. He has just shown his hand. And oh my poor babies this chapter! :'((**

 **Just in case, all this happened in a span of 5 days as I've said. Here's the breakdown: Immediately continued from last chapter (The night of Sansa's Baelish Confession), followed by Sansa's Name Day which is morning number 1, then the secret council meeting as morning number 2, a gap day, then lastly, the official council meeting as morning number 4. And it switches back and forth depending on Jon as he tries to piece together what happened that changed their relationship so drastically. Plus of course, the 2 flashbacks. Hey, they can't all be fluffy memories. We all know they both admitted that Sansa was "occasionally awful" and that Jon can't have been "great fun".**

 **Oh and someone told me that Jyanna was a good combination for Jon + Lyanna for a very cool character that the reader suspects who Jyanna truly is who looks like a combination of the two. I wish I could take credit but Jyanna was pretty much named after Jyanna Reed...her aunt. What makes you think that Jyanna isn't who she is? ;)**

 **Lastly, the inspiration for this chapter is the "reverse filming" style done for Coldplay's The Scientist though the song wasn't necessarily the inspiration itself but it could work too because Jon is piecing everything together. And the inspiration for the whole story would be a mix of Wicker Park, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, and some Smallville Lifehouse Clark x Lana soundtrack feeeeels (God just listen to Everything). Memories and introspection being the main theme. :)**

 **I love you guys! Thanks so much for the overwhelming support!**

 **Much love!**


	14. The Tourney of Ashford Part II

_**The Tourney of Ashford: Part II**_

 **AN: We've hit "Rewind" last chapter as Jon contemplates all that has happened since that Sansa confided in him with Littlefinger's end goal, and more importantly, the night after when everything drastically changed. Through the jumps of his fragmented memories, dreams, and thoughts, we see that it all comes back to that one night. Now we push "Forward" and fill in the gaps, starting from the morning of Sansa's name day. Oh and hands down, the longest chapter. Ever. It's a novella worth of words. Brace yourselves. Seriously.**

* * *

 _Hmm?_

I wrinkled my brow.

I woke up to a strange atmosphere…strange and foreign… yet pleasant. Then I stilled and reddened as I felt it.

Felt what made this morning different from all others.

For one, the room didn't smell like me… _alone._

Another, I was pressed up against a warm, soft, body.

 _Sansa's._

My eyes adjusted to our rather scandalous position that I knew I should've withdrawn the moment I realized but… I was feeling rather selfish right now, and to be honest… a little disbelieving. I kept still as if one slight move would somehow break this illusion – that this wasn't real, can't be real.

But the soft rise and fall of her soft body against mine, the quiet breathing – the feel of her, her scent, her sounds – the curtain of red I was greeted with… the only thing missing was the – the _taste_ of her… which I could. With just barely a whisper between her neck and my mouth that I only need to _move_ my face an _inch_ …

Slowly… painfully gently… I _did._

Just a graze, just a moment, just a taste…

…and a hasty retreat, I held my breath to stifle the groan that was rising.

 _This is real._

I took in our forms more carefully now that I am fully awake.

Sansa was facing her side towards the window, her back to me. My left arm was under her head, the other was wrapped around her middle, over her arm, my hand on top of hers pressed against her stomach. And my chin was nuzzled over her shoulder. I was so pressed up against her so _intimately_ – at least from the waist up – _thank the gods_ – I had the decency not to be _fully_ pressed up against her. This was a first.

I knew I had to pull away.

I _should_ pull away.

Especially before she wakes up.

 _Seven hells._

But she was _so_ soft… and she smells _so_ sweet…

And then suddenly as if sent from the darkness, I saw Robb's scowling face.

 _Just a little longer…_ I pleaded but just as quickly the shame and the guilt started coming up grabbing at me – grabbing at my _honor._ I scrunched my face knowing I lost that battle.

So I inhaled deeply and pressed a little closer to her – _just one last time_ , before, with all my strength and will, I pried away from her, as gently and carefully as I could, or rather as slowly as my resistance would _allow_ before I wake her.

I was now on my back with a groan in my throat from the retreat, my left arm still under her head. I froze as she started to stir but she only rolled to face me with a frown on her lips. I thought that was that until I felt her arm suddenly snaking around my middle, her head burrowing under my chin, and now _she_ was pressed up against _me._

 _Others take me._

My heart pounded in anxiety.

I didn't know what to do.

I knew what I _wanted_ to do.

But…

The feel of her against me – I just can't believe it.

 _This was real. This was real. This was real._

I willed myself to calm down and relax as my arms still stayed stiffly in place. I lifted my eyes from her sleeping form, to beyond her to take a peek over the window and saw that it was still dark out but the slight golden gradient peeking from below told me dawn would be breaking not for long.

Then I remembered. We had just woken not that long ago. That must mean I haven't slept that long since she told me to stay until she wakes.

" _I want you to stay with me."_

I felt the heat spread out once more up my neck… and down as my heart started to race.

I swallowed.

"Go back to sleep."

I stiffened.

I heard a sigh. But I dared not look.

"Just a little longer… a little _more_ Jon… everything else can wait. _Sleep_ some _more_ ," she murmured groggily with a tinge of a whine.

 _More._

I blinked after a long moment as I gathered the mind I suddenly lost before I let out a deep breath and finally surrendered. I felt her shiver against me that I had no choice but to reach around her with my free hand to grab the furs at her side, pulling at them higher over her – my hand hovering and hesitant before I finally decided to settle my arms around her once… once _more_.

She seemed to welcome it, snuggling closer to me and releasing a sigh of her own – one that covered me from my head down to my toes with shivers of my own and even more heat.

I swallowed once more. _Unsure._ But very much _delighted_. And _very_ much _guilty_ for being delighted.

I broke against my resistance and looked over at her once more. Breathing out relief and a small smile as I saw that her arms were now white and unblemished as was the skin peeking out from her loosened shift, revealing her now unmarked neck down to her collar and her one exposed shoulder.

I reddened and felt myself base when I should be appreciating the vile marks that fucker dared paint her skin with gone like his existence.

But when my hand rubbed against her back as I tugged at her shift and the furs to make her decent and keep my honor – _her_ honor – I amended quickly, then I felt the jagged lines and curves of scars that would never fade, never heal, never go and at once the same white hot murderous rage assaulted me.

"Sleep," she said again more firmly.

And before I lost my mind again, I relented knowing that at this moment it was wise to trust her. She was the only one who had sense at this moment.

I closed my eyes.

…

My eyes twitched and somehow I knew I was being watched.

I kept my eyes closed for a moment and I knew immediately that the sun has risen, noting the brightness that seemed to pull my lids open.

I heard a giggle and suddenly my body was alert and very much aware that I stiffened.

I dared open my eyes then and was greeted with the sight of the chamber door coming into focus over the haze that it had me wondering how I came from lying on my back to suddenly on my side…

I held my breath, barely suppressing a hitch when I felt a hand trailing my arm, a press on my shoulder and… more softness against my back… and warm breath on my neck.

"Are you awake now?"

I jerked at the sound of her soft voice that had a lazy cadence to it – a soft caress of smoothness and edged with roughness that only made me want to voice out my pleasure.

I tensed my jaw for a bit trying to regain some control and finally I found my words.

"How long have you been watching me?"

She gave a stifled laugh before answering. "Not that long. Just a few moments. I just woke up too."

I could only grunt a reply still trying to once again torture myself with how to best approach this…situation. And curse my mind when it brought me a memory of fire-kissed hair and snow beyond the Wall as I realized that this situation was not all that unfamiliar… but in a way a little in reverse, with a body against me than the other way around…

"Sorry for not waking you. I couldn't help but stare," she admitted.

"Stare? Why?"

"It's just… I've seen you sleep before but barely and always in the darkness. But now… this is the first time in almost forever that I've seen you sleep…in the light and well… you look pretty adorable," she chuckled.

I groaned. "Adorable? I've been called many things and adorable was never one of them," I reddened and cringed my face.

"Sorry. I don't mean to unman you or anything," she laughed, not sorry at all.

I groaned again. _Unman_ all right.

She withdrew from me then before I could protest – not that I could – and I felt her lay on her back.

I didn't move. Or rather I couldn't. I wasn't ready to face her yet.

An awkward silence passed but not for long.

"Jon I – "

"Sansa I – "

"No, you go first," I said.

But instead of protesting as I expected her too, she suddenly burst out laughing and I couldn't help but roll over on my back and joined her.

Coming down from my laughter, I turned my head to face her and smiled as I saw her so at ease and relaxed coming down from her own mirth.

Such a beautiful change for her than how she was last night.

She tilted her head to face me then and smiled, her blue eyes dancing with happiness, the glow of the soft winter sun casting caressed her white skin.

I broke from her gaze and stared at the ceiling and blinked. "I don't think I've ever woken up this late…"

"Late? The sun has just barely risen."

I chuckled. "Well, I've always been accustomed to rise before it does."

"Oh right. You've always been diligent," she agreed.

"Yes well, I _would've_ been diligent today too if someone didn't keep me from rising."

"Well, you look like shit, and we have to face our secret council today."

I choked at her profanity before laughing without abandon. "I can't believe you said "shit" your _grace."_

She snorted very unladylike. "Well excuse me my lord Hand, for not feeling up to being proper this damn morning. I _am_ a little sleepy still. So bugger off."

I looked at her again and smirked. "Is that right? I couldn't tell that you lacked sleep, not with all the snoring that kept _me_ up all night."

She glared at me then and poked me. "I do _not_ snore."

I laughed at her then while she kept poking me. "Alright, alright! You _don't._ I was just jesting. You were perfectly the very image of a lady in your slumber." _At least until you tangled yourself with me._ I smirked again.

She sighed then turned to stare at the ceiling and I could see from the shadows that still clung under her eyes that she would do better to sleep in some more. _As for me however_.

With a deep breath, I sat upright and rolled my neck, leaning backwards a bit towards the headboard.

I felt her starting to rise up when I gently placed a hand on her shoulder, pressing slightly at her to go lie back down, her eyes regarding me with confusion.

I smiled at her and pushed some of her hair away from her face, my thumb tracing the bags under her eyes. "No. Stay. You can still sleep in for a bit."

She relaxed and searched my eyes before nodding. "How about you?"

I shook my head once. " _Someone_ has to start the day," I raised a brow.

She groaned and made to rise once more but again I stopped her. "No. You need to look prettier than this when we meet with the people today."

She smirked at me then. "Easy for you to say, you are already prettier than words without even trying."

I reddened then, my bravado gone then back again with a smirk of my own. "You think me pretty then?"

She flushed a tinge then but her poise never left, "You've always been pretty, Jon. Or haven't you heard? Tormund keeps saying that you're prettier than some of his men's daughters. And don't get me started on the blithering girls you leave sighing in your wake."

I frowned and while it was true I've heard being called 'pretty' it was always with a grain of disdain – almost an insult or an offense that my _looks_ were somehow the culprit to whatever advantage they seem to think I have…or my folly as the weakling pretty boy maid. And blithering girls – seven hells I must be blind but I never even gave any of that any thought. The only sigh I wanted was from one girl.

One girl I don't think I can ever have. Or was even _allowed_ to have… may _never_ have.

Now I was the one sighing.

I looked at her and rolled my eyes. "In any case, despite your exaggeration, this Hand of Queen has duties to attend to while his Queen sleeps in."

She frowned then but with a shrug, she didn't protest and even waved a hand of dismissal at me dramatically. "I'd argue some more but said Queen _is_ tired. And wouldn't want to protest if the Queen's Hand offers to take away all of her responsibilities so eagerly."

I nodded at her fighting back a laugh. "I am. Most eagerly offering."

She smiled at me then, all jesting done, and reached for my hand. "Thank you Jon. Just for today. Just for a little bit longer," she looked at me with such gratitude and trust that I had to smile wider at the thought that she was so willing to rely on me some more.

"I'd have you sleep here all day for even a week or a moon's turn if you want but you'd have my head first for taking you away from doing your job – and not to mention, keep me from destroying your kingdom."

She sniffed then. "Seven hells, you are. I'll be up in no time, well rested, and very much eager to run my kingdom. Gods forbid you run it down or the council eats you alive."

I laughed then.

She grinned at me and shook her head. "No. You'll do just fine. I trust you."

I nodded at her. "Well thank you for allowing me a couple hours of your kingdom. Now I need to go start on those hours then."

She squeezed my hand then. "Wait. Promise me you'll wake me up by midday?" She looked at me pleadingly.

My heart warmed at that. I grinned and nodded before dropping a kiss on her head. "I promise. I promise to come earlier even in case I'm on the brink of burning the keep."

She laughed then and I reached out and made to close her eyes with a sweep of my hand. "Now sleep, _my Queen_. I'll take care of everything."

She smiled then and in no time she was under once more.

She must be really tired and I couldn't blame her. Last night was a whole new level of torment for her. One that exhausted the heart and the soul. Just coming to me with her doubts and fears that she so relentlessly keeps to herself took a great deal from her. And to seek comfort almost desperately and with embarrassment – _that_ I knew. I knew it was the biggest battle she fought among all that exhaustion finally won over, giving in over everything else, and placing her needs above all finally this time.

I smiled as I closed the door and leant against it.

And…

Tired as she was, she was _happy._

At ease and relaxed…with me.

 _She was happy._

Waking up with her was as sweet as I imagined it – a gift I would never deserve.

Just as I was about to revel in my…bliss – there simply was no other way to describe waking up with the woman you love, I was suddenly surrounded by Sansa's Queensguards who were looking at me with varied expressions on their faces but all with arms folded across their chests.

"What is it?"

The Hound merely rolled his eyes before clapping at my back and shoving me to move forward. I couldn't even protest as Brienne and Jyanna had their arms around each of mine - all of them pulling and pushing me towards my solar.

" _Now let's talk about you, my lord."_

* * *

We all applauded, never mind that for Sansa and I – just politely so after the play ended. Sansa stood up and and raised her hands to calm the crowd before addressing the mummers.

"I thank you for the most entertaining display you have showed us. I shall have you well compensated for your troubles for coming at such short notice just for my benefit, and also just because I was thoroughly fascinated. I thank you all once more and it would please me greatly if you take part and join us at the feast my generous people have prepared tonight," she graced them with an appreciative smile but I could sense the storm that was well kept in her eyes.

She then looked at Littlefinger and graced _him_ in turn with a smile so big it almost deceived me if I did not take cause to see the slight clench of hand at her side. "And Lord Baelish, you honor me so for taking the most trouble to arrange for this. You have my gratitude."

And the slime ate it up and bowed so, his predatory eyes never leaving hers as he spoke. "It was no trouble at all… _my_ Queen. I only wish I could've done… _more."_

I gritted my teeth but only for a fraction, hardening myself – making myself look as impassive as possible. And in time to because he slid his snake eyes at me and smirked.

Then from the corner of my eye I saw Ser Davos being approached by Ser Randar Flint, head of Winterfell's personal City Watch. Ser Flint was from the Flint's of House Flint of Widow's Watch who while primarily our vassal, answers directly to Lord Manderly who chose him specifically to head the Watch and when asked of his loyalty, Ser Flint recalled having to bury the flayed body of his twin brother Bryer Flint who was found with a crossbow at the stables during Sansa's wedding to Ramsay. Bryer Flint though raised in Widow's Watch, was fostered in Flint's Fingers, making sure both were united.

At this admission, and the knowing look at both Ser Flint's and Lord Manderly's eyes, I vowed to myself to never doubt the loyalty of White Harbor and its vassals to House Stark again.

I scanned the crowd to see that indeed the guards cloaked in grey, the lone white wolf head with blood red eyes embellished on their arms and armor meant to honor me, were scattered and alert. Being the Hand of Queen, the _Wolf Pack_ as they called themselves, answered directly under me after all and the reversed colors of House Stark, never mind that they symbolized my former bastard status, felt appropriate as I have denounced all rights to my names and houses. I felt honored all the same.

I looked back at Ser Davos who along with Tormund, insisted to be my personal guards. Both men were now talking with Ser Flint and all of them had deep frowns in their faces. Sansa noticed my gaze and followed it before looking at me with concern and that was my cue to walk over to my men. I beckoned at them to follow me to a more secluded area away from earshot of suspecting people.

Ser Flint immediately bowed his head upon seeing me. "My lord." I nodded at him to speak.

He looked then at Tormund and Ser Davos before speaking in a low voice. "My lord, I would not have come if it was not worthy of attention. But as I have told Ser Seaworth and Lord Giantsbane, there's been a slight disturbance in Winter Town – between two merchants who arrived and by the Magnar of Thenn, Sigorn. We've handled it but the tension that was left may need your personal attention." Amidst his severe expression, I had a feeling there was something else that he was trying to tell me.

I looked at Tormund and Davos who waited for my command. Though I knew from their ready stance that they _knew_.

I nodded at him then. "Very well. I shall request my leave from my Queen first."

I walked over to Sansa who was looking at me with concerned eyes. I tried to give her a reassuring smile and a shake of my head.

"There's some bit of a commotion among some merchants and some of the Wildlings at Wintertown. I have to go check it out," I explained.

Her eyes shone with worry but she nodded. "Will you be gone long, you think?"

I thought before shaking my head. "I don't think so. I'll come back to you before your feast starts."

She sighed and wrung her wrists, the pucker in her brow didn't disappear.

I reached over and pressed my thumb over that crease making her frown deeper at me. I chuckled. "I'll be fine. I'll be back before you know it. Anyway, there are lines and lines of people wanting an audience with their Queen."

She wrinkled her nose then finally relented a smile. "Well you better return my lord. Someone has to dance with me and I will not dance with anyone if you are not there. And if you're not then…" She sighed. "Then you're not. Though I do so enjoy dancing…" I smiled at her feigned suffering.

"Then I _should_ return. Gods forbid I be the cause of your sole misery on your name day even if I have to suffer through the process of dancing," I smirked.

She smirked at me and prepared to walk down and meet her people, giving me a dismissive wave. "Run along now, my lord Hand. Do your duty then come back and do another."

I bowed at her and placed a hand over my chest. "As my Queen commands."

She nodded at me and walked away, her Queensguards forming a perimeter around her. There were just three today. Sandor, Brienne, and Ser Galbert. The rest were currently preoccupied with other matters. I called Ser Flint over.

"Have twenty of your best men add themselves to your Queen's guards. She'll be surrounded by the smallfolk and nobles for the remainder of the day. I trust you to task your men to keep your Queen's safety as paramount while I go settle with this dispute you reported. Order your men quickly then follow me" I commanded.

He bowed. "Yes, my lord. And…we _do_ have more crossbows at the ready this time," he smiled thinly before quickly going to his men making quick orders.

I gave him a knowing look before I turned to Davos and Tormund, nodding at them to follow me as we make our way to Wintertown.

…

When we arrived we were immediately ushered towards the Wildling camp saying that the merchants in question had made peace with the Wildlings and opted to shelter with them rather than the inn at the newly reconstructed merchant village.

Sigorn Thenn met me as he waited with Ser Bryer Cassel, Ser Flint's lieutenant. I was glad that Tormund and I decided to let him be the de facto leader second only to Tormund to the Wildlings. Even if Tormund openly didn't like the Thenns especially when they were under Styr, he liked Sigorn. And I did too. Among the wild folk, the Thenns were the most culturally advanced and disciplined. And Sigorn was a just leader who was just as fierce as he was reasonable.

Ser Cassel bowed his head to me before speaking. "My lord, the merchants and the wild folk have agreed to make amends. I'm afraid there's not much to do here as the tension all came from the smallfolk who were all more than ready to rid them of the strangers. They are now under the hospitality of Magnar Thenn. Still…" he gave me a look. "Still, my lord, perhaps since you are here you might like to meet them?"

I looked at him a great deal before turning to my companions.

"We might as well, my lord," Ser Davos nodded.

"Come Snow. Sigorn, they be at yer tent?" Tormund faced Sigorn.

"Aye. Though I think your wolf beat you to them," he said.

"Ghost?"

"Aye. Wouldn't let them out of his sight."

"Take me to them. _Now."_ A gnawing suspicion and dread crept at me as I followed them to his tent.

I was ready to face just about anyone except _this._

Sigorn, Ser Davos, Tormund and I entered the tent and were greeted with someone I never expected to see.

"Well if it isn't the bastard of Winterfell! Oh wait, sorry force of habit."

I gaped, "Lord – "

He shook his head rapidly holding his hands up to silence me quickly. "There are no lords here, Jon Snow. Well, except you of course."

"I don't – I don't understand."

He chuckled then and earned the growl of Ghost who stalked in front of him. He merely scoffed as he eyed my wolf curiously. "Still don't like me, I see. Still, I've faced _worse_ pup. Now run along now and stay by your master's side like a good boy."

Ghost growled silently at him before padding over to stay at my side.

Seven hells.

"Anyway, Lord Snow. Or rather, Lord Stark or do you go by Targaryen now? Catch me up here." He eyed me with amusement.

I huffed and crossed my arms against my chest. "Bastard will do. As I recall that's all you call me. What are you doing here?"

He raised a flagon to his lips and downed a large amount before speaking. "Come now, Jon. Is that the way to treat an invited guest of yours?"

Then suddenly, Lady Alysane emerged from outside the tent and bowed to me in greeting and it made sense then.

" _You're_ the envoy?" I gasped.

He sighed and shrugged. "Were you expecting someone else? They can't send just _anyone._ And given my relations… I am both the worst and the best to be sent here. Depending on the receivers of course."

Lady Alysane addressed me then. "I did not mean for any deception but I have cause to deliver him discreetly here. Larence will arrive in two days approximately with the _other_ envoy, my lord. But for now, for the safety of our Queen, we have to keep this farce." She said with no trace of apology whatsoever.

My brows furrowed and my eyes twitched in irritation that Sansa's Queensguards were acting all around me – _over_ me but I'll let it go for now. They were only doing their job. But now I have to hear this all out.

"As the Lady said, I can't announce myself – not until the time is right," he said.

"Okay, I'll hear you all out but just answer me this. How in seven hells did you get Lady Mormont to trust you?" I asked.

He chuckled then and I heard a snort from Lady Alysane. "Oh I don't know about trust but I believe its time you saw the other half of these two-person trouble-making merchants."

And then from the shadows, a large middle-aged man with balding brown hair and a tightly bandaged arm approached. It took a while but I remembered him.

I was but a boy when father – Lord Eddard wanted to execute him.

"A pleasure to see you again and now fully grown, Jon Snow. I see that _Longclaw_ looks better with a wolf rather than a bear as its head" he offered a grim smile.

"You're – "

"Alright, alright I see that we won't get far if we don't assign names," the other man interrupted me from saying this man's name.

I looked at Lady Mormont who nodded at me in confirmation, her mouth a thin line, closed, refusing to reveal more.

"As we are both very known fugitives to the North and to the South, you see the conundrum of revealing out loud who we are. So names – right – you can call me… Dunk."

A snort erupted from the other man earning a glare from the other.

"As I was saying, you can call me Dunk like Ser Duncan the _Tall_. I'll have you know, I have been called tall in many many _many_ ways when it matters the most," he grinned wryly.

My head ached in wonder and irritation but I nodded at him anyway. "Fine then."

He clapped his hands together before looking up at his companion. "And you can call him Egg because he's an egghead who got himself cracked with grayscale."

"Might I remind you _how_ I got it in the first place?" _Egg_ replied with a glare of his own. I could hardly register anything past him mentioning grayscale as everyone else including myself tensed. Ser Davos even gasped. Tormund and Sigorn looked at each other in fear. Wildlings feared the "Grey Death" as they called it.

"Oh bugger you all. Egg has been _cured._ Courtesy of the Red Lady," _Dunk_ admonished.

I stiffened and felt Ser Davos shake beside me. "Red Lady? Melisandre?"

Dunk looked at me confused and shook his head immediately. "What? Who? No. Not that you would know her, but the Red Priestess who healed Egg was named Kinvara. But that's not the point of this meeting. Two matters, we need to discuss, _Lord Hand._ "

He beckoned to the small table in the middle of the tent where we all sat around to. It was a good decision to have this conversation in the middle of the Wildling camp if we wish for discretion. All the wildfolk knew each other and strangers were not tolerated without meeting with the Magnar first.

"Now then," Dunk reached for the pitcher of ale and poured himself a tankard and another he slid to me. "Drink. You'll likely need it."

I shook my head. "I'll need a clear head to make sense of this madness."

He chuckled. "Drink nonetheless to relax that Stark seriousness a bit."

I stared at the tankard and shrugged before taking a swig. "Now talk."

"First matter is this," he handed a scroll to me sealed with the Targaryen sigil. I broke the wax and quickly read the contents.

I looked at him and let out a breath. "She agreed to all the demands."

He nodded. "Yes. All that and more. She would've even offered her hand but alas she needs you to further your family name. Hers and yours as I should clarify."

I shook my head. "I cannot. I've already renounced any claim to House Targaryen."

He waved his hand dismissively. "Yes, yes, we've heard so that you can solidify your sister-sorry-cousin's claim but that is her one demand. She needs an _heir_ Jon."

"She doesn't need _me_ to be her heir," I rebutted.

Dunk looked at Egg then and they shared a silent conversation before ending with a long sigh from Egg who looked at me. "She _needs_ you and only you to be her heir."

And suddenly I understood what they were getting at.

My aunt was…barren.

I felt ill.

I let out a breath. "I don't want the Iron Throne. I don't _want_ to leave Winterfell."

"Yes, and you don't want to leave your beloved queen, Sansa Stark," he looked at me seriously then.

My mouth hung. Does _everyone_ know?

Even Tormund and Davos looked uncomfortable but their eyes said they knew something.

I kept silent.

Dunk sighed and looked at me with a trace of sympathy. "Your aunt is only a year _younger_ than you Jon. You won't be sitting on the Iron Throne in a long long long time. Your aunt is practically immortal. Oops. Bad choice of words. Sorry. Anyway, she won't keep you from the North. She is well informed of what happened to your queen," He grimaced then before clearing his throat. "She understands what you have done for her and she respects that. More than you know she does. She has nothing but respect and admiration for Sansa Stark. As do I. Even then I knew she would survive us all. Anyway, 'The North belongs to her' Queen Daenerys even said. If only she did not need you to create heirs, she would well leave you be. Everything has its price Jon. And besides, she's family too you know. That's her way of protecting you too if anything."

I sighed there was no backing out of this.

"Besides, if you are worried about the Northern Lords, the reassurance that practically the whole of Westeros will aid in defending against your ice monsters may be enough to assuage them. Considering the alternative," he eyed me severely then.

Two hundred thousand men, the letter said. We don't even have half of that and she had three dragons too.

"And, you are free to marry your cousin and even that match cannot be disputed and has many wonderful benefits for everyone," he smirked. "Your aunt even _allows_ it, _encourages_ it even, just so you know."

I openly glared at him then. We really can't avoid this issue can we?

He cocked his head. "No? Hmmm. A sensitive topic then. But one we shall go back to. Next agenda would be to free Sansa Stark from one twittering Mockingbird."

My ears perked up then.

"Did you know, Jon Snow that once her betrothal to that mad boy king was broken, that Littlefinger offered to marry her instead?"

I wanted to wretch at the vileness or hit something – _hard._ Still I kept silent.

"Well he did but Cersei all but laughed at him saying that as much as she loathed Sansa with the passion of a thousand suns, she saw nothing in that proposal with a lowborn to make use of that match. Still that snake somehow kept whispering nonsense into poor Sansa's vulnerable ear and I'm afraid his claws are sunk deep, and his influence spread out too wide to warrant caution. Do you have a plan yet?"

"I have yet to talk to some of our council but we plan to have a trial for him. One that ends with his head under my blade," I smiled wryly.

He laughed then. "While I would enjoy that. Truly. We have to play the game and play it right. You have amassed charges against him I presume?"

I nodded. "A lot."

"I figured. You _do_ have the Hound on your side. Thank the gods for that dog. He was most dutiful to your dear cousin and I know first hand what he thinks of the crown and the Lannisters that held them. I'm sure he had interesting things to say," he grinned. "But as for the evidence, leave it to me. I have a friend with many little birds. You shall have your trial. I trust that you are taking care of getting the rest of the Vale to your side? Specifically, all of the Vale except him? I cannot help you there regretfully. Bad memories," he shuddered most comically before raising a brow at me.

"Yes. We're working on that."

"Good." He said while taking another swig of ale. "Aah. Now to the difficult part of this meeting."

I braced myself and glanced at my tankard.

"Go ahead, you might need it."

With another hasty breath, I took a swig before nodding at him to continue. Here we go.

He looked at me for a deal, all traces of humor gone. "Littlefinger has been trying to turn the two of you against each other isn't he? Starting with Robb Stark's will?"

I looked at him incredulously. How does he know all these?

"By that reaction, I would take that as a yes. Well, based on what I learned and heard, he's been trying to plant seeds of doubt and other things among the people – the two of you most importantly. Case in point, the play he so carefully picked to show today," he started.

I feared as much.

"It is common knowledge - that your young queen has been passed around from suitor to suitor. And now he presented another one. You know very well _who_ he means, judging from that show he had play out. So now you ask me, what does he really mean to do? Drive the two of you apart or push you two towards each other?" he asked.

I wondered myself. It just doesn't make sense.

"One one hand, it would be easier for him if he could turn you two into enemies with clear intention on who he would side with. He tried that by baiting Sansa to resent you. Telling her that she did not get the credit she deserved while undermining your blood. That failed right? Thanks to the intervention of one Howland Reed and his pretty speech. And then when that didn't work, he tried to goad you. Bait you into claiming the Iron Throne. But you shamed him then when you declined it all. And that made him very very _very_ mad at you. Not to mention just the mere look at the two of you looking like Lord and Lady Stark reincarnate. Oh that must drive the dagger deeper into his pride," he smirked.

"It's all even worse now that he is almost convinced that the two of you are in love," He raised both brows at me.

I could only stare at him in disbelief, my eyes wide, mouth hung. I looked at Tormund, then at Davos who looked at me rather uncomfortably but with no indication of denying.

"While I can only… speak for myself, I don't think she…" I trailed off.

"Ah! Finally the truth. Well, be that as it may. You seem the most palatable suitor, her feelings lets say, are still in question, but she cares for you from what I heard. But that's not the main point. Littlefinger has presented your people of the many possible ways to divide you two. And the many ways the North gets fucked if it happens."

"You have all that you need to take all your claims, and she has enough men loyal to her – translation, she has Baelish at the wings. And this, I can hear from the small folk. They fear the day that the two of you become enemies," he looked me over before grimacing.

"But, we don't give them any cause to make them think we are less than devoted to each other. We've been… we've been nearly inseparable since our reunion," I offered. My heart thundering in anxiety. Have we? Have we really?

"They've been trying to get the two of you to tie yourself to the North more committedly, I believe. Yet I've heard that marriage is a sensitive topic for the both of you… Understandable given the past traumas and such, yet the people could only wait so long and be… suspicious and uncertain for patience to take over longer. Do you understand what I am getting at?"

I thought it through. I swallowed. He had a very good point. "Then what do we do? I can't leave the North to go South. And none of us want to marry anyone."

He looked at me like he was lecturing a child. "I'm sure you know what you should do."

My eyes hardened. "No."

He cocked his head. "No?"

I held my tongue.

He looked at me with confusion then. "Don't tell me you're opposed to the idea so much?"

I looked away then. "It's not that."

"Then what?" Finding that he would not get a response from me, he spoke again after a sigh.

"You wish to prove that you are united? Then there is only one thing you must do. Because like it or night, they _will_ keep suspecting the two of you to fight. And once they do they themselves will be pushing the two of you – pressuring you to do what you must. And you will be left with no choice but to agree."

He paused then and gave me a sympathetic look. " _Take_ each other. Unite the North and the South. If you do this, then you lay to rest all the doubts that surround the partnership you two have established."

I was breathing heavily now, feeling backed against a corner with no escape. "I-It's not that simple."

He looked at me with a hint of annoyance then. "Do you _know_ why Littlefinger is taunting the two of you at each turn of being unmarried? Of dangling the idea of the two of you marrying? It's because once the two of you get married, Sansa will be _Queen of the Seven Kingdoms_ by marriage. Of course, he would have Dany killed first. But then after should anything happen to _you_ Jon – whose to stop him from getting the picture he painted for Sansa?" He lashed out at me with the plain hard truth. Loud and clear. "And Sansa… she'll be left to deal with _him_ when you die. I don't know how long she can last _this_ time. Or if she would _choose_ to _follow_ you right away. Either way, this could only end badly for her."

Bile and frost and flame rose up and washed over me as I stared at him in horror.

"But he is a _clever_ one. _That_ he is. He will only push for this union after he makes sure that it is a _forced_ one. Planting seeds of doubt to Sansa, tapping into the darkest most vulnerable parts of her – making you to be _anothe_ r man forced upon her. Just enough for him to tap into later. Just to torment you as a small victory that though you may have her, she would only tolerate you dutifully whether he's right or not that you love her. If he's right, then this would kill your heart. If he's not, then he'll kill your sense of honor and fill you with guilt for doing this to _her."_ He stopped and examined me. His eyes impatient yet imploring and forceful.

"If you do not act first he would. First he would go to her and make her agree by appealing to her kinship to you and her affection to you - that the union would protect _you_. Then he would appeal to her fears that she would be _safe_ with you. Then he'll drive it home by appealing to her intellect this was the _smart_ move. And after, he would turn her against you saying that by marrying her it was some kind of revenge you have for her mother deep deep down in your heart where the bastard part of you will never die. That the loathed bastard got _everything_ including wedding and bedding Lady Catelyn Stark's beautiful little girl – the most prized of all that Winterfell can offer. The key to the North, the Riverlands, the Vale in the East, maybe even the Westerlands through two Lannisters who are indebted to her. He'll make her believe that deep down you weren't much different than any of the men who used her."

I froze as I took in his words and chills crept up my spine. I couldn't doubt anything that he was saying. Baelish would do that. He could do all that. He started already. But I would never – I never thought of revenge. This was all far from my truth. Yet I cannot deny the plausibility that it _could_ be.

"I can't…I can't allow this. Petyr Baelish _must_ die," I vowed. _"Now."_

"You know we can't do that right now. He has you all surrounded at the moment. One false move and this will be a slaughter for the North. It won't be beneath him to kill Sansa before the North, before _you._ Your aunt would of course bring her dragons on him but would that matter? Would that matter if the love of your life is dead?" He said them harshly but I could see his eyes wavering slightly. He sighed then. "Your aunt offered to bring her dragons here and meet you but some battles cannot be fought by steel and force alone. Politics is a different arena, I'm afraid."

"Listen, Jon. Or my prince," Egg began, the first to speak out after Dunk did all the talking. "He already knows that you love her. And he's using it. But Robb Stark's Will was the test. What matters to you more, Jon Snow? Her or all your childhood dreams come true? Love or Power? Before you answer, I want you to think. Really think. If you truly love her, you will choose the right one." He looked at me then and I saw the sincerity of the understanding in his eyes.

"And if you truly love Sansa, you will choose Power." Dunk answered for me.

"But – I don't," I started. "None of it matters. Only her. And…and if I do agree to the…betrothal, can't I just ask her now? Can't I be honest with her with all these? Sansa is the most understanding and the cleverest person I've ever met. And she knows the game too. She was _forced_ to learn. You say I should choose power and I get your meaning. But if I say that, it would mean hurting her. And that's the _last_ thing I want for her."

Dunk looked at me with pity and I saw that he was considering my words before speaking, "We _know._ It's as clear as day what you want. But you need to make her doubt you. It's the only way we can throw Baelish off. Right now, I'm sad to say but he knows Sansa better than you. So if she's _in_ the game, he'll know. That's why it has to be you."

He sighed. "It is cruel and deceitful but you have to at least do something – anything you will just as long as you yourself put the tiniest _doubt_ in Sansa's mind. Any way you see fit as long as you do it and Littlefinger sees it. It must come from you before she hears it from him. You have to give her room to doubt your intentions. You are in the game now, Jon Snow."

"I don't…I do not know how to play the game." I admitted in defeat.

"Then learn. _Try_." Dunk forced.

"And if I choose otherwise?" I faced away.

"Then Sansa will love you if she has not already. She will freely love you. And he will _see_ that. He will see that she will be honest to you and not need him anymore. He will have her killed." He said grimly.

"She is the most protected person here! How can he possibly get to her?" I shouted. "I've been warned of the same from the Queensguards. But I can't help but question how he could do it!"

He rose then from his seat. "Would you risk it?"

I stopped.

He sighed and sat back down and swished his tankard. "It's easier to make him believe that he still has a hold on Sansa. Because _that_ , we can predict. Otherwise, if you choose the other route, either he threatens to kill you and make her desperate and you know better I suppose, the lengths of what she would be willing to do under desperation and her devotion to you. And if _you_ die, she'll change. A part of her will die with you, everyone can see that. She'll change past the point of returning. Her heart will harden. And she'll have no one to turn to but Baelish because vile as he is, she knows his intentions and she'll be forced to think to make him an ally than her enemy or worse…she might think to do something unthinkable" He warned me.

 _If Ramsey wins, I'm not going back to him alive. Do you understand me?_

I sucked in a breath as overwhelming dread filled me.

"Tell me now, what did her Queensguard ask you to do?"

"Push her away. Hurt her if I must. At least after today. Do not cross brotherly affections," I recalled almost monotonously. My body was shaking, I knew it.

" _Do it._ Though if you could avoid hurting her, that would be ideal. Treat her like a brother and only but. And you might both get out of this with less scars and damage. Then if presented with the idea, you can play at resisting it but then reluctantly agree. But you cannot marry her for love. You _have_ to give her doubt. If that need arises, then you hurt her. Choose power. Make her _believe_ you did it for power or anything else."

I wanted to both weep and commit murder. My emotions were running wild and fast.

"I don't think I can hurt her. The very idea repulses me. I'd sooner run my own sword on myself than hurt her," I spat in disgust.

 _You're the only one I trust completely now Jon._

I held my throbbing head with one hand and clutched at my equally painful chest.

I felt a hand on my shoulder but did not bother to look at who it was.

"If you love 'er, you _must."_

 _Tormund._

I looked up at him then at Davos.

"When he is dead, you can make things right again with her, Jon." Ser Davos said gently.

"I _can't_ deceive her. I'm going _agains_ t all that I've vowed to protect her from. Can't you understand that?" I tried exasperatedly.

Ser Davos sighed and clamped a hand on my shoulder. "We know. But to protect the ones we love, we sometimes have to do what is needed."

Then Dunk without waiting proceeded to tell of his plan which I could barely process.

I felt sick.

I haven't done anything yet I feel that I've betrayed her already.

I've failed.

If it had to come to this, I've already failed her.

 _I'm so sorry Sansa._

* * *

We arrived just in time for the feast, my heart mangled, and my mind a mess. But I had to endure. I had to try.

I entered the banquet hall and at once I saw her and she was so beautiful and happy it hurt.

Yet I steeled myself to forget everything just for tonight. Just one last night before I pull away. Just one last night of loving her…

As I approached closer, her eyes found mine almost at once and I did not miss the smile that quickly grew as she saw me.

She was so glorious in her pale blue and silver gown that I could not resist returning her smile.

She approached me then and twined her arm around mine as she steered me up the table of honor to sit beside her.

I could tell she was happy and I could also tell that she was nervous. Her hands were slightly shaky as she busied them with filling my plate with all kinds of food and filling my cup with Arbor Gold.

I placed my hand over hers to stop her and smiled more genuinely at her thoughtfulness. "Hey. I'm perfectly capable of getting my own fill."

She smiled at me then and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "You just look a little tired."

I blinked. "Sorry. Talking with the Wildlings always tire me out." I managed a chuckle.

She didn't laugh but she studied me. "How did it go?"

I patted her hand and grabbed a fork. "All is well. Just a petty squabble. Tormund all but did my job for me."

She nodded but I felt that she wasn't fully convinced. "Too petty that you were gone for most of the afternoon?"

I thought about the answer we've rehearsed. "After that, I decided to make a quick rounds over our boundaries and talk to the people. It took longer than I expected."

That seemed to convince her. "Oh. I see. Well, I'm glad you're here now."

My heart lurched. "I am too."

Then we ate and made small talk with the other guests and then before we knew it, it was time to dance.

I stood up and offered my hand at her, remembering my promise. "Would you honor me with a dance, my Queen."

She grinned and took my hand. "I'd be delighted too, my Lord Hand."

And at that, we opened the dance. And I couldn't help but try to memorize each and every thing about this moment. Fearing it would be the last that she would look at me with those eyes… the last that she would willingly be in my arms…

Then after a few dances, I told her to take up other offers. Her eyes filled with fear and anxiety as her body tensed at the idea but I held her tight to me and whispered.

"You have nothing to fear, Sansa. You are the most powerful person in this hall. No one would dare question that or attempt to be inappropriate with you. You can do it. _Show them._ Show them what I've been seeing. You may choose. Choose those that you _want_ to even if trivial, or you just feel it, and reject who you don't want even with the slightest pettiest reason or as little as just a feeling. You do not have to mind if you are being offensive or not. Just _choose_ ," I said to her quietly but with firmness, my mouth so near her ear she shuddered.

She looked down and relaxed the tiniest bit. "I don't think I can."

I tutted. "You can. And you _will._ I'll be up there watching and no one would dare do anything not when you are so well protected here. But more than us, _you_ dearest, you have _all_ the power here. I'll not have you be afraid in _your_ own _home."_

She looked up at me then with wonder and appreciation before she gave a nod. She leaned in then and whispered in turn. "Fine but if I tug at my right ear, you come and swoop in, got it?"

I laughed then. "As my Queen commands." I then looked over and saw Beren Tallhart, the heir to house Hornwood making his way a little hesitantly. I looked him over and saw that the heir had a kind face and an easy smile, a rarity among the Northern lords. But he'll be a safe first choice for Sansa to dance with.

I beckoned to him and he made his way over quickly. I paused and made Sansa face him.

"Would you honor me with a dance, your grace?" He said with a quiet confidence.

Sansa looked at me tentatively when I smiled at her and pushed her forward gently. She then let out a small breath before gracing a smile and nodding at him.

My heart felt a kick when I saw Beren's smile go wider as Sansa took his hand and he lead her effortlessly. I could see that though she was very good at hiding it, she was tense. He seemed to notice but instead of tensing himself, he looked at her kindly and leant in, whispering something that made Sansa laugh and relax.

Jealousy raged in me but I reminded myself that she needed this. That I wanted this for her more than my own needs and wants, she came first.

All eyes were on them and the atmosphere changed at once. Their Queen was finally among the people.

I noticed that they've waited.

How they've waited.

They've waited so long for their Queen.

I saw the old lords giving approving smiles some I know opportunistic, yet those that refused to help us before or did nothing to stop her torment, only saw their chance of reprieve once more from the guilt.

Their Queen was at ease and accommodating. Eyes cautious yet soft. Lips and words controlled, yet were turned up in corners.

Of course they all can't help but be drawn to her.

I felt so proud that they were finally seeing – really seeing a glimpse of what I have been fortunate to have witnessed.

Then one by one, they lined up. Ser Rolan Waynwood looked more like the knights of her songs, charmed his way to getting the next dance from her.

Not everyone was as lucky. I smirked as she turned some of them down with but a gracious smile and a soft shake of her head before placing her hand in another of her choosing. Not surprising that that there were more than enough who were eager to gain her favor. It seemed a game of pride among them – who would the Queen choose? Who would she reject? As I watched them, I almost sighed in relief that none were all that insulted. Disappointed maybe but never fully affronted. They respected their Queen. They recognize her power.

At some point, her eyes always sought mine and I would always smile at her reassuringly. I placed my fingers on my ear and raised a brow to remind her I didn't forget my promise and she smiled and nodded before being swept away once more by another set of arms.

Of course, I had to spot the snake in the pit.

And there he was in a corner, watching her like a hawk to his prey. I gritted my teeth at the sight of him looking at her as if she was property – property that he was without a doubt stripping, just bidding his time.

I eyed Sandor and once he caught my eye I tilted my head. He followed my glance then smirked. Nodding at me in promise to not let him share as much as some good feet away from her breathing space.

As if sensing me, Petyr glanced my way and smirked before shaking his head and making his way towards me.

I grabbed at my seat. Tormund and Ser Davos angling towards him. I raised my hand to hold them back.

"Lord Baelish," I acknowledged.

"Lord Snow," he nodded back.

And I looked away from him and pretended to study my wine.

"Exquisite, isn't she?"

I tightened my grip and took a sip to calm me.

He didn't wait for my reply.

"Just look at them. Look at all the eager lords and knights and the even more eager fathers and mothers who would want nothing more than for their son to marry the beautiful Queen in the North," he continued then sighed. "But we both know no one is worthy of her."

I graced him a nod. "While you are likely right. Our opinion hardly matters."

He tittered then. "That it doesn't."

I looked at him then. "You wish to say something, Lord Baelish?"

He met my eyes and smiled tightly. "I was just wondering, why the long lost heir apparent to the Seven Kingdoms, hasn't sought to dance with very eager ladies equally wanting to wed a possible future King. Most curious indeed that you have saved but a one in your dance card."

I raised a brow at him and tried to be impassive. "I wasn't meant for dancing. And I'm not a King, nor will I be. Besides, being a bastard all my life, I didn't have much cause to practice therefore I have no taste for it."

"I'm sure none would mind your lack of dancing skills. Why even if you were to step on a lot of feet, they would gladly offer the other just for you to shower even a fraction of an affection," he pressed. "Though I wouldn't blame you for dancing with and only with your lovely…cousin. It's almost…expected. She is Lady Ashford in the fray, and I won't blame you if you are the fifth champion, Valarr Targaryen, fighting for his Queen of Love and Beauty and possibly, to win her hand."

I let out a frustrated breath, making it seem like I was tired more than anything of hearing the discussion. "Oh have you run out of possible suitors for her already that you have to make me one?"

He shrugged. "My apologies. Maybe I am mistaken. You couldn't be Valarr Targaryen or any of the other four that remained standing. You do not seem keen on fighting for her hand. She was raised to be your sister after all. I can see the point of resistance."

I did not dignify him with an answer.

"No? Then maybe another issue then. Anyway, Lord Snow. If you do not want power, you do not want any claim to the North nor the South and…you do not want… _her…_ then I have to ask, just what is it that my Lord Hand, _wants?"_ he pressed.

 _Your head._ I almost answered. _Your life._

No.

 _Your screams._

I sighed. "What I want is my own business, Lord Baelish. But you have piqued my curiosity. What do _you_ want?"

He cocked his head looking affronted. "Me?"

"Yes, _you._ You didn't need to lend us your aid. The Vale could be well alone and neutral. And you are also the Lord of Harrenhall. Why help us? Was it guilt? Was it guilt for selling my cousin to the devil?" I challenged him.

He faltered slightly before smirking. "A grave error. A miscalculation that I regret until my dying days. All that I did was to help your cousin into power. To help her reclaim everything. I only wish to see Lady Catelyn's daughter happy."

I fought back the urge to snort at him. "Then you _did_ do it for guilt. So I'm hoping you are not seeking out a debt, my lord, for your aid was, in my eyes and the rest of the North's, a _payment._ They all know who brokered the marriage with the Boltons. And as you well know, the _North Remembers."_ I threatened him.

He almost looked at me with respect. "Of course. And it wasn't payment _enough_. Now, I only wish to serve the Queen's best interest with everything I have until I have nothing more to give but my life. How about you?"

I gave him a look.

He chuckled sinisterly. "That was a…stupid question. I admit. But I wonder… what would be the safest position she can be in?" He looked at me knowingly then. "What safer position…than being Queen of the _Seven Kingdoms_?"

There it was. Plain and clear and Ty - _Dunk_ was right.

"Ah but that's the flaw to your plan, my lord. We already have a new Queen of the South not for long."

He nodded slowly. "That is true, my lord. But as I've offered before, _you_ can still claim _everything._ Even the North alone if you wish it. And what easier way than to wed the Queen in the North?"

He was giving me another headache and I snuck a glance at Sansa hoping she didn't see this exchange or she'll definitely worry.

"While I see the merits of that, truly…" I started slowly. "Now is not the time to talk about the possibility of creating heirs and such. Not when a war looms ahead."

"But you will consider it?" he kept on.

I had to play along but keep safe. "It is my job to consider _everything._ "

He seemed disappointed but mollified all the same. "Very good, my lord. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid I'm going to have to retire for the night. Kindly send my regards to our Queen."

I dismissed him with a nod when I saw Sansa looking at me with a frown as he danced in blonde Ser Lewys Piper's arms and tugged her ear repeatedly.

I had no choice but to go to her then and tap Ser Piper's shoulder, who without pause handed Sansa over to me at once.

As we danced I felt Sansa lean near my ear. "What were you and Lord Baelish talking about?"

I sighed and had to choose my answer. "Why I wasn't dancing with any maidens other than you." It was true anyway.

She looked up at me and I saw her eyes harden a bit before smoothing into an easy coolness. "Well, why aren't you?"

"I don't like dancing," I answered.

She almost smiled. "I know but still, you know its only proper."

I smirked at her then. "Since when have I worried about being proper?"

She wrinkled her nose. "You do it all the time?"

I laughed. "Because you always _remind_ me. Besides, all the dances I had, had some degree of coercion."

She narrowed her eyes at me and grinned. "Aha! I _knew_ it! Back then, it _was_ Robb who put you up to it!"

I cringed at my mistake before nodding sheepishly. "Well, point in case."

She laughed then. "Well, then I'm sorry for making you suffer once more."

I softened and smiled at her then. "I'm not really all that suffering."

She examined me. "No. You don't seem to be. Still… I'm not really comfortable with you talking to Littlefinger. He doesn't say things without it meaning something."

I nodded at her. "I'm aware. He's just talking about the usual. Me taking a wife, or taking the Iron Throne." I shrugged.

She frowned. "Of course he would. He's so relentless. I hope you and my guards are close to murdering him."

I smiled at that. "We're on it and I shall speak to our selected tomorrow. Would it be okay if you sit that one out?"

She thought on it but then agreed. "Okay, I trust you. Just be careful."

I smiled at my victory. Thrice now, she trusted me completely then my smile almost faltered when I remembered what I still had to do. I brushed it off and forced a smile. "Thank you for trusting me. That's all I've wanted from you. To be someone you can truly trust. So now, don't think on it. Forget him and enjoy the night."

She bit her lip. "I know I haven't been…forward with trusting you. But I do, Jon. I know better. But you're right, lets enjoy this dance because after this I'm ready to go. I'm really tired." She smiled sheepishly.

I laughed at her then we enjoyed the rest of the dance in comfortable silence.

* * *

Sansa walked into our shared solar, the sound of the festivities below showed signs of not slowing down. I had already escorted her to her chambers not that long ago yet here she was now.

"What are you still doing here Jon?" she asked, looking over my shoulder as I examined the map I spread out my table.

"Just wanted to prepare for tomorrow's meeting with our selected."

"I see."

I turned to look up at her then. "What are _you_ doing here then?"

She looked at me for a beat before sighing. "I feel as though you've been wanting to tell me something all day but you were kind enough to let my name-day pass without issue."

I gave her a sheepish look. "Caught me there." This is it. Now or never. I glanced at the door.

"My guards are staying vigil at the stair case and the corridor below. We have this floor to ourselves. You can tell me anything without interruption, without worry," she assured me.

I nodded at her, admiring that she took the effort to give us privacy.

She tilted her head then. "Will you tell me now then?"

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes. Take a seat."

She looked like she was debating something before finally depositing herself on my lap.

"Sansa!"

She shook her head and placed a hand on my shoulder. "So you won't escape me. Tell me everything _now."_

I swallowed. This was a bad idea. I picked her up and slid her off my lap and onto my chair before taking the seat next to this.

"I won't escape but you can't sit _here,"_ I chastised.

She huffed then nodded. "Fine. Now talk."

"How do you feel about the Tourney of Ashford play?" Better to start here.

She frowned and gazed at the scattered sigils on the map, eyeing each one and I could guess on which sigils she lingered on. "You know as well as I do that he chose that for a reason. I knew it the moment Littlefinger announced what it was we were to watch."

"Do you know why he's doing this?"

"It's quite obvious. He's parading all the men who sought my hand as well as the ones he already expressed of being a match for me," she looked at me then knowing that I was meant to be one of them.

I huffed. "But still, _why?_ What does he mean to achieve?" I knew of course, but I had to hear it from her.

She thought then before looking back at the sigils. "He's setting this up, letting the idea come forth from the other lords and ladies as well as the smallfolk. He _wants_ people to know that even if I do not wish to be wed again, there would be plenty who would still seek my hand. All of my betrothals were because of my name and the power that comes with it. And now that I could practically have dominion over almost half of Westeros…" she trailed off. "If you won't give me to him or to any other heir to the Vale, he would unite us or separate us before destroying us and taking the spoils. He'd have me kill you or you kill me or have us together to kill us both. He could use our drift to his advantage and he could use our union against us."

She sighed. "Either way, he has us working towards his plans unless we outmaneuver him but until then, he will continue to provoke us with this. There are many other things he could use to cause chaos but our relationship is the one that he could exploit the most whether we're enemies or lovers. So until then that he is satisfied, he'll dangle the fact that we are both unmarried and spin whatever implications he sees fit to spread."

She looked at me then and made to touch my hand before she thought better of it and just placed her hands on top of the table. "I know, you know." She looked at me slightly. "I know you've been receiving proposals for my hand and how you've left all of them either unanswered or plainly declined. You hid them from me and that's sweet but we can't ignore them forever. And I love that you stood up for me when he mentioned it at the formal address. That I needn't marry to rule. But you know its only a matter of time. I've always known…and now we are backed in a corner. And I'd like to think that you were breaking it gently to me because Baelish threatened us if we don't. You letting me dance with others was a good thing."

I touched her face then and made her look at me. "Do you want to entertain suitors now then?"

She frowned deep and shook her head. "I don't. I still don't. To be honest. But I know I would have to consider it. I can't have the Stark name die. I know I did try tonight but it was more to appease the people. And also, because you gave me the power of having a choice. I appreciate it. Truly I do so I tried. I really did but right I'm not ready. Maybe one day. Maybe never. But not now. I know I might not have a choice but while I still do, I can't yet. Not if I have no way of knowing if I am merely looked at as a trophy or a brood mare." She started panicking.

I shushed her then and cradled her face. "Shh.. I won't allow it unless you want me to. But what would you have me do?"

Her mouth parted then her eyes searched my own as her hands crept over mine keeping them in place on her face before they slid down to cover my wrists.

The way she looked into my eyes then that sudden shift of gaze below my sight before slowly rising up to meet mine made my throat dry and my heart pick up.

And then I knew what she _wants_ me to do.

I released her then and stood by the fire. "Sansa, _I can't_."

She stood up and I felt her behind me. "Why not?" she asked, her voice awashed with sadness.

I remained silent and rigid.

"Is it - is it because we were raised as siblings? We're not, you know. We're not siblings," she tried, her voice small and uncertain with tinges of fear. "We've…never been."

"I know we're not," I said through gritted teeth.

"Then why? Why Jon? This could keep _both_ of us safe. Not to mention tie our two Houses – tie the North and the South. Surely you see the sense in it?"

"I _know,"_ I half yelled.

She forcefully made me turn to face her then, her eyes mad with frustration and confusion. _"Then why?"_

I looked back at her matching her own determined eyes with my stubborn ones. Still I held my tongue.

She broke away from my gaze with a frustrated cry as she turned her back to me, her arms around her.

"You…don't…want…me," she said each word slowly and surely.

My eyes widened and my body shook.

 _NO!_

"Who would? I'm nothing but a name with a title to power. And nothing more. The prize of me enough to quell the ruin that is my body. They'll marry me and enjoy my face but nothing more when they see the rest. And you've seen it. You've seen them all," from the cracks in her voice I knew she was on her way to crying.

Immediately I went before her and sank to my knees, my hands grabbing her arms while I shook my head.

"You are not ruined. You are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in the world, Sansa. And if you are worried about your scars, I'll have you know – your scars _aren't_ ugly. To me they make you more beautiful because each one made you what you are now. A strong, selfless, just, and intelligent, radiant queen. And more than that, your heart – _oh your heart_ is the best thing about you. Any f _ool_ wouldn't want you. You are _far_ from ruined. There is _no one_ who could be worth the amount of love and devotion your heart is capable of. And that includes me," I said earnestly almost pleading.

She shook her head. "If anything, I am not worthy of _you._ Your birthright alone makes you the most eligible to be wed. Yet you are more – you are…" she swallowed before continuing. "Brave, gentle, and strong… as father always aspired any man should be for his daughters…and you are also too handsome for words… you can have your pick. You can have _any_ woman. Someone young, beautiful, innocent, unbroken…a maid…and you can even aim high. You can marry the Dragon Queen who I've heard is as beautiful as the stars and as strong as the blaze of the sun."

I sucked in a breath and continued shaking my head. "You think too much of me but being a bastard is all that I've known how to be. And you deserve more than a bastard who just suddenly has a title."

She kept shaking her head and I gripped her arms tighter. "And Sansa, I don't _want_ to wed anyone for the same reasons as you. I don't want to marry anyone who just wants me for my claims. I don't want anyone else." _Anyone else but you I almost admitted_.

She brought her hands to my face again. "Then we understand each other. We want the same things. Why _can't_ we do this? Why _can't_ we choose each other?"

"Same things? Are you sure about that? What things, Sansa? Unity? Power? Security? Safety?"

A look of hurt passed her face but her eyes were steady and sure. "They are important but they are the effects after the greater cause."

My mouth hung as I tried to process what she was trying to tell me. Was she-?

She looked sideways with hooded eyes but her hands were still on my face. "At first I thought myself selfish. The first thing I thought when talks of marriage for each of us was brought up was how…how I could lose you. It's not even because you would be taking another. I would not oppose…so much if you choose it. It's just… I could not bear it. I can't bear it if I lost you. If you leave… so I thought that… if we – then you wouldn't –"

My heart swelled. "Sansa, you don't need to marry me to keep me. I promised you I won't ever leave you. I would _never_ abandon you. Even if you get married, I will still do everything to be here. For you. And you may not believe me, but I'm staying with you for _me_ too."

Tears started welling in her eyes and her mouth began to tremble. "Then lets not marry anyone else. Lets take each other. Or we will never be rid of people wanting to separate us or take us from each other."

I stood up then and brought my hands from her arms to her neck to finally her face. And suddenly I was doing everything I wasn't supposed to do. "Sansa. I _want_ to." I said each word slowly.

She sucked in a breath as she searched my face and I knew. I knew she _knew_ that this was an admission.

I pressed my forehead against hers. "I _want_ to. Believe me."

I felt her shake and sob then. "But you won't." She said sadly and my heart broke because it was true.

"I won't," I finally agreed. My body was fighting to hold off on my own sobbing.

Honesty. I chose honesty. However partial it was I chose honesty. And this would be the start of our ruin because I saw the same strangled hope in her eyes as she received my truths.

"Jon I – "

I stopped her and shook my head. "No. _Don't_ say it."

She began sobbing harder then. "Why? At least tell me why?"

"I want to do it for the right reasons," I argued.

She pulled away from me and glared. "What other reasons do you _need?_ Which one makes all the right reasons _wrong?"_

I wanted to beat myself for subjecting her to this. I was so furious with myself for not giving in and just letting it be. Gods know I want it. I want it more than anything in the world.

"You deserve more than _anothe_ r forced marriage. Because this is what it is. No matter how advantageous," I almost yelled in frustration. It was the truth but it was a cruel one.

She inhaled sharply and looked at me as if I slapped her. And I almost sunk to my knees again and begged her to forget what I said to ask for her forgiveness.

I knew what I was doing.

I knew what I said.

 _Another forced marriage._

It would echo and bounce of these walls until the silence was broken.

But to her credit she swallowed and composed herself before turning away slightly, her arms defensively around her.

"Would it really be forced… if we willingly choose each other?" she whispered.

It was my turn to suck in a breath as I looked at her with wide eyes and parted mouth, my heart hammering against my heaving chest as I took in her words.

She looked at me then and I saw.

I finally saw.

I saw my own longing reflected on her eyes.

No.

Yes.

 _No._

No.

She can't.

I was starting to panic but I knew it was too late.

We were in too deep.

We're past the point.

I had to stop – this is exactly where _he_ wants us. Exactly what I was _warned_ about.

Still.

 _Still._

I was ready to give in so _so_ close to giving in but I had to try one last time.

I walked over closer to her, so close that our noses were slightly touching but I wanted her to understand. I wanted her to _see._ I brought a hand to her face and brushed the errant tears as I looked directly into her eyes, my other hand at the small of her back so she would not run or protest. She had to hear this. She had to listen. She _had_ to understand.

After beats have passed, my eyes studied all of her while I gathered all the calm I could to tell her as soft and as gentle as possible.

She met my eyes with her own, waiting. Her hands were resting on my collar and my rising chest as they were trapped between us, both of us close enough to breathe in what the other breathes out.

Slowly, I started. "Sansa..." I breathed out almost pained. "I just want you to choose for you and not for others… and I want… I just want you to have more than _me_ as a choice… not just me being the safest choice or the smartest choice… or the only choice... I just – "

And suddenly we were clinging to each other desperately with our hands, with our mouths, with our hearts.

At the first touch of our lips as I caught her when she leant up and bridged the space between us, urgent, yet tentative – a whisper – almost _chaste_ yet firm – we both let out an earth shattering sigh and groan and I swear the earth quaked when our lips first met.

We drew away at the shock of it, mouths hung, and eyes wide and searching then we knew.

Without a moment to spare any longer, our bodies collided against each other at once then again and _again_ with a force unleashed from a tension wound and wound into a tight coil that sprung free and _relentless_ and _torrential_. Of mouths, of teeth, of tongues, of hands…

She pulled away slightly to look me in the eyes as she told me, lips swollen, words coming out breathlessly, "You were _always_ my choice. The day I came to Castle Black and saw you… I chose _you_ Jon. It may be for different reasons then but I knew. I knew I could choose to trust you and trust myself with you. I chose you not because there was no other choice. There were, you know, few as they were, there were other choices, please know that. Still, I _chose_ you all the time. Over and over for every decision, I chose _you_. And I'd choose you again and aga—"

I didn't let her finish and brought her lips back to mine and I kissed her with every ounce of strength I had, kissed her as if my life depended on it, willing through my kiss to let her know how much I've wanted this – wanted _her._ No _needed_ her.

We were so caught up in limbs, and kisses, and scratches, and clinging, that we didn't realize that we were already inside my chambers.

I pulled away to look at her, all flushed, lips swollen, eyes dilated, hair askew she was so beautiful and _mine._

"Sansa – Sansa I—" I choked.

She smiled at me as tears sprung from her eyes. "I know. J-Jon, I _know_."

And we held on to each other as we cried, we kissed, then we cried and kissed some more.

With renewed force our kisses became desperate and hurried once more, our minds letting go as our bodies commanded us. We kissed as I pressed her onto the wall, her leg hitching up against my thigh which I brought up with my hand, bringing us closer impossibly closer yet needing to be closer still.

It was too _hot._ We were both _burning_ and _yearning_. Wanting to touch everything, feel _everything._ In the haze and rush, there was clutching, there was ripping. _Hot and cold._ Whispers of the winter cold kissed slivers on each exposure, replaced with ignited heat on each of our contact. Exposure and contact, winter and skin, winter and breaths. Exposure and contact. _Fire_ and _ice._

We kissed as we stumbled over my bed on top of the furs, her body on top of mine as our hands our mouths our tongues explored and touched and tasted delighting with each discovery.

I rolled us over and continued our exploration while baring her deeper into the mattress, feeling every inch of her pressed over every inch of me, our bodies impossibly close yet still not close enough.

It was too much.

 _Too much._

We've held back for too long. When we could've just easily reached out. And now that resistance demanded compensation and frantic retribution.

Tears and sweat making both of us slick with the sheen of our desperation and want and _need._ As our breaths were strained, our voices cracked, our resistance broken.

There was no one but us. Just me and her. The world could turn to frost and ashes around us and we would not bother – would not notice – would not even _care._

The desperation started waning as we welcomed it, succumbed to it, drowned in it and emerged from it – surviving it and we were still here. We were still _us._ We were still together.

There was no need to rush anymore.

As questions were met and answered and confirmed and received and understood. Over and over and over until there were none left to answer, none left to doubt.

Gradually we slowed our actions to softer kisses and gentler caresses, but still never letting go.

 _I will never let go._

And by the strength she was using to grasp at me both tenderly then firmly, alternating with each touch, she didn't either.

I hovered over her slightly and pulled back to look at her face.

She opened her impossibly bright blue eyes to me while a slow content smile spread over her face.

How was I able to resist this?

 _How in seven hells did I resist this?_

"Did you – Did you know?" I broke the silence as I searched her eyes.

She nodded as tears escaped her eyes. I kissed each one away before looking at her once more.

"How long? How long have you known?"

She caressed my cheek. "The same time I knew I felt it too."

I felt the tears leave my eyes and the joy – the impossible _bliss_ of release of relief and saw she mirrored my own.

I had to kiss her again.

And I did.

I brought my mouth down to hers as softly and as tenderly as I could – almost chase – almost revenant… taking my time to feel their softness, taste the sweetness… removing all urgency, replacing them with appreciation, with gratitude, with supplication, with the very encompassing _worship_ they deserved – feel the gradual build of the slightest pressure as we moved closer meeting in a caress painfully wonderfully slow. Our mouths parting just as leisurely, our breaths mixing along with gasps and whimpers that escaped. _I swallowed each one, breathed each one._ And returned… _Each. One._

Only our mouths touched as I hovered over her. Hands were clutching at the furs and held nothing but, our bodies touching nothing but – only our lips met. As much as I wanted to make her feel how much I burn for her, I had to make her feel safe. Make her feel she was still in control. Offer her the choice and every chance to pull away to push me off to stop at any time.

Parting and closing. Parting and closing.

There really was no need to rush. Parting and closing one more time before we both pressed deeper, savoring what little was left to explore outside before finally taking the plunge deeper.

 _Deeper._

Slowly.

Gently.

 _Deeper._

Tasting.

Caressing.

Until we've explored all that we've explored as deep as we could go without needing to pause for our breaths.

We were under the water.

Under the ice.

Encased with our own heat.

We tried to hold on, just for a little bit longer, clinging deeper and tighter.

But we would have to resurface for air eventually.

And once we've broken over the case of fire, the wall of ice, and broke through the surface of the water, we came undone.

With _just_ a kiss.

"I never – I never knew it could be like this," she started sobbing. "I never thought that I – never even considered…"

I shushed her and kissed all over her face, my hands pushing her hair back. "This is not the end of it. It could always be _more_ … it could always be _better."_

 _It could also be worse._

I stiffened and a sudden fear plagued the whole of me. I searched her eyes and I saw it.

 _She loves me._

This wasn't simply desire.

Sansa Stark _loves_ me.

Her eyes searched mine and sensed the storms passing. Her brows puckered and she reached up to caress my cheek in question.

I stiffened harder and held my breath.

"Jon? What's wrong?"

I jerked at her question and lifted myself off of her at once, sitting on the edge of the bed, burrowing my head over my hands.

"Jon?" I heard her worried voice and noted the fear in them.

I didn't move.

I felt her move up and over me as she tentatively placed a hand on my shoulder. I jerked it away as if her touch burned me and I couldn't face her knowing the likely look of hurt in her face.

My shoulder felt warm where she touched and I realized how bare I was. I cursed at myself for allowing it to go _this_ far.

"Jon, you're scaring me. Talk to me please," she pleaded.

"…"

"Jon, _please._ You're shaking. What's wrong? Are you afraid? Please say something," she pleaded.

But I knew that any words that come out my mouth would be daggers stabbing at her.

Then I felt her wrap herself behind me, could feel her bare arms around my middle, her hands angled up as high as she could reach from below - a shoulder and collar, her long legs just as bare were on either side of me, I could feel the warmth and the softness pressing on my back, I could feel her breath as she shushed and cooed at me, and I realized she was rocking me.

I allowed it for as long as I could take it before standing up abruptly and walking over to the hearth, rubbing my face raw and grabbing at my hair. My mind a torrent of thoughts and emotions.

I swallowed and took a deep breath before speaking but cowardly keeping my back to her. "I've dishonored you, Sansa. I apologize."

"Dishonored?" she repeated in disbelief. "What are you talking about? Jon nothing you did was unwelcomed or –

"Be that as it may, I still should not have allowed it to go far." I bit the inside of my cheek to stop from screaming.

I felt her walk up behind me but giving me space. "Jon, it's – it's okay. I'm not…I'm not sorry. I _wanted_ it to happen. Everything. It's _okay_ –

I looked at her then and from judging her reaction, I scared her as I let anger color my face.

"It's not okay! We can't do this. We _shouldn't_ do this. The fault is all mine. Let's forget this ever happened. Truly I apologi-

I stopped at the hitch of her breath and saw how tormented she looked. Confused, ashamed, and insulted.

An uneasy silence passed between us as I was left breathing heavily, eyes wide as I stared at her.

She regarded me long and inquiring. Her hair was wild, her lips were ravaged, and her white shift was torn at the shoulder. I wanted to run my sword through myself.

And suddenly a look passed her eyes that made me pause. She stood straight and composed, her mouth a thin line before she spoke, her eyes shining with knowledge

"You're holding back. _Someone's_ making you hold back. You _want_ this but you are _told_ you can't. That _we_ can't," she stated, her face a stony wall of comprehension.

I cursed at her intelligence. But I can't let her win. _Not_ this time.

She scoffed then at my silence and glared as she looked me over once before turning her back at me and taking deep breaths, shaking in anger, "They have you _playing_ the game," she spat.

Then she straightened once more and as she looked at me, her eyes softened and she walked closer.

I backed away and guilt wracked me when she flinched at that but she kept on faster until she reached her shaky hand over my cheek and held it there firmly before I could protest.

"Whatever they said, whatever they made you think, I just want to tell you they're _wrong_. If we choose each other, if we _unite_ and _bind_ ourselves to each other in all ways possible, no one can stand in our way. There is nothing to fear, Jon. We _can_ choose this. We _can_ choose _us,"_ she said so tenderly, so sure, so gently.

I closed my eyes tightly but didn't lean into her touch but I ran through her words. I wanted to believe it. All of it. But it was too much of a risk. Too much was at stake. And I would never risk her.

"There's nothing to fear, Jon. Not if we stay together. You told me we can't fight a war between us. We are a pack and we'll survive as a pack," she said more confidently now, her other hand on my cheek. "Let _me_ help you. You can _trust_ me. We can defeat anyone. We can do it _together."_

I almost gave in but I couldn't. There was too much at stake. They made it _very_ painfully clear to me.

 _Then Sansa will love you if she has not already. She will freely love you. And he will see that. He will see that she will be honest to you and not need him anymore. He will have her killed._

 _Jon, we're not saying never. Just not now. We have cause to believe that the moment you are betrothed and he sees Sansa accepting it for any other reason other than for duty he will render her_ _dispensable_ _. Do you understand?_

I opened my eyes then and looked at her hoping she would see the apology in them before I gently placed my hands over hers and pried them away from my face and releasing them.

"Sansa," I started.

Her eyes widened with alarm as she suddenly backed away from me shaking her head.

"No. Don't. _Don't_ do it Jon."

My heart shattered and I almost faltered in my resolve but I knew what I must do. "Sansa – " I tried again.

She closed her eyes and kept shaking her head.

Here she was exposed and vulnerable. Trusting me. Trusting _me._ And I was going to break her one gift that she would never give anyone else.

I felt like weeping.

"Sansa, I'm sorry," I chose to say.

I tried to step closer to her but she kept her eyes closed as a sob rose in her, breaking her.

"I-I'm truly sor –

 _Smack._

My body froze, not even taking notice at the sting on my cheek as I took in the sight of her, hand lowering from the air, her face contorted into a look of pure anger and hurt as her body heaved with her.

I lifted my hand slowly to touch my cheek, my eyes never leaving hers when suddenly her face broke into a panicked look as apology slipped her lips, her hands covering her mouth as she looked at me with regret.

"I-I'm sorry – I didn't I didn't mean it. I didn't – " she repeated and her sincerity broke me into a million shattered pieces that would never be put together.

I shook my head almost frantically. "No, no, no! Sansa, it's _okay_. I deserve it. I deserve _more_. You can hit me all you want. I deserve it. It's _alright_."

She fell on her knees then and covered her eyes with her hands as she wept openly now. "Why Jon. Why are you doing this?" she sobbed.

I swallowed, fighting back the tears of my own, barely stifling the dry sobs that racked my body.

I chose my words again. "I think you know why." I said softly.

She sobbed for a bit then stilled.

I waited.

She calmed then and slowly she rose, she rose like steel as she faced me with no more tears.

"I wish you would tell me. Tell me what they have on you – or what they threaten to do so I may correct them. Tell them that they don't know us. They think they do but they _don't_. They think they know who you are or who I am. They may. But they don't really know. They don't know _us_ and what _we_ are capable of becoming," she said sadly but with unnatural calmness.

She walked closer then and I held myself.

"One last time, Jon. Though it will be offered to us again either way and we'll have no choice then. Still. One _last_ time. I'm asking. Not for them, not for anyone," she shook her head but kept her eyes steady at mine, not allowing our gazes to waver one bit.

"One last time, Jon. For me. For you. For _us._ I'm asking for just the two of us. Just Sansa and Jon…Just us… One last time I ask. Jon?"

I blinked and waited.

"Can we choose each other, Jon?"

I swallowed at the words she chose. She chose them carefully. And her eyes were clear and steady. As if she knew without asking what my answer would be but she asked anyway. If there was hope, if there was chance.

 _Do you trust me? Do you trust in 'us'?_ Was what she was also asking while I looked at her in agony.

I let out a breath before answering.

"We can't. Sansa you _know_ we can't." I looked at her sternly though it broke my heart to do so and in the process, break hers.

She placed her hands on her hips and I could barely take the disappointment I see in her eyes to suddenly seeing her losing all the fight she had.

"No Jon," she shook her head. "You _won't."_

She stepped closer then and rested a hand on my cheek, taking a long look to study my face before releasing me with a sigh.

"Just know that, this isn't my choice at all. _You_ chose this. You _made_ me choose this. And I'd do it for you. I'd do anything for you. Just know that I would've chosen otherwise. But I trust you," she said sadly before starting to walk away and leaving me alone, barely clothed, on my bed.

"Sansa – "I started.

She shook her head and gave me a heartbreaking look of defeat. "I know."

"Jon, more than you think, I _know,"_ she repeated.

And with one last look, she left.

I grabbed a pillow and screamed against it while I pounded my fists on the bed again and again.

And in the middle of it all I could hear the same heavily accented warm voice in my head.

 _You know nothing, Jon Snow._

* * *

As I watched her walk away from the War Room, my heart broke and I had to lean on the table to right myself, closing my eyes. _How many times do I have to see her walk away from me with disappointment in her eyes? How much more can I bear?_

 _Just a little longer._

I felt a hand on my shoulder and tentatively I looked up to see Ser Davos giving me a stern look and a shake of his head.

I sighed and gave a nod at him while straightening myself.

"I have word that Ser Larence's party will arrive shortly, my lord. And I believe I spotted Lady Jyanna as well," he reported.

I merely nodded. "Good."

Tormund clapped my back. "Jes a lil long'r Snow. Soon we'll be cuttin' off Littlefucker's head off."

"That's not really what I'm worried about," I admitted before I could stop myself.

They shared a look before Ser Davos spoke up. "All is not lost."

"No. But _we're_ tainted," I replied before making my way out.

As expected.

We were at the second council session. We received my aunt's envoy, who turned out to be Ser Barristan Selmy. This surprised everyone, Littlefinger included. He was thought dead in Essos where he was last rumored to be seen, but here he was. Death wasn't a certainty anymore as was proven over and over. So I would have to torch Littlefinger's corpse myself to never give him a chance to beat even that. I would even piss on his ashes after he burns. Have every damn person piss on his ashes. Not even the White Walkers would want to touch him.

I looked at the impressive knight to distract myself. Bran would've been delighted, I thought with a heavy heart. I wish Bran would find himself home and I swear I'll let him meet anyone he wishes. Ser Barristan was always his favorite and he was a good choice for the public envoy. He had motive to go against the Lannister Queen that stripped him of everything, and he had motive to support both Daenerys and I because he admired and loved Rhaegar Targaryen, Daenery's brother and my…father. And he also had cause to support Sansa as Lord Eddard sought to protect him during the sacking that led to my _uncle's_ imprisonment.

He showed a copy of the same scroll that Dunk had shown me. A royal decree and a written agreement for our alliance.

But that wasn't the main point of discussion anymore, as everything was all but a formality at this point.

The meat of the discussion of course, was what we've all been waiting for.

Alliance. Yes.

 _Mine and Sansa's._

Lady Lyanna warned me through Ser Davos that the Lords and Ladies were going to bring it up. She told me of the tension that was palpable between us, causing unrest among them.

 _Exactly_ as Littlefinger wanted.

Lady Lyanna added that this time it would come from a Northern representative. Lady Erena most probably but she told them that she would be the one who will bring it up instead.

"Are there any other concerns?" Sansa asked the council.

Lyanna stood up then. "Your grace, there has been an unspoken and long tolerated unrest among the North."

Sansa looked at her patiently and gestured with her hand to proceed. "Go ahead, my lady."

Lyanna looked between me and Sansa before focusing steadily on her. "The North is sworn to your House as it has been for ages. And there is no denying our pledge to House Stark that only death may release. But frankly, there is dissention on which Stark we really crowned."

The room was charged with a great tension. The Northern representatives were all silent and grim save for Tormund who grumbled, tired of the discussion. Ser Davos had a look of concern but being in the know, he was concerned at something else entirely; Lord Blackwood was surprised as was expected, and Lord Baelish impassive yet his eyes showed amusement, also expected. Eyes were shifting back and forth between Sansa and I.

Sansa expected this too as she remained calm as she looked at each member before looking at Lyanna once more. "Go on."

"We crowned one. Then we crowned two. And now we took away the crown of the other. Just that alone caused enough talks especially since both of you have your own ties to the North _and_ South," she continued.

She looked at me then. "He holds the key to an alliance with the Dragon Queen and her vassals while also holding a claim over the North." She looked at Sansa then. "While you hold the key to the Riverlands and the Vale by blood, and the Westerlands by dowry or compensation given your relations to the Lannister men, as well as of course, unquestionable right to the North by birth. Yet your previous relations are still enough cause for suspicion."

She looked back at me. "And you, your Targaryen heritage by name alone is also enough cause for suspicion. While we do not question either of your chosen roles as Queen and Hand, recent observations are causing unrest."

Sansa remained impassive yet thoughtful. "And what observations are they?"

Lyanna answered then firm and clear. "While we see the strength in each of you and see the strength of you combined, we cannot turn a blind eye to the possibility of the two of you being enemies."

Sansa frowned at that but only slightly. "What makes you think that we would be enemies?"

"Each of you have your own means of getting the crown. And not just the North's. You are equally matched in starting a war among yourselves. And we cannot have that. A divided North, is a dead North. We would not even think of this or doubt your loyalty to each other but you are fools if you think you are deceiving us from this apparent rift between you now," Lyanna went directly. "You went from inseparable and insufferable with affections, to being hardly tolerable with each other. It's not a difficult observation."

All eyes passed between us again and no one made a move to deny that claim.

I decided to speak up then. "Whether there is a rift between us or not, we can assure that we do not let any personal matters get in the way of working _for_ the North with every waking moment."

Lady Erena stood up then and shook her head. "Words aren't enough. Personal or not, if you cannot visibly hide your strife, you cannot convince the people of your sincerity. You are both powerful in your own right and if this divide between you never resolves, you will divide the North in your wake if it hasn't begun already."

Sansa listened. Patiently she listened until Lady Erena was done and no one stood up to add to it.

"Very well. All is noted. What might my council have us do to prove our loyalty to each other?" she asked knowing that we _both_ know where this was heading.

Surprisingly, it was Ser Blackwood who spoke up. "My Queen, though I do not mean to bring up any ill past but there is only one simple solution. We acknowledge your reservations, but it's time to bring it up again. Either each of you make a tie with any eligible Northern House, or make the alliance _between_ yourselves _official_."

I looked at Sansa then, willing my eyes to say what I cannot show or say. And she met mine with knowledge and coldness.

Just as easily, she tore her eyes away from mine dismissively as she eyed each member for objections to the notion before speaking. "There are no objections then?"

No one spoke.

"I require that everyone voice out what they will. Either you tell me you agree or you don't," she said unleashing her authority.

"I have no objections," Lyanna answered quickly.

"Nor I," Lady Wylla seconded.

"Nor I," Lady Erena nodded.

Tormund suffered a sigh before grunting a no. "Seems a smart move."

"And what of my Southern Lords apart from Lord Blackwood?" she motioned to them.

Ser Davos spoke up. "The sooner, the better."

Then all eyes rested on Baelish.

He seemed to think about it long and hard but you can't deny that his eyes were positively gleeful. "Third time's the charm, my queen." He said without remorse.

" _Insolence!"_ Lord Blackwood chastised him. "You dare make this a _joke?"_

I stood up as well, same with Sansa's Queensguards who were now with the exception of Jyanna, complete.

Lord Royce as Baelish's guard had no choice but poise over his liege.

Sansa stood up and raised her hands. "Enough. All of you _stand down._ "

The guards relaxed back to their positions as I sat down.

Sansa merely looked at Baelish unimpressed. "You would know, Lord Baelish. You were responsible for _two_ of them might I remind you. And all of my marriages and my betrothals I accepted as was my duty to do so. As time has proven, I am not above declining good matches regardless of the price. In all honesty, I had hoped to not have to wed in a long time but I have not closed my mind of its possibility. And if it is my _duty_ to do so once more, I will do it. And I know you would not question that as it has been pointed out that I did my duty time and time again. What's another? Though I have promised myself _never_ to wed a man I do not know again." she said dismissively as possible, no trace of bitterness in her tone.

Even if I expected this, my heart still sunk.

By her choice of words though, she meant to marry yes, but to _me_ and no one else.

Baelish then stood up. "Then, my Queen, you will accept this match? For the good of the North – the realm even. You would marry your _cousin_? As I don't think you had graced any other suitor enough to be… _familiar_."

Sansa looked at him so stoically but I could see the ice in her eyes threatening to freeze him on the spot before looking at me with a look that said _I told you so. I would have chosen you freely at our own terms but now we can't._

"My Lord Hand, the council has expressed themselves but you are my _chief_ advisor. What do you think?"

 _I'm not the enemy Sansa. Please remember that. Please see that I never wanted this for you. Please see that I love you and I'm doing everything for you._

I eyed no one but her when I spoke steady and firm. "Do you want this? I asked.

There it was.

The slight twitch of her brow that gave away her irritation. I had to ask to give a little hope a little leeway for redemption.

"I want what is good for the North. So I ask you, my Lord Hand, would this be good for the North?" she asked without skipping a beat.

"Aye," I finally answered, never breaking my gaze with hers.

I thought I saw a slight waver in her eyes but as quickly as she answered almost right away, it was gone.

" _Done,"_ she said simply.

She rose up then and no one dared to challenge her or speak.

"Tonight. When the moon is high, we shall be wed before the Old Gods."

I balked then but recovered quickly. I did not prepare for this.

I looked around us but no one seemed to object except Lord Blackwood. "My Queen, shouldn't we wait? A wedding such as yours need preparation – "

Sansa stared at him until he stopped speaking. "We have feasted enough and I do not wish to waste any more resources. And I've said my vows too many times to care for it. When you, yes _you_ all of _you –_ the _North_ married me to Ramsay Bolton, you gifted me with a gown so splendid and white, a feast so robust, and a wedding well _attended._ By all accounts, you've all seen me wed before. Give me this. You've chosen my duty. You've chosen my groom, let me choose the rest."

No one spoke then or could even look her in the eyes except me.

When I saw that they were all bowed and avoiding, I looked at Sansa with pleading in my eyes.

 _Don't do this. This isn't how it was meant._

Her eyes softened partially at me. And uncharacteristically, especially under the scrutiny of the council, she let off her mask. "I am sorry, Jon. For being selfish and depriving you of a better wedding day. But we cannot keep the North waiting and uncertain. We don't have time and resources. War is near. When it is over, we can even marry again before the Sept for your aunt when she takes the Iron Throne and declares you heir."

She's giving _me_ the choice?

 _NO._

I didn't know what to do. Or say. Then suddenly I saw a movement from the corner of my eye and I almost sighed in relief at the timing.

With renewed hope and strength, I spoke up.

"While I understand the urgency, as your chief adviser, I advise you to wait. At least for a few more days. Tomorrow even. But it cannot be tonight."

"Why so?"

I stood up then and looked at Petyr Baelish with as much hatred and victory as I could manage.

"As Hand of Queen, on charges of treason to King Robert Baratheon as well as to his successors, and to the murder of Lysa Arryn, conspiring to murder Lord Jon Arryn, conspiring to the arrest and wrongful execution of Lord Eddard Stark, conspiring to the attempted assassination of Queen Daenerys Targaryen, as well as to conspiring to the regicide of King Joffrey Baratheon, I advise you, my Queen, to let me arrest Petyr Baelish on those grounds, punishable by execution."

Everyone stood up then and Baelish paled significantly but struggled to keep his dignity. I looked at Sansa who finally had emotions in her eyes that I almost wept in relief for the second time today.

She gave a hard nod at me and at her Queensguards. "Do as he says."

I almost grinned. "As my Queen commands."

And in an instant, Sandor with a big grin kicked Baelish from the back and held his head down and his arm in an iron grip, while Ser Galbert had him by the other arm. Brienne stood in front of him with her sword drawn while Ser Larence and Lady Alysane had theirs drawn out and pointing towards him too.

"My Queen!" Baelish implored but Sandor gleefully punched his face.

"Shut up, you squaking chicken shit," he growled.

" _Stop,"_ we heard Sansa command before Sandor beat him again.

Sansa stood in front of Baelish, her eyes were frozen blue and her mouth a rigid straight line. It was Ser Galbert who raised Baelish's head to meet her gaze by his hair.

"Do you have anything you wish to say?" Sansa asked him in the coldest calm voice I've ever heard.

Petyr attempted to smile at him with his bloodied mouth. "My dearest Sansa. All these allegations, where are your evidences? And I believe I have the right to a trial. Are you _sure_ you want a trial? You have knowledge on who could be involved in some of these."

Her eyes hardened a little bit and I wish I could've told her that we've erased all her footprints, covered all that could implicate her but I didn't. She would have to trust me on this.

And she did. By the seven she did.

"You will get your trial, Baelish."

He smiled then probably thinking of how he could get away from this.

But suddenly, the doors opened and in came _our_ conspirators. Perfect.

Everyone looked to the new comers with both shock and surprise.

Lady Jyanna and Lord Reed brought with them Lady Anya Waynwood, Lord Robin Arryn, and Ser Vance Corbray. How they got here so fast, I don't know. I would have to ask them later. Ser Royce went to them at once with a triumphant grin.

But the shock of it all was the appearance of Dunk and Egg.

"Cousin?" Lyanna looked at Egg.

" _Jorah Mormont?"_ Lady Erena gasped.

"Hello, little cub," _Egg_ acknowledged his cousin.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here?"

"Lord Tyrion!" Sansa exclaimed.

"Hello my ex-wife. Being Queen becomes you. And while I can shower you with compliments…First, I have come to pay some of my debts," _Dunk_ grinned as he walked over to Baelish.

"Why hello Littlefinger. Nice position you are in. I'm sorry we had to meet this way. Well, not really sorry as you caused my fugitive status. But now I have come to pay my debts as a true Lannister would," he smirked at Baelish.

Sansa then tried to get control of the situation. "We have arrested this man, Petyr Baelish on accounts of treason, murder, and regicide. Who will testify against him?"

"I will. Most gladly," Tyrion said quickly.

"All of us," said the members of the Lords Declarants of the Vale.

"And me," Jorah Mormont added.

"Bugger you all, I will testify too," The Hound was positively mirthful.

"And I," Ser Barristan stepped forward.

Sansa allowed a tight smile but her eyes danced before turning to hatred towards Littlefinger. "Has evidence been gathered?" she asked not taking her eyes off the fucker.

"Everything's been taken care of, my Queen," Lady Lyanna grinned.

Sansa gave a nod, expression unchanged. "Good. You will have your trial my lord. _Tonight."_

Petyr then laughed almost maniacally. "Then allow me to bring forward my own charges."

"Against?" Sansa challenged.

"Why against, you my Queen. For alleged kinslaying, for the murder of Lysa Arryn. There were three people in that room. You, me, and your aunt. As well as conspiring to the death of King Joffrey as testimony presented at court in your absence. All these allegations apart from Lord Jon Arryn's… why you were very much a part of them… _my love_ " he smiled triumphantly at his insinuations.

I stepped in front of her then wanting to stop his garbage. "Do as you will, Littlefinger but we have investigated extensively and saw to my _betrothed's_ innocence with proof. Whatever you attempt to do, it would be _futile_. The only outcome tonight would be my sword meeting your neck."

"So I would not have a real fair trial then?" he raised a brow.

I almost laughed at him. "You'll get the trial you _deserve."_

"I don't even have the choice to ask for _trial by combat_ I presume?"

I laughed then. "Who would _fight_ for _you?"_

Instead of paling and being frightened he tilted his head back and laughed maniacally before looking at Sansa.

"My love, you've _taught_ your King to play the game _well,_ I must say. You did after all, learn from the best. Remember when I told you that? Remember down at the crypts? Where we kissed to our future success?"

I punched him then and was about to barrage him when I felt a hand on my arm and suddenly we were back at the court yard but instead of Bolton, it was Baelish.

I saw Sansa look at me with steely eyes as she touched my arm and I understood. I dropped my arm and stepped back as she moved forward, drew her arm, and punched Littlefinger smack in the middle of his face with a resounding crack.

I was so proud of her this moment. By the way she hit him I knew she had someone teach her this. Practiced with her even but I couldn't care who, just that she did. She was fighting back. My beautiful, strong, brave, intelligent, Sansa was fighting back with all that she has.

I heard a gleeful chuckle, and I turned slightly to see Jyanna positively gleeful and…proud? So it was her. Sansa was _smart._ Truly smart. If there was someone who would teach her and wouldn't hold back, I was sure it would be Jyanna. I would have to thank her later.

Tormund was laughing and even had the audacity to pat Sansa on the back as was Sandor who was grinning ear to ear muttering about not being able to call her little bird anymore but red wolf forevermore. Even Brienne was smiling.

Ser Larence and Lady Alysane sheathed their swords and began to examine their lady's hand which was red and bloodied but if Sansa was in pain, she did not show it.

She only showed her satisfied smile as she kept her eyes on Littlefinger who was knocked out cold.

I looked at Brienne then. "Remove him from your Queen's sight this instant."

Brienne nodded at Sandor, Larence, and Galbert to drag him away when he suddenly came to, screaming. "You won't get away with this. You don't have much proof!"

Ser Royce followed after them all the while with a vindictive smile on his face. "Oh but we do, my Lord. I told you before didn't I? _Slander a man in his own home and you might find yourself crossing swords with him._ Now do you believe me? _"_

Jyanna kicked him then at the groin before turning to Sansa who wasted no time enveloping her in an embrace so tight and familiarly I gaped.

"Where _were_ you? I was so worried!" Sansa fretted over her. "You left so suddenly! I was about to send men to you if Brienne didn't stop me. Are you hurt? Have you eaten?"

"I'm _fine._ Stop _parenting_ me!" Jyanna complained but hugged Sansa tight to her as well.

And then I gasped.

" _A-arya?"_ I blurted.

They broke their hold then and Sansa looked at me gently with tears in her eyes as she pushed Jyanna forward.

Then in an instant, Jyanna changed her face and I saw the same gray eyes that mirrored my own staring back at me.

I didn't waste a moment and gathered her in my arms. "Arya! I _knew_ it. I knew it was you!"

She hugged my neck tightly and laughed. "I missed you too Jon."

I pulled away and grabbed her by her shoulders. "Why didn't you tell me?" Then I looked at Sansa, "You _knew?"_

Arya then brought my face to look at her. "She figured it out. She was going to tell you but I asked her not too. She's not at fault." She fiercely defended her sister. "Don't you dare be mad at her."

My mouth hung. Arya was…defending Sansa. She knows. She knows _everything._ We would have to talk later but for now I hugged her once more and shook my head. "It doesn't matter. You're here. No one's mad. Why ever?"

"Why another Stark in Winterfell!" Tyrion exclaimed. "Excellent! Where is the mead? The Ale? The Arbor Gold? Or even Dornish wine?"

Everyone was talking all at once from the commotion when I spotted the council members. I released Arya and made my way over them.

Lady Wylla then approached Sansa with the rest of the council behind her. "My Queen, we shall be preparing everything for the trial. It would be a swift one as Lady Lyanna here has briefed us of what is known," she smiled wryly, flipping her green hair over her shoulder. "Rest assured, his head will roll tonight. And at last, we will be rid of another of our Queen's enemies."

"Thank the gods, I've been waiting to throw out that vile snake from the first day," Lady Erena exclaimed. "Anyway, you would have to testify too, your grace. Regretfully, you do. But for now, there's still time for you to discuss with your family." She motioned to Arya who was talking with Lord Tyrion.

Sansa looked at her gratefully. "You have my gratitude. And I will join you shortly."

"Welcome home Lady Arya. It brings us great pleasure to have another Stark in Winterfell," Lady Lyanna offered a curt smile.

"We will welcome you more properly in the next days," Lady Erena beamed at her. "But for now, we'll attend to the execution – no – sorry, _trial_ for the snake."

"Thank you," Arya smiled at them uncharacteristically polite but extremely happy.

With that they made their leave.

"As much as I want to join in this little reunion, I am sure that we should leave the Starks alone," Tyrion said. He looked then at Sansa and I knowingly.

"There is much to discuss for the trial. We shall await you all at the Main Hall, I remember the way," he said and with a bow he and the rest left.

"Thank you all for coming, I apologize for being rude. I shall endeavor to make up for it by welcoming you better in a moment my lords and ladies," Sansa said politely.

Lady Anya Waynwood gave Sansa a sad smile. "We knew we should've trusted our instincts, Lady Sansa in sentencing Baelish. And we knew why you did what you had to do. But we shall move to rectify our mistakes won't we?"

"We can only move forward, my lady," Sansa replied.

"That we do," She nodded at her before she towed Robin Arryn out the room followed by the rest of the Vale Lords. But Robin ran back and looked up at his cousin.

"I would've made him fly if I knew. I don't blame you, cousin. He had us _all_ fooled," he told her.

Sansa hugged him then. "Well by the seven, you talk like a true lord now, Sweetrobin."

He hugged her back then frowned. "I _am_ Lord of the Vale. And I wouldn't be without your help. I vow that we will back you cousin. We will bow to the Queen in the North."

"Thank you," Sansa smiled at him.

"Come along now, my lord," Lady Anya beckoned to him.

And finally, there was only Sansa, Arya and I.

There was tension in the air.

Arya looked between the two of us, rolled her eyes and sighed before standing up and giving me a hard shove towards Sansa who had her back to us, watching the retreat of her council.

When I looked to glare at Arya she glared back at me and shoved me again. _"Fix_ this." Before she ran out the door.

And then there were two.

My heart started picking up, my mouth dried, and my palms were wet.

I didn't know what to do.

There was no more need for the farce.

No more need for the games.

Still even if we were going to get the outcome we've hoped for, I still hurt her to get here.

I still lied.

I still deceived her.

Even for just a moment, even as a farce, I pushed her.

I pushed her to do all the things I promised I would protect her from.

I broke all my vows to her.

She stayed silent and unmoving. And I don't expect her to be the first to move.

It should be me.

So I did.

I walked behind her wanting to touch her but my hands stayed to my sides.

"Sansa," I managed.

She jerked and slowly, she turned to face me, her eyes shone with tears that ran long and silent.

I couldn't help it. In an instant I had her in my arms, my chin on her shoulder as I gathered her to me tightly, apologies pouring out my mouth like rivers as I fought back my tears. It was not my time to cry.

I didn't deserve to cry and be comforted.

She did not pull away, she did not even stiffen. She just _stayed._ Silent, unmoving and unresponsive.

"I'm so sorry – so very sorry. I wanted to tell you everything. The hurtful things I did and said, I didn't _mean_ them. Please believe me! I'm sorry Sansa," I apologized.

She didn't move.

I pulled away and cradled her face up to mine. " _Please_ say something."

Then as if a damn suddenly broke loose she broke down and wrapped her arms around me so suddenly and with such force that I barely caught her.

 _Thank the gods._

She clutched at me, her hands gripping me tight as sobs wracked her body. I was sobbing too as I clutched her to me just as tight, cradling her head to my chest with one hand, the other to around her back.

"I was so worried – so very worried that I – I almost _believed._ I'm sorry – I'm sorry I almost faltered with my trust but I – almost _believed_ Jon and I was so afraid," she sobbed.

I kissed her head over and over shaking my head. "No, don't be sorry. Don't you _dare_ be sorry. If you did I wouldn't fault you for it. I _had_ to make you believe and I'm sorry,"

"I was so angry Jon. I thought you didn't trust me enough. And I never meant for you to get trapped into playing the game. Not for anyone. Not for even _me._ You are too honest. Too kind. Too honorable. You are the only good thing I know in the world. I never meant for you to be corrupted. That's why I tried holding on to my feelings. Denying myself. I didn't want to corrupt _you._ But I was weak. I gave in. You _know_ that. But it was too late. I was too late – oh Jon I'm so so _sorry."_

I pulled away and firmly held her face as anger coursed through me. "You think I'm good? I'm _not._ I've killed people, Sansa. I _did_ things I'm not proud of. I'm not as honorable as you think. I've broken a lot of vows. I – I – if anything, it's you. _You_ are the only thing good that is left in this world. You've seen darkness. You've lived it. Monsters have tried to break you down. Over and over still you overcame it all. You still strive to be _better._ You still strive to do what is best for _others._ So do not, not ever, not for a moment, _think_ that you could _ever_ corrupt _me."_

Then I softened. "Oh Sansa. You _knew_ right? You knew what I was doing. I can't – I can't get over the fact that despite it all – despite how much I've pushed you, how much I've hurt you, you chose to trust me."

She smiled up at me then, small as it was as she placed her hands over my wrists. "I told you, Jon. I would _always_ choose you. Jon, I _love_ you," she admitted with a soft and shaky breath almost desperate as if I would not believe it.

I broke down then and sobbed as I took it all in and because I could not bear it anymore, I pressed our foreheads together and drew in a shaky breath before meeting her gaze once more.

" _I love you,"_ I told her but it came out as a sob.

More tears flowed from her eyes as she closed them and took in a staggered breath of her own and that woke up a great force in me as I began kissing all over her face slowly tenderly.

"I love you," I repeated as I kissed her forehead.

"I love you," I kissed one eyelid. "I love you," I kissed the other.

"I love you," I said to each cheek. I had to pause against my sobbing.

"I love you," I continued as I made a trail down to her jaw but not her lips yet.

" _I love you, I love you, I love you."_ I kept repeating.

And finally I pulled away long enough until she opened her eyes, and gripped her tight and close. "I'm so in _love_ with you, Sansa."

And finally our lips met.

We kissed slow and fast pressing and releasing as sobs wracked us then laughter from desperation and relief.

It was finally over.

 _It was finally over._

When we finally settled down, we were a messy heap on the floor of the War Room. We were sitting on the floor, arms wrapped around each other, finally with smiles on our faces.

Then she turned to me after some silence and I knew she was going to confess something.

"Jon, I knew you were planning something. I knew you would never intentionally hurt me. I knew there must be something. I trust you, I've said that already. But it still hurt. It hurt so much. It hurt because I felt that you didn't trust me enough – that I wasn't strong enough that you would resort to shutting me out – to shield me. But I let you. Because you _asked_ me to. And I can't – I can't say no to you," she admitted.

"Sansa," I started but she shook he head. "I'm not finished."

"Jon… Baelish came to me again," she said fearfully. Scared for my reaction.

I tried my level best to be calm and let her finish. "Tell me."

She closed her eyes in relief that I wasn't lashing out. "He threatened you. He told me he would kill you. Easily. He told me the only way I could save you was if I chose."

"Chose what?" I said through gritted teeth even if I had an idea.

"He made me choose to force you, guilt you even, or gods forbid, seduce you even, into marrying me," she said with sadness.

I held my breath. "Or?"

"Or marry him," she finally said.

I took in deep breaths to calm myself when a frightening thought went through me. "Was that why you?"

She shook her head repeatedly. "No, no, no! He came to me…after that. The morning after."

"You know why he wants you to marry me, don't you?"

She nodded. "Yes. I do. He wants the Iron Throne. And he means to kill you, and me possibly too."

"Sansa, what aren't you telling me?"

Tears started building up once more. "He gave me an ultimatum. I had until tonight to decide or he'll have you killed. And I have to be honest Jon. I almost – I almost went to him," she looked in disgust and shame. "We were fighting. I had no one to turn to. Not even my guards knew. He planned it well to meet me with the choice and then I knew he had his way around us. We weren't safe. What was I to do? Choosing him was the easiest way."

I wiped her tears and shook my head. "Sansa, you know if you told me, even after I was adamant not to marry you, I would. I would do it."

She nodded over and over. "I know. I know you would. That's why I love you. And that's why I did it. As much as it repulses me, I love you more than myself. And I couldn't do it to you. I couldn't take away your choices. I couldn't. I couldn't- "

I kissed her then to silence her. _My beautiful, beautiful, sweet girl_... "But you didn't."

She looked up at me then. "I didn't."

"Why did you change your mind? Not that I'm not glad you did when you decided to our betrothal at the council but I want to know?"

"Because for the first time in a long time, I hoped," she whispered.

And I understood.

I cried.

I understood.

I kissed her again and again. How can I ever deserve this? Deserve her?

"I hoped that even if you resent me, at least I could keep you safe. I would find a way when we wed. And as much as I resolved to choose the easiest way and choose him to keep you alive as he promised, I couldn't do it in the end. I felt like failing you, but I knew you would forgive me. I had to hope," she looked up at me.

I clasped and unclasped her shoulders as a sob tore through me again. "I'm glad you did. I'd go mad. I'd – if you had to give yourself to that snake – I'd kill him. I'd kill him on the spot. Gods be damned, I'd do it. I promised you I would never let anyone touch you again."

We cried against each other once more when she started speaking once more. "Jon, please don't do this again. Promise me. Promise me you won't lie to me again. Promise me. On your honor, please. Even at the cost of my life. _Please._ I'd rather you hurt me with the truth – any truth than have you lie to me. And I promise to swear the same."

I kissed her once. "I promise. I _swear._ I won't do this again. I promise."

"I love you Jon," she said again.

"I love you too, Sansa." I choked. "So much. It's the only thing I believe in completely in the world."

"I'm sorry I lied," she admitted. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the second kiss – the one at the crypts."

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter. Not anymore. It's over. He's going to die and bring with him all his poison."

"I'll finally be free," she breathed out.

"Yes, yes, you are," I smiled at her.

She looked at me then. "When you hit him, you called me your betrothed."

I reddened. "I suppose I did."

She smiled then. "Will you ask me now? Or Should I? For real this time?"

I made her stand up then and went down on one knee. "Sansa Stark, will you take me for your own? Will you let me take you for my own? Without any strings or threats or even fucking benefits though there are. Can we choose each other?" I almost kicked myself for being so crass in my proposal but I didn't care when she answered.

She kept nodding over and over. "Yes!" she laughed. "Yes! I choose. I've chosen you for a long time now."

"As I have too," I grinned.

And then we kissed once more through tears and laughter.

"Oi! How long are you going to keep sucking my sister's face?"

We broke away but still held on to each other as we grinned at Arya who had her arms crossed and a brow arched but she was grinning.

"Sorry to break this up but we _do_ have a snake to kill," She smirked with glee. "And more importantly, how will we kill him? Cut his fucking head off? Hang him? Burn him? Make him take a Penance Walk? I'd shove him over the Moon Door but that would take too long."

I looked at Sansa.

She placed my hand over the pommel of Longclaw. "Do it how father would've killed him. Ours is the old way."

My heart warmed and I smiled as I nodded at her.

" _Then burn him,"_ she added with as much coldness as she could muster as she looked me in the eyes, my own answered in burning rage at the thought.

 _Fire and Ice._

I kissed her again suffering a snort from Arya.

We broke away and gazed at each other for a moment.

Finally.

 _Finally,_ my love.

My love was free.

No more Joffrey Baratheon to beat and strip her to humiliation or any other monsters like Ramsay Bolton to break her.

No Loras Tyrell any other knight who didn't do enough to rescue her.

No, she did not need even Tyrion Lannister to help her.

No other, no other suitors, no other heirs, like Aryn, like Hardyng, not anyone else, most especially, _Baelish._

She would never have need for any of them. As if I would give her to anyone.

She _has_ me.

All of me.

Jon Snow.

Jon Stark.

Jon Targaryen.

 _All of me._

If Baelish was right about anything, it was me feeling like Valarr Targaryen, the champion fighting for the honor and the hand of his Queen of Love and Beauty, the Lady of Ashford.

Only now, we would be more.

We would be just _us,_ but we would be _more_.

 _My_ Sansa, and _her_ Jon.

They can have us however they like.

King and Queen.

Lord and Lady.

The Highborn daughter and the Bastard son.

I don't care.

They can call us anything they want as long as we are together.

She is mine as I am hers.

We will have _our_ song.

And they will _all_ sing it.

* * *

 **AN: First of all, you're welcome. ;)**

 **Goodness. This was a bitch to write and a rollercoaster to ride. I rewrote the last part completely, because I almost went Dark Sansa. But I figured, no. they weren't that far gone. So I decided to do away with tormenting them further (and all of us who cares for the story). Why would I make them suffer when I can do it to Baelish instead? ;D**

 **Well, I hope I made you guys happy. I can actually wrap it up with this one. (YASS MY ORIGINAL PLAN OF 14 CHAPTERS) But I can procure one more. I wanted to cut this btw, but I couldn't and you wouldn't forgive me if I did and it might not make sense so suffer the length. The next one would wrap it up but it would take maybe days or weeks. I have a lot of exams and possible interviews in the next days so I'm delivering all for this one.**

 **I resurrected Ser Barristan but he's really the best choice as the other envoy. He's someone who could be loyal to both Sansa and Jon. And I did add some minor characters like the Flints because of the interesting tidbit I read from the web. The crossbow thing at "Arya Stark's" wedding. Nothing I wrote here was arbitrary, I researched the bitch for this. So again, if some scenes were familiar, they probably are. I wanted to be as faithful to the canon without taking too much liberties.**

 **And yes, Dunk and Egg. :) :) :)**

 **Thank you and please tell me what you think. I'm not one for begging for comments. I could do without but I'm dying here to know what you think. I wrote more than 23,000 words surely you can write back? ;D I even threw in the anticipated kiss.**

 **The comment threads in Archive of our own (where this is also posted) are actually informative. I think I've explained some things there and maybe some spoilers but all in all, there were many good discussions if you're looking for more insight to this story. I do try my best to reply to reviews here, though i admit I'm more active there.**

 **Seven hells what a mother. I panicked even while writing this because I did hit a block. But I pushed through. Gosh, what a journey. Just one more and it will be significantly short, my darlings. But this one makes up for it all, I hope. We can only expect happier things from here. Sorry it took 14 chapters for that slow burn to well, burn. Haha.**

 **Love you guys!**


	15. Home

_**AN: Fair warning, in celebration of Westworld's theory of timelines, this will have multiple timelines too. Three to be exact. I divided this into eight sections showing three parallel timelines, with the present timeline marked with a Roman numeral. I hope you enjoy this final and very long chapter.**_

* * *

 _ **Home**_

 _ **I.**_

 _Night gathers, and now my watch begins…_

Has it really been almost six years since I've said vows before the Old Gods?

Now here I am once more, the cold night air made colder by the slow yet steady fall of snow, before the weeping face of the Heart Tree, its bleeding eyes ready to witness me take a vow once more.

I lingered on that thought and it all still felt a dream and how completely different the vows I've said then from the vows I will say now. My life at the Wall and beyond it, starting from the night I took my vows seem all like a different lifetime ago. And how ironically, it _was._

This was a new life.

That was a different lifetime.

Everything was different tonight.

Everything, including myself.

I almost sighed or maybe choked a laugh when I realized how much I've changed. I was still mostly…me. But I also wasn't. I was too focused on the war, on the North, but mostly, as everyone can ascertain, my waking hours and a good deal of my dreams – I was too focused on – I reddened. Not that it was a bad thing but, when did I really have time to think of myself?

I came from being a bastard, to being the Lord Commander, to being dead, to being reborn, to being a brother – a king – a cousin – too many different things and now…

" _You are Jon."_

I smiled in relief as that thought – that memory surfaced from the sea of thoughts and memories that decided to flood through my mind right now. As soon as I remembered those words, I felt some of the peace come back, enough to pull me back to the present.

I looked away from the Heart Tree and let my gaze sweep from the sky to the path to the surroundings.

The flames burned bright setting the night ablaze, its warmth cutting a path across the freezing air – its light a curling billow of red against the moon-less star-less black sky – against the whites and grays of the snow covered Godswood, making the blood-red leaves of the Heart Tree aflame.

And just like that another memory emerged, this one a little more recent. This scenario before me now was not unlike that night just a fortnight ago.

Only the flames that burned tonight weren't from a dragon… in a _literal_ sense anyway.

And the screams that were heard tonight were those of _exaltation_.

Not from _execution_.

But no one burned brighter than her tonight.

...As well as _that_ night.

 _That_ night she shone with seeming deafening, unquenchable vengeance served.

Yet this time.

This _night_.

 _This_ moment.

She glowed with a quiet, contented _peace_.

As I promised when I first carried her in my arms. One day.

One day she shall have it all.

Her crown. Her justice. Her songs.

 _Love._

Everything.

And _everything_ , starts _now_.

I took a step forward, firm and resolved as I felt Lord Wyman Manderly move beside me as he spoke.

" _Who comes before the Old Gods?"_

* * *

 _It was the first of rare nights that I had to bring a lantern with me to go to the Godswood. The moon had waned and thick clouds of impending storm covered the stars._

Would it be darker at the Wall? _I wondered, as I often thought more on nowadays – of how it would be like to be there. I looked up at the sky then and saw nothing. Nothing but darkness._

I won't be seeing the Ice Dragon tonight _._

 _Still, I didn't really need to bring a lantern. I knew the path towards the Godswood by heart and tonight was like every other night ever since I can remember. Only…darker._

 _I always say my prayers when it was darkest at the hour of the wolf. And as soon as I thought that, I felt a brush against my leg and knew it was my loyal companion._

 _No, I didn't need to bring a light, and darkness was never a problem as I've grown accustomed to making use of shadows. I had Ghost too after all, but tonight I'm glad I still did._

 _I heard a crunch under my boot, followed by a sound of the daintiest gasp I have ever heard. I brought my light up and saw standing in front of the old Heart Tree, with that unmistakable red-hair was someone I would least expect to see._

* * *

" _All rise…"_

 _\- "Murderer!" -_

 _ **\- "TRAITOR!" –**_

" … _of Winterfell and the Trident…"_

 _-"SNAKE!"-_

"… _Protector of the Vale and Oxcross."_

 _ **-"Fraud!"—**_

" _Bring forth the prisoner…"_

 _ **-"MURDERER!"-**_

 _-"TAKE OFF HIS HEAD!"-_

 _ **-"BURN HIM!"-**_

" _Silence!"_

" _Speak."_

 _\- "Who passes the sentence? House Bolton? No, that wouldn't be right won't it, sweetling? You burned that name to the ground. House Lannister then? Has the Imp claimed you Lady of Casterly Rock? Have you finally honored your vows to him? No? Then House Targaryen?"-_

" _Anything else you wish to add?"_

 _\- "Oh yes. Listen to me carefully, all of you. Especially you, my Queen. The Bastard Dog may have had your body, and even a greater part of your nightmares, now this Bastard Dragon your heart, but my love, your_ mind _is_ mine _._ I _made you. I_ am _you, sweetling. And if circumstances were different, it's my name you shall be carrying, my House you shall be progressing…in all ways that are binding. But you still will be, in principle. I taught you too well, little dove. So the student succeeds the master. Let it be known, the one passing the sentence is of my nature – of my making, my name. Now l, I ask again._ _ **Who is it that passes the sentence?**_ _" –_

* * *

 _ **II.**_

 _It shall not end in death…_

My heart thudded against my chest, stretching the taut scar tissue over the flesh that covered it. And for the first time I felt no more ill will against the betrayal – against my death – not when it brought me to _this._

All the breath and words and thoughts and even senses went out of me when I saw her step forward.

The only thing that remained was the feel of my heart. I felt all the more, its beating - the pulsing in my ears, the shaking of my hands when she was brought before us. _Was this real? Was this a dream? When did we reach this point?_

But blue crystal eyes glowed back at me – steady and bright and it was like looking at the eye of the Ice Dragon in the sky, pointing North, pointing _home._ No wonder the sky was pitch black. The moon and the stars climbed down… _here,_ in the glow of her skin, the brightness of her eyes, eyes that met mine with calmness that all questions vanished, all nerves melted away. And it was just her.

"Sansa, of the Houses Stark and Tully, Queen in the North and Queen of the Trident, comes here to be wed. A woman grown, trueborn and noble. She comes to beg the blessings of the Gods."

* * *

 _Sansa._

 _I stepped a little closer, just close enough that we would both benefit from my light, but far enough that was deemed appropriate. It was bad enough if I was caught alone with the eldest Stark daughter – worse, alone in the dark and away from the keep. But at the same time, I can't very well leave her alone like this, can I?_

 _I studied her and felt relieved that she was bundled up in furs at least, her face wary but her eyes alert, hand clutched to her front, the other to her side, but what shocked me was the tumble of red hair, wild and unbound as they fanned her face with the wind._

 _I took notice of her sudden rapid breathing and the increasing tension of her body, and decided that it was probably time to reveal myself._

* * *

" _In the name of Queen Sansa, first of her name, Queen of…"_

 _-"Queen of deception, Queen of duplicity, Queen of lies.-_

 _-"Such insolence!"-_

 _ **-"You DARE speak of your Queen that way?"—**_

" _Silence! Proceed with the charges."_

* * *

 _ **III.**_

I drank her in.

As she stopped a few paces away from me, I studied her.

How was it possible for someone who was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen, be even more beautiful? I thought I've seen all her faces before but tonight was different.

This smile – that look – it was all new.

And I couldn't help but feel my heart give in complete surrender to her. Because the way she looked tonight was all for me.

Me.

A nobody.

A bastard.

No matter how they would argue that I wasn't either anymore, I've lived too long knowing that it was who I am and would always be part of who I was now.

But whoever I was before, whoever I am now, right now, at this moment, I am where I want to be.

And from her smile, she seems to accept this too.

Accept _me._

 _Take_ me.

Because that is what this was. As much everyone thinks that I am taking her, she wasn't. She wasn't for anyone to take – not even I was an exception.

Taking was hers and hers alone for she deserved it so. Everything else was for her to decide to _give._

And she was, by some miracle – she was _giving_ herself to me. She came willing to be _mine_ as I was hers. And how was I to deny my desire any longer when she shares the same?

"Who claims her?"

* * *

 _I cleared my throat. "It's just me, my lady."_

 _She breathed out a sigh of relief then and smiled when Ghost padded over to her._

 _She bent down and I watched as Ghost licked the palm she offered after she took her glove off, when I felt another presence beside me._

 _I looked down to my right and saw a small brown and grey direwolf. Sitting quietly on her hunches, her trusting golden eyes looking up at me expectantly was Lady. I let out breath of relief to see that at least she wasn't alone._

 _I crouched and reached a hand out but pulled back right away remembering her owner._

" _It's okay…Jon. She likes to be petted with gentle hands. I can see that she looks at you the same way she does with Bran and only Bran. You'll be gentle won't you…Jon?" she asked, her voice so soft and pleasant and a little shy especially when she tested my name but she asked with surprising certainty that I would._

 _I didn't know why I felt my heart clench but I nodded almost at once, removing my glove and offering my palm the same way Sansa did with Ghost. At least she didn't call me half-brother. She never did. At least never to my face. But more than that, she was talking to me._

 _Lady came closer and brushed her nose over my palm before giving one long gentle lick and nothing more. I chuckled. A lady she truly was… like her mistress._

 _I looked up and watched with awe as Sansa very carefully brushed Ghost's fur. Ghost nuzzling close, eyes closed with contentment, enjoying the feel of the tender ministrations and the probable softness of her hand._

… _The feel of which I've gone without for years and years – save for less than a handful of instances that were too quick and too sparse to form touch memories. Like our conversations. Like our mere interactions even. I almost sighed. We never spoke. Not really. And never alone. I don't even know how she sees me anymore. She never minds me. I don't even know if not acknowledging me was worse than outright loathing me. But if she cares if she did or not, I can't truly say. Robb always said that she just took after their mother because no one else would._

 _But I just can't see the hate in her that I always see in Lady Stark. My sister may be indifferent, but I don't really think there is hate. And looking at her and how she's gracing Ghost with hushed giggles and soft smiles as he went forward to lick her face and nuzzle her neck – and how she let him so… I had to smile._

 _Sansa has always been an affectionate little girl and likewise always receptive of being held and shown the same amount of attention – demanded even. As loving as she was to everyone, she yearned to feel just as loved and reassured too. When she was younger, touch equaled love. Words weren't enough. She had to_ _feel_ _loved. How many times had I had to suffer her pout and her threatening tears when I refused to hold her hand or turn away from her reaching arms when we were out in public? She used to tell me I was her real favorite brother but that all ended when I started rejecting her touches, fearing the ire of her lady mother. I asked her one time why and she told me because sometimes Robb hugged too tight or held her hand too firmly or he was too loud, while with me she said that it was always just right. But the day finally came when I've rejected her enough that she never asked anymore. Just went directly to Robb when she needed to be held and Robb never knew or felt that she once preferred my hands and arms over his._

 _Young as she was, she wasn't a little girl anymore. A maid of twelve and a lady since she was six. As she grew older all of her affections became more and more guarded and subtle, shielded with the reserve one was expected of a lady. It was a little sad to see that transformation. You can see in her eyes that she often held back from touching too much and more so to being touched. A lady's touch was to be earned, a man's upon a true lady's must be too. But I could see the merit of her being reserved with that. Especially since I've heard enough base talk of boys and men alike taking note of her blooming._

 _So right now, at this moment, it was a sight to see her being openly affectionate and unguarded – never mind that it was with a direwolf._

 _I can't believe I could be jealous of my direwolf. Sometimes I wished that we were younger once more, where we could hide together behind the innocence of being children._

 _I tried to hide the frown by smiling instead at Lady. I watched as she gracefully went closer and dipped her head at me, wanting some attention too which I obliged. Gentler than I would've with Ghost, I scratched behind her ear lightly, earning a nuzzle of her cold wet nose against my neck._

* * *

" _Anything else to add, my lord? Before we continue to read your charges? Before we answer your question?"_

 _-"One more question then you may proceed with this farce. I asked who shall pass the sentence. Now I also ask…_ _ **who shall swing the sword**_ _?"_

* * *

 _ **IV.**_

 _I shall take no wife, hold no lands, father no children._

 _I shall wear no crowns and win no glory._

 _I shall live and die at my post._

It's been many moons since I've been released from those vows, never mind that I've almost broken them without much thought a handful of times. Never mind that I _did_ break them anyway even if I gave that up to return once more.

And now, here I was.

After tonight, I would have all that I vowed to give up and more. Things that given who I was raised to be, what I have lived all my life believing I was, I could never and would never have imagined to want, much less, have.

…and finding out all along that these things were dreams I've always had all along.

All this time.

And just as it was when the same was first offered to me then by Stannis Baratheon, I knew.

 _I have always wanted it._

Now a question was up in the air and answering that question was saying yes – yes to that same offer – finally, yes _._ Yes to a crown to a title to a _wife... Yes,_ answering it finally meant a surrender to my deepest desire – one I should no longer put off for any longer.

I took a step forward, my eyes focused on my world now. Her eyes I opened my mouth to answer.

" _Jon Snow_ , of House Stark and House Targaryen, heir to the Seven Kingdoms, Prince of Dragonstone."

* * *

" _Jon?" she broke the silence._

 _I jumped at the sudden sound of her voice. I wanted to look up at her but I wasn't sure if she would prefer it this way._

" _Yes, my lady?" I answered right away._

" _I'm… I'm relieved it's you who found me here," she admitted, even if it was said with a little hesitancy. Her words still made me red in surprise. But before I could muster a reply she continued. "I mean, if it was Robb…or Arya or…mot-" she cut herself. "You wouldn't…drag me back or get mad at me. Wouldn't you Jon?"_

" _O-of course not," I answered right away and I blinked as I understood what she meant. Robb would've been displeased and Arya would've told on her. And I shudder to think of what Lady Stark would tell her._

" _And…you won't pry. Won't you Jon?" she asked so softly and with the same uncertainty._

 _I shook my head, not knowing if she saw it or not. "You know I wouldn't." As soon as I said that I immediately regretted it. We hardly knew each other anymore. All I knew was the little girl that she was…and the indifferent sister she became. I wanted to say something but decided to just keep it like this._

 _I heard her give a short chuckle then silence that stretched._

 _And finally, a long sigh to break it._

" _You must find it odd."_

 _I looked up at her now but never met her eyes. Her own still trained on Ghost as she now rubbed at his belly._

" _What…what is my lady?" I coughed after._

" _To see me here of all places," she shrugged._

 _I thought very carefully on what to say. "More of the hour, my lady. More so than seeing you here."_

 _I saw her smile a little wider from my answer and I felt relief to see that it had been a right one. "I suppose it is rather a most…unconventional hour."_

" _Aye," I can only reply. I wanted to ask her some more but it was better that I let her take the lead and get only what she would offer. There was a look in her eye that I couldn't ignore. One that said that she wanted to talk – to unburden something but somehow she couldn't or wouldn't. I wanted to tell her that she could talk to me. Tell me anything. Any other sibling would do so. But I didn't know how to talk to her. I wanted to get mad. Why was it so hard to speak with Sansa? Was she not my sister too?_

 _She looked at the Heart Tree then and sighed. "I pray to the Old Gods too," and she looked at me with an almost defensive look. And I admit my embarrassment of thinking she only kept to the Seven. "But it was kind of you to acknowledge that only my timing was odd, and not of me actually being here… Even if you really think it too," she added right away, saving me from further embarrassment._

" _I did not mean to presume anything, my lady. You have the blood of the North. You have every right to be here," I amended._

" _Blood of the North. And Blood of the South. That's why I pray to both the Old and the New Gods. Though I have to admit, I haven't been as diligent as I would want in coming here," she sighed again._

 _I offered a smile. "I'm sure the Old Gods don't mind."_

 _I saw a corner of her lips turn up, "Perhaps. But_ I _do. Especially…"_

 _She cut herself off and her face began to slip on the mask of Lady Sansa as Arya would call it. "Especially what?" I said before I could stop myself and I muttered a quick apology afterwards._

 _She shook her head and looked back at the weird wood but now with a blank expression on her face. "May I ask you something Jon?"_

" _Of course, my lady," I agreed right away._

" _You've been to… Karhold right?"_

 _I looked at her confused. "Yes, my lady."_

 _She looked at me then and gave a nod and I guess that meant I should continue. To say what? "Karhold Castle is like a big fortress. Not as grand as Winterfell of course, but on its East there is a small port that opens into the Narrow Sea."_

 _I stopped as I saw her eyes brighten for the first time as she listened. I noticed they did when I mentioned the port. She must like to see the ships and this encouraged me to speak some more. "It was a sight, I have to admit. To see different sails coming and going."_

 _I was right. She was full out looking at me with interest now, urging with her eyes to continue. "Some had banners in them. Some I recognize. Some I did not," then I looked up at her. "I'm sure you would, though."_

 _She blushed then and graced a smile finally. "Did you…did you ask where they went or where they came from?"_

 _My face fell when I realized I did no such thing. I shook my head apologetically, cursing myself irrationally for not being able to give a better answer when she was looking at me like that with some excitement. I don't think I ever did anything that made her excited. Now I was about to disappoint her. "No. I didn't think to do so."_

 _She shook her head and kept her smile while she kept her eyes closed. Probably trying to imagine it. "Maybe not knowing isn't a bad thing. But maybe one can at least take a guess…?" she opened her eyes then and I saw the wistful look in them._

 _I couldn't hold back the smile then. "Yes."_

 _Then suddenly her expression changed into that of uncertainty once more and I cursed at myself for not saying more or maybe saying something else._

" _And…the hosts…were they…kind?" she asked unsure then a flash of embarrassment ran through her as she backtracked. "Forgive me. You do not have to answer."_

 _I knew she didn't mean anything by her question. If anything, her taking it back was the one that made me think of the reason she would feel embarrassed._

 _I kept my smile and shook my head. "The Karstarks… were gracious hosts."_

 _She looked relieved but then I knew she wanted to know more. But why?_

" _I'm sure they were. Though I've only ever really only had the pleasure of talking to Lord Karstark…" she trailed off and suddenly I knew._

 _I knew now what this was about and I couldn't help the drop of my gut. Now I understood why Robb was in a foul mood this morning the moment they saw Lord Karstark ride off home._

 _Sansa's first proposal._

 _Karstark was a noble house of the North indeed. And Sansa would come to love the port and the ships. But we always thought she would go South… Was this what she meant from not being as diligent with the Old Gods? Was this why she felt the need to pray more to the Old Gods? Because she would remain in the North?_

 _Marriage._

 _Sansa was young still to be married, but betrothals could start very young. Marriage was something I never bothered to spare a thought with. Why would I? What would a bastard bring to the union?_

 _I had no lands to give. No title to pass on. I didn't even have a name worth continuing. I had the blood from a line of Lords and even Kings, but even that wasn't enough when you were born a Snow. I suddenly remembered that I wasn't alone and I realized that the silence stretched far too long once more. I looked at Sansa and she had a faraway look in her gaze, even if her eyes were on the Heart Tree. Her looking at the carved face was I admit, different as we were more accustomed to seeing her at the sept._

 _I tried to think then if I saw a sept at Karhold but I couldn't remember. Surely they would build one for her the same way father built one for Lady Stark?_

 _Then I thought back to her hidden question. Surely she'd want to know about her…possible intended._

 _I frowned once more. I didn't like the idea of men touching my sister but I knew eventually, she was expected to marry. Marriage for girls especially a highborn daughter was different, I realized. It would be up to Father. And if he considered a Karstark... I thought back on my meeting with the heir and his brothers._

" _Lord Harrion was like Robb. A proper young Lord. His brothers were…" I struggled to think of positive things to say but I remembered how Eddard looked at me with disdain, especially when I beat him when we sparred. And Torrhen. Well, Torrhen just ignored me. Being a Snow – even with the Warden of the North for a father did not shield me from being reminded of my status._

 _I heard Sansa give a soft laugh. And I gaped at her even when she covered her mouth and composed herself when she saw me look at her, but her smile never left and her aloof eyes now held warmth in them._

" _It's okay, Jon. You've been more than kind. Thank you," she smiled a real smile then, all white teeth flashing._

 _I sucked a breath. I haven't seen this smile directed at me since she was… six._

* * *

 _-"Is it you? My Lord Snow? Are you given the_ honors _of taking my head? You know we aren't different, you and I. In fact, we aren't different from the Bolton Bastard. We were all the same men, brought into the world and raised to a life of being nobodies and constantly being mocked by it. No name to be proud of. No titles to pass. No lands to give. And each one of us has risen. Oh yes, even the Bolton monster. From nothing to suddenly heir. From heir to suddenly a Lord of great power and wealthy lands, an army to command, and the most beautiful woman to father an heir with. Sounds familiar? Isn't it? We all desire the same things, Jon Snow – getting everything there is that was denied to us by birth. What are those things? Everything, Jon Snow. Everything there is to want. Even… the same woman. The only difference is that the Bolton and I, well, we did not shy away from those desires. Gave in to them even. Did anything and everything to make them desires no more. How utterly laughable. And thank the gods I will not be here for your reign. Why should you get to have it all? Cat was right to loathe you. Did you know she wanted Robb to give the North to a Karstark, or even an Umber, or any other Northern family so long as it wasn't you? You probably did. She never hid her feelings for you, Lord Snow. How she would turn in her grave I imagine if she lived to witness this. Still, it is, as it is. And no matter how absurd, you get to have it all, Jon Snow – Jon Stark – Jon Targaryen, who cares? In this world, the process matters not, only the results. So enjoy the glory and the crown that I won for you, King in the North. Enjoy the titles that come with your blood – the blood of a daughter of ice, and a son of fire – a union that brought the wars and doomed us all in the first place. Enjoy the fire your aunt has given you. And lastly, enjoy your Queen… or what's left of her and take her victory and dominion as yours too. You did so before anyway. It is as it was supposed to be anyway, isn't it Jon Snow? All of these were yours to be served on a silver platter anyway. Why not add my head? Take it. Take it all, bastard. Long, live the King!"-_

* * *

 _ **V.**_

She was a vision.

She opted out of wearing white, choosing instead to come in silver myrish lace – a gift from my… _aunt_ who I have yet to meet in person, with a letter that read _"I was married more than once and may need to marry again. The white loses its appeal fast after the first. She'll want to look more like Valyrian steel rather than fragile porcelain, I imagine."_

And she did. And I finally understood what my aunt meant.

She had all the exquisiteness and perfection of the rarest blade, and all the strength and sharpness it was renowned for. The silver lace made her white skin luminescent, her red hair like flames, loose and cascading down her back, her bronze crown glinting atop her head. But her impossibly blue starry eyes burned steady, calm, and gentle like candle flames, and all the while slow, small drops of snow fell gently over her, collecting like stars subtly peeking through silver clouds on a clear night.

And all I could think of how wrong we all were to think she would always be more suited to thrive in the South. But looking at her now, especially cloaked with the Direwolf sigil of our

House, no one could ever doubt that she belonged here.

She looked a true Northern bride.

How long ago was it when I found her here contemplating being a wife of a Northern lord?

" _I pray to the Old Gods too."_

Sansa Stark.

Queen in the North.

Who would've thought that all along it would be Sansa who would bring us all back home? I thought as I glanced at the brown-haired girl beside her.

I spoke once more.

"Who gives her?"

And there, stepping forward, her brown shoulder-length hair held back in braids, wearing a more feminine version of a Northern armor, her thin blade against her hip, big grey eyes filled with pride and happiness was her – no – _our_ sister because I can never see her as anyone but.

"Arya, of the House Stark, her sister and heir to Winterfell."

* * *

" _I think Arya would fare better there," Sansa said after considerable silence._

 _I chuckled. "If Lord Stark manages to convince her to ever marry of course," I blurted out and I stopped myself from talking to familiarly but Sansa surprised me once more when she laughed with me._

 _She tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear as she calmed her laughter but kept her smile. I saw her wrinkle her nose and sigh. "I suppose you're right."_

" _She'd likely ask any suitor to a duel before she even considers a proposal. Or perhaps challenge them to outride her," I added._

 _Sansa looked at me then with a tilt of her head. "You'd wager she'd win most times?"_

 _I smiled wider as I thought of Arya with a nod. "Given more time to train, I don't doubt she would. She's always been a determined skinny ball of energy."_

 _Sansa didn't say anything, just merely nodded and kept her smile, but I noticed a look of sadness in her eyes that I tried to figure out so I tried to think of something else to say but drew up blanks._

" _You two look so much alike," she suddenly said._

 _I looked back at her and smiled. "Well as much as you and Robb do."_

 _She chuckled but then her face fell a little. "Sometimes, I think if maybe I look more like father…maybe Arya would like me a little."_

 _My heart dropped. So Sansa didn't hate Arya, not that I didn't think she actually did but with her admission…I was suddenly filled with guilt at all the times Arya complained to me about Sansa and how readily I agreed with her. But before I could say anything else, Sansa changed the topic._

" _Did you meet… Alys?" she asked before settling down on the big rock under the Heart Tree, Ghost following close._

 _I wanted to say something about how I believe Arya doesn't truly hate her but from the way she looked it was better to just answer her question._

" _I'm afraid…I didn't really get to meet Lady Karstark. She was mostly kept indoors to her studies and such," I admitted. And all her free time involved her father telling her to talk to Robb and her eventually doing so._

 _She nodded but then glanced briefly at me before she asked once more. "But…was she beautiful?"_

 _Beautiful? I thought back. I remember I was forced to dance with her when she was six when their family visited years ago. Sansa was still a babe of two then. Then when father took Robb, Theon and I to visit them two moons ago, I suppose there were changes._

" _Aye. She looks like an older version of Arya. On the skinny side, but with long dark brown hair. But she had your pretty eyes. I remember they were big and blue," I said as I recalled._

 _She didn't say anything so I looked at her and I was shocked to see her blushing then I remembered my words and flushed myself. "I, um." I looked away and brought my gaze towards Lady who I saw was sleeping with her head on my lap. I concentrated on rubbing her fur then._

" _You think my eyes are pretty?"_

 _I gave a huff, very much embarrassed. "You know you're pretty, Sansa. Everyone knows that."_

 _I heard her chuckle. "Arya…then she must look like Aunt Lyanna if what they say about her were true."_

 _Thank the gods she dropped it. "Aye."_

" _Did Robb think she's pretty then?" she said and I sensed a hint of ice in her tone._

 _Oh. I chuckled. "Well they did spend some time together then. Lord Karstark made sure of that."_

 _She sighed then gave a half smile. "I suppose, a match with a Karstark would be good for the next Lord of Winterfell. We always knew that he would marry a Northern bride."_

" _No room in the family for a Frey then?" I tried jesting._

 _She wrinkled her nose before she hid a laugh with a cough while she shook her head. "I don't think so."_

 _She then held a thoughtful look in her as she smoothed out Ghost's fur. "Bran would favor being fostered in the South with Knights… Maybe at the Eyrie like father. But if not, he'd like to be with the Karstarks too. Rickon though, I think he'll fit well anywhere as long as it's here in the North. Come to think of it, maybe anyone of them would like it in Karhold," she said with a shrug._

 _This time, I had to say something. "You forgot someone else who would too."_

 _She looked up at me confused. "Who?" Then her face colored in shame and she averted her eyes. "Oh! I'm sorry, of course you would too. I didn't mean…"_

 _I felt touched but quickly shook my head. "Thanks my lady, but I meant yourself. "_

 _She looked at me for a score with another unreadable expression, her eyes probing mine that I couldn't look away before she looked up at the carved face once more, still saying nothing and I feared that I may have overreached._

 _As I struggled for words I couldn't help but look at her bundled up in furs, gazing up at the weeping face carved on the white wood. A breeze whipped her unbound hair forward near enough to the tree that they reached some of its blood red leaves, their colors matched in the night almost blending. Her blue eyes glistened – softening and hardening as the light reflected on them like pure ice._

 _Here at this moment, how can anyone doubt she looked anything but Northern?_

 _But I knew that come morning, she'll be back to her silks, her hair in braids, her bells and high harp, her courtesies, her reserve, and back to her… mother…and back to her indifference._

 _And this will just be a memory._

 _While she could make a happy life in the North, she will thrive in the South. She was too elegant, too fancy, too courteous, too filled with many talents more appreciated in the South. She'd be happier where there's sun, and color, and pretty words and songs – somewhere livelier than the solemnness of the North._

 _I tried to think of the Northern heirs I've met who could be a match for her but I could think of none who could be…soft enough for someone like Sansa. Arya, most probably, I admitted guiltily. But at least, whoever my sisters would marry, I am sure Lord Stark would find them suitable matches._

 _Marriage._

 _Such a complicated matter._

 _At least this was something I will never worry about once I've taken the Black._

… _nor will I want to._

* * *

" _ENOUGH! I have had enough of your fucking mouth. You had my father killed! It was you! You killed my Aunt Lysa after you stole her seat and her army! You used and sold out my sister time and time again and don't think we don't know how your vile lust for our mother you transferred onto my sister you sick fuck! The Lannisters may have dealt the hand with her misery at the shit hole that was King's Landing, but it was you who gave them every excuse to do so! You even stole Robb's letters to her and used only the one that would benefit you! You even used it as one of your tools to turn your King and Queen of the North – my only living family left, against each other! Is that not another act of treason? If only I had known earlier about your fucked up plans, I would've stabbed you back in Harrenhal when you conspired with Tywin Lannister. Seven hells, I could've ended it all then! You should've been at the top of my list. So rest assured, m'lord, you shall not live to see another day."_

 _-"Take his head off!"-_

 _-_ _ **"BURN HIM!"—**_

 _-"HANG HIM!"-_

 _ **-"Feed him to the hounds too!"—**_

 _-"Cut out his tongue!"-_

 _-"Oh, my apologies. If not the bastard, then it is you then, Lady Arya? Wild as ever like your foolish aunt. Would you be doing the honors of taking my head for your sister?" Or would you rather carve me up and bake me into meat pies? No? Or how about you have one of my whores present herself to me then stab me in the eyes first before you slit my throat?"—_

* * *

 _ **VI.**_

"Do you take this man?"

The question stood suspended for only a few heart beats yet I found myself most anxious of her answer.

Do you take this man? I repeated in my head. Who was _this_ man? This man she would be taking? This man she would be calling hers?

Who was I?

But as she stayed silent, opting instead to walk closer towards me, her crystal eyes never breaking their hold on mine, so sure, so resolved, so calm, I knew.

Who was I?

Just as it was before a Heart Tree, five years ago, I, whole body, whole mind, whole soul, do surrender to the life I've chosen that only death may release, I felt that same commitment I was ready to give once more with even more finality that not even death may end this time around.

She took a step closer, stunning and strong, her own brand of steel.

 _I am the sword in the darkness._

She graced a soft smile she has shown only to me in our privacy, now made for the world to see. No pretense. No defenses. No artifice.

 _I am the watcher on the walls._

She's now before me with one graceful stop, my lungs followings. I didn't even realize the soft cold flesh of her palm on my face as she answered with pearly tears down her eyes.

"I take this man."

No sooner did the words leave her mouth had I closed them with my own as we sealed our union with our first public kiss.

Too soon, we pulled away, our foreheads touching for a moment while our chests were full, our cheeks ached from the smiles that would never fade.

I wiped the tears that flowed from Sansa's happy face and watched as her soft long lashes fluttered underneath my knuckles. And when she opened her eyes I drowned in the ocean of them. It was only by the barest touch of her fingers on my face did I come back to the present. Only by her touch that centered me like an anchor did I realize that this wasn't a dream and I was besotted with tears of my own.

The sound of someone clearing his or her throat reminded me that we weren't alone. I heard Sansa giggle as she tilted her head towards my back and there I saw Arya smirking as she pointed to Ser Barristan who held the cloak that bore the colors of my father's House, but the other side bore the color of my mother's.

 _I am the fire that burns against cold…_

A son of ice and fire.

… _the light that brings the dawn,_

Died in the cold and darkness, reborn with flames into light of another battle.

… _the horn that wakes the sleepers,_

Gently I removed the clasp that held Sansa's maidencloak, handed it to Arya before I placed my new cloak over Sansa's shoulders, bringing her under my protection forevermore.

 _...the shield that guards the realm of men._

This is the man she has taken.

This is who I am now.

As she opened her eyes and stood straight, the crown of the North on her hair, my cloak that gives her and our children power over the South, I saw no hint of hesitation or regret in those star, only love.

I couldn't help but kiss her again, and with this kiss I felt the completeness in my whole being that I hadn't realized I had been missing.

Whoever it was that she accepted and took as her own when she wed me, I knew in my heart who I would be above everything else.

 _Hers._

 _I pledge my life and honor to the Night's Watch, for this night and all the nights to come._

Always.

* * *

 _When I looked back I saw that she had just turned around and called Lady to her then I realized she was leaving._

" _Wait!" I blurted out._

 _She turned her head toward me and looked at me surprised but didn't say a word._

" _I mean," I started dumbly then looked away ashamed at my outburst. But I couldn't think of anything to say. I just knew I didn't want for us to part like this._

 _She turned fully to me and gave a kind smile. "I'm sorry, Jon. I know I've taken the most part of your time of prayer. I thought you'd want to be alone. It's why you come at this time…right? To be sure to pray… undisturbed?"_

 _How did – how did she know that?_

 _She reddened and wrung her hands against her front. "My window has a view of the Godswood…" she coughed once. "Sometimes…I wake up…early. Not always at the same hour…but every time it's the hour of the wolf…" her eyes slowly lifted to meet mine, needing no further explanation._

" _Oh," I managed to answer, more from surprise that I actually got an explanation._

" _Though forgive me, it was only when you came that I remembered. I didn't mean to disturb you. Truly. I just – had a lot on my mind," she said so painfully sincere and – repentant that I wanted to shake my head and tell her there was nothing to forgive. That it was okay. That she wouldn't be a bother… maybe I should._

 _So I did._

" _I wouldn't mind," I mumbled._

" _Um, pardon?"_

 _I cleared my throat. "I wouldn't mind the company…while praying I mean." I said clearer with a half-shrug._

 _She blinked as she studied me before giving a half-smile. "If you really don't mind…I haven't prayed yet. I was just about to when you showed up."_

 _I shook my head and smiled a little._

 _I saw her take a step closer, her eyes never leaving mine as she made her way closer to me. I watched as she extended a hand, hesitating midway, before finally grasping mine lightly._

 _I almost withdrew mine on instinct but instantly fought against it – knowing that if I did I would offend her and whatever we shared tonight would be for nothing. So I just let her and fought against another instinct._

 _That of gripping her hand tighter._

" _Is this…" she indicated our twined hands, "Is this okay?"_

 _It's been so long since I've felt the softness of my sister's hand. I just let her hold mine as tight as she wanted and just focused on not letting go or pressing even an inch harder for fear that any more pressure from mine and she'd let go._

 _This was so unreal and a bit confusing. I never realized how much I've missed my first sister's touch._

" _I should – I should be the one who should be asking… is it?"_

 _She gave my hand a squeeze in answer with a smile._

* * *

 _-"QUEEN SANSA STARK! THE QUEEN IN THE NORTH!"-_

 _ **-"QUEEN OF THE TRIDENT!"**_

 _-"I hope you find your joy now, my love. Had your fill of vengeance. Embrace the power I have given you. See, they chant your name? How sweet it is, isn't it? To have the power that allows you now to take all that you could ever want. Have your satisfaction from taking your home back, from taking the crown, from taking the blood and shame of your enemies, from taking the seven kingdoms through taking that bastard cousin of yours, from taking everything_ _ **we**_ _have worked so hard for. I wonder what it must feel like, to have everything that was ever there to want? Can you tell me now, my precious Alayne? Now that you have everything?"—_

"…"

 _-"Come now. You must, sweetling. You do have everything right my love?"—_

" _Not everything. Not yet."_

 _-"…"-_

 _ **-"…"-**_

 _-"Hmm?"-_

" _You once told me it doesn't matter what we want. Once we get it, we want something else."_

 _-"And what is that something else?"-_

" _Enough. Any last words, Lord Baelish?"_

 _-"Long._ _ **Live**_ _. The. Queen."-_

 _-"Queen of Winter!"-_

 _ **-"Lady of Winterfell!"-**_

"… _I sentence you to_ _ **die**_ _."_

* * *

 _ **VII.**_

I never let go of her hand from the moment I cloaked her.

All around us, our people cheered and applauded as we were presented. But if they were loud or not it hardly registered. All I could think about is how everything could disappear and I wouldn't notice. Everything else except Sansa's hand in mine.

I am glad that we rid our hands from gloves as we touched palm to palm, her softness against my calloused burned one, her small slender hand embraced completely by my large one was the only anchor of reality to this unreal moment.

I searched her eyes once more and her own gaze answered back all the questions I sought.

I watched as she shifted her gaze towards the Heart Tree, then back to me with the slightest arch of her brow and a flash of a similar scene broke through my thoughts.

I felt her tug at my hand as she made to walk closer to the ancient wood but I stood my ground and almost chuckled when she felt yanked back.

She looked at me surprised and I couldn't help but grin. She then took in my expression and arched a brow again at my mischief.

I caressed the back of her hand with my thumb in reassurance before giving that same hand a tug of my own and from that motion she understood what I was trying to do as she smiled wider and gave a nod.

I smiled back and unlike that time we were here at the hour of the wolf six years and a few more moons ago…

I would be the one to take her hand and lead her before the weirwood, but together, like that night, we would kneel together.

And pray.

* * *

 _When I nodded my consent, she beamed then arched a playful brow at me before she tugged at my hand as she all but pulled me to follow her._

 _It was more than okay._

 _I wanted to say._

 _But I didn't._

 _She led me closer to the Heart Tree and once the weeping face was in front of us, she let go of my hand and began to kneel._

 _I never expected to feel the loss of her touch – light as it was like a drop of snow. I watched for a bit as she clasped her hands and bowed her head, eyes closed as she started praying._

 _Her skin was bathed white here in the dark, but the vivid red of her hair was not. She was white and red like the weirwood. And just as it was a moment ago, whether she or even we ourselves believe that she would make the warm South as her home, while she could even belong better there, if they saw her as she was right now they'd never doubt that she belongs here too._

 _She belonged here first._

 _The first Stark of our family to be born in the North._

 _She has always belonged here._

… _It's just a sad thing that she had needed to be reassured that she was._

 _I got down on my knees then and knelt beside Sansa, bowed my head and closed my eyes. Just as I did each time, I knew what I would pray for even before I would come here. Only this time, I had another prayer to add._

 _Please make Sansa's would-be husband treat her with the love she deserves._

 _Please do not let them make her forget that she was born of ice, of wolf, of snow._

 _Do not let them forget that she is a daughter of the North._

* * *

 _-"Good bye, sweetling. See you in the deepest he—"_

 _-"THE QUEEN IN THE NORTH!"_

 _ **-"THE QUEEN IN THE NORTH!"—**_

 _-"THE QUEEN IN THE NORTH!"-_

" _ **Look at him. A smoking effigy of a kneeling headless spit of a man. Would this be all sister? This was what you meant you still wanted?"**_

 _-"THE QUEEN IN THE NORTH!"-_

" _His fear. His screams. His humiliation. His life."_

 ** _-"THE QUEEN IN THE NORTH!"-_**

* * *

 _ **VIII.**_

The feast had come and was still on its fifth or maybe sixth wind. Merry as it was and grand as it was held, I could've done away with all of it if it had not only been what my _wife_ deserved.

And as much as this occasion was for us, it was also for them – the realm. For we can't say this was for the North alone anymore. It was as much for the South as well. And as such, this was an occasion for uniting Sansa and I, we hardly had time to actually _be_ together for days, and this included our feast. We were both swept away among our people who we had to oblige and indulge. Not to mention with the execution... But I finally had enough, and set my foot down, but brandished my sword to quiet protests when I all but threatened everyone to be thrown off the Wall or beheaded when they called for a bedding.

But now that we have finally gotten away from them did I realize once more that we were finally together.

Alone.

In my chambers.

I swallowed.

Maybe I should've had more than just a sip of the Dornish wine or the Arbor Gold that they made me try. But no. I had long decided to have a clear mind for – for _tonigh_ t.

I felt hands on my face and I looked down and saw Sansa, _my_ Sansa, cheeks flushed from her share of the dancing and yes, Arbor Gold as well, and maybe, just maybe… for something else.

I closed my eyes as I held her hands in place on my face and reveled with the feel of my _wife's_ touch.

I breathed out a sigh and opened my eyes in time to see hers close. I turned her hands one by one and kissed each palm, placing them on my shoulders before pulling her tight to me by her waist, my mouth finding hers at once.

Kissing Sansa always felt a touch unreal. I often find myself wanting to keep my eyes open just so she wouldn't suddenly disappear. But with each press of her lips to mine, each touch of her sweet tongue, each little sounds of pleasure, each hot sigh, every inch of her body that touched mine burned like a brand on my over eager body that craved each touch, wanting to be possessed and possess in turn - _everything -_ every little thing felt all too hot and burning to be anything _but_ real.

And it was never enough.

The kisses we've shared thus far.

They were _never_ enough.

I must be depraved if I didn't think she wanted it too.

It was there in her eyes, in the way she kissed, in the way her body responded to mine.

Now in the eyes of all men, before all the gods, we were free to do this for as long as we shall live.

She was _mine._

And I was _hers._

As if our minds somehow synced at the exact same moment with the same realization that there was no more need to rush, no need to hide – our kisses still went on, only slower now, slow yet longer.

We pulled away and both of our lips slowly grew into quiet smiles. We were close enough still that our breaths mingled, misting as our heated breaths mixed with the northern cold. I raised my hands up from her hips to her sides to her arms, _up and up_ …her neck and finally to her face where my thumbs caressed each cheek.

Her eyes fluttered close from the motion and opening once more to grant me audience with her clear blue eyes, darkened like the petals of the winter roses that were woven in her hair.

I carefully took one rose and gently caressed the side of her face with the tips of its petals, tracing the curve of her cheek, to the tip of her elegant nose, a corner of her full lips, down her swanlike neck that earned an enticing shiver that I won once more once I reached the tops of her collar and then making the journey back upwards, ending behind her ear, my lips following quickly after, chasing the goose fleshed path until they hovered over her ear.

" _Sansa,"_ I managed though it may have sounded like a strangled plea.

I felt her hands slide down from my shoulders to my chest where she gripped.

" _Jon,"_ she answered back so softly I almost didn't hear.

I couldn't help but slide my hand from her face to her neck, the other lowering to the small of her back and pressed.

I heard her gasp and I waited for any sign of hesitance. I promised her I would never give her or take from her what she wasn't comfortable doing so.

My heart was at hear mercy now as I looked back down at her, tilting her face up to mine. "I want to please my Queen, if she allows me so."

Taken aback from my words and my inspired boldness, her mouth opened and closed, her eyes starting to drift away from mine. But I chased her gaze once more and pleaded with my stroking fingers, coaxing her to look at me, urging her with my eyes to trust me once she relented.

Still not answering, but in no way did she indicate that she was pushing my away. I began to rain light kisses over her face. One on her forehead, one on each eyelid, each cheek, her nose, and once to graze her mouth and down her neck earning another delicious shiver.

As I nosed her neck and dropped kisses, I whispered against her skin. "But more than that, _I_ wish to _love_ my _wife_."

That earned a quiet moan and that was almost all the confirmation I needed to proceed. I lifted my head to look at her once more while one hand stroked her back, the other gripping the fabric against her hip.

"Will you let me, my love? Will you let me, Sansa?" I asked wanting to beg but held back the tone.

Her eyes finally revealed some hesitation I expected, battling with desire, her walls breaking down. And the look she finally gave me was heartbreaking in its honesty.

"I want – " she started but then caught herself as she glanced away, embarrassed while she trembled. My hand went to her face once more and caught it, bringing her face back to me even as her eyes stayed away.

"Hey, hey. It's only me. _Your_ Jon. You can tell me anything, sweetheart. Tell me what is it you want, Sansa?" I crooned.

Her small hands clutched at my doublet over my chest, and I saw her bite her lip then release, and finally her eyes were on me once more.

"I want to please my King and love my husband too but – "her face fell in shame and in insecurity that my heart broke at her tenderness, and a rage that was unmatched surged too, all too knowing of her reason.

Yet I know I cannot show her any of that madness, only gentleness tonight. So I smiled at her and brushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "You _are_ , my love. You are doing it with your every breath, my beautiful wife."

That earned a small smile from her but there was still some resistance in her face. "Still, I want to. I just do not know… I'm afraid I don't…I only know of…" I kissed her then just once and quick while I shook my head to stop her thoughts.

Placing both hands on her face now, I crouched to be level with her and fixed her with a look. "Forget everything about what you think you know – what you think you are expected to do. _Everything._ And just _trust_ in _me_. It won't ever be like what you've gone through before. It will _never_ be like that _ever_ again. I promise. Just trust in me. Trust in your Jon."

She looked back at me for a beat before closing her eyes and nodding. When she opened her eyes she lifted her face, offering a kiss that I quickly took and returned.

She pulled away and touched her forehead to mine. "I do trust you Jon. I just want to be a good wife to you in all ways that you deserve."

I choked a grunt and pulled back to kiss her again just once more. "Sansa, you can never be anything but. _I'm_ the one in _need_ of earning."

"I love you," she said, eyes clear and firm.

I smiled stupidly and let out a strangled laugh. "I love _you."_

We both smiled then and I brought her to me in a tight embrace, her head nestled under my chin. "Sansa, it doesn't have to be tonight. We can just _be._ We can take our time. We can wait."

I felt her nod. "I know it doesn't have to be tonight."

Then she lifted her head from my chest and smiled at me. "But I want to Jon."

She stood on her toes and kissed my cheek. "I _want_ you," she whispered.

I couldn't contain the groan that escaped from her words as I captured her face once more. "Then you shall have me," I breathed before bringing our lips together once more. "I was yours the moment you set foot in Castle Black."

She pulled away, both of us breathless. "But do you… _want_ me?" she asked in one final bout of insecurity and she was like the young Sansa I remembered. All wanting of reassurances.

I kissed her harder then, pressing her body as close and tight as possible to mine, kissing away all the doubts and insecurities she could ever have of my own desire.

"You are everything I could ever _hope_ to _want_ ," I said in between kisses. "You are _everything_ ," I continued. "Everything and _more._ "

"Then take me then, Jon," she said almost desperately. "I want you to have _me."_

I lifted her then against the wall and kissed and touched her everywhere I could – tracing every sliver of flesh that came bare and unconcealed as we pulled where we could, pushed where we can. Pressing close as possible, not an inch spared, wanting to melt into her and her into me.

But as much as I wanted to keep at this pace, as much as my body ached, as much as her body responded to mine, I wanted _more_ for her.

So with great reluctance, I forced myself to slow down and set her feet back down to the floor, our foreheads touching as we caught our breaths.

I made her look at me then and I almost broke my control at the loveliest sight before me. Her skin was all peaches and cream, flushed in many enticing places, her pupils were blown, accentuating the darken shade of midnight that her eyes took, her lips were red and swollen, her silver gown hung loose, exposing her shift of ivory-colored satin more and more as she caught her breath, while her long red hair was almost wild and tussled, still topped with her bronze and sapphire crown thrown askew.

I couldn't help but laugh a little. She looked up at me curiously, still panting.

I reached down and pressed on her crown a little. "You're still wearing your crown, your Grace."

Her face broke into a grin then she pointed to my head. "So are you."

But my laughter died when she added "… _my King,"_ with a _purr._

I visibly swallowed as more heat tore into me and all memory of being crowned after our wedding ceremony fled.

She giggled and stepped closer, trapping her lower lip between her teeth as she looked up at me under her lashes.

I couldn't move when I realized she was close enough that I could feel her heart against mine as her frame glided against my chest while she moved to stand on her toes, the press of her body following her hands and their ascent as they slid up from my arms to my shoulders, my neck, to my hair, lingering there until she reached her goal.

I felt a weight off my head as she held my crown over and away from it, until the crown reached at parallel with the back of my head where it stayed suspended in her hold as her arms rested on my shoulders, her body slightly swaying as she still stood on her toes.

I pulled her then against me, my hands steady on her narrow waist to take her feathery weight on my own with a growl.

She giggled as she brushed her nose against mine. "So eager, my King. I haven't even taken off my slipper yet."

I nudged her nose back with mine and moved to kiss her temple before lowering my lips near her ear. "But My Queen, I do implore. My Queen has taken my crown off herself. Does this mean, I get to do the honors of taking off my lovely Queen's slipper then?"

I felt the heat of her blush against my own cheek. "If it pleases my King. But his Grace can start with the crown he gave me."

"As my Queen commands," I replied with a kiss to her cheek. I felt her arms lift from my shoulders but I stopped her by holding on to her wrists, keeping them just around my neck. "What do you think you're doing?"

"I was just making it easier for you to do your task, my King," she answered while batting her lashes.

"Thank you my love. But let your husband do all the work at least tonight, hmm?" I reached to get my crown from her hands with one hand while the other wound around her back pulling her close once more. "Let me take that from you. You just keep your arms around me."

I watched as she blushed then place her head on my chest, her arms clasped around my neck as she sighed. Her breath against my neck making me shiver.

I reached behind her to place my crown on the nearest dresser before helping her with her own.

Careful not to pull her hair, I gently removed each pin that secured her crown until finally releasing it, placing it next to mine and immediately returning my hands back to her silky hair, running my hands over her soft tresses as our mouths fastened against each other once more.

I felt her pawing at the laces of my doublet. I took her hands in mine and set them back on my shoulders as I finished the task she started. Once that came off, she tugged at the hem of my tunic and I all but flung it off.

I kept my control in check when I saw her eyes burn as she inspected my bared torso. I almost wanted to cover myself once more when I remembered my scars but then again, she's seen them all before. _Kissed_ them all before. I was so lost in that thought that I was only vaguely aware that she had started to unlace her bodice.

Stepping forward I placed a hand over hers once more while the other cradled her face. "Allow me."

Her eyes full of trust said her consent before she slowly turned her back to me.

I swept her hair over her shoulder, pausing to smell a lock of it, inhaling her sweet floral scent before letting it join the rest. As gentle as I could, I unfastened each tie slowly. Savoring each branding moment of this night, vowing to make this good for her. A first among many attempts to eradicate each cruel touch she had endured.

Just as soon, her dress laid pooled around her feet and when she turned to face me, she was achingly beautiful clad in the barest satin shift that peeked out before now fully revealed as it clung to her too tempting body, only a shade lighter than her skin that she almost looked nude, held by two thin straps on her shoulders. Straps she pushed down one by one and soon her shift too joined her gown, leaving her in nothing but her small clothes and her stockings with tiny blue bows holding them up, matching the color of her still-on slippers. My eyes couldn't help but drink at the sight of her, my throat giving an involuntary swallow as my hands twitched at my sides. Silver and red scars were also revealed and though I've seen them all before, touched them even, I couldn't help the anger that boiled in me knowing that she had done nothing to deserve them. Just look at her! How can someone want to hurt such loveliness? But I buried that thought and felt myself even more resolved to showing her how good it can be. How beautiful even. Show her all that she should have been given not taken from. How she should've been worshipped, not plundered. How she should've been loved than used. I sought her eyes then and I was struck with awe when I saw them look back with nothing but trust… nothing but _yes._

And the she smiled at me and mouthed _"I'm yours."_

I felt my throat and my chest constrict as an intense wave of emotion crashed over the whole of me at her words.. I almost wept at her complete surrender to _trust._ Here she was, completely vulnerable yet immensely serene… beautiful… and waiting…and…and… _mine_.

I can't believe she's giving herself to me. To _me._

I can't believe she's mine.

Sansa is _mine._

It was only when I felt her fingers sweeping my face that I realized I _was_ weeping… weeping and trembling.

I couldn't move. Not until I felt her bared torso against mine. Skin against skin, wrapping her body around mine, hands rubbing my back and my hair. I heard her cooing against me, shushing softly.

"I know," she whispered below my ear. "It feels unreal too."

I held on to her in a vise grip, trying to tame my sudden sobbing by inhaling her sweet skin, reveling in the warmth of her body, feeling her heart thudding against my chest.

It was all true.

What I said before that she was everything I could ever want.

I was nothing.

Nobody.

A _bastard._

A bastard destined to live in the exile that was the Wall. Sworn to deny everything but the honor of guarding the Wall. Terms I have accepted to get some modicum of honor, since all of those to deny, I was raised to never have anyway.

But ever since Sansa came to me… she came with _everything. Gave_ me everything. More than the crown, the lands, the family… she gave me the will to _live_. The reason to _fight_. The strength to _hope._ The chance to _love_.

And everything now included herself.

I kissed her then. "I'm – I'm sorry."

She shook her head and kissed me once. "There is nothing to forgive," echoing my words before, breaking me once more.

I took her hands in mine and held them tightly, going down to my knees. "Tell me, Sansa. Tell me _please._ Tell me what _more_ can I do to deserve all that you've given me – deserve all your _love_. Tell me _please,"_ I begged.

She took my face in her hands and answered firmly. "Just love me Jon. That's all I ask and will ever ask."

I wrapped my arms around her waist and sobbed against her stomach. I felt her hands on my head, her fingers carding against my hair, soothing me. I raised my face then and saw her looking down at me with a bright eyes and a soft smile. I slowly raised myself and kissed her harder and more desperately now, the edges of my control fraying from the tightness in my chest. "I love you. I've loved you for so long. I'll love you even beyond death. I'll never stop. Never stop proving my love for you."

She kissed me back with equal fervor. "And I you," then resumed kissing me.

I felt her push against my chest so I pulled away and found her panting with a sad expression on her face. I made to reach for her but she shook her head before fixing her eyes on mine. "I've…I've belonged to so many others – been raised even to belong to others with little to do with choice… I know that it was just one of Littlefinger's plays, when he said that Ramsey owned my body, while _he_ owned my mind… but sometimes at the darkest hour of the night… sometimes I wonder if he's right…"

I brushed the tears that started collecting and stroked her cheeks, pushing the anger that twitched to kill. "Just another trick, Sansa. Another attack. You belong to no one but yourself. You've proven that time and time again."

She nodded and gave a small smile. "I know. I _know_. I found myself again. I do believe I belong to no one but myself… most times. But I also know that I belong to you too."

Her words stoked the fire in me and it raged with desire and delight but mixed with wanting reassurance that I wanted answered now more than anything. "You're _not_ a possession to _have_ , Sansa." I said gruffly, making it clear that she owed me nothing.

She shook her head slowly. "I know. But I'm giving myself to you anyway… I _want_ to be yours… I want you to _make_ me _yours_."

With a growl I lost control and kissed her hungrily, lifting her into my arms as I walked us over to our bed. We kissed frantically while she was still in my arms and what seemed like an eternity of being lost in the moment – lost in her, I remembered my vow so I reigned it all in and slowed us to a gradual stop.

I laid her gently on top of the furs, hovering above her for a moment while we shared another kiss. I leant back and took her in fully, sprawled almost completely bare and breathing rapidly, her eyes filled with an ocean of emotion, piercing mine.

"You are so beautiful."

That earned a delicious flush that went from her face down to the tops of her perfect breasts.

My eyes asked and her soft nod answered.

I loomed over her once more. Kissing blooms on her neck going a straight path downwards, her breath coming and going fast, hitching when I reached her navel, my eyes never leaving hers as I made my descent.

 _Trust._

She blinked.

 _Trust._

She arched her back.

 _Trust._

She voiced her pleasure.

I kissed the inside of her thigh, kissing until my lips met with her stockings. Carefully, I grasped at her leg with one hand around the back of her knee, my other hand skimming the covered skin downwards until it reached her foot and proceeded to remove her slipper, dropping it low enough to the floor for it to make the softest thud. I then kissed at the top of her stocking, pulling the delicate bows slowly with my teeth. Once undone, I leisurely rolled the flimsy hose with both hands, my fingers grazing each revealed skin, chased with my open mouth.

I saw the bob of her throat and the clench of her hand on the furs around her, her eyes burning into mine, her lovely mouth parted with misting breaths. Gently I coaxed her hands to release their hold, placing them instead on my shoulders.

"Keep your hands on my, love," I urged her. Letting her know that she could touch me too, but more than that, she could at any given moment, stop me.

I saw her nod again, her eyes warm with gratitude as they reached mine. One hand began stroking patterns at the back of my neck, the other feathery light as they traced a line as low as she could reach down my spine making me groan and shudder, stopping me for a moment, before I repeated my motions with her other leg.

Now she was left in nothing. Nothing but her long cool silver chain, fastened by a crest that bore the Direwolf sigil, the chain looping around it falling long and trailing just above her navel where it ended with a sharp steel needle resembling a wolf's fang.

" _Jon,"_ she whispered with a smile.

I couldn't help but groan from need as I hovered over her once more, my eyes keeping level with her. "One moment, love," I said slightly strained.

With a kiss to her forehead, I got off the bed and began picking her discarded clothes. A sudden image of a torn white bloodied gown I burned with the bloody room _inspired_ me, I thought bitterly. I knew she was watching me, probably wondering what in seven hells was I doing. Very carefully, I lifted her silver wedding gown, thanking the old gods and new that my new aunt knew what Sansa would need and want to wear. I folded it as deftly and as neatly as I could, remembering that she was watching, then I placed in on top of her cushioned vanity chair. I lifted the flimsy satin shift next, admiring its silky coolness as I folded and placed it on top of her gown. I took each stocking, doing the same, knowing that I was likely stalling.

Stalling for what?

Though my body ached painfully to hurry up, a deeper voice in my head was still more than overwhelmed at what was about to happen next. While I know myself to know that I would never hurt her, would sooner kill my own self than inflict her the slightest pain, I wasn't sure if I could make this _good_ enough for her. While it shamed me to think of Ygritte on our wedding night, my only experience of this sort was with her. With Ygritte it was in a sense…okay to lose control. But tonight was not for that. Not for Sansa. I was determined to never let her remember and feel the slightest resemblance of her… of her torture. I want this first night with her to be the precedent that things could be good – _should_ be good. And the moment she agreed to be my betrothed, I vowed to undo horrific things that was done to her – give back all that was taken from more. So tonight was important. Tonight had deeper demands. Demands she didn't even make. Demands she might not even realize she needed. She hardly ever asks. She just gives and gives. And knowing that breaks my heart and at the same time makes me love her even more. Yes, this night has need to make good with demands.

Demands that came from my own need.

Need to _give._

Growing up knowing only roughness and how to be strong…

It's a _first_ for me too.

Once I was done with her clothes, I unlaced my boots and padded my way back to her, my eyes on the floor, bracing myself to meet with look that I know would be too intense to take in at once.

And once I did, I saw how right I was. I was momentarily frozen when her eyes swimming with gratitude and love shot right through me and I realized that she was silently weeping, overcome as well.

I forced myself to show some strength to be enough to carry us both tonight – allowing her to succumb to her vulnerability. I smiled willing her to feel that I have strength enough for both of us – strength to take care of her.

I sat on the bed and leaned over her, pressing on her gently to lie back down, kissing her tears away before pulling back to look at her once more.

"You are the most beautiful thing I have ever had the fortune to see," I stroked her lower lip with my thumb.

She blushed and her eyes fluttered close as she gave a whimper. I lifted my fingers to stroke at her cheek.

"Eyes on me love. Don't hide. There's nothing to be wary of anymore. There's nothing to fear," I breathed and at once I was greeted with her midnight eyes, a shade I've only ever seen just once before – here in these room but on a different night.

Her eyes glowed with love and something more. I felt her hand slide, covering mine against her face. "I'm not afraid. Not with you," she shook her head slowly. "Never with you."

"You make me feel safe, Jon," she admitted, her voice breaking off near the end.

I pressed my forehead to hers. "That's all I've wanted to do."

I sighed. "But that's not the only thing I want you to feel."

She shifted her head so I would look at her and again I was at a loss when she fixed her suddenly pleading eyes on mine, realizing that all her walls have finally fallen at this moment. "Then make me feel, Jon. Make me feel _everything."_

And I obliged at once. My body ready to rise to the challenge.

 _Seven hells!_ I was going to make this good for her if it's the last thing I do.

I nodded as I kissed her deeply, my burnt hand sliding against her arm until it met her hand. As we kissed I raised our hands over her head and twined our fingers, my other hand venturing lower as was my mouth.

I felt her hot breath on my face as I kissed the corner of her mouth, down her chin, then her long delicious neck. As I moved lower, I felt her breath hitching, saw tiny drops of sweat glistening on her warm, soft skin, her free hand finding purchase on my back gliding upwards to my neck as I went lower.

I looked back at her and saw her eyes shut close, her mouth parted chasing her breath. I reached up and brought her to look at me.

"Eyes on me love. As well as your hand. Stay with me," I reminded her, my voice a little rough and broken by my own panting.

She nodded and I set back to work. Watching every now and then as I moved to her breast. My eyes asking, hers answering all the time.

I touched one breast then, my eyes flying to hers when I heard her breath hitch. I caressed it lightly asking her if it was okay, applying a little pressure when she nodded her consent, earning a breathy moan when I gave more.

I kissed the valley between her breast, my mouth making contact with the cool chain trapped between them. I kissed until my lips reached her pink teat, kissing it once, giving it a tentative lick before wrapping my mouth around it, minding my teeth, her other breast being worked with same attention by my hand.

I felt myself hardening impossibly more and more when she writhed under me and began voicing her pleasure, her lips forming my name, stoking the fire that burned in me.

 _Yes, sweet girl. This is how it's supposed to be._

I moved to do the same to her other breast vowing that before the night was over I would have kissed every inch of her beautiful body. Leaving nothing wanting of attention.

I felt the first beads of sweat running down my own overheated skin, the room becoming hotter and hotter as the night progressed.

My hand traced the coolness of her chain, my knuckles grazing her contrasting burning skin as they skimmed them ending at its pointed tip on top of her navel. I released the chain and heard her moan when she felt the cold metal touch her skin. She moaned even louder when my hand reached between her legs.

I could sense her stiffen then and I knew her eyes were closed once more. I released her hand that was twined against mine, pulling hers on my shoulder once more before settling my hand on her face, as the other rested on her hip.

I only needed to make her meet my eyes to see her bite her lip and give her consent. I kissed her then while I lifted my hand from her hip, placing it on her inner thigh where I massaged the soft flesh, forcing myself to ignore my anger as I felt treacherous marks, before gliding upwards until it met with her slickness.

She moaned in my mouth then and I continued kissing her and swallowing moan after moan, releasing my own as well as I started a slow rhythm inside her.

When I felt her wetness I thanked the old gods and the new and even the lord of light and maybe even the drowned god that this was an indication that I was doing it right.

She whimpered and cried out in pleasure when I found her nub.

" _Jon,"_ she cried and I felt her hands grasp at my shoulders.

" _Jon,"_ she repeated and my name on her lips at the throes of pleasure was the sweetest sound.

"Shhh…sweet girl," I crooned. When I detected the question in her voice. "I'll take _care_ of you."

She nodded and her eyes misted and glazed as they reached mine, making me throb even harder, yet the desire of giving her pleasure overrode the desire of taking mine.

If anything, giving her pleasure drove me half mad with pleasure too.

I knew it would but I didn't realize just how much gratifying it was to be servicing my Queen, my love, my Sansa.

I wanted to give her more.

More and more.

Never letting her eyes wander, I kissed lower once more until my mouth and tongue replaced my fingers.

She screamed my name then, half shocked, half aroused, her hands flying to my hair and pulling and I couldn't help but smirk with pride against her mound, my own hardness straining proud, tenting and twitching against my breeches goading me to _give_ more, do _more._

I was only _happy_ to _please_.

Without stopping, I placed her legs over my shoulder and gripped her hips, taking great pains not to hold her too tight as I brought her closer. I smiled against her lips as I heard her yelp in surprise, her hands pulling hard on my hair making me groan a little.

Her hands froze and stilled and I heard a muttered apology. I looked up at her then and licked my lips shaking my head, grinning at her, knowing that she'd see my beard wet with her.

She licked her lips before trapping her lower one with her teeth, looking at me shyly but her eyes dark with want.

"You okay, love?"

As if it was still possible for her to redden even more, her flushed cheeks took a darker shade as she gave a nod, then voiced her apology once more.

I chuckled then shook my head. "Nothing to worry my love. I'd be happy to live my life bald if it means making you say my name as you did over and over."

She bit back a moan then and that was my cue to get back to work more diligently than before, energized by each tug she was making, her voice pitching higher, louder and rougher, breaking, her body arching beautifully off the bed. As I sucked and licked at her, fingers finding her core, one then two then another, my other arm had to hold her hips in place.

" _Jon,"_ she rasped and whimpered.

 _She was close._

I worked her faster and harder then and finally I felt her walls clench around my tongue as I exchanged its place with my fingers and with one shuddering cry, I came to know the taste of her peak and the look in her face, achingly glorious in her release.

Seeing that was too satisfying that I had to see it again and again, not caring if I died right now with the look of her ecstasy the last image I see.

So I worked into her once more, bringing her into another peak quicker than the first of many I now vow to give her for as long as she allows me to do so. And I'd beg her to. Beg her again and again. I groaned and started rubbing my length on the mattress, desperate for friction, growing, hardening and throbbing more and more, driven by her satisfaction.

Before I could bring her to her third I felt her shove my head away, pulling me up her body, likely to be too sensitive.

Once I was at level with her face, she immediately pulled my face down to hers and kissed me hard and fast and hot, likely tasting herself on my tongue, the realization making me growl loudly.

We kissed languidly and I felt her hands explore my back – my chest and then I felt her fingers on the laces of my breeches. I grunted when I felt her graze me, twitching with her touch. I feared my reaction to her touch once I lose the cover.

I focused on kissing all over her face and her neck, letting her do as she wants, thinking of anything but spending all too soon.

And finally I was free as I helped her kick the offending garments off my legs and pushed to the floor or gods know where.

She moaned her surprise when she felt me pushing against the soft flesh of her flat stomach at the same time I groaned.

We kissed some more, and I tasted the saltiness on her face, making me pull away, knowing she was in tears.

I brushed her hair away from her face. "What's wrong, my love?"

She shook her head quickly in protest. "Nothing. Nothing my love. I just feel – it just feels…"

Still breathing fast and heavily, I stroked her cheeks. "Tell me, sweet wife. _Tell_ me."

Her eyes wide and honest and filled with intensity. "I've never – it was never – " she choked and I understood.

I kissed her tears away. "Shhh… I know dear heart. I _know._ It's okay. Tell me how you feel now?"

She gave a grateful smile. "I feel wonderful."

I grinned and kept nodding as I devoured her mouth. "As you _should._ Every moment of your life you _should._ I'll make _sure_ of it. I _vow_ it."

"Now, my love. _Now,_ Jon. I'm ready," she said at once.

I cradled her face and looked her in the eyes. "Are you sure, Sansa?"

Her face broke into a smile then she nodded, "Yes."

I bent my face lower as she lifted hers up, our lips meeting halfway. Lifting off of her briefly, I rubbed at her elbows, "Hands on me please, and eyes on mine love."

She nodded then and without breaking eye contact, she raised her arms from below my own, bracing herself as she spread her hands flat against my shoulder blades, while she spread her legs wider.

My heart thumped against my chest and I was starting to feel some of the pressure now, but as if sensing me, she lifted the corners of her mouth and nodded her assent once more.

With a deep breath I started moving. With one arm supporting my weight, I moved the other under her, snaking over her back and finally finding purchase at the top of her shoulder, my elbow dropping to the mattress. My now freed arm then slid over her side down to her hip to her thigh, touching her soft smooth skin, skimming lower, dipping to the back of her knee, caressing once over her lower leg until I reached her calf then smoothing back up to the crook which I pressed once before hitching it over my hip, and keeping it in place. I felt her gasp reverberate inside my mouth, causing a growl of my own but never stopping my exploration of her mouth.

I kept massaging her leg while slowly lowering my weight over her, until I finally shifted slightly to position myself.

I felt her suck a breath as she felt me over her entrance. I kept kissing her face reassuring her, my eyes never leaving hers as I kept coaxing her to keep them open. Trying to steady myself, I finally took her lips with mine, kissing her thoroughly as I finally entered her with one testing thrust.

Swallowing her voice of surprise and shock and maybe pleasure, I continued kissing her all over, bringing one hand to stroke her face. I felt her arms tighten around my back, and I barely held myself from cursing at the feel of her.

She felt too _good._

Too _painfully_ good.

And it's been too _long_ …

…I didn't know how long I could last.

And I was only half sheated.

But I regained myself when I felt her taut and unmoving, her eyes shut tight.

I brushed her cheek. "Sansa," I said, my voice hoarse.

No response.

"Sansa," I repeated a little louder.

Her eyes opened then and I braced myself for the fear I knew might make an appearance but there was none.

I saw her eyes flutter once more before settling on mine, warm and intense, her mouth still parted from catching her breath. "Jon," she breathed.

"I'm okay. I just… needed a moment. Just surprised – but in a good way, I promise," she assured me.

And then I realized with a fury that the fucker probably took her dry.

"Jon – _Jon,_ come back to me. None of that. I-it feels good. Come back," she pleaded.

I shook off all dark thoughts immediately, looking at her with my apology. She reached up and kissed me then, her hands pressing at my back, her other leg hitching over my hip too, her legs cradling me, pulling me flush to her.

Her hold on me tightened then as I responded to her almost immediately. I felt a hand on the back of my head, another journeying down my spine and lower until it reached my arse, her hand was warm as it pressed down and I realized that she meant for me to move.

I groaned once more, looking at her before pulling out slightly and dipping back in deeper but still not quite fully but it was apparently enough to earn a dragged out moan from her which was all the encouragement I needed to carry on until I reached the hilt.

I started slow then, even as my body protested in wanting, watching her face carefully, the expressions she was making – the sounds she made – all of it – every little thing she did drove me mad with _need._

" _Jon,"_ she gasped.

"Sansa?" I managed in between thrusts.

"I – I – " she panted.

"Yes, my love?"

Her eyes bore into mine then, "I won't break."

I blinked at her before capturing her lips for the hundredth time tonight, wanting to swallow each cry of pleasure now that she asked for _more._

I started to move faster, adding a little more pressure to the drive, angling to make her reach her peak – her third – _faster,_ before I did, all the while kissing wherever I could reach, making sure to maintain her eyes on me.

Having her look at me made this impossibly personal with an intimacy that was unmatched with this exchange of trust in loving and love in trusting.

Determined to make this last for her, I focused on examining her.

She was pliant and writhing under my weight, while her long limbs wrapped themselves around me like vines, her nails digging at my back, sharp but not cutting, and my heart swelled at her consideration. She didn't know that if she drew blood I'd gladly carry her marks proudly like badges of honor.

Maybe I'll tell her another time that it was okay for her to just let go and not care if she would hurt me. But tonight was still a delicate night. Our _first_ night. For I don't think I can go on much longer with life without this. Even if I never have her again, I'd still beg her to let me bring her over the edge again and again.

She was struggling to keep her eyes open as they kept rolling back, her chest heaving erratically – I knew she was close once more.

I dropped my hand to rub at her – to bring her _there_ because I was painfully too close to last any longer.

I felt it then and I groaned loudly when I felt her clenching and shuddering around me. I gave a few more thursts before sputtering my own release inside her, my mouth clamping down on hers to swallow both our screams of completion.

We were a slick mess, our bodies still connected while we caught out breaths.

I found some strength to attempt to pull out and lift my weight off of her but she only held onto me tighter.

Still with shaky breaths, we kissed briefly a few more times, pulling away to take in large gulps of breath before diving back in each other.

Bracing myself on my elbows, I lifted slightly off of her and once our eyes steadied on each other, a slow sated smile grew on our faces.

"I love you Sansa."

"Jon, I love you too."

Overcome with emotion once more, I began peppering her face with kisses, saying thank you over and over, ignoring her protests.

It was only when I tasted wetness on my lips did I see that despite her smile, there were tears in her eyes.

"I should be the one thanking you, Jon."

I kissed her neck and nuzzled against it then, my arms sneaking under her and holding her to me. Her own body wrapped over me closer as she placed her head on top of my shoulder.

We just stayed still, wrapped in each other, reveling in the haze of our lovemaking.

After a moment, I slipped out of her and shifted our bodies until I was flat on my back with half her body on top of mine. I slid my hand over her arm, lacing her fingers with mine before bringing our hands to rest on top of her hitched hip, while my other hand covered hers that was on top of my heart.

"Jon?"

"Yes, love?" I looked down at her but she had half her face pressed against my chest, her eyes closed.

"Where did you plan on taking me, back when we were still in Castle Black?" she asked while she tried to trace patterns above my heart with the weight of my hand over hers.

I blinked at the question in surprise. "Well, I didn't have an exact plan then…and I wasn't going to take _you_ somewhere. I always meant to take _us_ somewhere. Wherever it was, I told you I'd look after you."

"But suppose you had…" she pressed on. "Where would you have taken _us?"_

I thought then and remembered telling Edd, "Someplace warm," when he asked the same.

"Someplace warm," I finally said sheepishly. Echoing my own answer before at a loss for a new one.

She sighed then in frustration. "Indulge me. Think. Where could we go that's warm?"

I remembered contemplating going South but thought better against it, knowing that the South was after our blood as bad as Ramsay's _North,_ I thought bitterly.

"I remember considering Essos."

"Essos," she repeated, and I felt her nod. "One of the Free Cities then…"

"Aye. We'd live anew. Take new names… I'd get a job…" I immediately thought of being a Sellsword.

"Mmm…I'd find one too," she said with a yawn.

I chuckled and I felt her frown against my chest.

"It's not that I don't find you capable, love. I know you have many talents, but I would make sure to find a job that pays well enough to support us both. I don't want you to work—wait, wait let me explain!"

I heard her huff.

"I'd go mad wondering where you are or who you're with, I'd rather keep you safe where I can find you easily," I admitted, my words sounding as bad as it seemed.

"How absurd. You mean to keep me locked up in a house on my own while you _work?"_

I cringed. "Aye, I admit that's – well, stupid as it sounds but it's at least safe?"

She sighed again. "We'll figure that out eventually. But we'll have to shed our names – everything."

"Aye, we'd have to," I agreed.

"We'd have to change our appearance a bit…"

I frowned. I knew she dyed her hair black before while at the Vale, but I wouldn't know what to feel if she loses the red in her hair.

"That's easy enough… I suppose," she continued. "But Jon?"

"Hmm?"

"Who – no – how are we to explain each other?"

I swallowed. If I said as siblings, then that would free the people to potentially take each of us for marriage and the like. And the only logical answer was clear.

"We'd have to present as a man and wife," I said half in disbelief.

We could've started _our_ lives earlier.

"I know what you're thinking Jon and…it may somehow work out as it is, or in the end we might not care as the gods have all but scorned us of luck anyway…but… we'd have gone on living as man and wife or pretend to be one… but we might not now the truth of your parents. We'd have lived knowing we were half-siblings, even if we weren't much of one to each other would still drive a wedge between us…" she explained.

I groaned. "It would…maybe," I admitted. "But if we did go to Essos, I'd still stick with that."

"You'd really go through with it? Pretend to be married to me? Giving up your chance of a –

"Yes, Sansa. In a _heartbeat,_ " I cut her quickly.

"Of course it's easy to say that now…" she fished.

"No, sweet girl. Even if my love for you has a different meaning altogether from now, I would've done all that it took to keep you safe. And there are worse things than being married to you," I nudged her.

She smacked me then before joining me in laughter.

"We could be happy there. Free with no obligations and titles," she said wistfully.

"Perhaps," I answered, not wanting to dwell on what could've been. Not when I was already exactly where I want to be.

"Still…I'm glad."

"Of what my love?"

She looked up at me then. "I'm glad you decided to come with me – agree with fighting with me."

I kissed her temple. "Because you didn't ask at first."

"What?" her brows knotted in confusion.

"Because you asked me what _I_ planned to do with myself first," I cocked my head. "It was very thoughtful of you."

Her eyes lit with knowing. "I asked… _Where will you go_?"

I nodded and kissed her nose. "And what did I say?"

She grinned, "Where will _we_ go?"

"Exactly. And what did you answer?" I asked in between kisses around her face.

" _Home,"_ she answered lovingly.

She doesn't know yet that the moment she jumped in my arms when we reunited I had already found my home. The wolf's song in her blood, the ice in her eyes, the warmth in her smile – she was _home._

She also doesn't know yet that I had vowed right there and then to help her find _hers._

"I'm home," she said, the full weight of coming circle dawning on her finally with a pocket of piece.

I kissed her again.

"Yes, my love. _We're_ home."

* * *

 ** _AN: Hi! I'm sorry for those of you who've subscribed to this from the beginning. I actually completed this story last November but as I've mentioned before, I was also posting this story in Archive of our own, and I've posted this chapter there then. While I've been a very loyal reader and author here in fanfiction (from my highschool anime and Dramione reading days to college Pre-Twilight movies Twilight days ugh and to of course, medical school love of GoT), I wanted to move my Game of Thrones fanfics somewhere else so I've been active over there and put this on hiatus because it got too taxing to change and edit between formats for both sites. So I'm really sorry, truly, truly sorry. I didn't even know that there was a following for this. Thank you guys by the way! But in all fairness, I did start this story here before posting over at AO3. It's just that, I wanted to try a different platform. And I have to be honest, this chapter is better read in AO3 because of formatting issues here. But essentially, it's the same._**

 ** _Anyway, copying from my AN for this chapter as posted in AO3, here's a guide for those who got lost with the story: This chapter has eight sections with each section showing three events of different times. The first layer showed the present - Sansa and Jon's wedding, continuing a few hours after last chapter's event; the second a memory one-year pre-canon, a year before the show/book-verse; while the third layer were conversation snatches from Littlefinger's trial and execution a fortnight from last chapter's event. Three events that are somehow complimentary along with ruminations from Jon's prior vows. And yes, the last layer featured only nameless yet guessable voices. They were just "clipped speeches" just enough to show bits from what went down. I didn't write the whole event in its entirety because I felt that it was something best seen from Sansa's POV. Jon has never met Baelish until after the Battle of the Bastards after all._**

 ** _Lastly, I made one-shots spinoffs for this story featuring a POV for the other Stark kids (So far, Rickon's and Bran's), they are also there in AO3. My handle there is LadyMD. I don't know if I'm going to post my other stories here – maybe if I find time to edit, but I hope you'll be happy with the ending of this one at least._**


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